Chewed Jokes
45 chewed jokes and hilarious chewed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chewed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Chewed Short Jokes
Short chewed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chewed humour may include short chews jokes also.
- My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
- My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare. It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.
- My son was chewing on electrical cords so i had to ground him.. He is doing better currently and conducting himself properly
- I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable. So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly - What is the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter. - William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much... ...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.
- I own a pencil used by William Shakespeare He used to chew on it a lot though, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B
- My son was chewing electrical wires everyday. So I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.
- I own the chewed pencil that shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.
- One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b
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Chewed One Liners
Which chewed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chewed? I can suggest the ones about chewing gum and dog chewing.
- Two mice are chewing on a film roll One says, "I liked the book better"
- My 8 year-old kept chewing electrical wires… …so I had to ground him.
- My son kept chewing electrical cables. So i had to ground him.
- How does a train eat? It goes chew chew
- My teacher said, "Are you chewing gum?" I said, "Do I look like chewing gum to you?"
- Why did my dog hallucinate after chewing my shoes? They were laced.
- How does a train eat? Chew Chew
- What do you call a Wookiee with a nicotine addiction? Chew to' bacca
- What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
- I'm not saying my wife is ugly but... Years of chewing tobacco has discoloured her tooth
- Two mice chewing on a film roll One of them goes, "I think the book was better"
- What is the easiest way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer.
- What's a cow's favourite Beatles song? Hay Chewed
- How does a train eat? It chew chews.
- Shakespeare's pencil is so chewed… You can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B
Witty Chewed Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about chewed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean licked jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chewed pranks.
A drill sergeant and his cadet..
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets. As he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
A man sees his dog chew up and s**... a pencil
Concerned, he immediately phones the vet.
"Doctor, my dog just chewed up and swallowed my pencil! What should i do?"
"Hmm...that sounds serious. You better bring him to me. I'll see you within a half hour."
"Yes, doctor, but what should I do in the meantime?"
"Use a pen."
A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found
The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B
I found an old pencil
I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏
I own Shakespeare's old chewed pencil.
He chewed on it so much i cant tell if its 2b or not 2b
My son chewed on an old quarter he found and asked me if he could exchange it for a new one..
I had to say no because I don't trade bitcoins
A Londoner is walking his dog...
...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.
"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"
"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.
"I don't like your attitude!" the policeman says.
"It wasn't my 'at he chewed, it was YOUR 'at he chewed!"
A Drill sergeant chewed out one of his cadet
The Sarge smiled and said I guess when I die you'll dance on my grave
The cadet shakes his head, Not me Sarge I promised myself that when I got out of the army I'd never stand in line again
Chewing and eating are very similar things.
But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.
I had a dream that I was eating marshmallows...
...and when I woke up, I discovered I'd chewed my pillow to bits. I'm feeling okay, all things considered. Just a little down in the mouth.
Did you hear about the Russian coyote that got his leg caught in a trap?
He chewed 3 legs off and was still trapped.
Did you hear about the Russian wolf that wandered into Ukraine and got in a trap?
It chewed off three of it's legs and was still caught in the trap.
My father looked at me over the dinner table as I chewed on a massive steak
"Aren't you going to eat anything else?"
He asked.
"Cavemen only ate meat, do you see any of them around?"
I looked up at him and replied.
"Yes."
An FBI statistician gave me some advice
I asked him, "I'm flying next week. Do you have any tips on how to lower my chances of being blown up by a bomb smuggled onboard by a t**...?"
He chewed that one over for a while, then answered "Yes. Smuggle a bomb onboard yourself. I've never seen a case where two separate bombs were on the same plane, so the odds of a t**... smuggling a second bomb onboard are very low."
So apparently the new fashion trend of the day is to stick chewed gum in your hair
It's a unique look but it's hard to pull off.
A polish joke my grandpa told me: "What happened to the Polish dog?"
He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap
Shakespeare's chewed pencil
It's so chewed, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B
A man walks in to a bar and hangs his hat and coat on a peg
There's a dog sat in the corner which leaps up grabs the hat and rips it to pieces.
The man turns to the owner of the dog and says: Your dog's just ruined my hat
Dog owner: So what, I couldn't care less.
Man: I don't like your attitude!
Dog owner: It's not my attitude, it's your hat he chewed.
An old Joke by Lee Mack on... 8 out of 10 Cats plays Countdown, I believe?
I popped into an second-hand store the other day and bought a pencil. What's remarkable about the pencil, is that it used to be used by Shakespeare!
...Only thing is, the top part is all chewed up, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Heard about the Polish Coyote?
Chewed three legs off.. and still had one in the trap.
Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, found dead in home surrounded by piles of partially chewed food. Cause of death: starvation. Next to his body was a note in his own handwriting
"Can't s**... cause that's gay"
Did you hear about the nervous cannibal who chewed his fingers off?
He threw his hands up in disgust.
Cannibal Bar
I heard the cannibal bar shut down yesterday. Their customers were chewed to their bones.
Did you hear about the blonde coyote caught with it's leg in a trap?
It chewed off three of its legs but was still caught in the trap.
Got tired of hearing my girlfriend complain that I never went down on her
She stopped after I chewed her out.
