Humorous Chem Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'.
A chemist walks into a bar...
A chemist walksο»Ώ into a bar and says: "I would like H20" And the guy next to him says "I would like H20 too!" The second man died.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The firstο»Ώ chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.
A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe...
A chemist, a biologist, and a mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe. Across the street is an old, abandoned house. As they sit, they watch two people go into the house. A short while later, three come out.
The chemist says: "the measurements were wrong."
The biologist says: "they reproduced."
The mathematician says "if one more person goes in, the house will be empty again!"
I was going to say a chemistry joke...
But I was afraid I wouldn't get a reaction.
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...
Some people drop acid while others drop the base.
A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician...
Were sitting on a bench in front of a hotel, and see two people enter, then three people exit. The Chemist claims that they must have been an error in the initial measurements, the biologist says they must have procreated, thus creating another person, the mathematician states that if one more person enters the building, the building would then be empty.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O." So the bartender gives him water. The second chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O too." So the bartender also gives him water, because he knows what he meant and had no conceivable reason to be carrying hydrogen peroxide, much less to be giving it as a drink.
Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?
Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!
Chemistry joke about dry ice.
There are two guys: Bob and Steve. Bob is carving "Drink Coke" into a block of dry ice. Steve asks "why are you carving drink coke into that block of dry ice?" Bob replies "I just heard about this thing called subliminal advertising and I thought I would give it a try."
You can explore chem economics reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chem neuroscience dad jokes. There are also chem puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Chemists in a pub
After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fuming that his assassination attempt had failed.
Chemistry Joke
This came to me while studying for an exam....
**What did Sodium say when Hypobromite said that it wanted to bond?**
Sodium said "NaBrO"
The Chemical Formula For Water
Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"
What does a chemistry lesson and a night club have in common?
Someone drops the acid and someone drops the base.
Two chemists walk into a bar
The first chemist tells the bartender "I'll have some H2O, please." The second chemist agrees: "I'll have some H2O also, please."
The second chemist died of aluminum, sulfur, and oxygen poisoning.
When and where do chemists have sex?
Periodically, on the table.
A chemist walks into a bar...
He says to the bartender, "Tonight all drinks are on me!"
The bartender says to him, "you must've had a good day today, what happened?"
"I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!" the chemist proudly replies.
"Wow," says the bartender, "that's BaNaNaS!"
Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye
Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler.
A chemist walks into a bar...
Chemist: Do you have any Sodium Hypobromite?
Bartender: NaBrO
Chemistry Joke!
Hydrogen and Carbon are walking down the street when they run into each other.
The Carbon says to Hydrogen, "Are you all right? You don't look so good."
"I'm not feeling very well," says the Hydrogen. "I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the Carbon.
"Yeah, I'm positive." says the Hydrogen.
Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?
Because noble gases are nonreactive.
Two chemists walk into a bar...
The first says the the bartender,
"I'll have some H2O,"
After which the second says
"I'll have some H2O too."
And they both enjoy their water, and get home safely to their families, because the bartender is a nice, reasonable man who would never serve Hydrogen Peroxide to a customer.
Two chemists walk into a bar
They walk up to the bartender and the first one says:
"I'll have a glass of H2O."
The other then says to his companion:
"Why don't you just say water? I understand that we're chemists an all that, but you don't need to walk around using random terms!"
The first chemist, frustrated, needs to rethink his assassination plot.
Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...
But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly Hitler!
As a chemist, i'm not very good at the guitar...
...anyway, here's van der Waal
I have so many Chemistry jokes to tell
I'm just afraid they won't get a good reaction...
Where do chemicals come from?
The chemistree.
yeah i wanna die
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first chemist, who had a major disagreement with the second and knows the second chemist only drink water, says to the bartender, "I'll take some H2O."
The second chemist automatically responds, "I'll take some H2O too."
The bartender shrugs then turns around and promptly gives the first chemist his glass of water, and the second chemist a glass of water too... because the bartender is an adult and can infer meaning from contextual clues.
Two chemists walk into a bar...
The first chemist says "I'll have some H20"
The second chemist says, "I'll have some H20 as well."
The first chemist kicks himself as his assassination attempt fails.
The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.
They only have periodic tables.
In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl
- Mary, what is H2SO4?
- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.
Quickly, Johnny says:
- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first chemist says "I'll have some H20."
The second chemist says "I'll have some H20 too."
The bartender, catching on quickly, gives them both glasses of water.
The second chemist steps out behind the bar and begins crying, realizing that his suicide attempt has failed.
Why are so many chemists addicted to alcohol?
Because they are sure alcohol is a solution.
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too".
The bartender then gives them two glasses of water because he doesn't keep freaking Hydrogen Peroxide on the bar counter.
What is the chemical formula for Holy Water?
H2OMG
Two chemists walk into a bar..
"I'll have H2O," one says.
"I'll have H20, too," says the other.
Neither die, because the bartender understands the context.
A chemist froze himself at-273C
Everyone said he was crazy. But he was 0K
Chemistry Jokes
Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says I'll take a glass of H2O. The second says I'll take a glass of H2O too.
*Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.*Β
I was in the chemist...
and I said to the assistant, "What gets rid of coronavirus?"
She said, "Ammonia cleaner."
I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here!"
A chemist froze himself at -273.15Β°C. Everyone said he was crazy..
..But he was 0K
For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.
I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.
How a Chemist reads the alphabets
A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
I asked my chem teacher wether he knew the formula for nitrous oxide
Unfortunately he said no
In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....
I should mind my own bismuth.
How often are chemistry jokes posted to reddit?
Periodically
Chemistry joke
Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?
Neutron replies: He was too negative to begin with.
What did the chemist say in response to a clever joke about helium?
He He :))
How do you tell a chemist and a plumber apart?
β
You ask them to pronounce unionized.
A Chemist, Biologist, and Physicist were captured by Nazis
The Nazis had taken all three scientists to the woods and lined them up on their knees with their hands on their head. They were about to be executed.
The Nazis aim their guns, and the biologist screams "bear". The Nazis turn around expecting a bear, but none was there. The biologist had escaped the Nazis.
So they aim their guns again and the physicist yells "lightning". Again, the Nazis turn around to look for lightning but don't see any. The physicist had now escaped.
With just the chemist left, the Nazis aim their guns and the chemist yells "fire!".
My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.
Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
As any Chemist will tell you...
Alcohol is *always* a solution.
How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "Unionised"
Why did the chemist die after making himself a Pb & Jelly sandwich?
He got lead poisoning.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
Chemist 1: I'll have H20 please
Chemist 2: I'Il have water also
Chemist 1 walks away frustrated as his assassination attempt failed
A chemist accidentally froze himself at -273.15C
Don't worry though, he's 0K
I am a chemist and my wife says I talk about my work way too much
I promised I'd only do it Periodically from now on
Chemist joke
Two typical chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist asks the waiter: "I would like some HβO, Please!" The second chemist says: "I'd like some HβO too!" The second man dies.
How do you tell a chemist and a teamster apart?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
What do you do when a chemist dies?
Barium.
Two chemists walk into a bar
Two chemists walk into a bar.
Chemist 1: I'll have some H2O please.
Chemist 2: I'll have some water also.
Chemist 1 walks away frustrated as his assassination attempt failed.
A chemist finds a man leaning against the wall of his shop.
'What's wrong with him?' says the chemist.
His assistant replies, 'He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any, so I gave him laxatives'
'Idiot!' says the chemist. 'You can't treat a cough with laxatives'
'Of course you can' the assistant replies. ' Look at him, he's too afraid to cough'
The chemistry final exams
A chemistry student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did your finals go?" the bartender asks. "Not so hot," the student replies. "The instructor asked my class to write 1000 words on acid. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete it as my pen turned to a gorilla and the floor melted."
What does a chemistry teacher says when gold bar fells on his/her feet?
Auuuuuuu!
How do you tell a chemist from a communist?
ask them to pronounce unionized.
