The Best 90 Cheese Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cheese jokes. There are some cheese sargento jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cheese gorgonzola puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cheese Jokes and Puns

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle...

...he said it was the most violent thing he ever read.

Gave my blind mate a cheese grater the other day...

He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

Cheese joke, Gave my blind mate a cheese grater the other day...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...

..."Cheese sandwich $3.50. Chicken sandwich $4.50. Handjob $5." He checks his wallet and calls over the waitress. He asks, "Are you the one who does the handjob?"

She smiles at him seductively and says, "I am."

He says, "Well, wash your fuckin' hands. I want a cheese sandwich."

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."


What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater?

That's the worst book I ever read.

What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.

Cheese joke, What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?

Did you hear about Stevie Wonder getting a cheese grater for his birthday?

He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

What kind of cheese did Medusa eat?

Gorgon zola.

What happened when the cheese factory exploded?

De brie went everywhere

What did Helen Keller say when she picked up the cheese grater?

That was the most violent book I've ever read...........

You can explore cheese brie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cheese parmesan dad jokes. There are also cheese puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend

They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

Looks like we have debris all over the place

A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down...

No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

Which cheese is made backwards?

Edam!

(Kill me)

Cheese joke, Which cheese is made backwards?

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop

There is de brie everywhere!

How does french cheese expire?

From age.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"


What's the difference between America and cheese?

If you left cheese out for 200 years it would have grown a culture.

What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater?

This is the most violent thing I've ever read.

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory?

Apparently people were covered in debris.

I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,

Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.

Did you hear about the cheese truck that crashed?

The street was littered with de brie

Dad joke I came up with at work.

I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."

Did you see that Sargento is going to stop selling shredded cheese?

They're trying to make America grate again

Why do Germans fear hotdogs with cheese?

Because for them, it is a Wurst-Kรคse scenario.

How does cheese get more mature?

Fromage

My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger.

It was mine.

What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen?

Rats!

There was an explosion at a French cheese store

Everywhere you looked, there was a lot of de brie.

Blind friend and a cheese grater

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

What do you say to an art student with a job?

"Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese"

Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage

So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the condom and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband responds,
"I've not put it on yet"

A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a hot chick from across a bar.

She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"

The early bird might get the worm, but

The second mouse *always* gets the cheese

Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea.

He said: "who wrote this bullshit"

A taxi driver and a priest go to heaven.

Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.

The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."

St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."

A cheese factory just exploded...

There was de-brie everywhere

Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US.

Trump will make America grate again.

BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory Explosion...

De-Brie is everywhere!

Cheese shop exploded

Thankfully I was only hit by da brie

Did you hear about the bomb that blew up a French cheese shop?

There's de brie everywhere.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded?

All that was left was de-Brie.

Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?

He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.

What did the man say to the thief stealing his cheese?

Stop stealing my cheese

What's the difference between America and cheese?

If left for a while, cheese develops culture.

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:

* Nachos $4

* Hamburger $3

* Hotdog $2

* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3

* Grilled Cheese $2

* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50

* Handjob $10

After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

15 dollars for a rat trap, 3 dollars for cheese

Coming home to find a house not full of droppings?. Miceless.

My kid made this one up: How do you make Swiss cheese?

With a holey cow.

I have some sausage and cheese for emergencies...

But I will only use them in a wurst kรคse scenario

A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese

How dairy

Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.

The one that thought they WERE went to the wise old owl for advice. When he got back, the cheese was gone. He asked the other two mice:

"What happened to the cheese?"

They replied:

"We decided to agree with you, so we split the cheese into thirds, and your third happened to be the holes."

Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.

There's de Brie everywhere

What's the difference between Swiss cheese and a black male?

Swiss cheese matures before being filled with holes

When we make pizza at home it's my wife's job to shred the cheese.

She's the gratist.

Two cheese trucks ran into each other

De brie was everywhere.

Massaging the wife

Italian : Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.

French : Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 15 minutes.

American : Thats nothing! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love and made her scream for 2 hours.

Italian and French, astonished : 2 hours ! How !?

American : I wiped my hands on the curtains...

I had a job where I had to put shredded cheese back together

It was the most degrating job I've ever had.

Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese.

It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.

What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater?

Wow! That's the most violent thing I've read in a while!

Sweet dreams are made of cheese...

Who am I to diss a brie?

I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night...

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.

it was a farfalle from grace.

It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

Did you hear about the explosion at a cheese factory in France?

There's nothing left but de Brie

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.

They are calling it the wurst kรคse scenario.

Europe is like a fridge

You have the freezing cold part at the top

Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection

Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease

I cut myself while eating cheese...

They weren't kidding when they said it was sharp cheddar

A cheese factory exploded in France.

Da brie is everywhere!

A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.

When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight. So the Chinese guy says I love liver and cheese. She says That's not good enough The Japanese man says I hate liver and cheese She says That's not creative Finally, the Filipino says Liver alone, cheese mine!

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your fuckin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Kรคse scenario.

When the cheese factory exploded, people found pieces of it miles away

There was de Brie everywhere

A husky, a pitbull, and a chihuahua are all fighting over a poodle.

Poodle says: "I'll only choose the mate who can use the words 'Liver' and 'Cheese' in one sentence..."

Husky: "Well that's easy, I love liver and I love cheese!"

Poodle: "That's not gonna work"

Pitbull: "I hate liver and I hate cheese!"

Poodle: "...No"

Chihuahua: "LIVER ALONE, CHEESE MINE!"

What kind of cheese is made backwards?

Edam

I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

I got fired from my job as a cashier today...

This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."

I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

FO: My dog is so smart that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.

SO: I know.

FO: How do you know?

SO: My dog told me.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. There is a small menu on the bar, so he picks it up and reads:

"Cheese sandwich: $2.50
Handjob: $5"

A gorgeous woman is the bartender, and she comes over to get the guys order. He asks her "are you the one who gives the handjobs?" The leggy blonde flips back her curly hair and silkily says with a wink and seductive smile "why yes, I am."

"Well wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich."

A cheese sandwich is better than complete happiness

Because nothing is better than complete happiness, and a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

A French man and a German sit at a bar

The French man says to the German, In France, we have fun by going to the park, eating bread with cheese, and mocking tourists. What is it that you Germans do for fun? The German replied, In Germany we ride the autobahn, visit historical sites, and learn about the world. Pah! , the French man says, you Germans do not know what fun is. The German replied, The last time we had fun, the Americans had to save you.

An elderly Rabbi and an elderly Priest are good friends in the retirement home.

One day the priest asks, "So tell me, Benjamin, be honest now, have you ever had bacon?" The old rabbi sighs and leans back, "Ashamedly yes. One day, In my youth, I gave into temptation and had bacon wrapped shrimp with cheese sauce....Now tell me Sean, be honest now, have you ever had sex?" The old priest sighs, leans back and says, "For my sins, yes. Once, in my youth, I gave into temptation and had a one night stand my housekeeper." The Rabbi leans in closer, "It's better than bacon, isn't it."

What kind of cheese do skateboarders eat?

Shredded cheese.

What do you have if you're intolerant to cheese?

You have allercheese.

Step-dad tells his step-son to clean his room

Step-son: Am I going to have to pour hot melted cheese all over myself?

Step-dad: Why would you have to do that?

Step-son: To remind you that I'm NACHO son

It's my cake day.. why couldn't the Teddy Bear finish his cake?

He was already stuffed!!
Haha
Sorry it's so cheese.

I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious!

What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cheese cheddar jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cheese mozzarella piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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