Comical & Quirky Cheeks Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
The embarrassment I felt after getting my cheeks tattooed with a newspaper article.
I was read in the face.
What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shivering body....
Keep going! She has flu symptoms!
I'm not a great lap dancer,
I've got two left cheeks.
A husband and wife are in a car c**...
They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."
I met a little boy today.
He was sitting on the curb, dressed in rags. He had his face in his hands and it looked like he was crying.
I felt kinda bad he was all alone, so I went and sat down beside him.
I said, "Are you an orphan, little guy?"
As he looked up, his eyes were still red and his cheeks still wet. He managed to crack a small smile.
"Yeah. What gave me away?"
I leaned in close and whispered,
"Your parents."
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
A man walks into a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I s**... it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
A guy goes to a fancy dress party
A guy goes to a fancy dress party with a mouth full of custard. When asked what he came as, he pushed both sides of his cheeks in and then said,
''A ZIT''
How does Rick Allen (Def Leppard drummer) count in a 4 beat?
*opens mouth, taps cheeks 4 times*
My favourite Spongbob character is like s**... on the beach
Sandy Cheeks
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
You can explore cheeks nose reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cheeks eyebrows dad jokes. There are also cheeks puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How does Italian greet each other when they meet
They kiss on both the cheeks.
How does gay Italian greet, when they meet each other??
They kiss on all the four cheeks.
#copied
This guy goes to a psychiatrist.
The doctor shows him an inkblot and asks him what it looks like.
"A n**... woman." He shows him another inkblot and asks him the same question.
"A n**... woman on a bed."
Yet another blot, "n**... woman spreading her cheeks." This continues for a while.
"You're a sick pervert!" the psychiatrist exclaims.
"I'm not the pervert. You keep showing me all these filthy pictures!"
Today I went to the barber's shop for a shave.
The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.
I asked: but what if I s**... the ball?
He replied: No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else
Every family wedding I attended...
...aunties and grandmas always came to me grabbing me by my cheeks saying "oh dearie you will be next!"
They stopped when I started to do them the same at family funerals.
Q. What's the downside to having 1000 grams?
A. The pinches on the cheeks get old real fast.
Last night I dated a blind woman
At one point she ran her hands over my cheeks and mistook my acne for braille. Boy, was my face read.
My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends.
"Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.
I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby."
Why is Zeus the god of thunder?
Cause he's always clapping some cheeks
When I have gay s**... it's like a drum set
Clap them cheeks like cymbals
Make him moan like a base drum
What has 2 cheeks and a hole in the middle?
Your face.
Food enters from a pair of cheeks
Comes out from a pair of cheeks too!
Most tattoos are half assed.
I've never seen someone with a tattoo on both b**... cheeks.
Went to the dentist today to get my cavity filled.
He asked my to leave when I bent over the chair and spread my cheeks.
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".
Me: can you believe they are still together after all the s**... they have been through? She: who?
Your b**... cheeks!
Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke...
Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke. Quickly and without hesitation, one friend quickly lifts up the woman's dress, bends her over, and licks her right and left b**... cheeks. Immediately, she spits out her food enabling her to breath again before slapping him.
As the man returned to his seat, his buddy exclaimed, Wow! I've heard of the hine lick maneuver, but I've actually never seen it done before.
My dating coach told me I should s**... in my cheeks to look more attractive.
It didn't work and ended up giving me a w**....
Whats common between eyes and b**... cheeks?
between both of them, something smells
Can you believe their still together after all the s**... they've been through? Who?
Your b**... cheeks
Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.
Once done, one uses her p**... to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.
The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any p**...!"
"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
English is my first language (50+ years) and I still get confused on how to use some words. For example:
Is it *b**...* or *b**... cheeks?*
Are they together or spread apart?
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
Two black eyes
A man comes home from work sporting two black eyes. His wife asks, "what happened to you?"
"Well, I was getting on the bus behind this curvy brunette, and noticed her skirt was jammed in between her cheeks. Being a gentleman, I pulled it out for her. She turned around and slugged me."
The wife is seething mad. "Oh do tell. And how did you get the OTHER black eye?"
"h**..., I decided she liked it the way she had it, so I tucked it back in."
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have
happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.
Me: It's really hard for me to believe they are still together after all the s**... they've been through.
Friend: Who?
Me: Your a**... cheeks.
Black eye!
A guy shows up at work on Monday with a black eye and his colleague asks what happened.
He says "I was in church and when we stood up the skirt on the lady in front of me was tucked between her b**... cheeks so I pulled it out and she turned around and hit me."
The following Monday he shows up at work with another black eye and his colleague says "Did you do the same thing again?"
"Definitely not," he says "I was behind the same woman in church and when we stood up I knew her skirt was not the way she likes it so I used my hand to shove it back in between her b**... cheeks"
At the barbershop
A man enters a barbershop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.
\- "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
\- "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech
\- "And what if I s**... it?"
\- "No problem" says the barber.
\- "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"
A guy went to a barber's shop for a shave...
The barber asked him to put a small wooden ball in his mouth so he could get a closer shave around his cheeks.
He asked: But what if I s**... the ball?
He replied: No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.
