The Best 77 Chicken Jokes
This is a collection of the best chicken jokes. If you like puns, then you'll love these funny chicken jokes.
Top 10 Funniest Chicken Jokes and Puns
What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today
I'll let you know.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
..."Cheese sandwich $3.50. Chicken sandwich $4.50. Handjob $5." He checks his wallet and calls over the waitress. He asks, "Are you the one who does the handjob?"
She smiles at him seductively and says, "I am."
He says, "Well, wash your fuckin' hands. I want a cheese sandwich."
Chicken for Supper
So this kid gets home around 6 and his dad asks "where were you?" The kid replies "at my girlfriends studying." The dad says "ok come sit down supper is ready." After a few minutes the kid says "This is great fish dad." The dad replies "Go wash your hands, it's chicken."
Why can't a chicken coop have more than two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."
The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Why did the chicken get an ouija board?
To contact those who had crossed over to the other side.
I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...
He thanked me.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"
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How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto
In a bucket
My cute younger brother's contribution.
Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Don't know, why?
Brother: To go to the ugly guy's house.
Me: Huh??
Brother: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Brother: The chicken.
Eight year old tells funniest joke
My eight year old cousin told me this one:
Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?
Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach
When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side!
A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...
She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".
Joke provided by my ten year old son.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
He heard the ref was blowing fouls
I went out dressed as a chicken last night.
and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: It's the chicken!
Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market
A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?
B: You can have both
A: Three
What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?
They both contain high amounts of trans fats.
Chicken and an egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."
A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.
Apparently the answer is Chicken.
Where was the first chicken fried?
In Greece.
A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?
A chicken
Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To escape Kim Jong Un's long range missiles.
A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.
The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* Handjob $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."
I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food.
On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.
What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes bondage?
Hen-tie
I have a chicken proof lawn…
It's impeccable…
I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered
The chicken
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors, it'd be a Chicken Sedan..
I made a chicken salad this morning
Stupid thing won't even eat it.
A Butcher is Selling Meat and Has One Chicken Left
A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.
A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.
The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.
The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.
The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.
Great! Says the woman, I'll take them both!
A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg.
The answer is the chicken.
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."
I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far.
This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.
Went out last night dressed as a chicken and got with a girl dressed as an egg
A life long question was answered. It was the chicken
My four favorite things
My four favorite things are chicken pot pie and omitting commas.
They say you are what you eat...
today I bought some ready to eat chicken and sure enough I was ready to eat chicken.
A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.
It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"
So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.
The head of KFC called the Pope
He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 10 million.
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 100 million.
The Pope said, "You have a deal!"
The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To take a photo in front of a church.
Why did the pig cross the road?
Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op
Why did Bill Barr gas protestors?
So the chicken could cross the road
What do you call a Mexican space chicken?
Apollo.
Why doesn't Chick-fil-a have a double chicken sandwich?
2 chicks together isn't really their thing.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...
The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.
My favorite Dad joke, because it's my cake day.
Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
KFC has asked scientists to edit the chicken genome.
They want something CRISPR.
A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because of a rotten banana or whatever.
My 10 y/o son told me this.
Him: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To find the idiot.
Him: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Him: The chicken...
I saw it coming with the knock knock joke but it made me laugh.
A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck:
Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road?
Idk, it's beyond meat.
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To build up it's pecs.
(apologies in advance. I made this up).
Not very hungry
Me: "I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"
Server: "... maybe the chicken strips for $6?"
Me: "... maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger."
Random dad across the restaurant: "GOOD ONE!"
I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
I'll let you know.
When Love Fades......
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the cat."
From my 9 year old yesterday...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit the idiot...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had more, it'd be a chicken sedan.
I'll see myself out.
from my 7 y/o: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
A woman enters a chicken shop
The owner has sold all his chickens spare one. The woman asks him for his biggest chicken, so he hands her the only one and says, "That'll be $3.50."
The woman says "For that price, I need a bigger chicken."
The owner goes over to his freezer, places the chicken inside and acts as if he's searching for a bigger one, then takes out the same chicken. He shows it to the woman and says, "This one will be $4.50."
The woman says, "Okay I'll buy both."
a chicken is sitting at the bar
A man sits next to him
The chicken asks him whats your name..
The man looks at him and says..
Bond, james bond..
The man reciprocates the question.
The chicken says
Ken, chicken
Did you hear about the chicken that could count her own eggs?
She was a mathemachicken.
I wanted to tell a dirty joke about a baby chicken but...
Then I realized it was a little fowl.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit his flatmate.
"I'm hungry. I just need something small to satisfy, any suggestions?"
"...Maybe the chicken strips for $6?"
"Maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger."
What do you call white meat roadkill?
Roadtisserie Chicken
I've ordered a chicken and an egg online
I'll let you know which one came first
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chicken health jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working chicken bodybuilding piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.