Cheese Jokes
167 cheese jokes and hilarious cheese puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about cheese that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for a gouda time because we're about to embark on a humorous journey filled with cheese jokes. Who cut the cheese? It doesn't matter, because we're here to pepper 'jack' your day with some hilarity.
Cheese jokes can be the ideal ice 'brie'kers at parties, or add a cheddar touch to casual conversations. You can crack these jokes 'on queso' you need a bit of fun because there's 'nacho'ing like a good chuckle to lift your spirits.
So buckle up, this is going to be 'cheddar' cheesiest ride of puns and laughter you'll 'brie' on today! Be ready, these jokes are no 'laughing cow' matter.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Cheese Short Jokes
Short cheese jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cheese humour may include short cheesy jokes also.
- What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
- Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... "The most violent book I have ever read"
- My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese. We tried to warn him.
- Sweet dream are made of cheese Who am I to diss-a-Brie? I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody's looking for Stilton.
- What's the difference between America and cheese? If left for a while, cheese develops culture.
- Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausage and cheese. This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.
- I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night... Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious
- Germany has just warned its population of an upcoming susage and cheese shortage. They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
- What did helen keller say when she picked up the cheese grater? That was the most violent book I've ever read...........
- I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese" But it's just a curd to me
Share These Cheese Jokes With Friends
Cheese One Liners
Which cheese one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cheese? I can suggest the ones about cheddar and cheez it.
- A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
- What do they call the hunger games in France? Battle Royale with Cheese.
- A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop There is de brie everywhere!
- Why do vegans often look miserable in photos? They don't like to say 'cheese'
- What happened when the cheese factory exploded? De brie went everywhere
- Two cheese trucks ran into each other De brie was everywhere.
- I had a really good cheese joke to share with you guys... But now I Camembert it.
- What do Christians and mice have in common? They both worship cheeses
- My kid made this one up: How do you make Swiss cheese? With a holey cow.
- Which cheese is made backwards? Edam!
(Kill me) - My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? All that was left was de-Brie.
- President Trump just banned shredded cheeses. He wants to Make America Grate Again
- What's special about Edam cheese? It's made backwards
- What kind of cheese does Medusa like? Gorgon-zola
Grated Cheese Jokes
Here is a list of funny grated cheese jokes and even better grated cheese puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US. Trump will make America grate again.
- Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese. It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.
- Did you see that Sargento is going to stop selling shredded cheese? They're trying to make America grate again
- I asked my wife if she wanted me to shred some cheese. She said "that would be grate!"
- Republicans in Congress have proposed a bill to ban the sale of shredded cheese in supermarkets across the country They want to Make America Grate Again.
- You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore. Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.
- I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese. Part of his plan to make America grate again.
- If the U.S. ran out of shredded cheese... we would have to "make America grate again"
- What did the cheese say before it got shredded? Oh grate...
- I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tube or slices as everyday food... We should definitely make America grate again.
Cheese Brie Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheese brie jokes and even better cheese brie puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the cheese truck that crashed? The street was littered with de brie
- Sweet dreams are made of cheese... Who am I to diss a brie?
- Cheese shop exploded Thankfully I was only hit by da brie
- A cheese factory just exploded... There was de-brie everywhere
- Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory. There's de Brie everywhere
- Did you hear about the bomb that blew up a French cheese shop? There's de brie everywhere.
- When the cheese factory exploded, people found pieces of it miles away There was de Brie everywhere
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? Da Brie is everywhere
- Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that burned down? They say there was nothing left but de brie.
- Did you hear about the fire at the cheese factory? Nearly a total loss... All that was left was de-brie.
Shredded Cheese Jokes
Here is a list of funny shredded cheese jokes and even better shredded cheese puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had a job where I had to put shredded cheese back together It was the most degrating job I've ever had.
- Did you hear about the cheese who works out? Did you hear about the cheese who works out?
It was shredded. - When we make pizza at home it's my wife's job to shred the cheese. She's the gratist.
- If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production. He is going to make Americans grate again . . .
- A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me. So I said, You wanna pizza me?
- Apparently Trump wants to outlaw pre-shredded cheese... ...he keeps going on and on about how he wants to make America grate again...
- We need to ban pre shredded cheese... Make America grate again.
- I'm tired of pre shredded cheese Make America grate again
- What do you call a cheese that works out? Shredded cheese.
- Do you think Mr. Cheese has been going to the gym? I mean look at him, he's shredded!
Cheese Factory Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheese factory jokes and even better cheese factory puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down... No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
- What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded? What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?
Looks like we have debris all over the place - A cheese factory in France exploded. All that was left was debris.
- The local cheese factory blew up! There was da-brie everywhere!
- The old cheese factory across town recently exploded. De brie was everywhere.
- Donald Trump has just announced a massive jobs program involving tax credits for shredded cheese factories. He says he wants to "make America grate again."
- TIL during World War Two, a cheese factory in France was bombed by the Germans. De brie was everywhere!
- Did you hear about the bomb that went off in the cheese factory? All that was left was da-brie
- What remained after the cheese factory exploded? De brie
- Apparently Kraft are opening a new factory in the Holy Land. They're calling it . . . Cheeses of Nazareth.
Cheese Related Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheese related jokes and even better cheese related puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are some good deli related jokes? I need some good jokes about deli and or the meats and cheeses sold in them.
Happy Cheese Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about cheese you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean milk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cheese pranks.
I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle...
...he said it was the most violent thing he ever read.
Gave my blind mate a cheese grater the other day...
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
..."Cheese sandwich $3.50. Chicken sandwich $4.50. h**... $5." He checks his wallet and calls over the waitress. He asks, "Are you the one who does the h**...?"
She smiles at him seductively and says, "I am."
He says, "Well, wash your f**...' hands. I want a cheese sandwich."
A blonde walks into a library..
she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"
*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."
What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater?
That's the worst book I ever read.
What happened after an e**... at a French cheese factory?
All that was left was de brie.
Did you hear about Stevie Wonder getting a cheese grater for his birthday?
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
What kind of cheese did Medusa eat?
Gorgon zola.
I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend
They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.
Why I dislike this sub:
There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time.
How does french cheese expire?
From age.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"
What's the difference between America and cheese?
If you left cheese out for 200 years it would have grown a culture.
What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater?
This is the most violent thing I've ever read.
Did you hear about the e**... at the cheese factory?
Apparently people were covered in debris.
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
Dad joke I came up with at work.
I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."
Why do Germans fear hotdogs with cheese?
Because for them, it is a Wurst-Käse scenario.
How does cheese get more mature?
Fromage
What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen?
Rats!
There was an e**... at a French cheese store
Everywhere you looked, there was a lot of de brie.
Blind friend and a cheese grater
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What do you say to an art student with a job?
"Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese"
Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage
So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the c**... and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband responds,
"I've not put it on yet"
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**... from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"
The early bird might get the worm, but
The second mouse *always* gets the cheese
Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea.
He said: "who wrote this b**..."
A taxi driver and a priest go to heaven.
Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.
The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."
St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."
BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory e**......
De-Brie is everywhere!
Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
What did the man say to the thief stealing his cheese?
Stop stealing my cheese
A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.
The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* h**... $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the h**...?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."
My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.
I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
15 dollars for a rat trap, 3 dollars for cheese
Coming home to find a house not full of droppings?. Miceless.
I have some sausage and cheese for emergencies...
But I will only use them in a wurst käse scenario
A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese
How dairy
Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.
The one that thought they WERE went to the wise old owl for advice. When he got back, the cheese was gone. He asked the other two mice:
"What happened to the cheese?"
They replied:
"We decided to agree with you, so we split the cheese into thirds, and your third happened to be the holes."
What's the difference between Swiss cheese and a black male?
Swiss cheese matures before being filled with holes
Massaging the wife
Italian : Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.
French : Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 15 minutes.
American : Thats nothing! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love and made her scream for 2 hours.
Italian and French, astonished : 2 hours ! How !?
American : I wiped my hands on the curtains...
What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater?
Wow! That's the most violent thing I've read in a while!
I used to know an Italian chef.
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.
I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.
it was a farfalle from grace.
It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"
So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.
A young, poor boy approaches a cheesemaker...
A young, poor boy approaches a cheesemaker.
"Sir, I am very hungry. I am willing to clean your entire cheese shop for a pound of cheddar. "
The cheesemaker thinks for a moment, decides, and nods. "Forthwith!"
The little boy grabs a broom and vigilantly begins cleaning.
At the end of the day, the little boy shows the cheesemaker his fine work. The cheesemaker, approving of the poor boy's efforts, hands him a pound of Swiss cheese.
"But I said I would clean your shop for a pound of cheddar!" protested the boy.
And the cheesemaker replies, "And I thaid for thwith."
Did you hear about the e**... at a cheese factory in France?
There's nothing left but de Brie
Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
Europe is like a fridge
You have the freezing cold part at the top
Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection
Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease
I cut myself while eating cheese...
They weren't kidding when they said it was sharp cheddar
A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your f**...' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.
Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."
Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"
Poodle: "That's not gonna work"
Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"
Poodle: "...No"
Chihuahua: "LIVER ALONE, CHEESE MINE!"
What kind of cheese is made backwards?
Edam
I got fired from my job as a cashier today...
This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."
I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"
Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
FO: My dog is so smart that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.
SO: I know.
FO: How do you know?
SO: My dog told me.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. There is a small menu on the bar, so he picks it up and reads:
"Cheese sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $5"
A gorgeous woman is the bartender, and she comes over to get the guys order. He asks her "are you the one who gives the h**...?" The leggy blonde flips back her curly hair and silkily says with a wink and seductive smile "why yes, I am."
"Well wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich."
