Comical & Quirky Chicken Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today
I'll let you know.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
..."Cheese sandwich $3.50. Chicken sandwich $4.50. Handjob $5." He checks his wallet and calls over the waitress. He asks, "Are you the one who does the handjob?"
She smiles at him seductively and says, "I am."
He says, "Well, wash your fuckin' hands. I want a cheese sandwich."
Chicken for Supper
So this kid gets home around 6 and his dad asks "where were you?" The kid replies "at my girlfriends studying." The dad says "ok come sit down supper is ready." After a few minutes the kid says "This is great fish dad." The dad replies "Go wash your hands, it's chicken."
Why can't a chicken coop have more than two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."
The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Why did the chicken get an ouija board?
To contact those who had crossed over to the other side.
I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...
He thanked me.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"
You can explore chicken workout reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chicken training dad jokes. There are also chicken puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto
In a bucket
My cute younger brother's contribution.
Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Don't know, why?
Brother: To go to the ugly guy's house.
Me: Huh??
Brother: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Brother: The chicken.
Eight year old tells funniest joke
My eight year old cousin told me this one:
Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?
Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach
When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side!
A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...
She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".
Joke provided by my ten year old son.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
He heard the ref was blowing fouls
I went out dressed as a chicken last night.
and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: It's the chicken!
Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market
A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?
B: You can have both
A: Three
What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?
They both contain high amounts of trans fats.
Chicken and an egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."
A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.
Apparently the answer is Chicken.
Where was the first chicken fried?
In Greece.
A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?
A chicken
Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To escape Kim Jong Un's long range missiles.
A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.
The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* Handjob $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."
I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food.
On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.
What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes bondage?
Hen-tie
I have a chicken proof lawn…
It's impeccable…
I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered
The chicken
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors, it'd be a Chicken Sedan..
I made a chicken salad this morning
Stupid thing won't even eat it.
A Butcher is Selling Meat and Has One Chicken Left
A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.
A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.
The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.
The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.
The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.
Great! Says the woman, I'll take them both!
A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg.
The answer is the chicken.
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."
I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far.
This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.
Went out last night dressed as a chicken and got with a girl dressed as an egg
A life long question was answered. It was the chicken
My four favorite things
My four favorite things are chicken pot pie and omitting commas.
They say you are what you eat...
today I bought some ready to eat chicken and sure enough I was ready to eat chicken.
A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.
It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"
So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To take a photo in front of a church.
Why did the pig cross the road?
Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op
Why did Bill Barr gas protestors?
So the chicken could cross the road
What do you call a Mexican space chicken?
Apollo.
Why doesn't Chick-fil-a have a double chicken sandwich?
2 chicks together isn't really their thing.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...
The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.
My favorite Dad joke, because it's my cake day.
Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
KFC has asked scientists to edit the chicken genome.
They want something CRISPR.
A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because of a rotten banana or whatever.
My 10 y/o son told me this.
Him: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To find the idiot.
Him: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Him: The chicken...
I saw it coming with the knock knock joke but it made me laugh.
A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck:
Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road?
Idk, it's beyond meat.
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To build up it's pecs.
(apologies in advance. I made this up).
Not very hungry
Me: "I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"
Server: "... maybe the chicken strips for $6?"
Me: "... maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger."
Random dad across the restaurant: "GOOD ONE!"
I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
I'll let you know.
When Love Fades......
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the cat."
From my 9 year old yesterday...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit the idiot...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had more, it'd be a chicken sedan.
I'll see myself out.
from my 7 y/o: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
I asked my wife, Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Without hesitation, she sighed and said, The Rooster did. The rooster always comes first.
If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for tea you are a terrible parent.
I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave them first at least.
Joke a kid told me today: Why did the rooster go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip
My Daughter: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Me: "I dunno"
"To get to the idiots house"
.
.
.
.
.
"Knock knock"
Me: "Who's there?"
"It's the chicken...."
She's 8...
A man is in diner with his two young boys...
The waitress comes to the table to take their order. The man says, "I'll have the chicken fried steak."
She jots that down and asks the oldest boy "What would you like, sweetie?"
The boys answers, "I'll have a god damn cheeseburger."
The father angrily backhands the boy.
The waitress asks the other boy, "What would you like, hon?"
The boy says, "Well... I don't know. But you can bet your sweet ass I ain't gonna have a god damn cheeseburger!"
The inventor of the chicken tikka masala has died
Just before he passed he slipped into a korma
What do you call an undead chicken?
A poultrygheist.
A turkey tries crossing the road
But a chicken stops him and says 'Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it.'
Elon Musk has announced a new recipe for chicken soup
First you boil the chicken in water and then you dump the stock.
A chef I know just boiled up a chicken carcass with seasoning, vegetables and nitrous oxide.
I told him he's made himself a laughing stock.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the dummy's house. Knock knock.
(Who's there?)
The chicken.
(As told by my 4th grader today)
