Chief Engineer Jokes

One last time

On a flight from London to New York, a lightening strike takes out an engine.
The pilot calmly announces "Ladies and gentleman, due to storm conditions we have lost an engine. Please dont worry, the remaining engine is fine and we will be landing at JFK in about 90 minutes."
20 minutes later another bolt of listening takes out the remaining engine and the powerless aircraft is losing altitude.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain, we have lost our remaining engine, it doesn't look good, we are losing altitude and will fall into the Atlantic in approximately 10 minutes. May God have mercy on us all."
Upon hearing this, the chief stewardess bursts into the cockpit "Captain is it true?!" She says.
"Afraid so Cindy." He says.
She looks at him and tears off her blouse "Captain, before we die, make me feel like a woman one last time."
The pilot rips off his shirt, gives it to the stewardess and says to her "Here you go, iron this."

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions.
Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research.
After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions.
At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"