Cheerful Fun Cheek Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
It's not often spoken about but Jesus had a spanking f**....
He spent most of his day's telling people to turn the other cheek.
Why shouldn't you take r**... jokes seriously?
Because they're all tongue in cheek.
A blonde girl is eating an ice-cream
Her friend tells her : "You have ice-cream on your cheek".
The blonde girl starts to rub her left cheek. "No the other way".
She puts a finger in her mouth and rubs. "Hij it gonhe ?"
(sorry, it's more a visual joke)
Young love... sort of...
Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.
An indian and a white man are walking through the woods...
and the white man is trying to learn how to hunt game from the indian. So the indian is moving quickly and quietly through the dense forest and the white man is fumbling loudly behind him. Suddenly, the indian stops short and presses his cheek up against a large tree. He then exclaims,
*"Moose come."*
The white man is baffled by how the indian discovered this and says, *"How do you know that?"*
Indian: *"Cheek sticky."*
s**... after surgery
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
An Arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.
She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"
So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"
"He slapped my left cheek."
So the father s**... his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenged you. You can tell your husband that he has slapped my daughter, but I have slapped his wife"
*Joke borrowed from Les Miserables, written in 1862.*
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
The Human Centipede wasn't that bad really..
...most of it was tongue in cheek.
i kiss my niece on her cheek
I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. Are you wiping off my kiss? , I asked her. No , she smartly replied, I'm just rubbing it in!
An old man went to get a shave...
And the barber handed him a wooden ball to put in his mouth against his cheek to make his wrinkled skin smooth. After it was over with the man said "let me ask you something, what would've happened if I swallowed the ball?" And the barber says "just bring it back in two to three days like everyone else"
You can explore cheek tounge reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cheek drawer dad jokes. There are also cheek puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Sorry I asked for a rim job...
... it was only tongue in cheek.
When the moon hits your eye...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
that's amore.
When you swim in a creek and an eel bites your cheek
that's a moray.
"Son, I have some good news and some bad news."
"OK..." he hesitated.
"Well, the good news is...I got you a replacement hamster." I said.
"A...replacement..?" he stopped, as a tear ran down his cheek.
"Yes, and that leads me to the bad news," I added, "You are adopted."
An old man was in hospital. Lying in bed, he leaned over to the pretty young nurse attending to him and whispered in her ear "Give us a kiss, luv!"
"No!", replied the nurse
"Oh go on!", said the man
"No!", replied the nurse again
"Please!", begged the old man, "Just a quick p**... on the cheek?"
"For the last time, no!", said the nurse, "I shouldn't even be w**... you off!"
How do birds kiss?
They give a p**... to the cheek.
A man is dying of cancer...
He tells his wife, "Honey, if things start looking bad, please just turn off my life support."
A tear rolls down her cheek as he grasps her hand and continues, "Then turn it back on again and see if that fixes it."
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?
A golden opportunity
I'm laying in bed reading a book, when my dad walks in with a tape measure...
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me.
It gets closer and closer until it eventually pushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
Customer feedback.
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, What was that?
The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing!
The girl slapped him soundly.
What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek.
Customer feedback.
A man walks into a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I s**... it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
I thought my friend was being serious when he was talking about rimjobs
Turns out it was all tongue in cheek.
A kid asked a priest...
"Father, besides praying do you have any other pass-time?"
The priest tapped the kids cheek & calmly replied:
"Nun my child, Nun".
Did you hear the one about rim jobs?
It's very tongue in cheek.
-came up with this while trying to fall asleep. Pretty sure it's OC
What is the b**... communitie's favorite scripture?
Turn the other cheek.
Judge tells Taylor Swift to turn the other cheek
It didn't sit well with her.
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
Why did the snarky stripper lose her job?
She was bad at turning the other cheek!
A boy with swollen cheek.
Mom looks at her son and asks "What happened Timmy?".
Tim replies "A fly landed on my face in the garden.".
"Did it bite you?" asks mom.
"No, dad killed it with a shovel." says Tim.
What does a devout catholic girl do when she gets spanked?
She turns the other cheek.
What's worse than biting the inside of your cheek?
The next five times you do it right after that.
TIL that reverse c**... the favorite position in Ireland.
It's okay a woman to turn her back on family there. They'll just turn the other cheek anyway.
I was going to make a joke about rim jobs
but I just couldn't be arsed with all the tongue in cheek humor.
Steer clear if you don't like cow puns
Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.
Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.
I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a cow's eyes. He just loved to make them low and behold.
You know what makes cow puns so great?
You can always come up with an udder one.
They're writing a satirical play based on The Human Centipede.
It'll be very tongue in cheek.
What has 2 cheeks and a hole in the middle?
Your face.
My barber told me to put a ball in my mouth
My barber told me to put a ball in my mouth so he could a get a closer shave on my cheek.
I asked him "what happens if I accidentally s**... the ball?"
He replied " you can bring it back tomorrow just like everybody else who does "
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
Why was Jesus so good at twerking?
He always turned the other cheek
How did Helen Keller burn her cheek?
She mistook the iron for a telephone.
How did she burn the other cheek?
They called back.
When passing wind, f**... if you will, in a sitting position, are you left cheek dominate or right cheek dominate?
In otherwords, which way do you lean?
Am i strong or weak
If I slapped my cheek and felt pain, does it mean that I am strong or weak?
Can you believe that my neighbour came to my door at 3.30am? What a cheek!
I'm surprised I heard him over my drill.
What did the one b**... cheek say to the other?
'Together we can stop this s**...'
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, what was that? The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing! The girl slapped him soundly. What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek. Customer feedback.
Have you heard the one about rim jobs?
It's very tongue in cheek.
Finally got my first tattoo. A P on my left a**... cheek and a P on the right
It really pops when I bend over
So the one b**... cheek says to the other,
"Between you and me, something doesn't smell right."
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have
happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.
cheekens
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So, what have you been up to lately?" the bartender asks him. "Well, I recently set up a dating website for chickens," the guy tells him. "I mean, its not my main job ... I'm just doing it to make hens meet."
At the barbershop
A man enters a barbershop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.
\- "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
\- "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech
\- "And what if I s**... it?"
\- "No problem" says the barber.
\- "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"
Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp.
He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?"
"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.
"So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?"
"My mother is the Great Soviet Country!"
"Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?"
"My father is the wise and kind Josef Vissarionovich Stalin!"
Stalin pats Vovochka's cheek: "Marvelous! And what is your greatest desire?"
"To become an orphan."
Blonde, Nun, Russian and Pole in Train
Suddenly they enter the tunnel. It is getting dark. A loud sound is heard in the darkness. At the exit, a Russian man can be seen holding his cheek. The nun thinks - the pervert touched the blonde and got slapped. The blonde thinks - the pervert was supposed to touch me, but he made a mistake, touched the nun and got slapped. The Russian thinks - probably a Pole touched one, she mistook him for me and hit me. Pole thinks - in the next tunnel I will hit him again.
After a night of heavy drinking, when I woke up n**... in my sister's bed on New Year's day, I feared the worst.
When my brother-in-law kissed me on the cheek, those fears were realized.
How do cows forgive each other?
They turn the udder cheek.
