Chemical Jokes
140 chemical jokes and hilarious chemical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chemical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh? Check out these hilarious jokes about chemistry, chemical engineering, chemical elements, compounds, bonds and more! Get your scientific fill and get ready for a good chuckle with jokes about phosphorus, sulfur, substances and chemical kinetics, as well as jokes about chemical plants and even chemical love!
Quick Jump To
- Short Chemical Jokes
- Chemical One Liners
- Chemical Engineer Jokes
- Chemical Reaction Jokes
- Chemical Symbol Jokes
- Chemical Element Jokes
- More Chemical Jokes
Funniest Chemical Short Jokes
Short chemical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chemical humour may include short chemistry jokes also.
- I failed my chemistry lab exam. I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.
- A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals. Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.
- The Chemical Formula For Water Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!" - Capital letters... ...the difference between using chemicals to remove polish, and using chemicals to remove Polish.
- Johnny? What is the chemical formula for water? The teacher ask. Johnny: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O
Teacher : Well, no! Where did you get that from?
Johnny: Yesterday you said it was H to O - I really don't understand why people consider alcohol to be a problem. Chemically speaking, it's a solution.
- *Farmer's market* Wife: I'm buying these vegetables for my husband. Have you sprayed these with any poisonous chemicals? Farmer: No madam, you'll have to do that yourself.
- What's the difference between Tide Pods and McDonald's? One is full of dangerous chemicals that people keep eating for some reason, and the other gets your clothes clean.
- Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Me: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Me: Yesterday you said it's H to O - A man walks into... A chemical store and asks the man there for some noble gas.
The man replies "sorry, we don't have Ne"
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Chemical One Liners
Which chemical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chemical? I can suggest the ones about compound and atomic.
- Where do chemicals come from? The chemistree.
yeah i wanna die - What is the chemical formula for Holy Water? H2OMG
- What was Stalin's favorite chemical equation? HAmAr + SiCl
- What are the chemicals in a midget's body that make them happy? En-dwarf-ins
- I don't understand odorless chemicals they don't make any scents.
- I'm inventing a glue and calling it James Bond... It's a chemical agent.
- I used to work at a chemical factory, but I had to quit It was a toxic environment
- What chemicals are best for keeping men away? Deter-gents.
- How do chemical compounds cry? They break down
- What's the chemical structure of Holy Water? H2OMG
- What is Bashar al-Assad's favorite band? My Chemical Romance.
- Can neon form a chemical bond with Indium? NeIn.
- What is the chemical formula of coffee? Cobalt(II) Ferride
(CoFe2) - Remember, Chemically Speaking Bourbon *is* a solution
- What's a cow's favorite chemical? molybdenum monoxide
MoO
Chemical Engineer Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemical engineer jokes and even better chemical engineer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you tell the difference between a Computer Scientist, a Computer Engineer, and a Chemical Engineer? Ask them what PCB means.
- What's the difference between a pipe fitter and a chemical engineer? They way they pronounce unionized.
- I'm a Chemical Engineer and I have some good Chemistry jokes. ... but I never get a good reaction.
- Where do chemical engineers make the most potent mixtures? Concentration camps.
- The n**... didn't use chemical weapons... The n**... didn't use chemical weapons, they used the power of german engineering.
Chemical Reaction Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemical reaction jokes and even better chemical reaction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend fell into a vat of chemicals. Ironically, it was his quick reaction that killed him.
- I wrote down on a piece of paper several books I wanted to read about substances that speed up chemical reactions, and told my kitten to go out and get them for me.
I gave my catalyst. - They say you can't reverse a chemical reaction But the more bread I eat, the doughier I become.
- What's the most popular band in the world of science? My Chemical Reaction.
- What chemical reaction does Redbull go through? A red ox reaction.
- I would make a joke about I(+2) + I(+3) chemical reaction... But it would take a while...
- Why are farmers, who take good inventory of their cows, so efficient at chemical reactions? Because they have a cattle list.
- A friend of mine was slow in noticing a vat of chemicals and fell in. Turns out that his quick reaction killed him.
- What's Kylo Ren's Favorite Order of Chemical Reaction? A first order reaction
- Plan to take over the World If we consider life as the chain of chemical reactions, then The Fine Bros actually want to copyright all life on earth.
Chemical Symbol Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemical symbol jokes and even better chemical symbol puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What follows 16 Sodium atoms into a bar? Batman.
Explainer:
The chemical symbol for sodium is "Na." The Batman television show theme is: "Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Batman!"
- Hey mate do you know what are the chemicals symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen? Na BrO !
- I asked my friend if he could tell me the chemical symbol for Neptunium He said it wasn't a problem but hasn't replied since
- Why does plutonium stink? Because it's chemical element symbol is Pu.
- What is a pirate's favorite chemical symbol Au
- I would tell you the chemical symbol for sodium... ...But Na....
*rimshot*
Chemical Element Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemical element jokes and even better chemical element puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A group of nagging dentists discovered and new chemical element. It's called Phlosphorus.
- I told my ex that if she was a chemical element, she'd be element 67
- What is the Friendliest Chemical Element of the Periodic Table? Bromine.
- What is a chiropractor's favorite chemical element? Knee-on!
- I hate chemistry and chemical elements But potassium is K
Happy Chemical Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about chemical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chemistry lab jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chemical pranks.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
Four engineers in a car...
Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."
After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"
Chemists in a pub
After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fuming that his assassination attempt had failed.
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was Well, I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step .
Two scientists walk into a bar
The first scientist says, "I'll have some H20."
The second scientist says, "I'll have a glass of water, too, Wh.. why did you say H20? Like, I know it's the chemical formula for water and all. but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work."
The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.
North Korean joke
A: There is a new power plant in Hamheung-si.
B: No, I'm just coming back from there, but I didn't see a power plant.
A: And there is a new chemical factory in Kimjeongsuk-gun.
B: I was there a week ago but I didn't see any factory...
A: Comrade! Stop running around and read the newspaper once in a while.
A software engineer, a chemical engineer and a mechanical engineer were riding along in a car.....
suddenly the car stopped. The mechanical engineer said "it must be a problem with the motor", the chemical engineer said "no it's most likely a fuel problem", then the software engineer said "maybe if we all get out, then get back in, it will start"
Three engineers were driving down the road.
An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. (Shut up, just go with it). Suddenly their car sputters to a halt.
The electrical engineer says it has to be a problem with the electric system.
The chemical engineer thinks it's a problem in the fuel system.
Then they both look at the Windows engineer... He just says, "Perhaps we should all get out and back in again"
Little Johnny was in School
When the teacher asked the class "What is the chemical formula for Water?"
Johnny raised his hands and shouts "H I J K L M N O"
The teacher looks confused and asked Johnny if he was even listening in last weeks class.
Johnny Replied "Well you told us it was H to O last week"
Organic Vegetables
My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables when I went to the market. I looked around but couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee in the produce section and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" The produce guy looked at me, slyly smiled and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
iPod Shuffle
Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a s**... note.
A chemist and his friend go to lunch. When asked what they want to drink,the chemist says, "I'll have some H2O." His friend says "I'll have some H2O too"
When they get their drinks, they both are fine because the waiter is a sensible person who is able to distinguish the difference between the chemical compound H2O2, hydrogen peroxide, and asking to have water, like his friend.
Four engineers riding in a car -
it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start
Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye
Use chemicals to remove the polish and you're literally h**....
What's the difference between the Polish and polish?
No one bats an eye if you use chemicals to remove polish, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish, most of the world will turn against you
I asked a guy if he knew what the chemical formula was for Sodium Bromate...
He said NaBrO3
A Teacher asked for the chemical formula for water
Teacher: Alright so what is the chemical formula for water?
Me: HIJKLMNO
Teacher: What are you even saying?!
Me: You told us it was H to O!
I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs…
If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
What's the chemical formula for water?
A teacher goes up to a student and asks, "What's the chemical formula for water?"
The student goes, "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Last class you said it was H to O!"
2 scientists walk into a bar
the first one says: I´ll have a glass of H2O...
the second one says: i´ll have a glass of water too.... Wh... why did you say H2O ? Is there any reason to use the chemical formular outside the lab ?Doesn`t this just over-complicate things for no reason ? I really don´t think that was very smart...
the first scientists stares at his drink, angry, that his assassination plan has failed...
Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye
h**... uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind
What do h**... and teenage girls have in common?
They both use chemicals to remove the polish.
Sieg Heil by Covergirl
Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one panics.
h**... does the same thing and everyone loses their minds.
Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...
But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly h**...!
You know, the people saying that GMO's contain "chemicals" aren't wrong.
You just probably shouldn't tell them the entire Earth is made of the stuff.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date...
...it went ok.
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
The other chemicals were like 'omg'!
Two noble gases went on a date.
There was no reaction.
Two protons went on a date.
There was no attraction.
Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.
They felt a little sour after it.
Hydrogen and nitrogen went on a date.
They had a basic night out.
Sodium and chlorine went on a date.
There was assault.
Potassium and water went on a date.
It was lit.
Two scientists walk into a bar
The first one says "I'll have some H2O"
The second one says "I'll have some water too, but you do realise you don't have to use the chemical term outside if the lab, right?"
The first scientist excuses himself to the bathroom, where he cries for a good give minutes, saddened because his m**... plan failed
Me and my friend robbed a chemical plant last night.
We stole all their Alkaline.
Now all their base are belong to us.
Two chemists walk into a bar
The first says "I'll have H2O"
The second says "I'll have H2O too"
The first chemist drinks his water, the second also drinks water because why would a bar serve poisonous chemicals?
Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start
The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
My brother was doing his homework when he asked me: What's the chemical formula for water? I said: HIJKLMNO he said: what are you talking about?
I said: well it's H to O
A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice
And yet when h**... tried it, everyone threw a fit
So I Submitted an Article to the School Newspaper
The article was written on the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. The article ended up being brought to the attention of the administrators. After about a month, the administration closed down the school due to "chemical risks." When the school reopened, it was disconnected from all water lines.
Teacher asks Little Johnny A Question..
Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"
Johnny: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"
Johnny: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"
My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn't find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?
The produce guy looked at me and said, No. You'll have to do that yourself.
My friends all call me a chick magnet.
However due to my lack of ferromagnetic material in my chemical makeup I can can't seem to think of what repels all these girls.
What's the difference between a deadly chemical plant and a Syrian school yard?
I don't know, they just have me fly the drone
What is satan's favourite chemical?
Carbon. because it has 6 protons 6 neutrons and 6 electrons
What is the chemical formula of water?
The teacher asked.
Bob answered "H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O".
Teacher: "What is this?!"
Bob: "well you said H2O?"
During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"
He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".
"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"
A teacher ask one of her students about chemical formula for water.
TEACHER : "Brandon, what is the chemical formula for water?"
Brandon : "HIJKLMNO"
TEACHER : "What are u talking about?!"
Brandon : "Yesterday you said it's H to O"
I love vegans
The meat is better because its grass fed, locally sourced and free of harmful chemicals
Why do hypochondriacs make for good chemical catalysts?
They overreact to all external stimuli!
What do you call someone who says you can chemically bond Lithium and Argon?
Well, just ask them what the bond would be named.
A chemist tried to impress his beautiful lab assistant...
He began my mixing two chemicals previously uncombined in hopes it would produce a strong aphrodisiac. Upon smelling the fumes, the assistant instantly vomited onto the chemist's face.
That was not the reaction he was hoping for.
4 engineers repairing a car
*there are 4 engineers in a car but it doesn't start*
Mechanical engineer: the spark plug must be broken
Chemical engineer: there must be impurities in the gas
Electrical engineer: the contact must be broken
Computer engineer: what if we exit and enter the car another time?
engineers
4 engineers are traveling down a road when suddenly the car comes to a stop
The electrical engineer says "the battery died"
The chemical engineer says "we ran out of fuel"
The civil engineer says "the road shredded the tires"
The computer engineer says "why don't we get out of the car and then back in?"
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says I'll take a glass of H2O. The second says I'll take a glass of H2O too.
*Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.*
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?
Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.
A woman walks into a dry cleaners....
She says to the guy at the counter "Hopefully you have the expertise to apply a suitable chemical procedure to eliminate this unsightly blemish from my favourite frock."
He says, "Come again?"
She says, "No, it's mayonnaise this time."
What do females have in common with h**...?
They both remove polish with chemicals
By tightly securing our Nuclear arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...
... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.
Formula for water
Chemical formula for water
The teacher asked, "What is the chemical formula for water?"
A student raises his hand and answers, "HIJKLMNO!"
The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on earth are you talking about?"
Student answers, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
Wet joke
It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-
"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"
Little Timmy raises hand.
"Yes, Timmy?"
"Hijklmno"
The difference between capitalizing and not capitalizing is
Using chemicals to remove the polish and using chemicals to remove the Polish.
What chemical is released in your brain when you see something funny on the internet?
Dopameme
The nun's old outfit
A nun noticed that the outfit she had worn for twenty years was faded, so she got some plants and chemicals and tried to change the color, but no matter how many times she tried, the color stayed the same.
Old habits dye hard.
