The Best 84 Cheer Up If Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Cheer Up If jokes. There are some cheer up if cheerio jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cheer up if cheerful puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Cheer Up If Jokes and Puns
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.
She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I know he means well...
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
As I finished masturbating, I wondered why the "Cheers" theme song was in my head.
Then, I got to the line "and you're always glad you came"
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
A man looking for work
A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"
Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset
Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.
They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"
He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.
Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.
The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"
Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."
The Entertainment
A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."
there has been a shooting at the Westboro Baptist church...
police report 3 dozen cheerful bystanders, yet nobody claims to have seen who did it.
So a man hoes to a strip club
He sits down in the front row. A man sits behind him.
A girl comes out and starts dancing. Both of the men cheer.
She takes off her top. Both men cheer.
She takes off her bottom.Only the man in the front cheers.
Curious the man in front turns around and asks
Where'd all the enthusiasm go.
The man response. "all over your back"
Special Hand Job
Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...
You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...
You can explore cheer up if perky reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cheer up if head dad jokes. There are also cheer up if puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My dad recently passed away and loved dirty jokes. I need some new ones to cheer me and my family up.
Last week, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 56. One of the many things my family loved about him was his tendency to tell dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times. Does anybody have any good ones? Hearing some new dirty jokes would really help cheer me and my family up.
A bunch of blondes are celebrating in a bar
Everytime the bartender brings a round they all get up cheering;
10 DAYS---10 DAYS
After the third round the bartender inquires as to what the celebration is all about,
So, one of the blonde says, "We made a puzzle in 10 days"
"10 days? That's not really something to celebrate about",
OH YEAH, well it did say 2 to 4 years on the box!!!
5 blonds walk into a bar...
The group is cheering, smiling, and chanting "3 to 5 years! 3 to 5 years!" After the blondes settle down and order their drinks, the bartender finally asked "What are you all celebrating? What does 3 to 5 years mean?" One blonde got an excited look in their eyes and proudly exclaimed "Well, we bought a puzzle, and on the side it said 3 to 5 years, but it only took us 2 months!"
How many Unidans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six: one to screw it in and five to cheer him on loudly while standing in front of other people's bulbs so no one can see them.
Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?
Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"
A Mongolian man tells his friend a story
When I came home late last night, I found my wife with another man. I was furious, and to hold myself back, I sat down and drank from a bottle that was left on the table. Then, I sang a song to cheer myself up. When I felt a little better, I looked around, and said to myself, 'Shit, this isn't my house,'.
Beethoven asks his audience: "Is everyone ready to hear some symphonies!?"
The audience cheers as Beethoven exclaims: "I can't hear you!"
Beethoven hyping the crowd.
Beethoven: YOU WANNA HEAR A SYMPHONY?
*crowd cheers*
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Irishman and a Texan
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. Is your bet still good? , asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone? .
The Irishman replies, Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first .
The Pope and Hillary Clinton
The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."
His Holiness then backhanded Hillary and knocked her off the stage! The crowd roared and cheered wildly and there was happiness throughout the land.
A cop pulls over a driver with a broken tail light...
The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
A famous singer sang for patients in a hospital.
He finished with a cheerful greeting:
-Bye-bye , and hope you get better!
-Thanks, you too! replied the patients.
A Texan walks into an Irish pub...
and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
A man goes to see a film alone...
...and sits down next to a young boy, who has a golden retriever sitting on the seat aside him.
The film starts, but the man has a hard time paying attention. As the film progresses, his focus is increasingly diverted to the young boy and his golden retriever. The dog is laughing uproariously during all the funny scenes, gasping and pointing during all the shocking scenes, wooping and hurrahing during all the action scenes, and gently sobbing during all the dramatic scenes. By the end of the film, the man is utterly awestruck by this wondrous animal.
As the film draws to a close and the credits begin to roll, the man leans over and addresses the boy: "That animal of yours is absolutely amazing! He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. He enjoyed the film on every level that it could possibly be enjoyed. I am thoroughly impressed".
The boy says: "I'm impressed too! He hated the book..."
A cheers for women's underwear...
...they might not be the best thing, but they are the closest thing to it
Desperate Need of Good Jokes
Basically I've had the shittiest day/month and I could really do with some cheering up.
Hit me with your cheesiest and amazingly bad jokes :-)))
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the redneck janitor of the zoo if he'll have sex with the gorilla for $500.
The redneck says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The redneck says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
Lets go to the symphony
Beethoven: You guys want some symphonies tonight!?
Crowd: **cheers loudly**
Beethoven: I can't hear you!
How To Translate Work Emails
I have a question. = I have 18 questions.
I'll look into it. = I've already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don't ask me about this again.
No worries. = You really messed up this time.
Take care. = This is the last you'll ever hear from me.
Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!
Cheer up Hillary Clinton.
Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.
Cheer up Hilary!
At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.
"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.
"What?" says the woman.
A three-legged dog walks into an old-timey saloon
"I'm lookin' for the man who shot my Paw."
(I know it's old but I'm feeling really down and this joke cheers me up.)
Four blonds walk into a bar...
...cheering "85 Days! 85 Days!"
A gentleman inquires "Excuse me, but what's '85 days?'"
The blonds reply "We completed a puzzle in 85 days and the box says 2-4 years!"
I tried to cheer my mentally challenged friend up...
...but I guess I shouldn't have said "Don't let an extra chromosome get you down."
My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"
I know he means well...
My teacher said that we were going to have only half of a day of school this morning
We all cheered, then she said that we'd have the other half this afternoon.
My wife gave me some bad news today
"But," she said, "I bought your favorite soy sauce to help cheer you up."
"Great," I said. "Just Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"
I'm very soy for that pun. I'll just wok away now.
Why do people cheer when they reach the Finland border?
It's the Finnish line.
I played my wedding video backwards today.
It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
The outlaws are wanted
*shoutout to the customer that called in and ended the phone call with a joke to spread some cheer*
First day of school
One day, a mom took her son to his first day of school. When they were walking to school, he looked all excited, but when his mom came back to pick him up, he looked disappointed. Trying to cheer him up, the mother asked what he had learned today at school. "Apparently not enough," he said. "I have to come back tomorrow!"
Morris went to doctor for a physical
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said: "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful."
A comedian was hired to cheer up a group of suicidal patients.
I hear his jokes killed.
"Looks like you're pregnant" says the doctor
-"I'm pregnant?" replies the woman cheerfully
-"No, it just looks like you are"
My Wife needed something to cheer her up...
That's why I surprised her with a bukkake party. Everyone came. You should've seen her face.
When I was younger, my sister always said she wanted to be in the Dallas Cowboys Cheer Squad.
I always said the same thing, but just meant it in a much different way.
How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend
My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.
A blonde...
...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest
A man walks into his regular watering hole....
depressed he orders a double whiskey. The bartender asks him What's the bad news? .
The guy says Well my wife says she no longer enjoys sex so she's cutting me off, we can only do it once a month .
Bartender: Ooohhh cheer up that's nothing, she's cut most of the guys in here completely off
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days...
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well.
Man walks into a bar
and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first blow job". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"
Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?
It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..."
I know he means well...
My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size
... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.
A doctor, a lawyer and a statistician go hunting.
After a while they spot a deer. The doctor shoots first missing the shot by a meter to the left. The lawyer proceeds to shoot and misses the shot by a meter to the right.
That's when the statistician throws his gun to the ground, start jumping and cheers "Yaaaayy, we hit it!!!!"
My Partner's Dog died this morning
To cheer her up, I went out to get her an identical one.
She was fuming, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?!"
I found out my husband got fired from his job today. In order to cheer him up I got him his favorite soy sauce.
He said to me
"Oh I see. Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"
What does a farmer, a pimp, and a bluegrass band all have in common?
They all know how to throw a hoe down.
(Disclaimer: I was exchanging dadjokes with our server at Krueger's in Cincinnati. He wrote this joke. Neil, if you're out there..cheers!)
My wife looked in the mirror one day and thought she was fat and ugly...
She asked me to give her a compliment to cheer her up, so I told her "well, you have perfect eyesight!"
Three men from the same country enter a competition to see who has the most children.
As they enter the stadium, the enormous crowd starts cheering in excitement. The first man comes up, and his family of 20 accompanies him on stage. The second man comes up, revealing his enormous family of 60 members. The third man comes up on the stage, but nobody comes up with him. The crowd then starts chanting:
DADDY! DADDY! DADDY...
Beethoven (to crowd): "Alright... are you guys READY FOR SOME SYMPHONIES?"
Crowd: (*Cheers*)
Beethoven: "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
My friend was bummed today because his blind dog has cancer and he is going to have to put her down tomorrow.
I wanted to cheer him up, so I said well, at least she won't see it coming.
A man tells his wife he's not feeling well.
When she comes home from the grocery store, she brings him his favorite soy sauce to cheer him up. He says Oh, I see, Kikkoman when he's down .
"When am I ever gonna use this?" Asked the student to the algebra teacher
"Well you won't, but one of the smart kids might" he replied cheerfully
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
What do Nazi's and baseballs have in common?
Everyone cheers when you hit them with a bat.
Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled "The Milky Bars are on me!", people just cheered.
A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years.
To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
A friend told me "Cheer up, things could be worse. You could be trapped in a deep hole filled with water"
I know he means well
I was watching Australian Master Chef last night...
Some guy made a meringue and everybody cheered...
I thought... That's odd, normaly in Australia they boo meringue
A woman gets out of the shower and looks at herself in the mirror
She walks past her husband reading the newspaper on the couch, and says, "I just looked at myself in the mirror and I look ugly as hell. How about a nice compliment to cheer me up?"
The husband takes one glance at his wife and replies, "Your eyesight is spot-on."
I can't wait to cheer for Trump in 2024. I'm going to be right there with all the others screaming "Four more years!", and waving my sign.
Anyway, how do you spell penitentiary?
Then I said "your beard makes you look thinner"
...but that didn't seem to cheer her up
Trying to remember the name of that 80's sitcom set in a bar in Boston
If anybody can help me out that would be great.
Cheers.
Sad News At The Nestle Factory
Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered
A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak.
So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.
My girlfriends dog died recently
So to cheer her up I bought her another one just like it. It didn't work.
She said "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
Two hadrons are walking down the street
Baryon starts crying all of a sudden. His friend Meson turns and asks, what's wrong Baryon?
Baryon sobs, Everybody says I'm odd.
Meson tries his best to cheer him up. Keep your head up buddy, we all have our quarks!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cheer up if cheerfully jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working cheer up if upbeat piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.