Unearthly Funniest Cheer Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.
She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I know he means well...
So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks...
and shouts, "gimme a tea!"
The Entertainment
A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."
My dad recently passed away and loved dirty jokes. I need some new ones to cheer me and my family up.
Last week, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 56. One of the many things my family loved about him was his tendency to tell dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times. Does anybody have any good ones? Hearing some new dirty jokes would really help cheer me and my family up.
How many Unidans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six: one to screw it in and five to cheer him on loudly while standing in front of other people's bulbs so no one can see them.
A Mongolian man tells his friend a story
When I came home late last night, I found my wife with another man. I was furious, and to hold myself back, I sat down and drank from a bottle that was left on the table. Then, I sang a song to cheer myself up. When I felt a little better, I looked around, and said to myself, 'Shit, this isn't my house,'.
A cop pulls over a driver with a broken tail light...
The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
A cheers for women's underwear...
...they might not be the best thing, but they are the closest thing to it
Request for a months worth of jokes for a cancer patient.
A friend of mine will be in the hospital for a month because of her cancer treatments. We are telling her jokes to cheer her up and were hoping you could help, Thanks.
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
You can explore cheer encourage reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cheer gerald dad jokes. There are also cheer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Cheer up Hillary Clinton.
Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.
Cheer up Hilary!
At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
I tried to cheer my mentally challenged friend up...
...but I guess I shouldn't have said "Don't let an extra chromosome get you down."
My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"
I know he means well...
My wife gave me some bad news today
"But," she said, "I bought your favorite soy sauce to help cheer you up."
"Great," I said. "Just Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"
I'm very soy for that pun. I'll just wok away now.
Why do people cheer when they reach the Finland border?
It's the Finnish line.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
The outlaws are wanted
*shoutout to the customer that called in and ended the phone call with a joke to spread some cheer*
First day of school
One day, a mom took her son to his first day of school. When they were walking to school, he looked all excited, but when his mom came back to pick him up, he looked disappointed. Trying to cheer him up, the mother asked what he had learned today at school. "Apparently not enough," he said. "I have to come back tomorrow!"
A comedian was hired to cheer up a group of suicidal patients.
I hear his jokes killed.
My Wife needed something to cheer her up...
That's why I surprised her with a b**... party. Everyone came. You should've seen her face.
When I was younger, my sister always said she wanted to be in the Dallas Cowboys Cheer Squad.
I always said the same thing, but just meant it in a much different way.
How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend
My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.
A man walks into his regular watering hole....
depressed he orders a double whiskey. The bartender asks him What's the bad news? .
The guy says Well my wife says she no longer enjoys s**... so she's cutting me off, we can only do it once a month .
Bartender: Ooohhh cheer up that's nothing, she's cut most of the guys in here completely off
A classic Soviet joke
(Setting: 1980 Olympics)
Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev began reading his opening speech.
"O!" - the crowd applauses.
"O!" - another round of applause and cheer comes from the audience.
"O!" - the entire audience body stands up and begins clapping.
A secretary comes to Brezhnev and says, "Dear Leonid Ilyich, these are Olympic logo rings; you don't need to read all of them!"
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days...
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well.
Man walks into a bar
and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first b**...". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"
Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?
It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..."
I know he means well...
My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size
... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.
How many cheerleaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. She just holds the bulb in the socket while the world revolves around her.
My Partner's Dog died this morning
To cheer her up, I went out to get her an identical one.
She was fuming, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?!"
I found out my husband got fired from his job today. In order to cheer him up I got him his favorite soy sauce.
He said to me
"Oh I see. Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"
My wife looked in the mirror one day and thought she was fat and ugly...
She asked me to give her a compliment to cheer her up, so I told her "well, you have perfect eyesight!"
My friend was bummed today because his blind dog has cancer and he is going to have to put her down tomorrow.
I wanted to cheer him up, so I said well, at least she won't see it coming.
A man tells his wife he's not feeling well.
When she comes home from the grocery store, she brings him his favorite soy sauce to cheer him up. He says Oh, I see, Kikkoman when he's down .
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years.
To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!
A friend told me "Cheer up, things could be worse. You could be trapped in a deep hole filled with water"
I know he means well
A woman gets out of the shower and looks at herself in the mirror
She walks past her husband reading the newspaper on the couch, and says, "I just looked at myself in the mirror and I look ugly as h**.... How about a nice compliment to cheer me up?"
The husband takes one glance at his wife and replies, "Your eyesight is spot-on."
I can't wait to cheer for Trump in 2024. I'm going to be right there with all the others screaming "Four more years!", and waving my sign.
Anyway, how do you spell penitentiary?
Then I said "your beard makes you look thinner"
...but that didn't seem to cheer her up
A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak.
So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.
Told my Grandpa's favorite joke at his f**... and it helped cheer some sad eyes..... What happened when the parsley workers went on strike?
They're wages were garnished.
Hey I've got 70 ways to cheer you up. First is a big hug.
The rest is 69.
After receiving an 89 on his English exam, an immigrant mother tries to cheer up her perfectionist son by telling him "You've gotta be positive!"
"It's pronounced 'B plus'", replied the son, "and I wanted an A!"
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trumps says it's done and they all cheer in the dark
My girlfriends dog died recently
So to cheer her up I bought her another one just like it. It didn't work.
She said "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
Two hadrons are walking down the street
Baryon starts crying all of a sudden. His friend Meson turns and asks, what's wrong Baryon?
Baryon sobs, Everybody says I'm odd.
Meson tries his best to cheer him up. Keep your head up buddy, we all have our quarks!
Today, a psychic told me I'd witness an unbelievable pain in 12 years.
To cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!
My friend keeps saying, "cheer up, man. You could be in an underground hole full of water."
I know he means well.
A fortune teller told me I'd suffer a tragic heartbreaking loss in 12 years
So to cheer myself up I got a puppy
I cheered up my friend with necromancy
It really lifted his spirits.
A short joke to cheer you up
Jeff told his friend: "I was named after my father."
His friend said: "But his name is John."
"Yes", Jeff said. "He was named that years before I was even born".
Recently, a fortune teller told me that in about 12 years I would suffer terrible heartbreak.
So, to cheer myself up, I went and bought a puppy.
An 8 years old went to the office with her dad
An 8 years old went to the office with her dad for "take your child to work" day.
As they were walking around the office, the young girl starts sobbing and crying.
All staff gather around to cheer her and her father asked "love, what's wrong?"
The girl turns to her father sobbing more and says"daddy where are all the clowns you said you were working with?"
my pregnant wife was feeling sensitive about her enlarged breast due to lactation, so I gave her a cute nickname to cheer her up.
Apparently Dairy Queen wasn't the right choice.
My favorite St. Valentines joke
A mother heard her daughter crying in her room, so she went in to see what was the matter.
"What's the matter, dear?"
"Oh, Mom, it's Valentine's Day and nobody loves me!"
The mother thought for a moment and said "Oh, cheer up dear, this isn't the only day nobody loves you!"
What do you do when you find a blue elephant?
Cheer him up.
(Courtesy of my 10-year-old son.)
I've been feeling really depressed, and my best friend isn't helping
I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he'll just say vaguely supportive things that really don't help. He'll say things like hey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you're not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.
I know he means well.
Who else is cheering for Switzerland in the Olympics? So much to like about the country.
I mean, even the flag is a big plus.
My friend was like "Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be in a hole in the ground full of water."
I know he means well.
My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one to try and cheer her up.
But it made her even more upset.
She screamed at me saying, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced. I was so upset over learning this.
I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!
The Cheerios
Twins, Johnny and Billy are turning 13 next week and so they were discussing growing up.
Since we are gonna be grown up now we should be able to curse
Johnny says Ok Billy you say s**... and I'll say a**....
So they head downstairs for breakfast ready for the day.
Their Mom asks what would you like for breakfast Boys?
Billy says aww s**..., I'll just have some cheerios.
Momma scoops Billy straight up spanks him and sends him to timeout.
When she comes back still flustered and asks Johnny and what about you?
I don't know what I want but you can bet your a**... it isn't Cheerios
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump says it's changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She shouted at me and said, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
A fellow from the Midwest has to spend Christmas in the deep South.
He's there on business, and he misses the snow. He tries to cheer himself up by walking around looking at a Christmas crèche ( a tableau representing the Nativity scene ). He's shocked to see that the three wise men are dressed as firemen, in hats and boots and slickers. He asks a passerby why in the world they're dressed that way.
Annoyed, she says, "Don't you Yankees ever read the Bible? It says right in the Bible, the three wise men came from *a far!*"
People often arguing about which Avenger is the best. Cap, Iron man, Thor...mine is Antman.
I can't help but cheer for an Ant-y hero.
Can we please stop with the meta because she's dead punchlines? I've been trying to read actual funny jokes from this sub to my mom to cheer her up but she hasn't laughed at a single one of them.
Because she's dead.
Tried cheering up a customer
But he's not buying it
Hey Siri! My girlfriend broke up with me.
Oh no, I'm so sorry! Do you want a joke to cheer you up?
Sure.
What is the difference between you and a calendar?
What?
The calendar has dates.
Me: Hey Siri, I lost my Job.
Siri: That's bad, do you want me to tell a joke to cheer you up?
Me: Sure, go ahead.
Siri: What's the difference between a You and Large Pizza?
Me: Idk
Siri: A large pizza can feed a family.
What do you say to a french man to cheer hm up ?
Beaucoup, to him, it means a lot.
Wife: I'm afraid our Neighbour died
Husband: Who, Ray?
Wife: It's inappropriate to cheer when someone dies
(My 7 year old came up with this joke)
