Cheese Day Jokes
48 cheese day jokes and hilarious cheese day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about cheese day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cheese Day Short Jokes
Short cheese day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cheese day humour may include short cheese jokes also.
- Gave my blind mate a cheese grater the other day... He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
- So I was walking past my local supermarket the other day and a man started to throw cheese, butter and milk at me. How dairy.
- (6yo nephew came to me and blurted) What does the cheese say to the other cheese passing by ? Have a grate day.
- After a long day of duck hunting I was famished... so I decided to sit down, put my feet up, and have my favorite snack... Cheese and quackers.
- So I was driving down the road one day, and somebody threw a lump of cheese at me... and I thought to myself, that's not very mature...
- I was walking down the street the other day minding my own business. When out of nowhere a man ran up to me and attacked me with some milk and cheese.
How dairy! - Updoot for blue cheese day! Yayy Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike.
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod. - I was walking down the street one day.. and a man threw a bit of cheese at my head, i turned to him and said; 'oh, real mature mate'.
- I couldn't decide which joke to recycle for my Blue Cheese Day. So instead, tell me your best and maybe even... *cheesiest*... joke that you've used for your own Blue Cheese Day!!
* - It's my cake day.. why couldn't the Teddy Bear finish his cake? He was already stuffed!!
Haha
Sorry it's so cheese.
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Cheese Day One Liners
Which cheese day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cheese day? I can suggest the ones about cheese factory and cheddar cheese.
- What do you call a "Grilled Cheese" after a few days in the fridge? Chilled Grease
- I hid some cheese under my bed the other day. I heard that's where Munster's hide
- Spoiler Alert!! The cheese that I bought has been sitting out for days.
Cheese Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cheese day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cheese slice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cheese day pranks.
One day a farmer wakes up to go check on his cheese cow.
He walks up and finds her dead in the grass. The man is so upset he kills himself. Then his wife wakes up. She finds her husband dead and goes to the lake and kills herself. Next the first son wakes up and notices everybody is dead. He goes down to the river and sees a mermaid. She swims up to him and says, "Having a bad day, huh? I'll tell you what. If you make love to me ten times in a row without stopping, I'll bring everyone back to life. But if you don't, I will kill you." He tries to do it, but doesn't make it. She kills him. Then the second son wakes up and after seeing his dead parents, also goes to the river where he sees his dead brother. The same mermaid swims up and tells him what she told his brother. He asks, "If I make love to you 20 times, what will you do?" She tells him, "If you are able to perform 20 times in a row, I will bring everyone back and make you the richest man alive." He then asks, "Well if I do it 20 times in a row, what's stopping you from dying? That's what happened to the cow."
One day a farmer wakes up to go check on his cheese cow.
He walks up and finds her dead in the grass. The man is so upset he kills himself. Then his wife wakes up. She finds her husband dead and goes to the lake and kills herself. Next the first son wakes up and notices everybody is dead. He goes down to the river and sees a mermaid. She swims up to him and says, "Having a bad day, huh? I'll tell you what. If you make love to me ten times in a row without stopping, I'll bring everyone back to life. But if you don't, I will kill you." He tries to do it, but doesn't make it. She kills him. Then the second son wakes up and after seeing his dead parents, also goes to the river where he sees his dead brother. The same mermaid swims up and tells him what she told his brother. He asks, "If I make love to you 20 times, what will you do?" She tells him, "If you are able to perform 20 times in a row, I will bring everyone back and make you the richest man alive." He then asks, "Well if I do it 20 times in a row, what's stopping you from dying? That's what happened to the cow."
A busload of retired Americans was touring Switzerland.
On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese.
The young farmer's wife gave them a tour, a cheese making a demonstration, and finally some samples.
As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats.
She said, "This is a special pasture where we let our older goats graze happily after they can no longer give milk. In the United States, what do you do with your old goats?"
An old lady piped up, "Honey, they take us on bus tours."
There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and...
The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, "Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, "Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jump and kill myself as well!" then the blonde man opened his lunch and gets a ham and cheese sammich and pretty much says the same thing as the other guys.
Then next day at lunch time the three guys go to the the top of the site and open there lunches, all of them got exactly what they had yesterday and jumped to their deaths.
At the f**... the Mexican's wife goes up to the front and says, "If only I'd known he didn't want burritos for lunch I would have made him something else!" Next the Italian's wife walks up and says, "He should have told me he didn't want spaghetti and meatballs! I just would have made him something else!" After this everyone at the f**... looks at the blonde man's wife waiting for her to say something and she just says, "Don't look at me he makes his own lunch."
An Italian, A Mexican, and A r**...
They were all sitting on top of the sky scraper they were helping build about to eat lunch.
The Italian opens his lunch box and says "d**..., spaghetti again! I swear if I get spaghetti again tomorrow I'm gonna jump off here and kill myself!"
The Mexican opens his lunch box and says "d**..., tacos again! I swear if I get tacos again tomorrow I'm gonna jump off here and kill myself!
The r**... opens his lunch box and says "d**..., Baloney and Cheese again! I swear if I get Baloney and Cheese again tomorrow I'm gonna jump off here and kill myself!"
The next day at lunch, they all get the same things and they all kill themselves.
All three funerals were held together.
The Italians wife says "If I had only made him something besides spaghetti he'd still be with me!"
The Mexicans wife says "If I had only made him something besides tacos he'd still be with me!"
The r**... wife says "well I wish I could say something like that but he packs his own lunch..."
Three construction workers were having lunch on a high rise..
The first worker opens up his lunchbox and says, are you kidding me? Another bologna sandwich! Every day its bologna! If I get another bologna sandwich i'm going to jump off this high rise! The second worker opens his lunch box and says, yeah i'm with you man I cant take anymore of this! The third worker says i'm with you guys. So the next day the three workers are all getting ready to eat lunch and they are all thinking about what they had said the day before. The first worker slowly opens his lunch box. Phew! Ham and cheese he says. The second worker cautiously opens his and says, thank god peanut butter and jelly! The third worker opens his and says oh man bologna, see you guys later and jumps off the high rise. The first worker then starts laughing and the second worker says, why are you laughing? Our friend of ten years just committed s**...! Then first worker says, cause the idiot packs his own lunch.
3 Construction Workers
Alanzo, Carlos and John are three construction workers are sitting on a high up beam of their nearly finished skyscrapers. Opening his lunchbox and seeing pasta, Alanzo curses, "I swear if my wife makes me pasta again, I will throw myself off this building." Carlos opens his lunchbox to see burritos, "I'm with you, I'm tired cold burritos everyday. If I see burritos again, I will jump." John opens his lunchbox, "I got bologna and cheese sandwich again. I will jump if I get this again.
The next day, Alanzo, Carlos and John are sitting together, ready to open their lunches. Taking a deep breath, Alanzo opens his lunchbox and sees pasta.With a sigh, he stands up and throws himself off the skyscraper to his death. Carlos opens his lunch box to see a burrito. Wiping away a tear, he stands and throws himself to his death. John opens his lunchbox and finds bologna and cheese sandwich. He stands and throws himself off the beam.
At the f**..., Alanzo's wife cries, "If I knew he was tired of my pasta, I would have never made it for him and he would never had jumped." Next to her, Carlos's wife is crying, "If I knew my Carlos didn't like my burritos, I would never had made them and he would never had jumped." Both women look at John's wife, "Well, don't look at me. He made his own lunch."
Blond man joke
An Irish, Mexican, and blond iron worker were sitting on the top of a skyscraper under construction for their lunch break.
The Irishman opens his lunch box, "Corned beef and cabbage again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The Mexican opens his lunch box, "Tacos again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The blond opens his lunch box, "A ham and cheese sandwich again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The next day the Irishman gets corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican gets tacos and jumps to his death. The blond gets a ham and cheese sandwich and jumps to his death.
At their wake, their wives sit together to mourn the men.
The Irishman's wife laments, "If he would have told me he hated his food I could have made something else."
The Mexican's wife agrees, "I could have made my husband quesadillas or enchiladas."
The women look over at the blond's wife, who responds, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."
Mice
We've had a few mice in the house recently so I set a few traps.
The next day I went down to check and was very surprised with what I found.
I jumped back into bed and said to the wife, "There are some clever mice in this area."
"Why?" she asked, "Did they get the cheese without springing the traps?"
"They didn't go near them," I replied. "They're sitting in the living room playing Scrabble."
I work with mentally disabled people. Today I tried to tell a client the nacho cheese joke.
"Hey, you have nachos! What do you call cheese that isn't yours?"
"Tasty!" -Holds up a-okay sign-
"...Well...you aren't wrong!"
Happy Valentine's Day everybody!
My wife made grilled cheese for dinner 4 days in a row
I come up to her and say "What's up honey, don't you have enough time to make dinner?"
She nonchalantly replies "No, I do"
Surprised, I quickly say "Then how come you're not taking the time to make a better and more nutritious dinner?"
She smirks and replies "The last 4 nights in bed, you had plenty of time, but you decided to finish quickly."
This old man was reminiscing about the good old days...
When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar, and I'd come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a box of tea, and a half a dozen eggs.
You can't do that now.
Too many f**...' security cameras.
Three mice are sitting at a bar
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got a date with the cat."
So I went to a cafe the other day
I went to a cafe and ordered a coffee and a steak and cheese pie. They brought the coffee to the table within a few minutes. Ten minutes later a fat guy brings my pie and says "I'm sorry about the weight". Apparently, "don't be so hard on yourself" was not the right response.
Give a man a fish...
And he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to Phish and he'll make grill cheese sandwiches on your lawn for a week.
In honor of Star Wars Day: What do bounty hunters like to put on their salad?
Boba Fetta cheese
Happy May 4th
Back in the day, I 'member me and my mom going to the store with two dollars in her purse and coming back with a big bag of spuds, two loaves of bread, a pound of cheese, three gallons of milk, half a dozen eggs and coffee…
You can't do that anymore…too many security cameras…
I saw a guy in the supermarket the other day throwing milk and cheese everywhere.
I thought, how dairy.
I got home last night...
...after a long day at work, and the wife just throws a massive plate of cheese at me.
I yelled at her,"Well that's f*cking mature!"
String of Cheese Jokes
Hear about the French cheese factory that exploded the other day? DeBrie everywhere.
They think it might be an insurance scam by the owner though he's a bit mental, painted his wife the other day! He Double Gloucester.
He even tried to start up a new business making clothes out of cheese. Didn't go as well as expected, turns out fromage frays.
Decided to go into the business of making boats in his attic. Sails are through the roof!
Three mice walk into a bar...
After a few drinks, they get into a heated argument about how tough they are.
The first mouse says, When I see a mousetrap, I lay on my back and set it off with my foot. Then, I catch the bar with my teeth and bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite. Only then do I make off with the cheese!
The second mouse says, Oh yeah? Well, whenever I see rat poison, I take it all and grind it into powder. Then when morning comes, I use it to flavor my coffee! It helps me get a nice buzz going for the rest of the day!
The third mouse, checking his watch, sighs, stands up and says I've gotta go. I have a date with a cat.
A young, poor boy approaches a cheesemaker...
A young, poor boy approaches a cheesemaker.
"Sir, I am very hungry. I am willing to clean your entire cheese shop for a pound of cheddar. "
The cheesemaker thinks for a moment, decides, and nods. "Forthwith!"
The little boy grabs a broom and vigilantly begins cleaning.
At the end of the day, the little boy shows the cheesemaker his fine work. The cheesemaker, approving of the poor boy's efforts, hands him a pound of Swiss cheese.
"But I said I would clean your shop for a pound of cheddar!" protested the boy.
And the cheesemaker replies, "And I thaid for thwith."
I'm sick of all the preprocess shredded and grated cheeses now a'days.
Make America Grate Again
I was walking down the street the other day someone threw some cheese at me...
I stopped and thought to myself, that wasn't very mature was it.
I was hanging out with my friend from Mexico the other day and he asked me how runny I like my cottage cheese.
I told him "No whey, Jose"
was at a restaurant the other day and overheard this conversation. Customer: "I don't eat honey, eggs, cheese, dairy or any meat products. What can I get?"
Waiter: "You can get the h**... out of here"
My missus asked me if I'd planned something special for Valentine's day. "I'm working on it" I said. She smiled happily,
which is weird because I thought she'd be well cheesed off because I was having to work.
A pirate walks into a bar
With a steering wheel on his belt buckle.
Bartender: "Oi pirate! What's with the steery thingy on ye belt?"
Pirate: "Yarr it's driving me nuts!" "Also it's me cake day so please don't be swabbing me in the blue cheese for the bad jokes"
I made an attempt!
An elderly Rabbi and an elderly Priest are good friends in the retirement home.
One day the priest asks, "So tell me, Benjamin, be honest now, have you ever had bacon?" The old rabbi sighs and leans back, "Ashamedly yes. One day, In my youth, I gave into temptation and had bacon wrapped shrimp with cheese sauce....Now tell me Sean, be honest now, have you ever had s**...?" The old priest sighs, leans back and says, "For my sins, yes. Once, in my youth, I gave into temptation and had a one night stand my housekeeper." The Rabbi leans in closer, "It's better than bacon, isn't it."
i rubbed a lamp once and a genie came out of it
he said i'll grant you one wish, i said i wish i could talk to cheese
*p**...* he granted my wish and disappeared
a few days later i'm in my house, and i open the fridge out of boredom and i see this block of cheese
and it said to me: "hey mister, i don't wanna stay in your fridge forever, i have grater plans"
After several visits to the doctor's I've finally been referred to rehab for spending all my days smoking drugs and looking up jokes about cheese.
Hopefully I can kick my addiction to m**... and feta memes.
I was walking down the road the other day and this guy threw a block of cheese at my head
I looked at him and said, that's mature.
