Cheek Jokes
78 cheek jokes and hilarious cheek puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cheek that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Look no further than these cheeky jokes! We've collected a variety of jokes about chubby cheeks, big cheeks, and tongue-in-cheek jokes to keep you amused. From funny quips to punny puns, these cheeky jokes will definitely bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your chin.
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Funniest Cheek Short Jokes
Short cheek jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cheek humour may include short blushes jokes also.
- Last night I dated a blind woman At one point she ran her hands over my cheeks and mistook my acne for braille. Boy, was my face read.
- Did you hear the one about rim jobs? It's very tongue in cheek.
-came up with this while trying to fall asleep. Pretty sure it's OC - My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends. "Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.
I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby." - When I tried to give my 3 yo a kiss at bedtime he hid under the blanket. What are you doing? I asked. I'm playing hide-'n-cheek
- Q. What's the downside to having 1000 grams? A. The pinches on the cheeks get old real fast.
- Went to the dentist today to get my cavity filled. He asked my to leave when I bent over the chair and spread my cheeks.
- What's worse than biting the inside of your cheek? The next five times you do it right after that.
- What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shivering body.... Keep going! She has flu symptoms!
- How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She mistook the iron for a telephone.
How did she burn the other cheek?
They called back. - They're writing a satirical play based on The Human Centipede. It'll be very tongue in cheek.
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Cheek One Liners
Which cheek one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cheek? I can suggest the ones about cheep and mouth.
- The Human centipede wasn't that bad really.. ...most of it was tongue in cheek.
- What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek? A golden opportunity
- Did you hear the joke about rim jobs? Its very tongue-in-cheek!
- How do cows forgive each other? They turn the udder cheek.
- What does a devout catholic girl do when she gets spanked? She turns the other cheek.
- I'm not a great lap dancer, I've got two left cheeks.
- Why was Jesus so good at twerking? He always turned the other cheek
- Judge tells Taylor Swift to turn the other cheek It didn't sit well with her.
- Food enters from a pair of cheeks Comes out from a pair of cheeks too!
- I like my kisses like my humor Very tongue-in-cheek
- The Human Centipede review I found it a little tongue-in-cheek...
Source: Dad - I don't want you to turn the other cheek. It's just as ugly.
- Why is Zeus the god of thunder? Cause he's always clapping some cheeks
- Why did the snarky stripper lose her job? She was bad at turning the other cheek!
- I call my wife's cheeks salt&pepper Because I like them on my meat and potatoes.
Tongue Cheek Jokes
Here is a list of funny tongue cheek jokes and even better tongue cheek puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was going to make a joke about rim jobs but I just couldn't be arsed with all the tongue in cheek humor.
Cheerful Fun Cheek Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about cheek you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cheek pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's not often spoken about but Jesus had a spanking f**....
He spent most of his day's telling people to turn the other cheek.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why shouldn't you take r**... jokes seriously?
Because they're all tongue in cheek.
A blonde girl is eating an ice-cream
Her friend tells her : "You have ice-cream on your cheek".
The blonde girl starts to rub her left cheek. "No the other way".
She puts a finger in her mouth and rubs. "Hij it gonhe ?"
(sorry, it's more a visual joke)
An indian and a white man are walking through the woods...
and the white man is trying to learn how to hunt game from the indian. So the indian is moving quickly and quietly through the dense forest and the white man is fumbling loudly behind him. Suddenly, the indian stops short and presses his cheek up against a large tree. He then exclaims,
*"Moose come."*
The white man is baffled by how the indian discovered this and says, *"How do you know that?"*
Indian: *"Cheek sticky."*
A cheeky sacrifice
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny, so the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. The doctor took a large piece from her buttocks.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!
One day, when he was alone with his wife, he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice and said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... after surgery
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.
She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"
So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"
"He slapped my left cheek."
So the father s**... his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenged you. You can tell your husband that he has slapped my daughter, but I have slapped his wife"
*Joke borrowed from Les Miserables, written in 1862.*
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The cleaning operation!
A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.
"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly s**... his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies, "I'm just the manager."
"Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him."She asks, Running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.
"I`m afraid I can't," breathes the manager - clearly a**..., "he's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message."
She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"Tell him," she says, "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Barber's Joke today
A man enters a barbershop for a shave.
While the barber gets him lathered, he mentions he can't get a close shave on his cheeks.
"I have just the thing" the barber takes a small wooden ball from a small drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum"
The customer places the ball in his cheek and gets the closest shave he has ever experienced.
After the shave, the customer asks in garbled speech "what if I s**... it?" "Not a problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i kiss my niece on her cheek
I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. Are you wiping off my kiss? , I asked her. No , she smartly replied, I'm just rubbing it in!
Cowboy shave
Old Joe Peters walks into a barbershop in Miles City for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little wooden ball.
The barber replied: Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does ...
An old man went to get a shave...
And the barber handed him a wooden ball to put in his mouth against his cheek to make his wrinkled skin smooth. After it was over with the man said "let me ask you something, what would've happened if I swallowed the ball?" And the barber says "just bring it back in two to three days like everyone else"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sorry I asked for a rim job...
... it was only tongue in cheek.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
4 people in the carriage of a train – a Jew, a pretty young blond, an ugly old woman and a Muslim
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel.
In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Muslim is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks, I bet that Muslim fondled the blond in the dark and she slapped him.
The pretty young blond thinks, I bet the Muslim tried to f**... me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him."
The Muslim thinks, I bet that dirty Jew fondled the blond in the dark, but the blond thought it was me and hit me.
The Jew thinks, I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that Muslim m**... again."
I went for a cheeky nandos the other night...
If you know what I mean ;)
A couple are having dinner in an upscale restaurant
A beautiful young woman walks up to their table, kisses the man on the cheek, runs her hand down his arm, says, "See you later, sweetheart," and walks away.
The wife is stunned. "Who was that?"
"Oh, that was Janine. She's my mistress."
"That's it! I'm not going to let you humiliate me like this. I want a divorce."
"Don't be hasty, dear. I love you very much, and want to stay together. She's just harmless entertainment."
"I'm serious."
"Think about it for a minute. We have a prenup, and it's airtight. If we divorce, you won't be broke, but there certainly won't be any more shopping trips to Paris, or private jets, or staff at your beck and call. You'll have to pick one house and stick to it."
She doesn't say anything for a while, then she notices a friend of theirs across the room.
"Isn't that Steve from the club?"
"Yes, I believe it is."
"Who's he with?"
"Looks like that's his mistress, Laura."
"Ours is prettier."
"Son, I have some good news and some bad news."
"OK..." he hesitated.
"Well, the good news is...I got you a replacement hamster." I said.
"A...replacement..?" he stopped, as a tear ran down his cheek.
"Yes, and that leads me to the bad news," I added, "You are adopted."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man was in hospital. Lying in bed, he leaned over to the pretty young nurse attending to him and whispered in her ear "Give us a kiss, luv!"
"No!", replied the nurse
"Oh go on!", said the man
"No!", replied the nurse again
"Please!", begged the old man, "Just a quick p**... on the cheek?"
"For the last time, no!", said the nurse, "I shouldn't even be w**... you off!"
A man is dying of cancer...
He tells his wife, "Honey, if things start looking bad, please just turn off my life support."
A tear rolls down her cheek as he grasps her hand and continues, "Then turn it back on again and see if that fixes it."
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
I'm laying in bed reading a book, when my dad walks in with a tape measure...
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me.
It gets closer and closer until it eventually pushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I s**... it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I thought my friend was being serious when he was talking about rimjobs
Turns out it was all tongue in cheek.
A kid asked a priest...
"Father, besides praying do you have any other pass-time?"
The priest tapped the kids cheek & calmly replied:
"Nun my child, Nun".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want us to try doggy tonight"
Surprisingly to the husband the wife agrees.
So that night, both quite excited, the husband cooks his wife a lovely dinner. After enjoying the meal they head upstairs and get into bed. The husband leans over to his wife, kisses her on the cheek and says, "night night sweety"
The wife turns on her bedside lamp, confused, and says, "what? What about doggy?"
The husband replies, "honey, I can't believe you enjoyed it so much you want more. I'm sorry, but there's none left, I'll cook it again for you next week."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the b**... communitie's favorite scripture?
Turn the other cheek.
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a local college there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing he gives her a little squeeze and says, In America we call this a hug.
She says, Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too.
A little later, he gives her a p**... on the cheek and says, In America we call this a kiss.
She says, Yaah, in Sweden we call it a kiss too.
Later that evening after quite a few drinks, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have s**... with her and says, In America we call this a grass sandwich.
She says, Yaaah, in Sweden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.
A boy with swollen cheek.
Mom looks at her son and asks "What happened Timmy?".
Tim replies "A fly landed on my face in the garden.".
"Did it bite you?" asks mom.
"No, dad killed it with a shovel." says Tim.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to a barber for a shave
While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.
''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''
The man does so and the barber shaves away.
''Wow,'' exclaims the man, ''that is great!'' He then asks with a muffled voice, ''What happens if I accidentally s**... the ball?''
''No problems,'' replies the barber. ''Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers
One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman and raises his eyebrows. Thinking for a minute, she reaches into her purse. She pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down the crack, grabs the $30 and goes home
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that reverse c**... the favorite position in Ireland.
It's okay a woman to turn her back on family there. They'll just turn the other cheek anyway.
A blonde walks into a hospital.
She was claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says Okay I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts . So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says Here. Ow. She then pokes her arm and says Here. Ow. She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say I know what's happened to you. What's happened to me?? The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, You have a broken finger.
Steer clear if you don't like cow puns
Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.
Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.
I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a cow's eyes. He just loved to make them low and behold.
You know what makes cow puns so great?
You can always come up with an udder one.
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When passing wind, f**... if you will, in a sitting position, are you left cheek dominate or right cheek dominate?
In otherwords, which way do you lean?
Am i strong or weak
If I slapped my cheek and felt pain, does it mean that I am strong or weak?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the one b**... cheek say to the other?
'Together we can stop this s**...'
The old cowboy's shave
Time for this again:
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Big Piney, Wyoming for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball?
The barber replied "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does".
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, what was that? The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing! The girl slapped him soundly. What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek. Customer feedback.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Finally got my first tattoo. A P on my left a**... cheek and a P on the right
It really pops when I bend over
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the one b**... cheek says to the other,
"Between you and me, something doesn't smell right."
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have
happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.
cheekens
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So, what have you been up to lately?" the bartender asks him. "Well, I recently set up a dating website for chickens," the guy tells him. "I mean, its not my main job ... I'm just doing it to make hens meet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the barbershop
A man enters a barbershop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.
\- "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
\- "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech
\- "And what if I s**... it?"
\- "No problem" says the barber.
\- "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"
Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp.
He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?"
"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.
"So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?"
"My mother is the Great Soviet Country!"
"Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?"
"My father is the wise and kind Josef Vissarionovich Stalin!"
Stalin pats Vovochka's cheek: "Marvelous! And what is your greatest desire?"
"To become an orphan."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde, Nun, Russian and Pole in Train
Suddenly they enter the tunnel. It is getting dark. A loud sound is heard in the darkness. At the exit, a Russian man can be seen holding his cheek. The nun thinks - the pervert touched the blonde and got slapped. The blonde thinks - the pervert was supposed to touch me, but he made a mistake, touched the nun and got slapped. The Russian thinks - probably a Pole touched one, she mistook him for me and hit me. Pole thinks - in the next tunnel I will hit him again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a night of heavy drinking, when I woke up n**... in my sister's bed on New Year's day, I feared the worst.
When my brother-in-law kissed me on the cheek, those fears were realized.
