Chefs Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the
lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.

Why are men the best chefs?

Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.

European Heaven and Hell

In Heaven: the chefs are Italian, the lovers are French, the mechanics are German, the policemen are English, and it is all organized by the Swiss.

In Hell: the chefs are English, the lovers are Swiss, the mechanics are French, the police are German, and it is all organized by the Italians.

Heaven is Where...

* The Police are British,
* The Chefs are Italian,
* The Mechanics are German,
* The Lovers are French and
* It's all organized by the Swiss.


Hell is Where:

* The Police are German,
* The Chefs are British,
* The Mechanics are French,
* The Lovers are Swiss
and
* It's all organized by the Italians.

There was once a pastry competition...

Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.

They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*

What is a chefs weapon of choice?

A salt rifle

Two chefs go on vacation (OC)

Two chefs decide to take a vacation together. Being that they are chefs, they decide to go a cooking museum while taking some time off. In the museum, the see a golden whisk with a plaque underneath that reads: "The chef who owned this whisk was known as the greatest of his time, and served meals to kings and queens."

One chef says to the other, "Wow, I hope one day I can be a legendary chef like that guy, this is really inspiring."

The other chef responds, "You know what, I'm going to steal that whisk, once I have it, I'll be the greatest chef in the world!"

The first chef, trying to convince him otherwise, says, "Are you nuts!? Look at all the security around here, you'll be arrested and never cook again!"

The second chef replies, "Well...that's just a whisk I'm willing to take."

how many chefs does it take to change a,light bulb ?

one to do it, and five others to tell him how they did it differently in their last kitchen.

There was a runner...

He was the fastest man in the world, and promised to all the chefs in the world that if they could bring him his favorite kind of hot dog while he was on his daily jog, then he would give them free running lessons.

Hundreds of chefs attempted to give him the best recipe after catching him, yet they all failed.

Finally, a humble chef from New York decided to try out. He made his hot dog for this runner and caught up to him.

As soon as the runner took a bite, he was amazed. It WAS the best dog he'd ever eaten. He then asked the chef how he knew the recipe and was able to catch up to him.

The chef was surprised, thinking it was obvious and responded, "Well, I just took my thyme and mustard the energy to ketchup!"

Italian Chefs can now get an exclusive software update for their Tesla

It's been named Carpatchio

Heaven is where the police are british...

Heaven's where the police are british, the chefs are italian, the mechanics german, the lovers french, and it's organized by the swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the chefs british, the mechanics french, the lovers swiss, and the italians organize everything.

Artists cover their mistakes with paint, chefs cover their mistakes with sauce. How do doctors cover their mistakes?

With dirt.

How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?

One, but you really have to cram him in there.

Why am I scared of french pastry chefs?

They give me the crepes.

A spice belt for chefs

Might be a waist of thyme

Heaven and Hell

"Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss and it is all organized by the Italians."

Bonus:
"Canada could have had it all. They could have had American technology, French cuisine, and British culture. Instead, they ended up with French technology, British cuisine, and American culture."

What do chefs research?

Cutting-edge technology

Why are chefs the meanest?

Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream

I work at a restaurant and one of the chefs there is both dyslexic and epileptic.

Ended up sending out a chicken seizure salad.

There were two chefs. She was Chinese, he was German.

They fell in love, got married, and opened a restaurant together. The food is terrific, and very interesting; however...

A half hour after you eat there, you are hungry for power.

Two Chefs get in an argument,

And they split the kitchen right down the middle.

One Chef has the oven and fridge on his side, and the other has the freezer, a spice rack, and a microwave on his.

So the first Chef looks at the other and says

"What are you gonna do? You can't cook anything in a microwave, you're finished."

The second Chef looks over and tells him

"I have thyme on my side."

I'm creating a new dating app for chefs!

It's called Tender! Swipe right to keep cooking or swipe left to leave raw

A common chefs error

Is to think they must always add salt to a sauce before boiling it down. This is the fallacy of reductive seasoning.

Why are chefs so crazy for dough?

They don't want it, they knead it

Why can't sous chefs get girls?

They're all beta cooks.

I bought a chicken cookbook.

I didn't know the smart bastards were chefs.

Why are chefs in such a rush?

Theyre running out of thyme.

Why are most chefs male?

No one can toss a salad better than a man.

Best Halloween Party Ever

An advertisement for a Halloween party featuring
Zombie Japanese Chefs and street entertainers from the spirit world…
you would be treated to an evening of:
the Woking Dead and Ghost Buskers.

Why dont Egyptian Chefs do well in the circus?

They always fal-afel off the tight rope.

What do chefs call plants that make them laugh?

Amuse Bush.

There were two chefs who got married, she was Chinese and he was German.

They opened a restaurant together.

The food is good, but a half hour after you eat dinner, you're hungry for power.

Why can't short people become chefs?

Because it's a high steaks job

The difference between Heaven and Hell

In Heaven the chefs are French, the bureaucrats are Italian, the engineers are German, and the police are English.

In Hell the chefs are English, the bureaucrats are French, the engineers are Italian, and the police are German.

What do German chefs say before a cook-off?

Do your wurst!

Two chefs are busy cooking...

its a busy night and they have a lot of orders to fill. One chef is rushing around, making a mess, and spilling things in his haste. The other chef stops him and says," take it easy, you've got lots of thyme on your hands"

What do you call a PhΓ² restaurant run by 9 Japanese chefs?

Phở Kyuu

In a parallel universe where chefs are called food composers...

The best pasta sonata was composed by platehoven.

What are the funniest chefs jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Chefs? Well, here are the best Chefs puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Chefs pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes