Chemistry Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right....

Alcohol IS a solution.

I really wish they'd taught sex in schools.

My chemistry teacher didn't have a fucking clue what he was doing.

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?

HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...

Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.

I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.

Then I realized alcohol is a solution.

Students are smart

Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?

Student: No

Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?

Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.

My friends told me to stop making chemistry jokes, but then I told just one more

I got no reaction, and now all my friends Argon

My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients

I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

I'd like to apologize for all of my terrible chemistry jokes.

All of the good ones argon.

So my friend asked me how often I make chemistry jokes.

I replied "Periodically"

In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl

- Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

My chemistry teacher is a damn liar!

He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

I was going to say a chemistry joke...

But I was afraid I wouldn't get a reaction.

They say alcohol isnt the answer.

But chemistry says it is a solution.

Chemistry joke about dry ice.

There are two guys: Bob and Steve. Bob is carving "Drink Coke" into a block of dry ice. Steve asks "why are you carving drink coke into that block of dry ice?" Bob replies "I just heard about this thing called subliminal advertising and I thought I would give it a try."

The school counsellor told me that alcohol was never a solution.

I said that my chemistry teacher would disagree.

Final Exam

The Final Exam

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to school until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The
guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points: Which tire? _________

Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting?

They didn't have any chemistry.

I blew up my chemistry experiment

Oxidants happen.

I know its old but I have not seen it on here
So, wanna hear a Chemistry Joke?

Nevermind, all the good ones Argon

Why did the physics teacher breakup with the biology teacher ?

There was no chemistry

I just discovered that an Asian has broken into my house.

All my math, physics, biology, and chemistry homework was done, my computer was upgraded, and that little fucker was still trying to back out of my driveway.

Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab?

Because it will create pandamonium

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of anymore... All the good ones Argon!

Edit 1 just thought of this.

What does Barium Cobalt and Nitrogen make?
BaCoN

Chemistry Joke!

Hydrogen and Carbon are walking down the street when they run into each other.

The Carbon says to Hydrogen, "Are you all right? You don't look so good."

"I'm not feeling very well," says the Hydrogen. "I lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the Carbon.

"Yeah, I'm positive." says the Hydrogen.

Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line)

Enough to break the ice, how's it going?

Favorite lame chemistry joke

Argon walks into a bar, bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve noble gasses here".

Argon didn't react

What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework?

He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.

Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?

Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D

I came up with this myself. I'm so proud.

Organic chemistry is difficult

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?

BECAUSE There was no chemistry.
LOL

I have so many Chemistry jokes to tell

I'm just afraid they won't get a good reaction...

My friend asked me if I liked Chemistry jokes...

So I said "Sodium Hydrogen Bromine Oxygen"

My friend told me a chemistry joke

"Do you know any chemistry jokes?

I do but they're all boron."

I have to say, I slapped my neon that one.

A chemistry professor is giving his final exam...

... he says on the friday before the final, "If you miss the final you have to have a great excuse for missing the final next monday." Two students decide to study together all weekend so all friday night they study, all saturday morning and night they study, then they study all sunday morning and decide, "We've been studing all that we can study, let's go out and relax for a while." They drive 150 miles to the next town, they get drunk and pass out later sunday night. They woke up late monday morning and realized they missed their test. They drive back and tell the profesor, "We had a flat tire and couldn't get it fix and that is why we are late." The profesor agrees that having a flat tire is a legitimate excuse. He then proceeds to put them in two seperate rooms and hands them the new test they have to retake. First question: (5 points out of 100) What is the chemical compound for sugar? "That's an easy question" the one student says. He goes and answers the question. Second question: (95 points out of 100) Which tire was flat?

Trying to think of a good chemistry pun

But all the good ones argon

Chemistry Joke

This came to me while studying for an exam....




**What did Sodium say when Hypobromite said that it wanted to bond?**


Sodium said "NaBrO"

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

What does a chemistry lesson and a night club have in common?

Someone drops the acid and someone drops the base.

You're not supposed to understand, it's.. (science joke)

A student is in biology lecture when the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's chemistry."

So the student later takes a chemistry lecture and the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's quantum mechanics."

So the student later takes a quantum mechanics course and the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's quantum mechanics."

Chemistry Puns

What do you do with a dying chemist? If you can't helium, you might as well barium. That joke was quite the knee-slapper, wasn't it. I certainly slapped my neon that one. It was just so-dium funny. Why do chemists like high altitudes? The views arsenic. If you're not laughing yet, don't worry. I'm only through with hafnium. Come on, I think ironed some laughter for that one. Where do chemists wash their dishes? In the zinc. I'm sorry if you didn't like that one. I'm no einsteinium. I would tell you another one, but I think they all argon.

A chemistry lab is like a giant party;

Some people like dropping acid, others prefer dropping the base.

Old joke, still funny

A genius senior in high school takes a chemistry test. He gets his score back and is shocked he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have? In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a bronze oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface of the lamp, a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire? The student eyes light up and immediately replies, I wish I had gotten that question right, and the universe explodes.

Three professors go to the nudist beach

They start reading their newspapers, when suddenly Miss Ridgewell approaches them from the Chemistry Department. The alarmed professors react immediately. Two of them hide their manhood with their newspapers, the third, however, hides his face. They politely salute the lady, who simply passes by to join her friends.

When she's far gone, one of them asks the third professor, "Why did you hide your face?"

To which the third professor replies, "I don't know about you guys, but people usually recognise my face..."

Teacher and student

Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass?

Student: 😳 I didn't even know they were catholics.

Because of my cake here are a few physics jokes...

1.) Two kittens are on a roof which one falls off first?

The one with the lowest mew.

2.) what happens to electrons and they lose all the energy?

They become Bohred

3.) People call me lazy but I am just overflowing with potential energy.

4.) Did you hear about the man that was cooled absolute zero?

He is 0k now.

5.) I hear Chemistry jokes periodically, but Physics jokes have more potential.

6.) My Chemistry teacher threw Sodium Chlorite at me, is that considered a salt?


7.) √−1 2³ Σ π

It was very delicious.

Hope you enjoyed them.

The chemistry professor says to his students:

"There's deadly gas in this bottle. What steps do we take in case it breaks?"
"Fast steps"

Why don't you ever want Hitler to be your chemistry lab partner?

Because he always ends with a really fucked up final solution

Two students became friends in chemistry class...

...It was a good bonding experience.

I was going to make a chemistry joke...

but I didn't know if it would get a positive reaction.

So there's this hot NA chick in my chemistry class

Her attitude is always salty, but hey, her booty is sodium fine.

I told a chemistry joke the other day...

I thought it was good personally, but the reaction was disappointing!

Chemistry Humor...

"What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.02214129×10^23 pieces?"

Guacomole.

Chemistry Hotel

So I was driving down the road, getting pretty tired on my way home and saw a sign that said "Chemistry Hotel"

the sign said:

*"Cheap Day Rates, and Even Cheaper NO3-'s"*

Why can't iron oxide get a date?

Porque es FeO

Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys.

When I was interviewed for a job in the chemistry department, they asked me if I had lab experience.

I said I was more of a cat person.

Chemistry jokes

1. Did you hear about the chemist who got cooled to -273.15°C? He's 0K now.

2. What's the most electronegative state? Fluorida.

3. Wanna hear a joke about sodium bromite? NaBrO

4. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" He doesn't react.

5. What do you call a king's fart? Noble gas.

6. What did the scientist say when he discovered 2 isotopes of helium? He He

7. What's the chemical formula for water? HIJKLMNO

8. I would post more but all the good ones Argon.

Joke for chemistry nerds ;)

Argon walks into a bar and the bartender says:

-We don't serve noble gases here!

Argon doesn't react.

Chemistry teacher: can you give me the formula for water?

Student: h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-. Chemistry teacher: where did you get an idea like that? Student: you told us the other day it was h to o.

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES**

- Very Reactive
- Highly Unstable
- Possesses Strong Affinity towards Gold, Silver, Diamond, Platinum, Credit cards, Debit cards & Cheque books
- Money Reducing Agent


**OCCURRENCE**

- Mostly found in front of the Mirror.
- It's highly flammable when mixed with in-laws.
- It has mixed properties when seated with parents.
- Very harmful to you if she sees you with any element similar to itself!

The chemistry is gone from our relationship.

My wife can't get anti-depressants any more and I've run out of Viagra.

I tried to ask Google for some good chemistry jokes.

But it just kept returning "Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Oxygen Fluorine Fluorine."

A chemistry teacher is having problems with her desktop...

So she asks the class:
"How do I unfreeze my computer?"

After a few seconds, one student raises their hand and responds:
"What's the melting point?"

If chemistry has taught me anything...

It's that alcohol is always a solution

Little Ahmed comes home from school.

His mother asks him:

"So what did you do in school today?"

"We were experimenting with explosives in chemistry class." replies Ahmed.

"What are you going to do in school tomorrow?"

"What school?"

My chemistry teacher asked me a question in class.

She told to me to rank all the bonds.

So I did.

1) Connery

2) Craig

3) Brosnan

4) Dalton

5) Lazenby

She sent me outside the class. I still wonder if there were any Moore?

According to chemistry,

Alcohol is definately a solution.

Love is chemistry...

Sex is physics.

CHEMISTRY JOKE

You know... I wanted to make a chemistry joke,but...
...I knew I wouldn't get a reaction.

Element Jokes (CHEESY)

Two chemistry students are walking together.

The first student asks the second, "Can you tell me what the symbol for Potassium is?"

The second student replies, "K."

---

The two students are studying together after class.

"Do you remember the symbol for sodium?" the first student asks the second.

"Na," he replies.

---

The two students are working together again.

"Did you memorize the symbol for Nobelium?" the first asks the second.

"No," he tells him.

---

The second student is telling the first student about neptunium.

"Thanks for all the information you've given me," the first student says to the second.

"Np," the second student responds.

---

What's a sheep's favourite element?

Barium.

---

How do you make element soup?

Mix Sulfur, Oxygen, Uranium, and Phosphorus into boiling water and stir.

---

Do the Spanish love Silicon?

Si.

---

How do you sing the element song?

Just repeat "Lanthanum" over and over again.

---

What's Santa's favourite Christmas present to get?

3 atoms of Holmium.

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have? In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.

Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a brass oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire? The student immediately replies, I wish I had gotten that question right, and the universe explodes.

If you're ever having trouble with Chemistry, just remember...

Bleach is a solution

I'd like to tell you guys a chemistry joke

But based on my experience so far in this sub, I'm sure I won't get any reaction

What are the funniest chemistry jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Chemistry? Well, here are the best Chemistry puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Chemistry pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes