Following is our collection of Chicago jokes which are very funny. There are some chicago milwaukee jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chicago jersey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
and the Judge is asking Baby Bear who he wishes to live with. "So, is it Mama or Papa?" the Judge asks.
"Mama and Papa beat me," says Baby Bear.
"Well do you have any other relatives?" asked the Judge.
"I have an uncle in Chicago," replies Baby Bear.
"Does he beat you too?" asks the Judge.
"Naww," says Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
Completely Useless By September
A private tutor (tooter)
Heard it from a guy on the street selling newspapers in front of the art institute in chicago.
her class what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"
In Chicago I'm Frank in New York I'm Earnest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
Because Indiana sucks and Wisconsin blows
A Polish man calls up an airline.
"How long is the flight from Chicago to Warsaw?"
"One minute..."
"Thank you." *click*
It must've been a slow news day.
Momma bear and papa bear are in court finalizing their divorce and custody of junior bear. The judge asks junior bear who he wants to live with?
J: "do you want to live with momma bear? "
JB: "no, she beats me."
J: "do you want to stay with papa bear?"
JB: "no, he beats me too."
J: "then who will you live with?"
JB: "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody!"
You can explore chicago illinois reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chicago philadelphia dad jokes. There are also chicago puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I said to him "Oduya?"
Call Baltimore, M.D.
Because 'Illinois you!
I walked into an airport with two bags:
"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."
"Sir, you can't do that."
"Why not? It happened the last time."
From masturbating on the plane.
... and we lived in Chicago.
Instead, to deter speeders, the are giving away Bears tickets.
Because Minnesota blows & Chicago sucks
A Chicago Bear
BECAUSE IT JUST GOT SWEPT!!!!!!!!
Four-nothing
it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.
it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."
What's one more pot hole?
They both shred footage.
(*be gentle, it's my first time.*)
The amount of lead put into black people.
(It was funnier over the radio)
In Brooklyn, I'm Frank and in Chicago I'm Ernest.
The other 10% have never been to prison.
They always yell: Go Chica! Go!
"What I want to be *IF* I grow up"
He just registered to vote in Chicago
At least act like you've been there before.
I had an ice cream cone. That I dripped all over myself.
You could hear the gunshots.
So nothing seems to have changed.
In other news, Chicago burns to ground for first time since 1871.
108 years of hibernation just doesn't seem healthy.
After all, they did just win de World Series
It's the first time it will be blue since the French got there.
Thanks, you've doomed us all.
None. It fell down the stairs.
None, he fell.
Person 1: Do you know what Sin City is?
Person 2: Las Vegas
Person 1: Do you know what the Windy City is?
Person 2: Chicago
Person 1: Do you know what Den City is?
Person 2: ...
Person 1: Mass over volume
A bulletstorm.
Mine is "Gunshots Or Fireworks?"
I'd still have nothing
Those people need to take lessons or something. Their aim must be awful.
It's ShyTown
One can dream. ^(AND CRY)
The guy I asked gave me a funny look and said, The city of Chicago is the shooting range.
Firefox.
I think the Kardashian family is trying to have a weather forecast for her kids, because it's going to be Stormi in North West Chicago with a chance of Reign.
One says look, a twenty dollar bill!
The other replies no, if there was really a twenty dollar bill on the ground, someone would have picked it up .
Police sirens
He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.
"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"
The man asks, "why the clown?"
The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"
Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce. The judge asks baby bear what parent he wants to live with.
Judge: Ok baby bear, do you want to live with your Mama?
Baby Bear: No, she beats me.
Judge: Ok how about your Papa?
Baby Bear: No he beats me even more...
Judge: Then who do you want to live with?
Baby Bear: I want to live with the Chicago Bears! They don't beat anyone!
With the Ramen Manual
The first moron asks the clerk, "Can I take this train to Chicago?"
"No," the clerk responds.
The second moron asks the clerk, "Can I?"
The bullet went wide right.
Once again, Brrr killed Hamilton.
Chill out guys
You would place it in a fridge.
They're both making frozen number two.
So they can figure out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
I hope he isnt beating himself up over this
...I really feel like I'm out of the Loop.
Bigamist.
"Who's there?"
"Boo."
"Boo who?"
"CHICAGO"
He's almost 13 now, so... even if you downvote me straight to Hell, this works out.
Because I can just give him a lecture over why it's all his fault, and then I will be a successful parent today.
Because he's still alive
Why can't Chicago take a hard stance on crime.... because they have a Lightfoot!
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