Chemist Jokes
108 chemist jokes and hilarious chemist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chemist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From silly puns to one-liners, discover the best chemist jokes to brighten your day. Whether you're a fan of drugstore humor or fun puns involving chemistry and the druggist, you won't want to miss this collection of chem-inspired chuckles.
Funniest Chemist Short Jokes
Short chemist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chemist humour may include short chemical jokes also.
- How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'. - My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized
- What do alcoholics and chemists have in common? They both view alcohol as a solution.
I'll see my self out...... - I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree... He said "Sodium Bromate."
- How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom? A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.
- Did you hear about the chemist who died of lead poisoning? He tried to make himself a Pb&J sandwich
- People keep telling me that alcohol isn't a solution but I've asked my chemist friends and they all reassure me that it is.
- I am a chemist and my wife says I talk about my work way too much I promised I'd only do it Periodically from now on
- How do you distinguish between a news reporter and a chemist.... Ask them to pronounce "lead".
- Why are so many chemists addicted to alcohol? Because they are sure alcohol is a solution.
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Chemist One Liners
Which chemist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chemist? I can suggest the ones about mage and smith.
- A chemist accidentally froze himself at -273.15C Don't worry though, he's 0K
- What do you do with sick chemists? If you can't helium or curium, you barium.
- What kind of dog does a chemist have? A lab.
- What do you do with dead chemists? Barium
- How a Chemist reads the alphabets A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
- What did the chemist say in response to a clever joke about helium? He He :))
- Real chemist never dies ...just stops reacting.
- As a chemist, i'm not very good at the guitar... ...anyway, here's van der Waal
- How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?
- What do chemists make guacamole out of? Avogadros
- What do chemists like to watch on YouTube? Reaction videos.
- Why did the Chemist give up a singing career? He could not hit any of the ketones.
- How do you tell a chemist no? Nitrogen Monoxide
- Why did the chemist's pants keep falling down? He had no *acetol*.
- A chemist decided to plagiarize a man's work. He made a carbon-copy.
Chemist Shop Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemist shop jokes and even better chemist shop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A young man in a chemist's shop asks May I have 3 condoms please, Miss?" Don't 'Miss' me, young man. The bitter older woman scornfully responds.
Oh sorry, he replied Make that 4 then, please. - A blind man walked into a chemist to get his eyes checked? The shop assistant said this is a bank
Fun-Filled Chemist Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about chemist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean atomic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chemist pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
A chemist and a biologist walk into a bar...
The chemist calls over the bartender and says, "I'll have an H2O please." The bartender nods and looks at the biologist. "I'll have an H2O too."
The biologist died.
Science Joke
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."
Two chemists walk into a bar.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.
I was going to say a chemistry joke...
But I was afraid I wouldn't get a reaction.
A Chemist and a Psychologist walk into a bar....
A Chemist and a Psychologist walk into a bar. The chemist says to the bartender "I'll have one h two oh please". The psychologist, in a fleeting fit of flaunting his intelligence, said "I'll have a jack and coke, it's all my mother's fault."
A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...
Some people drop acid while others drop the base.
A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...
are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.
"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.
"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"
"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."
Having a chemistry teacher with a heavy Chinese accent is okay until...
Having a chemistry teacher with a heavy Chinese accent is okay until he tries to explain the difference between molarity and molality...
Chemistry joke about dry ice.
There are two guys: Bob and Steve. Bob is carving "Drink Coke" into a block of dry ice. Steve asks "why are you carving drink coke into that block of dry ice?" Bob replies "I just heard about this thing called subliminal advertising and I thought I would give it a try."
Hear are sum morre punny science jokes
How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.
Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.
The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.
Chemistry puns Im in my element.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
Ion-estly cant think of anymore... All the good ones Argon!
Edit 1 just thought of this.
What does Barium Cobalt and Nitrogen make?
BaCoN
So *that's* how it works. [true story]
Went to visit a friend at his work (he's a chemist). There's a placard on the wall of the lab that says:
"Safety Reminder: Many Hands Make Light Work!"
Scrawled below that in black marker:
"Gee. All these years of college and I thought it was wave/particle duality."
Chemistry Humor...
"What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.02214129×10^23 pieces?"
Guacomole.
Mathematician joke.
A chemist and a physicist are lost in an unknown area. They see someone and decide to ask for help. "Excuse me, but can you tell us where we are?", asks the chemist. "Sure, you are here", replied the man and leaves. "That man is a mathematician", the chemist tells the physicist, "how do you know?", "What he told us is true and makes sense, but it is useless."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chemistry Joke
This came to me while studying for an exam....
**What did Sodium say when Hypobromite said that it wanted to bond?**
Sodium said "NaBrO"
Beer isn't a solution
Unless you're a chemist.
Two chemists get married and decide to have children. What did they name their second son?
Ethan.
A biologist, a physicist and a chemist visit the beach...
Three scientists visit the beach, a biologist, a physicist and a chemist.
The biologist is so amazed at the marine life that they walk into the ocean never to be seen again.
The physicist is so amazed by fluid dynamics that they walk into the ocean, never to be seen again.
The chemist looks at the ocean, picks up a stick and writes a simple observation in the sand. "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When and where do chemists have s**...?
Periodically, on the table.
Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction?
Because the rancher was a cattlist.
What did the organic chemist use tinder for?
Carbon dating.
Why do chemists love bad jokes?
Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions
Chemistry Hotel
So I was driving down the road, getting pretty tired on my way home and saw a sign that said "Chemistry Hotel"
the sign said:
*"Cheap Day Rates, and Even Cheaper NO3-'s"*
A chemist walks into a bar...
He says to the bartender, "Tonight all drinks are on me!"
The bartender says to him, "you must've had a good day today, what happened?"
"I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!" the chemist proudly replies.
"Wow," says the bartender, "that's BaNaNaS!"
What's the difference between a raver and a chemist at a club?
One drops acid while the other drops the base.
A chemist walks into a bar...
Chemist: Do you have any Sodium Hypobromite?
Bartender: NaBrO
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish Joke
p**... walks into a chemist ,pulls out a small bottle from his pocket, removes the cork and addresses the pharmacist.
"Wid ye mind tastin that fir me"?
The man takes a swig and screws his face up in disgust. "Thats terrible" he says. "So bitter".
p**... replies with delight "Oh tats good news, they told me to bring a sample here and get tested fir me sugar levels".
A chemistry teacher is having problems with her desktop...
So she asks the class:
"How do I unfreeze my computer?"
After a few seconds, one student raises their hand and responds:
"What's the melting point?"
What do you call a smart gay chemist?
A homogeneous
Chemistry Joke!
Hydrogen and Carbon are walking down the street when they run into each other.
The Carbon says to Hydrogen, "Are you all right? You don't look so good."
"I'm not feeling very well," says the Hydrogen. "I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the Carbon.
"Yeah, I'm positive." says the Hydrogen.
What do chemists say when they wanna play a song at guitar?
"Anyway, here's van der Waal."
A German Tourist is on holiday and needed to buy some deoderant.
So he walks into a chemist and says "I vould like to buy ze deoderant."
Chemist says: "Ball or aerosol?"
Tourist: "No, I vant it for my armpits!"
Two chemists walk into a bar...
The first says the the bartender,
"I'll have some H2O,"
After which the second says
"I'll have some H2O too."
And they both enjoy their water, and get home safely to their families, because the bartender is a nice, reasonable man who would never serve Hydrogen Peroxide to a customer.
A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist go to the beach...
The physicist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the fluid dynamics." The physicist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Then the biologist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the local marine life." The biologist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Lastly, the chemist looks out over the ocean and says "I have come to a conclusion, physicists and biologists are soluble in water!"
Two chemists walk into a bar
They walk up to the bartender and the first one says:
"I'll have a glass of H2O."
The other then says to his companion:
"Why don't you just say water? I understand that we're chemists an all that, but you don't need to walk around using random terms!"
The first chemist, frustrated, needs to rethink his assassination plot.
A chemist and a pirate were sitting at a bar
The chemist asked the pirate what his favorite rare gas was, to which the pirate replied, "Arrrgon".
A Scotsman at the chemist's shop.
A Scotsman went into a chemist's shop, and asked to buy some arsenic.
"That'll be a pound - er, what do you want it for?" the chemist asked suspiciously.
"Fifty pence," replied the Scotsman.
The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.
They only have periodic tables.
The chemistry professor says to his students:
"There's deadly gas in this bottle. What steps do we take in case it breaks?"
"Fast steps"
In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl
- Mary, what is H2SO4?
- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.
Quickly, Johnny says:
- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!
Being a clumsy chemist is like going to the rave...
Sometimes you drop the base and trip on acid.
Why can't you scare a chemist?
...because they always lack the element of surprise...
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
If chemistry has taught me anything...
It's that alcohol is always a solution
My chemistry teacher asked me a question in class.
She told to me to rank all the bonds.
So I did.
1) Connery
2) Craig
3) Brosnan
4) Dalton
5) Lazenby
She sent me outside the class. I still wonder if there were any Moore?
Mafia Boss: I want the brake lines of this guy's car to be rusting.
Chemist: I'm listening.
Mafia Boss: But make sure..it looks like an oxidant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a chemist I can conclude that Freddie Mercury's voice is full of beryllium, gold and titanium
Because his voice is Be-Au-t**...-full
How can you spot a Chemist in the bathroom?
They wash their hands
before they use the toilet.
Chemistry Jokes
Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?
Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.
Did you hear about the part-time chemist?
He only worked periodically.
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes in the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes in the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book. He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water"
A world renowned chemist dies.
A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.
He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
Did you hear about the racist chemist?
He joined the Potassium Potassium Potassium
In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....
I should mind my own bismuth.
How often are chemistry jokes posted to reddit?
Periodically
Chemistry joke
Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?
Neutron replies: He was too negative to begin with.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chemist, Biologist, and Physicist were captured by n**...
The n**... had taken all three scientists to the woods and lined them up on their knees with their hands on their head. They were about to be executed.
The n**... aim their guns, and the biologist screams "bear". The n**... turn around expecting a bear, but none was there. The biologist had escaped the n**....
So they aim their guns again and the physicist yells "lightning". Again, the n**... turn around to look for lightning but don't see any. The physicist had now escaped.
With just the chemist left, the n**... aim their guns and the chemist yells "fire!".
My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.
Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
The frog population in the Okeefenokee Swamp was declining...
Biologists determined it was due to the frogs inability to stay coupled while mating. They contacted an organic chemist at MIT who came up with a solution. He mixed some plasticizers with some adhesive and most importantly one part sodium. The concoction worked perfectly and the swamp was soon re-populated with frogs. The biologists wondered why the sodium was so important. The chemist replied: The frogs needed monosodium glutamate
My dad was also a chemist and I'll never forget what he said to me right before he died
and now for the taste test…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A chemist finds a man leaning against the wall of his shop.
'What's wrong with him?' says the chemist.
His assistant replies, 'He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any, so I gave him laxatives'
'Idiot!' says the chemist. 'You can't treat a cough with laxatives'
'Of course you can' the assistant replies. ' Look at him, he's too afraid to cough'
