The Best 35 Chicken Farmer Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Chicken Farmer jokes. There are some chicken farmer church chicken jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chicken farmer chickens puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Chicken Farmer Jokes and Puns

A farmer asked me for help with his chickens

He said "I have 87 chickens, can you help me round them up?"

I said "Sure... 90."

A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"

"Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"

"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"

"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."

There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens.

After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.

16 chickens, sir.

Alright, round them up, please.

20 chickens, sir.

The Horse and the Chicken

One day the horse and the chicken were walking along the road near the farm, merrily chatting away. Suddenly, the horse fell into a muddy hole and couldn't get out.

"Help help Chicken! I've fallen and I can't get out of this hole!", the Horse yelled. "Don't worry," said the chicken. "I'll just get the farmer's BMW and pull you out!"

The chicken did this, and all was well. The following day, without thinking the chicken fell into the same hole.

"Help help Horse! I've fallen into this hole and I can't get out!"

The horse smiled and said, "Don't worry Chicken. Just grab a hold of my weiner!"

"What?!?"

"Well, when you're hung like a horse, you don't need BMWs to pick up chicks."

The homeless man and the farmer

A homeless man comes up to a farmers house and knocks on the door, when the farmer answers, the homeless man asks "May i spend the night?" to which the farmer replies, "Sure, but you're going to have to sleep in the stable." So the homeless man agrees and sleeps in the stable with all the animals.

In the morning the farmer comes in and asks "How did you sleep?" and the homeless man says "I slept good. And I talked to your animals too." the farmer says, "Really?"

"Yes, I talked to the chickens," he responded, "and they said that you come in every morning at 4am to collect the eggs."

"Wow," the farmer says, "That's right!"

"I also talked to the cows," the homeless man continued, "And they told me every morning at 5am, you milk them"

"That's amazing!" the farmer responds.

"I also talked to the sheep, and they said-"

"THOSE SHEEP ARE LIARS!!!!"


A farmer once successfully bred a three-legged chicken...

and bragged about it to his neighbors on how fast it was. A billionaire was passing by and took a liking to it. So he made a million dollar offer to the farmer for the chicken. Surprisingly, the farmer declined.

'Then, I'll give you five million for it,' said the billionaire.

'Sorry, I can't,' said the farmer.

'10 million dollars, I don't believe you'll turn down the offer'

'I'm truly sorry. I can't.'

The billionaire was stumped and asked, 'Is 10 million not enough?'

The farmer only sighed and reply, 'It's not that I don't want to sell it, that darned chicken is literally too fast for me to catch it.'

Farmer Smartass

A grandson goes to visit his grandfather's farm. He asks his grandfather, "Why does that chicken house have two doors?"

The grandfather replies, "It has two doors because it's a chicken coop. The one over there with four doors is a chicken sedan."

A farmer bragged to his friend about his smart chickens

"How do you know they're smart?"

"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."

"And how do you know that's what they like?"

"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"

Joke my physics teacher told us

A farmer has a bunch of chickens who aren't laying eggs. Puzzled, he enlists the help of a physicist to try and work out the problem. The physicist went away and did his calculations, then came back a week later.

'I have a solution to your problem, but...' the physicist said.

'But what?' Said the farmer.

'It only works for circular chickens in a vacuum.'

A farmer used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens.

He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.

An slow witted poultry farmer says to his friend, "If can guess how many chickens I have in this bag...

...I'll give them both to you!".

You can explore chicken farmer miracle mike reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chicken farmer sexers dad jokes. There are also chicken farmer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did the farmer cross the road?

To get his chicken back.


(Credit goes to my little sister. Did this one when she was eight. She's a legend.)

Farming experiment

A poultry farmer walks into a bar and orders a white wine spritzer. "Hey Bob," the bartender says. "How's your chicken cross-breeding experiment going this week?" "Pretty good," the farmer replies. "I crossed a chicken with a duck. Now I have a chicken that lays down."

A farmer in Utah allegedly stomped on a group of chickens during their evening game of kickball

The police suspect foul play was afoot

How did the poultry farmer become wealthy?

He sold all his chicken stock

What do you call it when a group of chickens rebel against their farmers?

Coop d'etah

The Farmer was careful to monitor the ratio of roosters to chickens

He was trying to control ova population.

What did the farmer say to the dead chicken

Where are you heading off to?

A farmer friend of mine

used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.


A couple of hens were discussing the days events...

... One of the hens is flustered and worried, so she tells the other hen, "I think one of us is gonna get it! I heard Farmer Brown tell Neighbour Jones that he was gonna stay home and choke the chicken tonight!"

A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder...

It was poultry in auction

A farmer was being haunted by the ghost of a chicken.

It was a poultry-geist.

A Mexican comedian walks into a chicken farm

and starts breaking all the eggs.

The chicken farmer gets really mad and yells at him, "What are you doing?"

The comedian goes, "Well ese, I am in a bit of a rut and I am just looking for some good yolks"

What came first? The chicken...

Or the farmer.

What do you call a farmer who looks after his chickens?

A chicken tender

there was a farmer who was worried about his chickens not laying eggs

he then calls a physicist for help, after much thought the physicist replies, i can help but it can only work on spherical chickens in vacuum

if anybody gets the reference thank you

What time does the chicken farmer go and collect the eggs?

About half past hen

If you're a farmer who tends to the care of chickens

Does that make you a chicken tender?

Buddy Hackett duck joke

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer Peter replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
"Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

What did the chicken farmer's daughter say to her dry skinned mother?

Hey you got the eggs, ma?

Why was the color coordinated farmer's barn shaking?

Brown chicken brown cow.

Why did the farmer eat his chicken?

Because it was a chicken...

Did you hear about the poor chicken farmer?

He's really trying to make hens meat.

Why was the young Chicken excited when he saw the farmer?

He wanted to show him the orange marmalade.

Friend told me about a song taking place in soviet Russia. Chicken farmer with outstanding yield had to give up his chickens due to collective farming law...

Can't keep my hens to myself

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chicken farmer poultry jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chicken farmer pot pie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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