Chewing Gum Jokes
68 chewing gum jokes and hilarious chewing gum puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chewing gum that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Chewing Gum Short Jokes
Short chewing gum jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chewing gum humour may include short chewing jokes also.
- What is the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter. - I'm thinking about starting a business that recycles discarded chewing gum... I just need help getting it off the ground.
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My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class. I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking. - what is the difference between school and train? The school says spit chewing gum but the train says "chew chew chew"
- So apparently the new fashion trend of the day is to stick chewed gum in your hair It's a unique look but it's hard to pull off.
- What's hard before you use it, wet while you're using it and soft and flaccid after you are done using it? Chewing gum.
- A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew? Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)
- Working in the bubble gum industry is rough... After awhile, they just chew you up and spit you out!
- Did you know 9 out of 10 dentists recommend chewing gum? In other news, a dentist has recently been found dead in his apartment.
- The question no one can answer... How come people say they ate the last piece of gum when they really just chew it?
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Chewing Gum One Liners
Which chewing gum one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chewing gum? I can suggest the ones about bubble gum and bubblegum.
- My teacher said, "Are you chewing gum?" I said, "Do I look like chewing gum to you?"
- What is the easiest way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer.
- What kind of gum do bees chew? BUMBLEGUM.
Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not. - What is a train's favourite food? Gum. *chew* *chew*
- What kind of gum do astronauts chew? Hubble Bubble
- What's the most effective way to remove a sticky chewing gum from your hair ? Cancer.
- Where do gum chewing cattle invest? Moo-chew-all funds
- From the man himself: What brand of gum does Neil DeGrasse Tyson chew? Eclipse.
- I opened a new chewing gum factory recently. It's making a mint.
- They say it takes 7 years to digest swallowed chewing gum. Yet somehow, I'm still hungry.
- Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum.
Chuck Norris chews tin foil. - Have you tried the new Polar Ice chewing gum? It's just water.
- Son: Hey dad I am chewing gum Dad: Hey Chewing gum I am....Wait..What ?
- Why don't elephants chew gum? They do, just not in public.
- A chewing gum goes around the corner.. and gets stuck.
Chewing Gum Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny chewing gum day jokes and even better chewing gum day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Give a man a stick of gum and he'll chew for a day. Teach him how to scrape gum off things and he'll chew for a lifetime.
- I started chewing nicotine gum the other day. I don't smoke, but I gradually want to start. =)
Delightful Fun Chewing Gum Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about chewing gum you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean teeth gum jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chewing gum pranks.
A disciple went to his master and said, "I have served you faithfully for ten years.
Now I have a wish: give me something to eat which will never end." His master said, "Here, have some chewing gum."
Boy while kissing his girlfriend: "Thank u baby.
.. For give me your chewing gum.."
Girl says, "This is not chewing gum my love. I’m suffering from cough!"
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company."
The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.
When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
Three Guys Are Getting Ready For Their Dates
The first guy pops a breath mint for his date so his breath smells good. Then the second guy starts chewing some gum so his breath smells good. Then the last guy starts eating onions and garlic. The others say "Don't you want to have nice smelling breath for your date?"
"Nah" he says, "The lips I'm kissing tonight already stink."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Australian man was having coffee...
and toast with butter and jam in a cafe, when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The Australian politely ignored the American who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. The American snapped the gum in his mouth and said, 'Do you Australian folk eat the whole bread?'
The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "yeah, of course."
The American blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In the States we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia."
The American had a smirk on his face, the Australian listened in silence. The American persisted, "D'ya eat jam with the bread?" Sighing, the Australian replied "yes."
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell it to Australia.
The Australian then asked, "Do you have s**... in the States?" The American smiled and said, "yeah, of course we do." The Australian leant closer to him and asked, "what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
"We throw them away of course" replied the American.
Now it was the Australian's turn to smile. "We don't. In Australia, we put them in containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to The United States.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman is having breakfast in Paris one morning....
...(coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: 'You English folk eat the whole bread??'
Englishman (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside.. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England .' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
The Englishman listens in silence.
The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread??'
Englishman: 'Of Course.'
Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).
'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England .'
After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: 'Do you have s**... in France ?'
Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk.
Englishman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'
Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.'
Englishman: 'We don't. In England , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France .'
So a man is driving bus full of old people...
...who have to be moved to an entirely new retirement home. An old lady walks up to the bus driver while he's stopped for gas and says, "Excuse me, would you like these almonds?" The man looks at the can of almonds and says, "Sure!" Before long, he's eaten all of the almonds out of the can. Two hours later, another old woman approaches the driver and asks, "Would you like these almonds? My gums are too soft to chew these." The man says, "Sure, but why do you buy them if you can't chew them?" The old woman says, "Oh, we just like to lick the chocolate off of them..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How it feels to chew 5 gum.
Like s**...,ends in 5 minutes.
I bought a pack of carefree gum
I chewed a piece and I still had cares.
A duck was attacked by chewing gum.
It never flew again.
I chew gum when I get sad
It helps chew me up
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Bill Clinton chew gum all the time?
He has an o**... fixation.
What do rabbis do with the circumcised foreskins?
Sell them to priests as chewing gum.
Why don't statisticians like chewing gum from green packets?
Because spearmints rank.
I walked into the dentist's office with gum in my mouth.
The dentist chewed me out.
What is Vanilla Ice' favorite type of chewing gum?
Dentyn Ice Ice Baby.
The competition is realy hard among the rubber manufacturers
The british manufacturer says: During the renovation of the Big Ben, a worker fell down from the top of the tower, but his braces hitched into a ledge, so he survived. The british rubber industry is the best.
The american says: That is nothing. When the empire state building was built a worker also fell down, but he could use his chewing-gum to prevent the accident. He sticked the gum to the steel and he survived.
The soviet says: During the renovation of the Kremlyn, a guy fell down from the Saint Nicholas Tower. He died of course, but his rubber boots were intact
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard chewing the same gum while studying and taking an exam is a good practice for success
Apparently fapping isn't
A blonde walks into a bar.
Was too busy trying to walk and chew gum that she didn't notice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do r**... fathers like to chew on?
Dad gum
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
A mother is breastfeeding her baby on a plane
The captain comes on and says "we're ready for takeoff." The mother wraps her child and herself up. The plane takes off and the mother opens up and begins to breastfeed her child again. Her seatmate turns to her and says "You must have a hungry child." The mother answers "No, I just feed him to stop his ears from popping as we climb in altitude." The seatmate thinks about that for a moment then replies "And here I've been chewing gum all this time."
Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...
A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"
Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" he said "What a coincidence! I work for the 3M Organization!"
Upon hearing this, the third man stood up & muttered: ''I need some air, I work for 7 up!"
Three snails were drinking at a bar. One of the snails got up to buy chewing gum at the store. He asked his snail friends if they wanted some gum too. They said yes.
3 years passed. One of the snail friends said he still hasn't returned, we might as well drink his beer . Suddenly a voice from the door yelled, if you touch my beer, I won't be buying you guys any chewing gum! .
