The Best 31 Chewed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Chewed jokes. There are some chewed bite jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chewed devour puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Chewed Jokes and Puns

A polish joke my grandpa told me: "What happened to the Polish dog?"

He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap

Heard about the Polish Coyote?

Chewed three legs off.. and still had one in the trap.

A drill sergeant and his cadet..

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets. As he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"

Chewed joke, A drill sergeant and his cadet..

Did you ever hear about the guy who got both his left arm and left leg chewed off by bears?

Yeah I saw him a few weeks ago, he's all right

Yo momma so fat the last time she went swimming she chewed a divers foot and they closed down sea world.


A Londoner is walking his dog...

...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.

"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"

"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.

"I don't like your attitude!" the policeman says.

"It wasn't my 'at he chewed, it was YOUR 'at he chewed!"

A man sees his dog chew up and swallow a pencil

Concerned, he immediately phones the vet.

"Doctor, my dog just chewed up and swallowed my pencil! What should i do?"

"Hmm...that sounds serious. You better bring him to me. I'll see you within a half hour."

"Yes, doctor, but what should I do in the meantime?"

"Use a pen."

Chewed joke, A man sees his dog chew up and swallow a pencil

I'm terrible with animals.

I had a dog once. The first time I left him alone, he chewed up all my furniture, pooped everywhere, and starved.to death.

Did you hear about the Polish Wolfhound?

It got caught in a trap chewed off three legs and was still trapped.

Chewing and eating are very similar things.

But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.

My father looked at me over the dinner table as I chewed on a massive steak

"Aren't you going to eat anything else?"
He asked.
"Cavemen only ate meat, do you see any of them around?"
I looked up at him and replied.
"Yes."

You can explore chewed munch reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chewed ate dad jokes. There are also chewed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Cannibal Bar

I heard the cannibal bar shut down yesterday. Their customers were chewed to their bones.

Got tired of hearing my girlfriend complain that I never went down on her

She stopped after I chewed her out.

I found an old pencil

I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

I found Shakespeare's old pencil...

But it's so chewed up i can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Chewed joke, I found Shakespeare's old pencil...

A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found

The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B

I found a really chewed up pencil

I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Happy Birthday/Deathday Shakespeare!

So apparently the new fashion trend of the day is to stick chewed gum in your hair

It's a unique look but it's hard to pull off.


Did you hear about the nervous cannibal who chewed his fingers off?

He threw his hands up in disgust.

Did you hear about the blonde coyote caught with it's leg in a trap?

It chewed off three of its legs but was still caught in the trap.

An FBI statistician gave me some advice

I asked him, "I'm flying next week. Do you have any tips on how to lower my chances of being blown up by a bomb smuggled onboard by a terrorist?"

He chewed that one over for a while, then answered "Yes. Smuggle a bomb onboard yourself. I've never seen a case where two separate bombs were on the same plane, so the odds of a terrorist smuggling a second bomb onboard are very low."

She said "choose me or tacos"

I chewed in tears

It shows

Some of you never chewed on sticks at the park as a kid and it shows...

Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, found dead in home surrounded by piles of partially chewed food. Cause of death: starvation. Next to his body was a note in his own handwriting

"Can't swallow cause that's gay"

My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare.

It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.

I had a dream that I was eating marshmallows...

...and when I woke up, I discovered I'd chewed my pillow to bits. I'm feeling okay, all things considered. Just a little down in the mouth.

William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much...

...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.

A Drill sergeant chewed out one of his cadet

The Sarge smiled and said I guess when I die you'll dance on my grave

The cadet shakes his head, Not me Sarge I promised myself that when I got out of the army I'd never stand in line again

A man walks in to a bar and hangs his hat and coat on a peg

There's a dog sat in the corner which leaps up grabs the hat and rips it to pieces.

The man turns to the owner of the dog and says: Your dog's just ruined my hat

Dog owner: So what, I couldn't care less.

Man: I don't like your attitude!

Dog owner: It's not my attitude, it's your hat he chewed.

One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction

Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chewed nibble jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chewed pant piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes