Cheeseburger Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Handjobs



A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.

"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

Give a man a cheeseburger, you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to cheeseburger, I'm high as hell.

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A guy walks into a pub...

...And sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help
you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One if nobody's looking.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50

HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.

"Can I help you?" she asks.

"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A blonde walks into a library (*not the whole joke)

She says to the librarian "Hiiii, I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
The librarian says, "Lady, this is a library!"
Embarrassed, the blonde apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."

A guy walks into a pub...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

Why can't Jesus eat a cheeseburger?

Because he's dead.

A blonde woman walks into a library

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."

The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

(Credit goes to my dad for this one. He had another one that I can't remember but once I do I'm coming back to post it)

A guy walks into a pub...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I sure am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A blonde goes into a library.

She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."

The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"

"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"

A man walks into a pub

A man walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50

HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A guy walks into a pub...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

Give a man a cheeseburger, and he'll eat for a day. But, teach a man to cheeseburger...

...I'm high as hell

My daughter asked me Dad, where does poo come from?

So I sat her down and said See this cheeseburger? When I eat it, it goes down into my stomach. My body absorbs all the good stuff, and all the waste that's left over travels down my large intestine and sits in my rectum until I sit on the toilet and push it out of my bum

She goes quiet. Teary eyed.

Her tiny voice whispers....

W-w-w-what about Tigger?

Do you know the difference between a cheeseburger and a blowjob?

(No- what?)

Want to get lunch sometime?

A man stands in front of a food truck....

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.

"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

So a girl walks into a library...

...and asks the librarian,"Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"
The librarian says,"This is a library..."
"Sorry,"The girl whispers,"can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"

A biker walks into a bar...

...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A crusty old biker walls into a bar..

..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.


He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:


Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99


The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.


The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"

The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."

The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.

She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

Best drink specials

A Californian, a Texan and an Oregonian are shooting the shit when the topic of bars with the best drink specials comes up.

The Texan says, "I was at a bar the other night where every beer is 25 cents during happy hour."

The Californian says "Oh yeah, well this other bar I know offers that same special, plus after you buy 6 beers you get a free cheeseburger."

The Oregonian, not to be outdone, gets excited and says "Ha, that's nice, but I know a place where every single drink is free and at the end of the night you get laid in the parking lot."

"What? That's amazing!", the other two say, "how did you find that place?"

"My wife told me", he says.

Guy walks into a bar...

There's a sign that says: Cheeseburgers - $1.50, Chicken Sandwich - $2.50, Hand Job - $10.00. He walks up to a very attractive barmaid and ask "Hey, are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purred, "I am." He looked her straight in the eye and said "Well, go wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

May I take your order

A divorced father takes his 2 boys, age 5 and 8 to a restaurant to get lunch one day. The waitress comes to take their order, and starts with the 5 year old. When she asks the 5 year old what he'll have, he says "I'll have a goddamn cheeseburger"
When the dad hears that, he reaches across the table and smacks the boy so hard he falls off his seat, onto the ground and starts crying. The waitress is shocked and doesn't know what to do, so she just turns her attention to the 8 year old, and asks what he'll be having. The 8 year old replies " you can bet your sweet fuckin ass I ain't gettin no goddamn cheeseburger!"

Yo Mama so fat her Patronus was a cheeseburger..

Old, Russian

An old one...

Rambo Retard, the American, and Boris Bog, the Russian, are sitting in MacDonald's hamburger restaurant in Santa Fe, discussing communism.

"In America we have such freedom," claims Rambo Retard, stuffing his mouth with a cheeseburger. "For example, any man who wants to can walk right up to the steps of the White House and call President Bush an asshole!"

"Ah!" retorts Boris, the Russian. "We have equal freedom in Russia. Any man who wants to can walk right up to the steps of the Kremlin and call President Bush an asshole, too!"

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.

"Can I help you?" she asks.

"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A man walks into a library,

He approaches the librarian and says, I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.

The librarian says, Sir, you know you're in a library, right?

Sorry, he whispers. I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.

A man walks into a bar

He walks in and sits down at the counter. He reads the menu on the wall and see's:
Hot dog $1
Hamburger $5
Cheeseburger $6
Hand job $20

He asks the lady behind the bar to come here. When she does, he asks her if she is the one that gives the hand job. Smiling, she says yes she is. He says ok, then do me a favor. Go wash your hands and get me a fucking cheeseburger.

Do you know the difference between a cheeseburger and a blowjob?

Come on. Lets go to lunch. My treat.

An old biker rolls up to a bar..

And takes a seat. He checks out the menu which says:

Beer - 2$
Cheeseburger 3$
Hamburger 4$
HandJob 15$

Some time later a smoking hot blonde saunters up to him and he asks 'Are you the one that gives the handjobs?'

'Yes I am,' She replies

'Good, wash your fucking hands, I want a cheeseburger.'

A guy walks into a pub..

.And sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

My grandfather, an 83 year old doctor that still practices, sent me this jokes. Enjoy.

An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar : COLD BEER: $2.00 HAMBURGER: $2.25 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50 HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?" The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs? " She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am." The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real fucking good because I want a cheeseburger."

Hopefully not a repost, but one of my all time favorites

So a man on a long trip decides to stop at a bar. He walks in, sits down at the bar and looks at the menu.

Soda: $1
Beer: $2
Hot Dog: $2.50
Hamburger: $3
Cheeseburger: $4

Then the man notices something at the very bottom of the menu..

Hand Jobs: $5

The man is a little confused, but then the bartender comes out, a stacked, beautiful blonde. She goes to him and asks "you like anything on the menu?" the man responds "are you the one that gives the hand jobs?" she smiles, "why yes I am" so the man says "ok, well wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger"

Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger?

It had beef.

What's the difference between a cheeseburger and anal?

The cheeseburger doesn't fart if you pull out the pickle.

After days of driving, a trucker walks into a empty small-town diner and sees three signs above the counter.

The first reads "Hamburger: $5," the second reads "Cheeseburger: $6," and the third reads "Handjob: $10." As the man approached, a beautiful young woman dressed in an apron came out from the kitchen and asked coyly, "What can I do for you, hon?"

"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" asked the trucker.

"Why yes," answered the woman with a knowing smile. "Yes I am."

"Well then go wash your fucking hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

Biker walks into a bar...

A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.

The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A polar bear walks into a restaurant..

The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...

...

... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

A man walks into a burger joint

He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads

-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-Handjob:$25.00

He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives handjobs?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."

Hey ! This is the Library!

Guy in a library walks up to the librarian and says, I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.

Librarian responds, Sir, you know you're in a library, right?

Guy says, Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.

An old man walks into a library and talks to the librarian

Old Man: Excuse me miss, can I have a chesseburger and fries please?

Librarian: SIR! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE YOU ARE? THIS IS A LIBRARY!

Old Man: O, well, (whispers) *can I have a cheeseburger and fries please?*

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane

Naturally they start chatting; as clergy, they have a lot in common.

After a while, the priest says to the rabbi, "Look, I know you guys aren't supposed to eat any pork or bacon or whatever, but... have you really *never* even tasted it?" And the rabbi admits that, well, he wasn't that religious in college, and had in fact indulged in a bacon cheeseburger or two. "Well? Did you like it?" the priest asks, and the rabbi admits that yeah, it tasted pretty good. And the two return to reading their Skymalls.

A little while later the rabbi asks the priest, "Look, I know you guys are supposed to be, well... celibate. But have you *really* never...? Not even once?" And the priest admits that once in his youth he had, sadly, strayed from God's path, before being reminded of his true calling.

The rabbi winks. "Beats the hell out of bacon, eh?"

Rene Descartes goes to a restaurant and orders a cheeseburger.

The waiter says, "Would you like fries with that, sir?"

Rene Descartes replies, "I think not," and ceases to exist.

What did the cheeseburger name her daughter?

Patty.

A man walks into a bar...

A guy walked into a bar and saw a sign that said:

cheeseburgers 3$

hotdogs 5$

handjobs 10$

He goes to the bar and asks the lady "are you the one that gives handjobs" and she said yes, then he replied "well wash your hands I want a cheeseburger

Managed to lose 1000 calories in five seconds...

...by dropping my cheeseburger :(

Good joke to drop on most people.

A man walks into a bar and see's a sign that says:
Hamburgers - $1.00
Cheeseburgers - $2.00
Handjobs - $10.00

So the man approaches the blond, busty, beautiful bartender and says: "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She replies "I sure am, sugar!"

"Great. Wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

Why is a cheeseburger better than eternal happiness?

1. Nothing is better than eternal happiness.
2. A cheeseburger is better than nothing.

QED

What are the funniest cheeseburger jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Cheeseburger? Well, here are the best Cheeseburger puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Cheeseburger pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes