Cheeseburger Jokes
68 cheeseburger jokes and hilarious cheeseburger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cheeseburger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Start your day laughing with these funny cheeseburger jokes! From double cheeseburgers to Randy Cheeseburgers, McSteaks and steaks, get your daily fill of humor with these puns and one-liners.
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Funniest Cheeseburger Short Jokes
Short cheeseburger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cheeseburger humour may include short cheese burger jokes also.
- I said to the customer, "So you'd like a cheeseburger?" "Yes," He said. "Well done." "Thank you," I said.
- My Doctor told me "Don't eat any thing fatty". I said "like cheeseburgers and french fries?"
He Said "No Fatty. Don't eat anything." - A frog goes into McDonald's and orderes a cheeseburger The cashier looks at the frog and asks him: would you like flies with that sir?
- What do you call a cheeseburger that's on the move? A slider.
My 10 year old nephew came up with this one, I think he nailed it! - There's a joke working its way around the White House recently... ...It eats cheeseburgers in bed and wants to build a wall.
- Maybe I should have put more mustard on my cheeseburger In Heinz sight, I should have added more ketchup
- Rene Descartes goes to a restaurant and orders a cheeseburger. The waiter says, "Would you like fries with that, sir?"
Rene Descartes replies, "I think not," and ceases to exist. - I was recently fired from McDonald's for helping myself to too many cheeseburgers I think I was misled about their "opportunities for growth"
- Why is a cheeseburger better than eternal happiness? 1. Nothing is better than eternal happiness.
2. A cheeseburger is better than nothing.
- Which side of a glass of water does Gary Larson drink from? Neither! He ordered a cheeseburger!
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Cheeseburger One Liners
Which cheeseburger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cheeseburger? I can suggest the ones about hamburger and burgers fries.
- How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking.
- Why can't Jesus eat a cheeseburger? Because he's dead.
- Yo Mama so fat her Patronus was a cheeseburger..
- Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger? It had beef.
- What did the cheeseburger name her daughter? Patty.
- Managed to lose 1000 calories in five seconds... ...by dropping my cheeseburger :(
- How do you smuggle a cheeseburger into prison? Between 2 buns
- Give a man a cheeseburger, you feed him for a day.
- Where did the hamburger meet the cheeseburger? At the meat ball.
- I took my cheeseburger into the elevator. Just taking lunch to the next level.
- My coworker is in the hospital after eating a giant bacon cheeseburger. It was mine.
- What do you call a well-mannered cheeseburger? A Pleaseburger
- At a courthouse Judge: Order, order.
Defendant: A cheeseburger, please. - The worst part about being vegan is the cheese It ruins the cheeseburger
- Cheeseburger!?!? I hardly know her!
Double Cheeseburger Jokes
Here is a list of funny double cheeseburger jokes and even better double cheeseburger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I hate it when I'm running on the treadmill and I accidentally hit the stop button... and I have to get off and go eat a bacon double cheeseburger.
Comical Cheeseburger Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about cheeseburger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean burger and fries jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cheeseburger pranks.
h**...
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
A man walks into a burger joint
He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads
-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-h**...:$25.00
He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives h**...?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."
So a girl walks into a library...
...and asks the librarian,"Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"
The librarian says,"This is a library..."
"Sorry,"The girl whispers,"can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
Guy sits down at a diner
He is looking at the menu deciding what he wants when the person next to him orders a double cheeseburger. The waitress takes the order and pulls two frozen burger patties from the freezer. She sticks one under each armpit.
The guy asks what she is doing. She shrugs and says "defrosting the meat". The guy thinks for a minute and says "I'll have the hot dog".
A blonde goes into a library.
She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."
The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"
"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"
A gentleman walks into a library...
A gentleman walks into a library, goes over to the librarian and says, "I'll take a cheeseburger, a medium fry, and a small chocolate shake.". Confused, the librarian replies, "Sir, this is a library!". The gentleman is very embarrassed. He softly whispers, "I'm terribly sorry. I'll take a cheeseburger, a medium fry, and a small chocolate shake.".
An old man walks into a library and talks to the librarian
Old Man: Excuse me miss, can I have a chesseburger and fries please?
Librarian: SIR! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE YOU ARE? THIS IS A LIBRARY!
Old Man: O, well, (whispers) *can I have a cheeseburger and fries please?*
I made up a Stephen Wright joke.
I went to the drive-thru recently. The lady over the intercom asked what should could get for me. I told her I'd take a cheeseburger, medium french fries, and a large Coke. She told me I couldn't order that. I said, "Why not?". She said, "This is a bank."
A blonde woman walks into a library
A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."
The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."
The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."
(Credit goes to my dad for this one. He had another one that I can't remember but once I do I'm coming back to post it)
A Blond walks into a library
A blond walks into a library and says "can I get some cheeseburgers?"
The librarian says "this is a library"
So the blond apologizes and whispers "can I get some cheese burgers?"
"I'll have a cheeseburger with a large coke," The blonde girl requested.
"Excuse me miss, this is a library."
^^"I'll ^^have ^^a ^^cheeseburger ^^with ^^a ^^large ^^coke," she whispered.
A polar bear walks into a restaurant..
The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...
...
... "side of fries."
"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.
The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."
Why do r**... love cheeseburgers?
Because they are in bread.
A blonde walks into a library
She says to the librarian, "I would like a cheeseburger with fries and a coke."
The librarian says the the blonde, "this is a library!"
The blonde whispers, "I would like a cheeseburger with fries and a Coke."
Good joke to drop on most people.
A man walks into a bar and see's a sign that says:
Hamburgers - $1.00
Cheeseburgers - $2.00
h**... - $10.00
So the man approaches the blond, b**..., beautiful bartender and says: "Are you the one who gives the h**...?"
She replies "I sure am, sugar!"
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
A man walks into a library
Man: (loudly)Excuse me ma'am, can i order a cheeseburger?
Librarian: Sir this is a library.
Man: (quietly) Oh sorry, can i order a cheeseburger?
Guy walks into a bar...
There's a sign that says: Cheeseburgers - $1.50, Chicken Sandwich - $2.50, h**... - $10.00. He walks up to a very attractive barmaid and ask "Hey, are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purred, "I am." He looked her straight in the eye and said "Well, go wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
A man walks into a library,
He approaches the librarian and says, I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.
The librarian says, Sir, you know you're in a library, right?
Sorry, he whispers. I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.
A blonde walks into a library (*not the whole joke)
She says to the librarian "Hiiii, I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
The librarian says, "Lady, this is a library!"
Embarrassed, the blonde apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"
The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."
The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.
She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."
A man walks into a bar and a b**... blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, "Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, h**... $10".
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am".
The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".
A man walks into a bar...
and on the menu he sees Hamburgers $5, Cheeseburgers $6, h**... $10. He walks up to the bar and a beautiful brunette comes to take his order. She seductively leans over the bar and asks the man, Can I get you something dear? The man says Are you the one that makes the burgers and gives the h**...? She grins and says I sure am honey and winks at him. He says Great, can you wash your hands, I'd love a cheeseburger.
A man walks into a bar...
A guy walked into a bar and saw a sign that said:
cheeseburgers 3$
hotdogs 5$
h**... 10$
He goes to the bar and asks the lady "are you the one that gives h**..." and she said yes, then he replied "well wash your hands I want a cheeseburger
A Man walks into a library...
He goes up to the librarian and says politely, Excuse me, I'd like a cheeseburger and fries, please.
The librarian, completely shocked, replies: Sir...you know this is a library, right?
The man apologizes at once. Sorry, he whispers. I'd like a cheeseburger and fries, please.
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
I went to a bar on the weekend and the sign read:
Hamburgers £1:00
Cheeseburgers £2:00
h**... £3:00 (Oh yesss!!)
I called the attractive blonde behind the bar across to enquire. "Can I help you?" she asked with a big smile. "I was wondering (I whispered) Are you the one who gives them ummm!! Hand Jobs?" "Yessssss" she almost purrs "I am" "Well wash your hands," I said "I want a cheeseburger!!"
I was eating a cheeseburger when I was confronted by a vegan.
The vegan said I should give up killing and eating cows, he said I should start eating vegan. If prepared right, you will get more vitamins and enjoy it more.
At the end of the day, he was right, cooked properly, he was delicious.
A blonde goes to the counter and in a very loud voice declares, I'll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please!
The lady behind the counter is astonished and says, Ma'am, this is a library.
The blonde apologizes and leans in close and says in a whisper, I'll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please.
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a b**... blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
He looks up at the menu above the bar. It says Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, and h**... $10.
He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the h**...?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
The Library
This is one of my favorite jokes that NOBODY ever thinks is funny. It is funnier when spoken, but since I have no friends, Reddit will have to do.
Here it goes:
A guy walks into a library. He strolls up to the counter and looks at the librarian dead in the eyes and screams MA'AM I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER A LARGE FRY AND A LARGE MILKSHAKE PLEASE!!!
The librarian shushes him and sternly says in a whisper, Sir! This is a library!
The man immediately apologizes and whispers,
So sorry, I'll have a cheeseburger a large fry and a large milkshake please
Crunches
I told my girlfriend today I really needed to lose weight.
She said "You need to do crunches"
I said "I do that already! I crunch cookies, I crunch pizza. I'm about to crunch on some cheeseburgers."
Doesn't seem to be helping...
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve n**...".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my d**... cheeseburger".
A man is in diner with his two young boys...
The waitress comes to the table to take their order. The man says, "I'll have the chicken fried steak."
She jots that down and asks the oldest boy "What would you like, sweetie?"
The boys answers, "I'll have a g**... cheeseburger."
The father angrily backhands the boy.
The waitress asks the other boy, "What would you like, hon?"
The boy says, "Well... I don't know. But you can bet your sweet a**... I ain't gonna have a g**... cheeseburger!"