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Checkup Jokes

89 checkup jokes and hilarious checkup puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about checkup that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Checkup Short Jokes

Short checkup jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The checkup humour may include short examination jokes also.

  1. I had a checkup at the doctor recently, he told me, Don't eat anything fatty. I said, What, like bacon and burgers?
    -
    He said, No, fatty don't eat anything.
  2. I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop jerking off. I asked, "Why?"
    She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
  3. I went to the doctor for a checkup. A friend asked "Which doctor?"
    I replied "No, a medical one."
  4. Asian guy goes to a eye doctor After the checkup the doctor says "The problem is you have a cataract" then the Asian guy responds with"No I have a tesra"
  5. So a 14 year old girl goes to the doctor for a checkup... He puts the stethoscope up to her heart and says,
    "Big breaths."
    And she says,
    "Thankth! I grew them mythelf!"
  6. Keith Richards went to the hospital for a checkup today and the results were shocking. They found blood in his drugstream.
  7. My doctor told me I had to add more apples, pears, and berries to my diet It was a fruitful checkup.
  8. At the Doctor's for a check-up Doctor: Please, can you open your mouth and say "Ah"?
    Me: Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah!
    Doctor: Yup, I was right. It appears you are "down with the sickness".
  9. Girl finds out that she's pregnant... And goes to tell her mum about it. Her mum asks; "Have you had a check-up?"
    Girl says; "No, he was Polish"
  10. I was having a checkup when my doctor said it was time for my prostate exam Halfway through I remembered he was my dentist

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Checkup One Liners

Which checkup one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with checkup? I can suggest the ones about prostate check and doctor visit.

  1. Where did the pregnant T-Rex go for a check-up? The dinocologist
  2. What's the worst thing a proctologist could say during a check-up? "Look! No hands!"
  3. The doctor brings results to the patient after medical check-ups.
  4. Why doesn't my blind wife get regular checkups? Because she couldn't see the doctor.
  5. Dentist that decapitates? That is one thorough checkup.#Cecil

Checkup joke, Dentist that decapitates? That is one thorough checkup.#Cecil

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about checkup can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of checkup puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Great Checkup Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about checkup you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean medical examination jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make checkup prank.

Check-up

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a u**... sample, a stool sample and a s**... sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

a man goes to a doctors office

to get a diagnosis from his previous checkup. the doctor says to the man "ok sir there is some bad news, we found 2 things wrong with you."
the man says "ok doc just hit me with 'em"
the doctor says "ok well, you have cancer"
*the man nods gravely
"and you have alzheimers disease"
the man then stands up smiling, happy as can be, and says "oh thanks doc, i thought you were going to tell me i had cancer!"

An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...

... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup.

She told me that I had to quit m**.... I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

A Man Goes to the Doctor . . .

A man goes to the doctor for his yearly checkup, and the doctor says to him, "Well, I've got some bad news for you. It seems that you've been m**... too much. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop m**...."
The man, shocked to find this out, responds "Wait, what do you mean!? Stop m**...? When can I start again?"
The doctor responds, "Well I'd appreciate it if you waited until you left my office."
*

A young lady, pregnant for the first time, visits her doctor for a check-up

After the exam, she says to the doctor, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
The doctor cuts her off and says, "I know, I know - it's normal. You can have s**... until your third trimester."
The lady says, "No, that's not it. He wants to know how much longer can I can keep mowing the lawn."

Doctor's office

A man walk's into the doctor's office to get a check-up. The doctor tells the man he needs to quit m**.... The man asks why . The doctor says, "So I can examine you".

The check-up.

A man goes to his doctor for a regular check-up. After the doctor has finished his examination, he tells the man, "I'm afraid you have a very serious disease and don't have long to live."
"How much time do I have, doc?"
"I'd say about ten," the doctor replies.
The man asks, "What do you mean ten? Ten what?"
"Nine"

Too Shy!!!

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up...

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop m**....
I asked, "Why?"
She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Here's the good news (OC)

A guy goes to the doctor for his regular checkup. The doctor finishes up and invites him into the office.
"So, which first? The bad news or the good news?"
"Good news, doc", says the guy.
To which the doctor replies, "Well, you won't be needing any more annual prostate exams."

Medical checkup

An elderly man goes to the doctor for his yearly medical checkup.
The doctor, a kindly man with a slight stutter, asks his patient:
"So, how's the prost-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tate doing?"
The man thinks for a moment, then replies:
"Well... you could say I pee the way you speak."

A man hasn't been feeling so well so he goes to the doctor...

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."

This was my grandma's favourite joke

Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.
"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.
There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."
"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"

No matter which doctor I go to for a general checkup, they all hit me on the knee.

I think they get a kick out of it.

So the other day I'm at my routinely checkup.

The doctor tells me to pull down my pants so he can examine my g**..., so I do that. He takes a look, and after about 30 seconds he says to me, "you have to stop m**...." I ask, "what, why?" to which he replies "because we're in the middle of a checkup!"

The doctors found a malignant tumor at my checkup the other day...

It's really starting to grow on me

A girl went to a doctor for a checkup....

During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. Doctor… she replied shyly, I feel uncomfortable u**... in front of you. All right, said the physician, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're done. A few moments later her voice called out from the darkness, Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with all my clothes? Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

Are the n**... who fought in WWII veteran-Aryans?

And can I bring my dog to them for a checkup?

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup...

...and the doctor says:
"I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?"
"Give me the good news," says the man.
"You have twenty four hours to live."
"What?" says the man. "If that's the good news, what's the bad news?"
"I should have told you yesterday."

During his annual checkup, a man tells his doctor he is thinking about getting a vasectomy

The doctor tells him that it's a very important decision and asks if he has had a chance to discuss it with his family. The man says,"Yeah, and they are in favor of it 15 to 7."

"Have you been for a check-up recently?" asked my dentist.

"No. No I haven't," I answered.
"I can tell," he replied.
"Are my teeth bad?" I chuckled.
He said, "No, but I saw the w**... of cash in your wallet."

I went to the Doctors today for a checkup

He told me that I had one of the best digestive systems he'd ever seen.
So today I'm celebrating superb bowel sunday.

"Silent farts that don't stink..."

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

A man is at the doctor for a routine checkup

After examining the man for a few minutes the doctor sighs and says
"Look, there's no easy way to say this but you need to stop m**...."
"What? Why, doc?"
"Because I'm trying to do an examination on you for gods sake"

Doctor's Office

A man is called into the doctor's office for his yearly checkup. When he enters the office, the doctor tells the man that he needs to stop m**....
The man is taken aback. Angrily, he asks the doctor why.
The doctor says "So I can examine you."

A guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says, "You need to stop m**...."
"Why?" the man asks.
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I was at a checkup..

And the doctor said i need to stop m**...
"Why?"
"Because I'm checking you."

A man goes to the dentist for a check-up

"Uh oh" the dentist says, "looks like your denture plate is eroding a bit. Have you been eating any new foods lately?"
The man thinks for a moment and says "you know, my wife has been using a lot of hollandaise sauce lately. She's been putting it on every dish."
"Ah, that explains it" the dentist replies. "We'll have to make you a new denture plate, but this one will need to be made of chrome."
"Chrome?" The man asks in surprise. "Why chrome?"
"Well, you know what they say", replies the dentist.
"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

A guy went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor said,"Well first of all, sir, you'll have to stop m**...." The guy said,"Why?" The doctor replied, "So I can examine you."

I went for a check-up the other day. The doctor said 'You've got to stop m**...'

I said, 'Why?'
'Because I'm trying to examine you'.

Drugs?

So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with c**...!".

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My doctor is a very attractive woman. At my last checkup she said, "I'm sorry but you're going to have to stop m**...." I asked, "why?"

She said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

The cruelest cut

After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything you'd like to discuss?
Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.
That's a big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?
Yes, we took a vote … and they're in favor of it 15 to 2.

An old lady visits her doctor...

...and says to him:
"Doctor, I have a problem. I keep f**... all day long, luckily they don't smell and are dead silent, can you do something to make it stop?"
"Take these pills and come back after a week for a checkup."
One week later she comes by and says:
"Doctor! Not only didn't the f**... stop, but now they are smelly as a landfill!"
The doctor replies:
"Calm down, miss. I cured your sense of smell, now to do something about that hearing."

the bad joke

A man goes to his doctor for a checkup.
After the tests are done, the doctor asks the man to bend over for a prostate exam. The man drops his pants and bends over.
While the man is grunting due to the doctors fat finger, the doctor says
"Wanna see a magic trick?"
the man says "Ookay?"
The doctor says "Look NO HANDS" showing his hands to the patient

A man goes to the doctor for a check-up

After a while the doctor says "Sir you're going to have to stop m**...."
"Why what for?" the man says.
The doctor puts down his stethoscope and says "Because I'm in the middle of examining you!"

During a routine checkup a patient asks their doctor if diarrhea is hereditary.

Theo doctor responds, absolutely, sometimes it runs in the jeans!

A guy is getting his routine checkup.

The doctor is doing the usual, checking his ears, checking his nervous responses, going over his records, etc. Over time, the doctor looks increasingly grave. Eventually, he stops his examination, takes off his glasses, and says: "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
The man is shocked. "Why?" He asks, flummoxed and concerned. The doctor replies:
"Because I'm trying to examine you."

Prostate checkup

I went for a checkup and got my prostate examined. I asked him if everything was okay and he said "feels fine to me, but what do I know i'm just your dentist"

An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup

An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. Doctor says, Okay I've got bad news and really bad news. Old man: Well, okay. what's the really bad news? You've got cancer. It's extremely aggressive and I'm giving you two weeks to live. Oh god....what's the bad news? You've got Alzheimer's disease. Oh what a relief! I though you were going to tell me I had cancer!

Man says to his wife, "How about a bit tonight then?"

Wife replies, "Not tonight, I'm having a check-up with my gynecologist tomorrow and I want to be all nice and clean and fresh."
Man says, "You're not going to the dentist as well though, are you?"

Annual medical check

A man went in for his annual medical checkup and the doctor said "dont eat anything fatty"
The man sighed and said "does that include burgers and fries?"
"No, fatty, I mean dont eat anything!" Replied the doctor

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

An exterminator goes to the doctor

At the end of the checkup, the doctor says, "You are in perfect health, except for a large mole on your arm"
The exterminator replies, "Shoot, I missed one!"

A man goes to the doctor...

and the during his checkup the doctor says, "Good, good."
He asks the doctor, "What could possibly be good about this? I can barely walk."
To which the doctor replies, "It's a good thing I dont have what you have."

A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup

When the doctor walks in he looks at the man's chart and says although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
Now just to let you know this may cause an e**..., warns the doctor.
I think I'll be fine, the man replied
I wasn't talking about you.

A mans wife goes in for a dental checkup.

After the appointment the doctor comes out to greet the man.
The man says "how was it?"
The doctor replies "Your wife has a lot of cavities that need to be filled."
The man replies "that must be hard on you."
The doctor replies "Not really I get paid every month to drill your wife."

Guy goes in for a checkup...

... Doc says, "Mister, I've got bad news, and I've got worse news. Which do you want first?"
The guys says, "Jeez Doc, I guess give me the worse news first."
Doc says, "You've got AIDS. You're gonna die."
"Oh man that's terrible! What's the bad news?"
Doc replies, "You've got Alzheimer's."
"Hey, you know at least I don't have AIDS."

An old man goes in for his annual checkup...

After some tests, the doctor comes in and tells him "I've got some bad news and some worse news, which do you want first?". The old man says "Gimme the worse news". Doc says "You've got cancer". Old man shakes his head and asks for the bad news. Doc says "You've got Alzheimer's". Old man hangs his head low for a moment, looks up at the doctor and says "At least I don't have cancer".

Guy goes to the doctor for a check-up, doctor says, Sir, you'll have to stop m**.... The guy goes, Why?

Doctor: Because I need to examine you.

A man goes to his doctor for an annual checkup

"Doc, I feel great, my headaches are gone, my hearing is better and I can finally stand uo straight."
"That's good to hear, here your test results say that your body has miraculously improved. For a 50 year old man like you, you have the physical abilities of a 30 year old."
"Thanks doc."
"Tell me, how did you make such a recovery."
"My wife's been giving me the silent treatment for a month"

I went to the doctor today for a checkup and he showed me on a chart that I'm 20 pounds overweight.

But, I pointed out that using his very same data, *I'm not overweight.* I just need to be 3 inches taller.

Doc I got a problem.

Patient goes on a checkup.
Doctor: What's the problem?
Patient: Whenever I drink tea my eye hurts.
Doctor: have you tried taking the spoon out.

A hundred year old man goes to the doctor for a checkup

The doctor: "How are you?"
The man: "Very good! I have a new girlfriend!"
Doctor chuckles....
The man: "She is twenty years old!"
Doctor: "... but you know, every s**... activity could mean death!"
The man: "What can I say, would be a pity if she died..."

So after my recent checkup, my doctor told me not to eat anything fatty

Me: You mean like burgers and fries right?
Doctor: No, don't eat anything, Fatty.

So a man sees his doctor for a checkup.

Doctor: Ok, so I have two pieces of bad news
Man: Ok what's the first one?
Doctor: Well, you have cancer.
Man: Ok, what's the second thing?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.

At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: *So how's it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''
The patient, who's been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, *No. I'm afraid to*.

A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor comes out and says You have to stop m**.... The guy says, Really? Why?

The doctor says, Because I'm just trying to examine you.

A patient walks into an optometrist's office.

The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."

A man went to the doctor for a routine checkup

He was generally well, just thought it was a good idea to check in. The doctor, however, immediately reached for the covid swab.
"I'm going to test you for Covid19" the Doctor said.
"But I'm well, no complaints, why would you do that?" Replied the man.
"Well..." The doctor started, his gaze narrowing. "Loss of taste is a known symptom of the virus, and you're wearing Crocs."

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live.
Are you sure? said Dan, I feel fine. Isn't there anything that can be done?
Well, said his doctor, you could try taking a mud bath each day.
Will that cure me? asked Dan.
No, but it'll get you used to the dirt , responded the physician.

A guy goes to the doctor and after a checkup the doctor discovers that he has three t**....

The patient asks whether that is a problem, but the doctor assures him that it's not and that he'd wish he had three t**....
Kind of proud the patient leaves the doctor's office and sits on a park bench next to a stranger.
He says to him: "Together we have five t**....", to which the other replies: "Why? Do you have none?"

So this woman had some heart troubles….

She went to see her doctor who prescribed testosterone.
About a month later she returns for a checkup. Doctor asks her how she's been. She says: "Fine, but I have some unexpected hairgrowth in unusual places."
Doc says: "really? Like where?"
She says: "at my b**..."…

A woman came out of her annual health checkup totally beaming!!

Her husband asked " what happened ? "
"The doctor was stunned and he said that for a 45 year old woman , I've the b**... of an 18 year old "
"Did he say anything about your 45 year old a**...?" Asked the husband.
" No " she answered " the topic of you never came up in the conversation at all "

I went to the Opticians today and at the end she asked if I was married or in a relationship...

I said "yes I am, why?"
She said "Well your eyes are fine but your girlfriend needs to come in for a checkup ASAP!"

Man bought a gun.

A few days later, the man goes to his therapist for a regular check-up.
Therapist: "why did you buy a gun? Do you feel unsafe in society or...?"
Man: "I got a gun because of my bird phobia"
Therapist: "I think you might be getting carried away"
Man: *firing into the ceiling* "Not without a fight!"

Think it Over

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah," said the man, "They're in favor of it, 15-to-2."

An elderly gentleman with severe hearing problems goes to the doctor and gets fitted with hearing aids.

After a month, he goes back for a checkup.  The doctor asks him how things are going now
that he can hear everything, and wonders if his friends and family have said anything.

The gentleman replied, "I haven't told anyone yet.  I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times already!"

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.

"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

A 90 year old man is getting checked by his doctor

after the checkup the doctor sais "I heard that you have a new girlfriend, and at your age"
The old man answers "yes, she's only 19 years old, and a beast in the sheets. We have s**... thrice a day and it's always great!"
The Doctor, surprised, comments "You know, s**... is hard work for the body, and at that age the heart may give up from the stress"
The old man grins tothlessly and says "Well, if she dies, she dies.".

Dr. Visit

A girl goes in for a check-up, at a local Doctor's office. During the course of the exam he gets out his stethoscope and says "Big Breaths now". She replies "Yeth, I'm only thixteen!"

Checkup joke, Dr. Visit

jokes about checkup

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these checkup jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.