Chernobyl Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl.

It's 14.

I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl

And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand

It's seven

I just flew in from Chernobyl

And boy are my arms legs.

How do kids from chernobyl count to a 100?

On their fingers

A Soviet newspaper announces:

"Last night, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station fulfilled the Five Year Plan for heat energy generation..."

"...in four microseconds."

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

I can count on one hand, all of the times I've been to Chernobyl

14

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl.

It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

I've just ordered an empty cardboard box from Chernobyl.

It was the cheapest microwave I could find.

Chernobyl

Have you ever seen Ronald Reagan's response to the Chernobyl incident?

He thought the Russians were just "overreacting."

I told a girl she had a radiant smile

I didn't know she was from Chernobyl

How do Chernobyl kids count to one thousand?

With their fingers

I can count the times I was on a vacation in Chernobyl on one hand

This summer, it will be my 15th time going there

A boy in Russia asks his Grandpa...

Grandpa? asked a little boy, Is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Plant?

Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted his grandson's head.

Is it also true that no one was harmed and there were no consequences whatsoever?

Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted the grandson's second head.

Why is it a bad idea to wear tiny shorts on a Ukranian holiday?

Chernobyl fallout.

"My goodness, you've grown a foot since I last saw you..."

...said the doctor in Chernobyl.

How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They glow in the dark.

A Minsk fireman gets home from work...

... and says to his wife, "They told me that tomorrow I either go to Chernobyl or hand in my Party card."

"But you're not in the party," she replies.

"Right, so I'm wondering how do I get a Party card by tomorrow morning?"

Why should you never buy underpants made in Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout

I can count on both hands how many times I've visited Chernobyl.

13 times.

Why shouldn't you wear Russian underwear?

Chernobyl fallout.

I can fit the amount of times I have visited Chernobyl on my fingers

12

I can count all the times I've been to Chernobyl on my fingers.

All twelve.

Why shouldn't you wear Russian underwear?

Because Chernobyl fall-out.

I can count on my hands the number of times I've visited Chernobyl

13

A Russian boy walks up to his grandfather...

"Grandpa, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster at the Chernobyl Power Plant?" he says. "Yes, there was." replied the Grandfather, patting the boy's head.

The boy then says "And is it true that there were absolutely no consequences of it whatsoever?". The Grandpa says "Yep. None at all." and pats the boy's second head

Why shouldn't you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

Where are the happiest people on earth?

At Chernobyl. They are radiating.

Do you know why you shouldn't wear Ukrainian underpants?

Chernobyl fall out.

You can never trust someone from Chernobyl.

Most of them are two-faced.

Why should you never wear Ukranian underwear?

Chernobyl Fallout.





An elderly friend told me this joke, just thought I'd traumatise people with it too.

Ukrainian underpants

Why should you never wear Ukrainian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fall out

Potatoes from Chernobyl

An old woman is shouting at a Ukrainian farmers' market: "Potatoes from Chernobyl! Potatoes from Chernobyl!" A passer-by asks her, "Why are you telling everybody that your potatoes are from Chernobyl? No one will buy them from you." "They do, my dear, they do. For mothers-in-law, for neighbors..."

Why should you do up your zipper when you go to Ukraine?

Chernobyl fall out

Why should you always wear underwear in Ukraine?

Otherwise Chernobyl Fallout.

Why shouldn't you wear tiny shorts on a Ukrainian holiday?

Chernobyl fallout

Why should you never wear nuclear underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout

I can count how many times I've been in Chernobyl with one hand

16

Why do you always close your zipper when visiting Ukraine?

Cause Chernobyl fallout.

A metal band comprised of Chernobyl survivors

6 Finger Death Punch

Did you hear about that boy who lived in Chernobyl?

I heard he grew a foot last time I saw him.

Just got back from Chernobyl

And boy are my legs arms!

Why shouldn't you wear Ukrainian underwear?

Chernobyl fall out

Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout

The Irish have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine.

They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance!

A scientist tried to recreate the Chernobyl disaster using only transparent gases

It was a new, clear reaction.

Why shouldn't you buy Soviet trousers?

Because Chernobyl fall out

Ukraine is opening a theme park in Chernobyl.

It's like Disneyland, except the 2 metre mouse is real.

Why should you wear really strong underwear when visiting the Ukraine?

If you don't, Chernobyl fallout.

Why shouldn't you buy trousers from northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

What meal was given out to the survivors of the Chernobyl accident?

Fission chips.

I just flew back from Chernobyl

These new wings work perfectly!

It's very difficult to gather mushrooms in Chernobyl

they scramble in all directions when you walk up to them.

I can count the amount of times I've visited Chernobyl with just my fingers!

It's 14!

Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

Why should you never buy boxer shorts from Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fall out of them.

Here is a toxic thought

Chernobyl, HAH.

Why do you need to keep your flies zipped up in the Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

Why shouldn't you wear Ukrainian underwear?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

What has 4 legs but cant move?

A child born in Chernobyl, duh.

Kids all over the world have beautiful smiles

Kids from Chernobyl radiate

Did you hear about the Marathon being held in Chernobyl for Victims whose Limbs have been amputated?

They're calling it the Nuclear Arms Race.

Why shouldn't you buy underwear made in the Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

I can count on one hand the amount of times I've visited Chernobyl

How many Chernobyl survivors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They already glow.

Everyone here is on about going to Chernobyl and getting mutated. I also went there and didn't see anything strange at all

I'm telling you. I saw it with my own five eyes

What has 16 arms and 12 legs?

5 children born of Chernobyl survivors.

Why shouldn't men wear Ukrainian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

Why shouldn't you buy trousers in Pripyat?

Chernobyl fallout.

They say that life imitates art.

Chernobyl is a great example of this, as most of the kids there look like Picasso paintings.

Why should you alway keep your zipper up while in Russia?

Because otherwise Chernobyl fallout.

Why shouldn't you wear underpants in the Ukraine?

Because Cher-nob-yl fallout!

Why can't you wear 'Y' fronts in Russia?

Because Chernobyl fall out.

What are the funniest chernobyl jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Chernobyl? Well, here are the best Chernobyl puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Chernobyl pick up lines to share with friends.

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