She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
I know he means well...
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
I know he means well...
... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.
At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
I know he means well...
"But," she said, "I bought your favorite soy sauce to help cheer you up."
"Great," I said. "Just Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"
I'm very soy for that pun. I'll just wok away now.
That's why I surprised her with a bukkake party. Everyone came. You should've seen her face.
It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well.
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the redneck janitor of the zoo if he'll have sex with the gorilla for $500.
The redneck says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The redneck says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
One day, a mom took her son to his first day of school. When they were walking to school, he looked all excited, but when his mom came back to pick him up, he looked disappointed. Trying to cheer him up, the mother asked what he had learned today at school. "Apparently not enough," he said. "I have to come back tomorrow!"
A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."
and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first blow job". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"
When I came home late last night, I found my wife with another man. I was furious, and to hold myself back, I sat down and drank from a bottle that was left on the table. Then, I sang a song to cheer myself up. When I felt a little better, I looked around, and said to myself, 'Shit, this isn't my house,'.
and shouts, "gimme a tea!"
Six: one to screw it in and five to cheer him on loudly while standing in front of other people's bulbs so no one can see them.
He sees a group of other chemists who he works with and says to both the bartender and the chemists, "Gentlemen, tonight, all the drinks are on me!"
The chemists woo and cheer as the bartender says, "Wow, well you must have had a good day at work today then."
"Fantastic!" the chemist responds with a grin reaching from one cheek to the other, "Today, I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms and a sulphur atom!"
The bartender takes a step back in shock, "W-wow!" he replies, "That's BaNaNaS!"
The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.
The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home, moping around. Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a bar to try and cheer him up. While at the bar, he's still just sitting there looking depressed, not really talking. One of his friends suggests he tries to talk to a cute girl who seems alone at the bar.
"No, she'll never go for a man with a wooden eye," the man says.
"Okay, how about that girl over there?" His friend responds. "She has a really big nose".
The man walks over to the girl and asks, "Would you like to dance?"
Very excited, and shocked, to be asked to dance by such an attractive man, the woman responses "Would, I?! Would I?!"
To which the man quickly responds "Big nose! Big nose!"
The outlaws are wanted
*shoutout to the customer that called in and ended the phone call with a joke to spread some cheer*
...they might not be the best thing, but they are the closest thing to it
To cheer her up, I went out to get her an identical one.
She was fuming, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?!"
There's this boy I work with at a hospital, and he's *so* adorable and nice. Unfortunately, he's really sick right now – I want to cheer him up with some silly clean popsicle-stick-style jokes, which he enjoys greatly. Any ideas?
Ol' Mr. Periwinkle was the nastiest, meanest patient in the hospital. So one day, Betty, the head nurse, decided to try and cheer him up. She brings him a beautiful bouquet of flowers and sets them down on his bedside table. Mean old Mr. Periwinkle promptly picks them up, throws them up against the wall, breaks the vase and flowers go everywhere. Betty patiently cleans up the mess and leaves the room. Later in the day, Betty comes back in and says to Mr. Periwinkle, "It's time to take your temperature, Mr. Periwinkle." He grumpily opens his mouth but Betty says, "No, not this time Mr. Periwinkle. We have to check it in the other end this time." Grumbling, Mr. Periwinkle turns over and sticks his rear end up in the air. Betty sticks it in and leaves the room. A while later, Dr. Brown is walking past Mr. Periwinkles room and looks in. He does a double take and walks in his room. "Mr. Periwinkle, what are you doing?" he says. "Oh that old nurse is taking my temperature." he replies. To which Dr. Brown says, "With a daisy?"
The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
I wanted to cheer him up, so I said well, at least she won't see it coming.
A man walks up to a bartender and tells him "I bet you $5,000 I can pee into a cup all the way across your bar."
The bartender, knowing this is impossible, agrees. They set it up and the man starts peeing all over the place, missing the cup completely. The bartender gets begins to cheer because he know he just won $5,000.
The man walks over to his friends and comes back to the bartender. He pays the bartender his money with a grin on his face. The bartender asks him "Why are you so happy? You just lost $5,000."
The man replies "I know, but I bet my friends $10,000 dollars that you would cheer while I pee all over the bar."
I always said the same thing, but just meant it in a much different way.
Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.
I hear his jokes killed.
...but I guess I shouldn't have said "Don't let an extra chromosome get you down."
When she comes home from the grocery store, she brings him his favorite soy sauce to cheer him up. He says Oh, I see, Kikkoman when he's down .
He said to me
"Oh I see. Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"
She asked me to give her a compliment to cheer her up, so I told her "well, you have perfect eyesight!"
...so he goes to a pet store to get another animal to cheer him up. The pet store owner asks him what he's looking for. The man replies his parrot has recently passed away, and he wants another animal that can talk.
The owner says he doesn't have any parrots, but a centipede that can talk. The man buys the centipede and a cage for it, then heads home. A few hours later, the man wants to see if the centipede can really talk, so he goes up to the cage and asks: "Do you want to go out for something to eat?" There's no reply, so the man asks again, in a louder tone: "Do you want to go out for something to eat?".
Again, no reply. The man gets extremely frustrated, thinking the store owner ripped him off, and yells: "DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT FOR SOMETHING TO EAT!". A tiny voice replies: "I heard you the first time! I was just putting on my shoes!"
My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.
depressed he orders a double whiskey. The bartender asks him What's the bad news? .
The guy says Well my wife says she no longer enjoys sex so she's cutting me off, we can only do it once a month .
Bartender: Ooohhh cheer up that's nothing, she's cut most of the guys in here completely off
It's the Finnish line.
Last week, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 56. One of the many things my family loved about him was his tendency to tell dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times. Does anybody have any good ones? Hearing some new dirty jokes would really help cheer me and my family up.
The residents of a town are fed up with all of the pollution from factories, littering, and toxic waste.
Finally, a townsperson says, "We need Captain Planet!"
A moment later, a superhero looking dude shows up and says, "Did someone summon me?
The townspeople rejoice, and cheer for their new savior.
The superhero gathers everyone together and puts together a basic strategy to fight the pollution.
Then he says, "Have fun, I'm outta here."
The townspeople are confused and ask him, "Well wait, when do you start doing all this?"
He replies, "Me? I don't do anything. You called for Captain Plan-it"
A nun walks into a pub because she really needs the loo. When she walks in, the lights suddenly go out for a few seconds, and everyone starts to cheer. The nun hurries to the bar and asks if she can use the toilet. Yes of course, if you go to the left, the door will be on you right hand. But on you left hand there is a life-size statue of a naked man. A leaf covers his... You know what. Oh, that's okay, I will just look in the other direction. The nun says. During this conversation the lights were going on and off, and every thime the lights did go off, everyone cheered. After she used the loo the barkeeper asks: Congratiolations! You are one of us now! Do you want a drink? the nun looks surprised and confused. One of us? she asks. Yes! the barkeeper answers, Every time someone lifts the leaf that covers that statue, the lights go off for a few seconds! Do you want a beer?
A friend of mine will be in the hospital for a month because of her cancer treatments. We are telling her jokes to cheer her up and were hoping you could help, Thanks.
One. She just holds the bulb in the socket while the world revolves around her.
A coworker notices and decides to cheer him up. She breaks into his home and smashes every single lamp/light in his home. The next day she sees him and asks, "How are you?" And he replies, "Well I'm absolutely de-lighted!"
You con-du-it!!!
(Setting: 1980 Olympics)
Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev began reading his opening speech.
"O!" - the crowd applauses.
"O!" - another round of applause and cheer comes from the audience.
"O!" - the entire audience body stands up and begins clapping.
A secretary comes to Brezhnev and says, "Dear Leonid Ilyich, these are Olympic logo rings; you don't need to read all of them!"
And I asked him if I could tell him a joke to cheer him up. He said sure but I don't think it will help. Here is how it went.
Me: Knock Knock
Him: Really dude a knock knock joke? Ok, who's there?
Me: Not your mom.
She said, "You don't look too happy. Maybe I could cheer you up?"
I raised my hand and said, "I'm married."
"That explains the first bit, then," she replied.
A guy gets fired from his job, and as he's walking home, head down, he hears someone yelling "Nineteen! Nineteen!" He looks around, and some weirdo is jumping up and down in the middle of the street, pumping his fist in the air. "Nineteen! Nineteen!" Curious and with nothing better to do, the man walks over and asks him what's going on.
"Oh, I do this every day," the weirdo says cheerfully. "It's great! You should try it."
"Nah... I just got fired and I really don't think anything can cheer me up."
"C'mon, just give it one try."
So the guy reluctantly agrees, stands next to him and half-heartedly jumps in the air, saying "Nineteen."
"No, no, you have to really commit to it. Like this: NINETEEN! NINETEEN!"
"OK, fine... Nineteen! Nineteen! ... You know, this really is making me feel better! NINETEEN! NINETEEN!" Just then, he makes an extra-high jump, and the weirdo quickly bends down and yanks the manhole cover out from under him. "AAAaaaaaahhhh...." *splash*
The weirdo puts the manhole cover back, looks around, jumps up in the air and yells "TWENTY!"
So, when I am sad I hide in the shower and try to watch the babysitter pee.
I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates
I try to cheer her up with flowers and chocolate, but she doesn't appreciate it.
She was livid. She said "this stupid jokes gets reposted almost everyday"
Gandalf gets up on stage before the main act of a rock concert. He stares at the crowd, who cheer for the headlining band. "I am a conjurer of Cheap Trick!" He yells, and crowd surfs off to Valinor.
very dejected. His friend, Adam, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," Dave replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Adam said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah, sure," Dave answered. "But not everybody gets theirs pregnant!"
...Trump looks out over the city and says, "A lot of people are unhappy with me. I wanna do something to cheer them up."
"Well," Pence said, "you *could* jump..."
Remind him that he's full of untapped potential!
But three songs in I still wasn't feeling Eddie Vedder
He said, 'I'll pass."
retail therapy
Is taking a nap and having people clap and cheer for you
I mean... Ι appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I've heard so many cancer jokes today, that if I get to hear just tumor I'll really get mad.
When he tells the doctor all of the symptoms, the doctor says, "I believe what you should do is go down to the circus, and watch Pagliacci the clown. He's the best in town and can cheer anybody up." The man responds, "I am Pagliacci".
Friend broke his arm and I'm trying to cheer him up, can be insulting if you want.
A Magic Johnson.
Some day you will be red!
The selfish cow didn't even touch her king prawn in red wine sauce
but none of them work
BEE, AGGRESSIVE, BEE BEE AGGRESSIVE!
Apparently, blow up dolls are not consider toys especially after they explode.
It was entitled "Nein Kampf"
We have collected gags and puns about Cheer to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Cheer? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Cheer pick up lines to share with friends.