Chemical Jokes
138 chemical jokes and hilarious chemical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chemical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh? Check out these hilarious jokes about chemistry, chemical engineering, chemical elements, compounds, bonds and more! Get your scientific fill and get ready for a good chuckle with jokes about phosphorus, sulfur, substances and chemical kinetics, as well as jokes about chemical plants and even chemical love!
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Funniest Chemical Short Jokes
Short chemical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chemical humour may include short chemistry jokes also.
- I failed my chemistry lab exam. I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.
- A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals. Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.
- The Chemical Formula For Water Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!" - Capital letters... ...the difference between using chemicals to remove polish, and using chemicals to remove Polish.
- I really don't understand why people consider alcohol to be a problem. Chemically speaking, it's a solution.
- What's the difference between Tide Pods and McDonald's? One is full of dangerous chemicals that people keep eating for some reason, and the other gets your clothes clean.
- A man walks into... A chemical store and asks the man there for some noble gas.
The man replies "sorry, we don't have Ne" - How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker? Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.
- I love vegans The meat is better because its grass fed, locally sourced and free of harmful chemicals
- What do you call someone who says you can chemically bond Lithium and Argon? Well, just ask them what the bond would be named.
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Chemical One Liners
Which chemical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chemical? I can suggest the ones about compound and atomic.
- What is the chemical formula for Holy Water? H2OMG
- What was Stalin's favorite chemical equation? HAmAr + SiCl
- What are the chemicals in a midget's body that make them happy? En-dwarf-ins
- I'm inventing a glue and calling it James Bond... It's a chemical agent.
- I used to work at a chemical factory, but I had to quit It was a toxic environment
- What chemicals are best for keeping men away? Deter-gents.
- How do chemical compounds cry? They break down
- What is Bashar al-Assad's favorite band? My Chemical Romance.
- Can neon form a chemical bond with Indium? NeIn.
- What is the chemical formula of coffee? Cobalt(II) Ferride
(CoFe2) - Remember, Chemically Speaking Bourbon *is* a solution
- What's a cow's favorite chemical? molybdenum monoxide
MoO - Should I try an experiment with a dangerous chemical? NaH,NO
- What is Saddam Hussein's favorite band? My Chemical Romance
- A group of nagging dentists discovered and new chemical element. It's called Phlosphorus.
Chemical Engineer Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemical engineer jokes and even better chemical engineer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you tell the difference between a Computer Scientist, a Computer Engineer, and a Chemical Engineer? Ask them what PCB means.
- What's the difference between a pipe fitter and a chemical engineer? They way they pronounce unionized.
- I'm a Chemical Engineer and I have some good Chemistry jokes. ... but I never get a good reaction.
- Where do chemical engineers make the most potent mixtures? Concentration camps.
Chemical Reaction Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemical reaction jokes and even better chemical reaction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wrote down on a piece of paper several books I wanted to read about substances that speed up chemical reactions, and told my kitten to go out and get them for me.
I gave my catalyst. - They say you can't reverse a chemical reaction But the more bread I eat, the doughier I become.
- What's the most popular band in the world of science? My Chemical Reaction.
- What chemical reaction does Redbull go through? A red ox reaction.
- I would make a joke about I(+2) + I(+3) chemical reaction... But it would take a while...
- Why are farmers, who take good inventory of their cows, so efficient at chemical reactions? Because they have a cattle list.
- What's Kylo Ren's Favorite Order of Chemical Reaction? A first order reaction
- Plan to take over the World If we consider life as the chain of chemical reactions, then The Fine Bros actually want to copyright all life on earth.
- Did you know cow meat accelerates chemical reactions? It makes up for a very good cattle-yst.
Chemical Symbol Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemical symbol jokes and even better chemical symbol puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hey mate do you know what are the chemicals symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen? Na BrO !
- I asked my friend if he could tell me the chemical symbol for Neptunium He said it wasn't a problem but hasn't replied since
- Why does plutonium stink? Because it's chemical element symbol is Pu.
- What is a pirate's favorite chemical symbol Au
- I would tell you the chemical symbol for sodium... ...But Na....
*rimshot*
Chemical Compound Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemical compound jokes and even better chemical compound puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What chemical compound prevails over constant negative press? Carbon monoxide vanadium di-iron
- Scientists have uncovered the fact that there is a chemical compound that cures all diseases with a single dose. It's called Cyanide.
- What is the best-looking chemical compound? Copper (II) telluride.
- Which chemical compound is the best at boxing? Potassium Oxide
- What's Bruce Willis' favourite chemical compound? Sodium Diehardonate.
- Which chemical compound are you most likely to find at a frat party? Hydrogen *Bro*mide.
Happy Chemical Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about chemical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chemistry lab jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chemical pranks.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
Four engineers in a car...
Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."
After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Our baby's new nickname is Assad...
..because he keeps assaulting us with gas that is definitely in violation of the Chemical Weapons Convention.
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was Well, I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step .
Famous physicist Dirac is talking about his favorite elementary particles...
Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."
North Korean joke
A: There is a new power plant in Hamheung-si.
B: No, I'm just coming back from there, but I didn't see a power plant.
A: And there is a new chemical factory in Kimjeongsuk-gun.
B: I was there a week ago but I didn't see any factory...
A: Comrade! Stop running around and read the newspaper once in a while.
My chemistry teacher pulled this on us today.
We were reviewing balancing chemical equations and got onto the topic of changing the names of compounds into their symbols so we could start balancing them. My teacher starts, "Changing names into symbols, is very much like translating Spanish into English. Maria estudia. Maria studies. Carlos va a la biblioteca. Carlos goes to the library. Now I would have said prison but I don't know how to say that in Spanish."
Quiz:
What is the chemical formula for what is on the inside of a fire Hydrent?
H20
What is the chemical formula for what is on the outside of the hydrent?
K9P
"Wanna hear a chemistry joke?"
"Na, man, I'm good."
"Wow, you didn't have to get salty over it."
(Chemically inaccurate but who cares, right?)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
iPod Shuffle
Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a s**... note.
A chemist and his friend go to lunch. When asked what they want to drink,the chemist says, "I'll have some H2O." His friend says "I'll have some H2O too"
When they get their drinks, they both are fine because the waiter is a sensible person who is able to distinguish the difference between the chemical compound H2O2, hydrogen peroxide, and asking to have water, like his friend.
What bands did they hire to play at the Developmental Disability Conference?
System of a Downs
My Chemical Imbalance.
Youth In Asia
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do n**... and chemical reactions have in common?
Both produce heat and release gas.
What is the chemical composition of banana?
Barium disodium
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between the Polish and polish?
No one bats an eye if you use chemicals to remove polish, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish, most of the world will turn against you
I asked a guy if he knew what the chemical formula was for Sodium Bromate...
He said NaBrO3
What's Boba Fett's least favorite chemical?
Toluene
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the legendary chemical?
h**...-OH (Hydrogen Peroxide)
What is the chemical formula for a banana?
Ba(Na)2
A chemist mixes two chemicals with ash from a German Crematorium.
The poor guy got fired for it. It was his Final Solution.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye
h**... uses chemicals to remove polish, and everyone loses their mind
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do h**... and teenage girls have in common?
They both use chemicals to remove the polish.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...
But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly h**...!
You know, the people saying that GMO's contain "chemicals" aren't wrong.
You just probably shouldn't tell them the entire Earth is made of the stuff.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date...
...it went ok.
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
The other chemicals were like 'omg'!
Two noble gases went on a date.
There was no reaction.
Two protons went on a date.
There was no attraction.
Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.
They felt a little sour after it.
Hydrogen and nitrogen went on a date.
They had a basic night out.
Sodium and chlorine went on a date.
There was assault.
Potassium and water went on a date.
It was lit.
The chemical name for water is H, I, J, K, L, M, N O.
H to O
Me and my friend robbed a chemical plant last night.
We stole all their Alkaline.
Now all their base are belong to us.
NBC
Every time I see or hear anything related to the NBC news network, my brain automatically goes: Nuclear, Biological, Chemical.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's an atom's favorite k**...
Chemical b**...
So I Submitted an Article to the School Newspaper
The article was written on the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. The article ended up being brought to the attention of the administrators. After about a month, the administration closed down the school due to "chemical risks." When the school reopened, it was disconnected from all water lines.
What chemical do bisexuals like?
*Bi*smuth
My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn't find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?
The produce guy looked at me and said, No. You'll have to do that yourself.
My friends all call me a chick magnet.
However due to my lack of ferromagnetic material in my chemical makeup I can can't seem to think of what repels all these girls.
A chemical company starts making condoms. What are they called?
Nitrojans.
What's the difference between a deadly chemical plant and a Syrian school yard?
I don't know, they just have me fly the drone
What is satan's favourite chemical?
Carbon. because it has 6 protons 6 neutrons and 6 electrons
I just took a dump so vile
That the US is invading my house and accusing me of using chemical weapons
What do you get when you cross Russian literature with balanced chemical equations?
Tolstoichiometry
I was in an awful chemical accident that turned my skin blue, but on the bright side I was finally accepted into the Smurf community after many years of trying.
it was quite cyandipitous.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"
He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".
"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"
Why do hypochondriacs make for good chemical catalysts?
They overreact to all external stimuli!
I was in class one day..
I was in class one day and my my teacher asked me a question
Teacher: can you give me the chemical formula for nitrogen monoxide?
Me: NO
A chemist tried to impress his beautiful lab assistant...
He began my mixing two chemicals previously uncombined in hopes it would produce a strong aphrodisiac. Upon smelling the fumes, the assistant instantly vomited onto the chemist's face.
That was not the reaction he was hoping for.
What does My Chemical Romance and my dad have in common?
They're both never coming home
The phone Samsung released after the Note 7 was actually more explosive than it.
It was the Samsung Galaxy S8
p.s I know good jokes don't need explaining but this is an original lame joke. S8 is the chemical formula for Sulfur which is combustible
Are you at all concerned that the heights of vegetables are rapidly increasing due to the amount of chemicals used on them?
No, I don't carrot tall.
Attention: The chemical CHCl3 has been proven to reduce the spread of COVID-19.
So before you leave your home to engage in risky behavior, make sure you soak your mask in chloroform.
A woman walks into a dry cleaners....
She says to the guy at the counter "Hopefully you have the expertise to apply a suitable chemical procedure to eliminate this unsightly blemish from my favourite frock."
He says, "Come again?"
She says, "No, it's mayonnaise this time."
