Chewing Jokes
91 chewing jokes and hilarious chewing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chewing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article focuses on the humor associated with various types of chewing. From chewing gum to chewing tobacco, and even dog chewing, this article explores the various jokes and puns that can be found in these activities. Discover the different implications of cavities and opiates, as well as the implications that can arise from simply biting and chewing. Find out how to make the most of these jokes and puns in this informative article.
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Funniest Chewing Short Jokes
Short chewing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chewing humour may include short chews jokes also.
- My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
- My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare. It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.
- My son was chewing on electrical cords so i had to ground him.. He is doing better currently and conducting himself properly
- I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable. So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly - What is the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter. - William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much... ...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.
- I own a pencil used by William Shakespeare He used to chew on it a lot though, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B
- My son was chewing electrical wires everyday. So I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.
- I own the chewed pencil that shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.
- One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b
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Chewing One Liners
Which chewing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chewing? I can suggest the ones about biting and choking.
- Two mice are chewing on a film roll One says, "I liked the book better"
- My 8 year-old kept chewing electrical wires… …so I had to ground him.
- My son kept chewing electrical cables. So i had to ground him.
- How does a train eat? It goes chew chew
- My teacher said, "Are you chewing gum?" I said, "Do I look like chewing gum to you?"
- Why did my dog hallucinate after chewing my shoes? They were laced.
- How does a train eat? Chew Chew
- What do you call a Wookiee with a nicotine addiction? Chew to' bacca
- What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
- I'm not saying my wife is ugly but... Years of chewing tobacco has discoloured her tooth
- Two mice chewing on a film roll One of them goes, "I think the book was better"
- What is the easiest way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer.
- What's a cow's favourite Beatles song? Hay Chewed
- How does a train eat? It chew chews.
- Shakespeare's pencil is so chewed… You can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B
Chewing Gum Jokes
Here is a list of funny chewing gum jokes and even better chewing gum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm thinking about starting a business that recycles discarded chewing gum... I just need help getting it off the ground.
- What's the difference between a teacher and a train?? The teacher tells you to to spit out the gum, while the other says "chew-chew!"
- "Are you chewing gum?" the teacher asked the student. "Do I look like chewing gum to you?" the student replied.
- What kind of gum do bees chew? BUMBLEGUM.
Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not. -
My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class. I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking. - What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet? Chewing gum.
- What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun? When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends
- What is a train's favourite food? Gum. *chew* *chew*
- what is the difference between school and train? The school says spit chewing gum but the train says "chew chew chew"
- What is hard when it goes in and soft and sticky when it comes out? A chewing gum
Dog Chewing Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog chewing jokes and even better dog chewing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A polish joke my grandpa told me: "What happened to the Polish dog?" He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap
- I'm terrible with animals. I had a dog once. The first time I left him alone, he chewed up all my furniture, pooped everywhere, and starved.to death.
- Caught my dog chewing on my law books this morning. Now he is Pro Bono.
- If you were a dog, what would be your favorite kind of shoes to chew? The ones from Delhi.
Thats because they are Delhi-shoes - my dog died today set of a firework and she thought it was a chew toy
- My dog recently stole my loafers. Now they're his new favorite pair of **chews.**
Chewing Gum Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny chewing gum day jokes and even better chewing gum day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So apparently the new fashion trend of the day is to stick chewed gum in your hair It's a unique look but it's hard to pull off.
- Give a man a stick of gum and he'll chew for a day. Teach him how to scrape gum off things and he'll chew for a lifetime.
- I started chewing nicotine gum the other day. I don't smoke, but I gradually want to start. =)
Chewing Tobacco Jokes
Here is a list of funny chewing tobacco jokes and even better chewing tobacco puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I once knew a rapper who used cannabis infused citrus as chewing tobacco He spat some dope limes
- OC (I hope) Did you hear about the guy who died chewing tobacco? He had diphtheria.
- Did you hear about the guy who tried to enter the chewing tobacco competition? He ended up being the first ones out because he bit off more than he could chew
- What do you call a train that has a tobacco addiction? A chew-chew train.
- Why are cowboys uncircumcised? So they have a place to put their chewing tobacco when they eat.
- There's a gay rights group suing the tobacco companies. Because they only sell straight-cut chew.
- Why does a girl who uses chewing tobacco give the best head? Because she's knows what to spit and what to s**....
- Why aren't r**... circumcised? They need a place to put their chewing tobacco while they eat.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Chewing Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about chewing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean licking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chewing pranks.
Lone Survivor
The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,with a huge pile of bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. He says "You can't judge me for this, I had to survive." The rescue leader says "But, Christ, man ... your plane went down two days ago!"
Three Guys Are Getting Ready For Their Dates
The first guy pops a breath mint for his date so his breath smells good. Then the second guy starts chewing some gum so his breath smells good. Then the last guy starts eating onions and garlic. The others say "Don't you want to have nice smelling breath for your date?"
"Nah" he says, "The lips I'm kissing tonight already stink."
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,
chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'
Earl spits, sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over -women like that are hard to find.
a french girl married a texas guy..
After a while together, she is complaining:
- listen, John, when you kiss me with a chewing gum in your mouth, I can live with that, when you make love to me with your boots and hat on - i can bear with it, but please take your cigar out when we do 69!
Chewing and eating are very similar things.
But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.
Two guys were just arrested.
I just saw on the news that two guys have been arrested in the city centre. One was drinking battery fluid and the other was chewing fireworks. One of them was charged but the other was let off.
TIL Dolphins deliberately get high on the nerve toxins of puffer fish by chewing on them and passing it around
Talk about 'puff puff pass', amirite?
My dentist doesn't like the fact that I've been chewing on quarters.
It's the closest I'll ever get to having a Bitcoin.
I'm looking to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum...
I just need help getting it off the ground...
What's the most effective way to remove a sticky chewing gum from your hair ?
Cancer.
Two Mice Live in a Movie Studio Warehouse
Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.
"What did you find?" he asks.
"I'm not sure, it looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see...ah, yes - it's from 'Gone with the Wind'".
"And how is it?"
"Nothing much. The book was better."
i caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
so i had to ground him. he's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
I caught my son chewing an electric wire.
He is grounded now.
Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...
A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"
Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" he said "What a coincidence! I work for the 3M Organization!"
Upon hearing this, the third man stood up & muttered: ''I need some air, I work for 7 up!"
You cant argue with people who like their beef well cooked
They are still chewing
2 Mice were chewing on a film reel...
One says to other , " The book was definitely better"
I'm afraid to tell my mom I accidentally knocked out some of my teeth and swallowed them...
It's really chewing me up inside.
Electrical Joke- I caught my son...
"I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently and now conducting himself properly."
A man is sitting in a train
and watches the guy on the other side of the aisle take an apple out of his pocket, cutting it open, picking out the seeds and chewing them.
Why are you chewing the seeds?
They make me smarter
Really? Could I have some?
Sure, dollar a piece
The man agrees and gets three apple seeds for three bucks. He chews them for a while, then says Wait a minute, for three bucks I could've bought two pounds of apples!
See, it's already working
What goes in mouth dry and hard and come out soft and sticky?
Chewing gum
My son kept chewing on electrical cables so I finally had to ground him
Of course he denied the charge first, but later I found him coiled up in his room.
He's conducting himself better now, so I think that worked out.
Well that's the current situation anyways, but there's definitely potential for greater resistance.
Some days I just feel like I don't have the capacity for raising kids.
He can be a real live wire sometimes.
I caught my daughter chewing on our neighbour's electrical cable...
Thankfully, they didn't press charges
But, I had to ground her and keep her at ohm
She's doing better currently
And conducting herself properly
But she's still on a short fuse, as there seems to be some confission as to what she did wrong.
I think Model Trains cast an unrealistic beauty standard on actual trains...
But model trains never eat and real trains are always CHEW CHEW CHEW-ing
Three snails were drinking at a bar. One of the snails got up to buy chewing gum at the store. He asked his snail friends if they wanted some gum too. They said yes.
3 years passed. One of the snail friends said he still hasn't returned, we might as well drink his beer . Suddenly a voice from the door yelled, if you touch my beer, I won't be buying you guys any chewing gum! .
A conversation in the train compartment of a speedtrain
"What are you chewing on all the time?"
"Apple cores."
"And what's that good for?"
"It promotes intelligence."
"I see, can you give me four of those, too?"
"Gladly. Four pieces cost eight Dollars."
The passenger pays and gets the kernels.
After chewing for a while, he says:
"But for eight Dollar I could have bought lots of apples!"
"You see, the cores are already working!"
What's hard before you use it, wet while you're using it and soft and flaccid after you are done using it?
Chewing gum.
My son was chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. Made sure he was conducting himself properly.
