The Best 74 Chernobyl Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Chernobyl jokes. There are some chernobyl putin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chernobyl fallout puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Chernobyl Jokes and Puns
I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl.
It's 14.
I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl
And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.
Why is it a bad idea to wear tiny shorts on a Ukranian holiday?
Chernobyl fallout.
How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They glow in the dark.
Potatoes from Chernobyl
An old woman is shouting at a Ukrainian farmers' market: "Potatoes from Chernobyl! Potatoes from Chernobyl!" A passer-by asks her, "Why are you telling everybody that your potatoes are from Chernobyl? No one will buy them from you." "They do, my dear, they do. For mothers-in-law, for neighbors..."
How do Chernobyl kids count to one thousand?
With their fingers
The Irish have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine.
They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance!
"My goodness, you've grown a foot since I last saw you..."
...said the doctor in Chernobyl.
Do you know why you shouldn't wear Ukrainian underpants?
Chernobyl fall out.
A scientist tried to recreate the Chernobyl disaster using only transparent gases
It was a new, clear reaction.
Why should you always wear underwear in Ukraine?
Otherwise Chernobyl Fallout.
You can explore chernobyl ukrainian reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chernobyl radiation dad jokes. There are also chernobyl puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Minsk fireman gets home from work...
... and says to his wife, "They told me that tomorrow I either go to Chernobyl or hand in my Party card."
"But you're not in the party," she replies.
"Right, so I'm wondering how do I get a Party card by tomorrow morning?"
Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park
They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.
The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl.
It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.
Chernobyl
Have you ever seen Ronald Reagan's response to the Chernobyl incident?
He thought the Russians were just "overreacting."
A Russian boy walks up to his grandfather...
"Grandpa, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster at the Chernobyl Power Plant?" he says. "Yes, there was." replied the Grandfather, patting the boy's head.
The boy then says "And is it true that there were absolutely no consequences of it whatsoever?". The Grandpa says "Yep. None at all." and pats the boy's second head
Ukrainian underpants
Why should you never wear Ukrainian underpants?
Because Chernobyl fall out
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand
It's seven
Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine?
Because Chernobyl fallout
How do kids from chernobyl count to a 100?
On their fingers
I just flew in from Chernobyl
And boy are my arms legs.
You can never trust someone from Chernobyl.
Most of them are two-faced.
Just got back from Chernobyl
And boy are my legs arms!
Why should you never buy underpants made in Ukraine?
Chernobyl fallout
Ukraine is opening a theme park in Chernobyl.
It's like Disneyland, except the 2 metre mouse is real.
Why should you wear really strong underwear when visiting the Ukraine?
If you don't, Chernobyl fallout.
Why shouldn't you wear Russian underwear?
Chernobyl fallout.
I just flew back from Chernobyl
These new wings work perfectly!
I can count all the times I've been to Chernobyl on my fingers.
All twelve.
Where are the happiest people on earth?
At Chernobyl. They are radiating.
A Soviet newspaper announces:
"Last night, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station fulfilled the Five Year Plan for heat energy generation..."
"...in four microseconds."
Why shouldn't you wear tiny shorts on a Ukrainian holiday?
Chernobyl fallout
I've just ordered an empty cardboard box from Chernobyl.
It was the cheapest microwave I could find.
A boy in Russia asks his Grandpa...
Grandpa? asked a little boy, Is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Plant?
Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted his grandson's head.
Is it also true that no one was harmed and there were no consequences whatsoever?
Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted the grandson's second head.
I can count on both hands how many times I've visited Chernobyl.
13 times.
A metal band comprised of Chernobyl survivors
6 Finger Death Punch
I told a girl she had a radiant smile
I didn't know she was from Chernobyl
I can count the times I was on a vacation in Chernobyl on one hand
This summer, it will be my 15th time going there
I can count on my hands the number of times I've visited Chernobyl
13
Why should you never wear Ukranian underwear?
Chernobyl Fallout.
An elderly friend told me this joke, just thought I'd traumatise people with it too.
I can fit the amount of times I have visited Chernobyl on my fingers
12
Did you hear about that boy who lived in Chernobyl?
I heard he grew a foot last time I saw him.
I can count how many times I've been in Chernobyl with one hand
16
Why should you do up your zipper when you go to Ukraine?
Chernobyl fall out
Why do you always close your zipper when visiting Ukraine?
Cause Chernobyl fallout.
Why shouldn't you buy Soviet trousers?
Because Chernobyl fall out
I can count on one hand, all of the times I've been to Chernobyl
14
Why shouldn't you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?
Chernobyl fallout.
An ukrainean friend watched Chernobyl
He counted 9 inaccuracies on one hand.
What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs during the day, and three legs in the evening?
A man who lives in chernobyl.
I have a friend that lives just outside Chernobyl
After watching the TV Show he told me that he managed to count 14 historical inacuracies within the first 20 minutes... ...then he ran out of fingers.
My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl
He actually grew up in Ukraine during the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
Chernobyl inaccuracies (Spoiler)
My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
I can count on my fingers how many times I went to Chernobyl.
It was 14.
I kept telling chernobyl jokes to my russian friend
But every one went straight over his heads
What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl?
Nuclear fishin'.
A Russian joke from HBO's Chernobyl
What do you call something as big as a house, uses tons of gas, and cuts apples into 3 pieces?
A Soviet machine made to cut apples into 4 pieces.
Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person?
Because 2 heads are better than one.
Why should you never buy Russian underwear?
Because Chernobyl fallout.
Do you think they told the scientists at Chernobyl that they would get paid...
...in exposure?
What did the scientists in Chernobyl get paid in?
Exposure
A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.
Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.
What do you call a used shirt from someone from Chernobyl
Third hand
Don't buy Ukrainian boxer shorts...
...Chernobyl fallout.
(*has to be read in a British accent*)
I was an exchange student in Chernobyl...
There were so many extra-testicular activities
Chernobyl
I know a man who just watched the series drama Chernobyl. He lives right outside of the place.
He says he counted 9 factual mistakes in the drama series on one hand
Did you hear about the guy who won an award for having the most extra body parts?
He won the Chernobyl Piece Prize.
My buddy just saw the Chernobyl documentary. As someone that grew up there he said it was really inaccurate.
He was able to count 6 errors on one hand.
Disneyland will be opened in Chernobyl. As always, at the entrance, the visitors will be greeted by a 7-feet-tall mouse.
But this time, a real one.
My Gran barely recognises me after I've been staying in Chernobyl for a few months.
It's not surprising. I've grown another foot!
A grandson asks his grandfather: "Grandpa, is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant?"
"Yes, there was"
answers the Grandpa and patted the grandson's head.
"Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?"
"Yes, absolutely"
answered the Grandpa, and patted the grandson's other head.
What's the most popular band in Chernobyl?
Fall Out Boy
I did my first stand up routine in Chernobyl last night
I got glowing reviews
A friend of mine just saw a documentary on the Chernobyl disaster..
He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 inaccuracies on one hand
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chernobyl nuclear jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working chernobyl times piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.