The Best 57 Chemist Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Chemist jokes. There are some chemist fluorine jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chemist physicist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Chemist Jokes and Puns
My dad first talked to me about sex when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'.
Science Joke
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."
Two chemists walk into a bar.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The firstο»Ώ chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.
A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe...
A chemist, a biologist, and a mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe. Across the street is an old, abandoned house. As they sit, they watch two people go into the house. A short while later, three come out.
The chemist says: "the measurements were wrong."
The biologist says: "they reproduced."
The mathematician says "if one more person goes in, the house will be empty again!"
I was going to say a chemistry joke...
But I was afraid I wouldn't get a reaction.
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...
Some people drop acid while others drop the base.
A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician...
Were sitting on a bench in front of a hotel, and see two people enter, then three people exit. The Chemist claims that they must have been an error in the initial measurements, the biologist says they must have procreated, thus creating another person, the mathematician states that if one more person enters the building, the building would then be empty.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O." So the bartender gives him water. The second chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O too." So the bartender also gives him water, because he knows what he meant and had no conceivable reason to be carrying hydrogen peroxide, much less to be giving it as a drink.
Chemistry joke about dry ice.
There are two guys: Bob and Steve. Bob is carving "Drink Coke" into a block of dry ice. Steve asks "why are you carving drink coke into that block of dry ice?" Bob replies "I just heard about this thing called subliminal advertising and I thought I would give it a try."
You can explore chemist druggist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chemist bismuth dad jokes. There are also chemist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Hear are sum morre punny science jokes
How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.
Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.
The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.
Chemistry puns Im in my element.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
Ion-estly cant think of anymore... All the good ones Argon!
Edit 1 just thought of this.
What does Barium Cobalt and Nitrogen make?
BaCoN
Chemists in a pub
After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fuming that his assassination attempt had failed.
Mathematician joke.
A chemist and a physicist are lost in an unknown area. They see someone and decide to ask for help. "Excuse me, but can you tell us where we are?", asks the chemist. "Sure, you are here", replied the man and leaves. "That man is a mathematician", the chemist tells the physicist, "how do you know?", "What he told us is true and makes sense, but it is useless."
Two chemists walk into a bar
The first chemist tells the bartender "I'll have some H2O, please." The second chemist agrees: "I'll have some H2O also, please."
The second chemist died of aluminum, sulfur, and oxygen poisoning.
Did you hear about the chemist who died of lead poisoning?
He tried to make himself a Pb&J sandwich
When and where do chemists have sex?
Periodically, on the table.
A chemist walks into a bar...
He says to the bartender, "Tonight all drinks are on me!"
The bartender says to him, "you must've had a good day today, what happened?"
"I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!" the chemist proudly replies.
"Wow," says the bartender, "that's BaNaNaS!"
I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...
He said "Sodium Bromate."
What's the difference between a raver and a chemist at a club?
One drops acid while the other drops the base.
A chemist walks into a bar...
Chemist: Do you have any Sodium Hypobromite?
Bartender: NaBrO
Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?
Because noble gases are nonreactive.
Two chemists walk into a bar...
The first says the the bartender,
"I'll have some H2O,"
After which the second says
"I'll have some H2O too."
And they both enjoy their water, and get home safely to their families, because the bartender is a nice, reasonable man who would never serve Hydrogen Peroxide to a customer.
A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist go to the beach...
The physicist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the fluid dynamics." The physicist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Then the biologist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the local marine life." The biologist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Lastly, the chemist looks out over the ocean and says "I have come to a conclusion, physicists and biologists are soluble in water!"
Two chemists walk into a bar
They walk up to the bartender and the first one says:
"I'll have a glass of H2O."
The other then says to his companion:
"Why don't you just say water? I understand that we're chemists an all that, but you don't need to walk around using random terms!"
The first chemist, frustrated, needs to rethink his assassination plot.
How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom?
A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.
Did you hear about the chemist that froze himself to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first chemist, who had a major disagreement with the second and knows the second chemist only drink water, says to the bartender, "I'll take some H2O."
The second chemist automatically responds, "I'll take some H2O too."
The bartender shrugs then turns around and promptly gives the first chemist his glass of water, and the second chemist a glass of water too... because the bartender is an adult and can infer meaning from contextual clues.
Two chemists walk into a bar...
The first chemist says "I'll have some H20"
The second chemist says, "I'll have some H20 as well."
The first chemist kicks himself as his assassination attempt fails.
In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl
- Mary, what is H2SO4?
- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.
Quickly, Johnny says:
- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!
Why are so many chemists addicted to alcohol?
Because they are sure alcohol is a solution.
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too".
The bartender then gives them two glasses of water because he doesn't keep freaking Hydrogen Peroxide on the bar counter.
Two chemists walk into a bar..
"I'll have H2O," one says.
"I'll have H20, too," says the other.
Neither die, because the bartender understands the context.
A chemist froze himself at-273C
Everyone said he was crazy. But he was 0K
Chemistry Jokes
Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says I'll take a glass of H2O. The second says I'll take a glass of H2O too.
*Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.*Β
A woman goes to the pharmacist and asks for five kilos of arsenic.
The chemist says, "That's very dangerous, what do you want it for?"
Wife replies, "I'm giving it to my husband. He had an affair"
Chemist says, "Oh no, I could get in a lot of trouble for giving you that"
Wife goes into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband.....having sex with the chemist's wife.
"Oh, that's different. I didnt realise you had a prescription"
A chemist froze himself at -273.15Β°C. Everyone said he was crazy..
..But he was 0K
For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.
I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.
How a Chemist reads the alphabets
A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes in the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes in the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book. He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water"
A world renowned chemist dies.
A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.
He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
What kind of dog does a chemist have?
A lab.
In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....
I should mind my own bismuth.
How often are chemistry jokes posted to reddit?
Periodically
How do you tell a chemist and a plumber apart?
You ask them to pronounce unionized.
A Chemist, Biologist, and Physicist were captured by Nazis
The Nazis had taken all three scientists to the woods and lined them up on their knees with their hands on their head. They were about to be executed.
The Nazis aim their guns, and the biologist screams "bear". The Nazis turn around expecting a bear, but none was there. The biologist had escaped the Nazis.
So they aim their guns again and the physicist yells "lightning". Again, the Nazis turn around to look for lightning but don't see any. The physicist had now escaped.
With just the chemist left, the Nazis aim their guns and the chemist yells "fire!".
My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.
Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
My chemist wife refurnishes the dining room quite often
She favors periodic tables over more permanent ones
How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "Unionised"
Why did the chemist die after making himself a Pb & Jelly sandwich?
He got lead poisoning.
The frog population in the Okeefenokee Swamp was declining...
Biologists determined it was due to the frogs inability to stay coupled while mating. They contacted an organic chemist at MIT who came up with a solution. He mixed some plasticizers with some adhesive and most importantly one part sodium. The concoction worked perfectly and the swamp was soon re-populated with frogs. The biologists wondered why the sodium was so important. The chemist replied: The frogs needed monosodium glutamate
Two chemists walk into a bar.
Chemist 1: I'll have H20 please
Chemist 2: I'Il have water also
Chemist 1 walks away frustrated as his assassination attempt failed
A chemist accidentally froze himself at -273.15C
Don't worry though, he's 0K
I am a chemist and my wife says I talk about my work way too much
I promised I'd only do it Periodically from now on
My dad was also a chemist and I'll never forget what he said to me right before he died
and now for the taste testβ¦
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chemist biologist jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working chemist pharmacies piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.