The Best 17 Checkpoint Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Checkpoint jokes. There are some checkpoint dui jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these checkpoint passerby puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Checkpoint Jokes and Puns

Soviet Curfew

A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

What did you do that for? he asks.

Curfew violation, the other guard says.

Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!

I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.

2 Priests stop at a random police checkpoint in the middle of the road...

A police officer tells the driver "We're looking for 2 pedophiles."

The driver says "Just one minute", rolls his window up, and starts arguing intensely with the other priest in the passenger seat.

He rolls his window back down, looks up at the cop and says "Ya, we'd be up for it!"

Jewish man gets stopped at a checkpoint in Ireland by two Irishmen with rifles.

Jewish man gets stopped at a checkpoint in Ireland by two Irishmen with rifles.

"Eh, what are ya, protestant or catholic?"

Man: "I'm jewish!"

Guard: (pauses, confers with fellow guard)

"Jewish catholic or jewish protestant?"

Checkpoint joke, Jewish man gets stopped at a checkpoint in Ireland by two Irishmen with rifles.

A warning to be careful about drunk driving..

Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.

Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.

On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....

I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..

I'd been out drinking, and knew I'd had way too much to drive my car safely.

I knew there was a breath testing checkpoint between the bar and my place, so I decided to take a bus. Sure enough, when the bus reached the checkpoint we were waved through. This morning though when I woke up, hungover as balls, there was a damn bus on my lawn and I don't know what the hell is going on


I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home.

I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home. Came upon a DUI checkpoint, and when they saw the cab, they just waved us pass. After a while I made it home safely, which is surprising because I've never driven a cab.

Three Muslim women are sitting talking...

The first one says, "I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."
"Oh I know," says the second women, "I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."
The third woman nodded, "Me too. My Omar was a suicide bomber in Gaza, so sad."
The first woman shook her head sadly. "Kids these days. They blow up so fast."

Checkpoint joke, Three Muslim women are sitting talking...

Redneck husband and wife are smuggling a couple skunks across the border.

As they approach the border checkpoint the wife panics..."what do I do with these?!" she exclaims while frantically fumbling the skunks
"Quick now Mary Ann, hide them under your skirt!" said the red-neck husband in between his beer chug.
"Now, now whattabout the gadaym stink?!" says Mary Ann...
"If they die, they die hunnycakes"

The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.

The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.

Now I understand the whole Superman / Clark Kent thing.

I was playing roadrash and cop caught me

The game resumes from the checkpoint in real life, if you can tip the cop well.

Anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint...

if you crash your car into it.

You can explore checkpoint passport reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean checkpoint barrier dad jokes. There are also checkpoint puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life

And you're starting back off at your last checkpoint.

What do Mario Kart and the West Bank have in common?

Checkpoint! Checkpoint!

Checkpoint! Checkpoint!

Checkpoint! Checkpoint!

Jesus Saves

... before every checkpoint, or else he has to start all over.

Why do Palestinians hate playing Mario Kart?

Checkpoint!

Checkpoint!

Checkpoint!

Checkpoint!

Why did the stormtrooper always let Jedi nuns through the checkpoint?

Force of habit.

Checkpoint joke, Why did the stormtrooper always let Jedi nuns through the checkpoint?

Kindergarten Teacher

A kindergarten teacher was getting very frustrated with her student

"Stay in the lines. No Billy, you have to stay in the lines!"

Later they were both arrested at a nearby DUI Checkpoint.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the checkpoint gate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working checkpoint overpass piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes