Chicken Farmer Jokes
70 chicken farmer jokes and hilarious chicken farmer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chicken farmer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Chicken Farmer Short Jokes
Short chicken farmer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chicken farmer humour may include short fruit farmer jokes also.
- A farmer asked me for help with his chickens He said "I have 87 chickens, can you help me round them up?"
I said "Sure... 90." - A farmer used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.
- An slow witted poultry farmer says to his friend, "If can guess how many chickens I have in this bag... ...I'll give them both to you!".
- Why did the farmer cross the road? To get his chicken back.
(Credit goes to my little sister. Did this one when she was eight. She's a legend.) - A farmer in Utah allegedly stomped on a group of chickens during their evening game of kickball The police suspect foul play was afoot
- The Farmer was careful to monitor the ratio of roosters to chickens He was trying to control ova population.
- A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder... It was poultry in auction
- A farmer friend of mine used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.
- What did the chicken farmer's daughter say to her dry skinned mother? Hey you got the eggs, ma?
- Why was the young Chicken excited when he saw the farmer? He wanted to show him the orange marmalade.
Share These Chicken Farmer Jokes With Friends
Chicken Farmer One Liners
Which chicken farmer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chicken farmer? I can suggest the ones about farmer and farmer cow.
- How did the poultry farmer become wealthy? He sold all his chicken stock
- What do you call it when a group of chickens rebel against their farmers? Coop d'etah
- What did the farmer say to the dead chicken Where are you heading off to?
- A farmer was being haunted by the ghost of a chicken. It was a poultry-geist.
- What came first? The chicken... Or the farmer.
- What do you call a farmer who looks after his chickens? A chicken tender
- What time does the chicken farmer go and collect the eggs? About half past hen
- If you're a farmer who tends to the care of chickens Does that make you a chicken tender?
- Why was the color coordinated farmer's barn shaking? Brown chicken brown cow.
- Why did the farmer eat his chicken? Because it was a chicken...
- Did you hear about the poor chicken farmer? He's really trying to make hens meat.
- What did the chicken say to the farmer Nothing, chickens don't speak English.
- Farm counting A farmer had 30 cows, and 28 chickens...
How many didn't? - What does the farmer say to his wife when he's feeling s**...? Brown Chicken Brown Cow
Playful Chicken Farmer Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about chicken farmer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cattle farmer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chicken farmer pranks.
A farmer was bragging. "I've got 350 sheep." "That's a lot of sheep," said another farmer.
"And I've got 500 chickens," bragged the farmer.
"That's a lot of chickens," answered the second farmer.
"And 40 bulls," added the farmer.
The other farmer replied, "Boy!
That IS a lot of bull."
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence" the farmer said. "This is a special day for me, I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man.
"I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different ****," he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence!"
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour.
The chicken was still keeping up.
After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane.
He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
"That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman.
"How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer.
"We've never caught one."
The Horse and the Chicken
One day the horse and the chicken were walking along the road near the farm, merrily chatting away. Suddenly, the horse fell into a muddy hole and couldn't get out.
"Help help Chicken! I've fallen and I can't get out of this hole!", the Horse yelled. "Don't worry," said the chicken. "I'll just get the farmer's BMW and pull you out!"
The chicken did this, and all was well. The following day, without thinking the chicken fell into the same hole.
"Help help Horse! I've fallen into this hole and I can't get out!"
The horse smiled and said, "Don't worry Chicken. Just grab a hold of my w**...!"
"What?!?"
"Well, when you're hung like a horse, you don't need BMWs to pick up chicks."
The homeless man and the farmer
A homeless man comes up to a farmers house and knocks on the door, when the farmer answers, the homeless man asks "May i spend the night?" to which the farmer replies, "Sure, but you're going to have to sleep in the stable." So the homeless man agrees and sleeps in the stable with all the animals.
In the morning the farmer comes in and asks "How did you sleep?" and the homeless man says "I slept good. And I talked to your animals too." the farmer says, "Really?"
"Yes, I talked to the chickens," he responded, "and they said that you come in every morning at 4am to collect the eggs."
"Wow," the farmer says, "That's right!"
"I also talked to the cows," the homeless man continued, "And they told me every morning at 5am, you milk them"
"That's amazing!" the farmer responds.
"I also talked to the sheep, and they said-"
"THOSE SHEEP ARE LIARS!!!!"
A farmer goes to town...
and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens and a goose.
He looks at his purchases and says "How am I gonna carry all this home?"
The clerk says "Put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your free hand."
The farmer sets off. He meets an attractive woman who says "Can you tell me how to get to Mockingbird Lane?"
"Well, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut down this alley."
"I'm a lonely widow. How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't hold me up against the wall and ravish me?"
"Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly do that?"
"Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket ... and I'll hold the chickens".
edit=added quote marks
A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster
He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow...
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says: "I think I can get you out."
So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up."
The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
The latest thing in the world of chickens.
A guy is driving down a country road when suddenly a chicken darts into the road ahead of him. He swerves to miss it but is pretty sure he hit it. When he looks in the rearview mirror, though, he doesn't see the chicken. When he looks back forward, he sees that the chicken is running ahead of the car! Since he's doing about 40 mph, this astounds him. He decides to follow the chicken.
Down the road a bit, the chicken turns down a dirt lane and then runs into a barn yard, where a farmer is scattering feed to hundreds of free-range chickens. He then notices that all of the chickens have four legs! Incredulous, he asks the farmer what the deal is with the four-legged chickens.
"Well," the farmer replied, "I noticed that people really like their drumsticks and there are never enough to satisfy everyone who wants one at the dinner table. So I spent years breeding a four-legged chicken so that everyone who wants a drumstick could have one."
"That's brilliant!" said the man. "What do they taste like?"
"Don't know." answered the farmer. "Never been able to catch one."
A Horse and a Chicken
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking..!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole..!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story -
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
Mole family and farmer Davis
There was a mole family on a farm, they had a mole hole. The farm belonged to Farmer Davis.
One day Farmer Davis decided to cook some chicken, so he starts a cookin.
Papa mole could smell some chicken and thought it smelled so good, so he scurried on up the mole hole and say at the entrance and whiffed!
"It's so good" he exclaimed.
He called his wife , Mama mole to come smell it too.
She then scurried up the mole hole next to papa mole and smelled the chicken.
"It IS so good" said mama mole.
Papa mole then called to their child, baby mole to come and smell the chicken.
Baby mole made his way over to the hole but couldn't get up to the entrance since mama and papa mole were blocking the way.
He was scampering around trying to smell the chicken and getting frustrated, finally papa mole called down asking "can you smell the chicken?" .
Baby mole then replied in a heat "No, all I can smell is Molasses!"
The chicken farm
A farmer goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks, explaining to the owner that he wants to start a chicken farm. Two weeks later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The owner is curious, but doesn't say anything. The same thing happens when the farmer returns in another two weeks for another two hundred chicks.
When he returns for the fourth time, the owner's curiousity is too much for him, so he asks the farmer why he keeps coming back for so many chicks.
The farmer says, "Well, I guess I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. I think I'm either planting them too deep or too close together."
Smart old rooster.
A chicken farmer brings home a new rooster for his hen house. The old rooster ask him for a favor. He says look im old and wore out but if you don't mind could you chase me around the coupe so it looks like I at least put up a fight for the chicken's. The young rooster agrees to do so and commits to chase the old rooster around the coupe. The farmer is sitting on his porch with a friend when he sees the new rooster chasing the old one around. So he grabs his gun and shoots the new rooster dead. The farmers friend asked why he shoot his new bird. The farmer replied thats the third gay rooster I bought this year.
So a city dandy decided to become a gentleman farmer...
And on his farm he decided to raise chickens. So down to the coop he goes to buy 50 chicks to raise on his farm.
Problem was that two weeks later they were all dead. So back down to the coop he goes. The man at the coop asked him why he was back for more chicks.
The dandy says "I can't say. Either I'm planting them too deep or too far apart".
A farmer asks a physicist for a system to collect chicken eggs
The physicist thinks for a while and says:
-I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens and in vacuum.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..
The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different c**...,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
A farmer once successfully bred a three-legged chicken...
and bragged about it to his neighbors on how fast it was. A billionaire was passing by and took a liking to it. So he made a million dollar offer to the farmer for the chicken. Surprisingly, the farmer declined.
'Then, I'll give you five million for it,' said the billionaire.
'Sorry, I can't,' said the farmer.
'10 million dollars, I don't believe you'll turn down the offer'
'I'm truly sorry. I can't.'
The billionaire was stumped and asked, 'Is 10 million not enough?'
The farmer only sighed and reply, 'It's not that I don't want to sell it, that darned chicken is literally too fast for me to catch it.'
City Farmer
A city type moves to the country and decides he wants to be a farmer. So he goes to the local farm shop and tells the man: "Give me 100 baby chickens."
The farm shop worker complies. A week later the man returns and says: "Give me 200 baby chickens."
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says: "Give me 500 baby chickens."
"Wow," the farm shop worker replies. "You must really be doing well."
"Nah," says the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart."
A couple of hens were discussing the days events...
... One of the hens is flustered and worried, so she tells the other hen, "I think one of us is gonna get it! I heard Farmer Brown tell Neighbour Jones that he was gonna stay home and choke the chicken tonight!"
Friend told me about a song taking place in soviet Russia. Chicken farmer with outstanding yield had to give up his chickens due to collective farming law...
Can't keep my hens to myself
What are some funny physics jokes?
A farmer noticed that his chickens were sick, and called in a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to help diagnose the problem. The biologist observed the chickens, concluding, "I can tell you there's something wrong with your chickens, but I don't know what's causing it." The chemist took fluid samples from the chickens back to his lab, and returned saying, "I can tell you what's infecting your chickens, but I don't know how they got it." Meanwhile, the physicist had been sitting on the floor, scribbling madly on several notebooks worth of paper. Suddenly, he jumped up, exclaiming, "I have the answer, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum."
Joke my physics teacher told us
A farmer has a bunch of chickens who aren't laying eggs. Puzzled, he enlists the help of a physicist to try and work out the problem. The physicist went away and did his calculations, then came back a week later.
'I have a solution to your problem, but...' the physicist said.
'But what?' Said the farmer.
'It only works for circular chickens in a vacuum.'
A farmer's wife is cooking breakfast for the family
The wife serves the farmer's breakfast first, then the farmer's daughter, then a plate for herself, and calls the family down. The farmer's son enters, and sees that he's been given nothing, and he protest, "Where's my eggs? My bacon? My milk?"
The wife replies, "I saw you kick the chickens, earlier so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pig, so no bacon for a week. And I saw you kick the cow, so no milk for a week."
Just then the farmer walks in, k**... the cat as he enters. The boy looks to his mother, "should you tell him or should I?"
Farmer Smartass
A grandson goes to visit his grandfather's farm. He asks his grandfather, "Why does that chicken house have two doors?"
The grandfather replies, "It has two doors because it's a chicken coop. The one over there with four doors is a chicken sedan."
A man was driving at 80 kph one day when he was passed by a 3-legged chicken.
He accelerated and passed the chicken. Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 kph. The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down a side road. The man followed it into a farmyard but couldn't find it anywhere. He saw the farmer and told him the story and the man asked for an explanation. The farmer said that he, his wife and his son all liked chicken legs so he bred 3-legged chickens.
"What do they taste like?" asked the man.
"I don't know", replied the farmer, "we haven't caught one yet"
There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens.
After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.
16 chickens, sir.
Alright, round them up, please.
20 chickens, sir.
Buddy Hackett duck joke
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
"Okay, you old f**.... Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
A Mexican comedian walks into a chicken farm
and starts breaking all the eggs.
The chicken farmer gets really mad and yells at him, "What are you doing?"
The comedian goes, "Well ese, I am in a bit of a rut and I am just looking for some good yolks"
there was a farmer who was worried about his chickens not laying eggs
he then calls a physicist for help, after much thought the physicist replies, i can help but it can only work on spherical chickens in vacuum
if anybody gets the reference thank you
A farmer bragged to his friend about his smart chickens
"How do you know they're smart?"
"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."
"And how do you know that's what they like?"
"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"
Farming experiment
A poultry farmer walks into a bar and orders a white wine spritzer. "Hey Bob," the bartender says. "How's your chicken cross-breeding experiment going this week?" "Pretty good," the farmer replies. "I crossed a chicken with a duck. Now I have a chicken that lays down."
Food inspection
A food inspection officer went to 3 chicken farms
Farm 1
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 1: I feed them vegetables.
Inspector: WRONG! closed down this farm immediately
Farm 2
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 2: a little scared said i feed them fruits
Inspector: WRONG! closed down this farm immediately
Farm 3
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 3: terrified that his farm will be closed as well said
"i just give all the chickens a dollar and tell them you can eat whatever you want"
