The Best 35 Cheating Husband Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cheating Husband jokes. There are some cheating husband cheated jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cheating husband wifes puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cheating Husband Jokes and Puns

Husband: I have cheated once

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."

I told my girlfriend I think she's cheating on me.

She told me I sound just like her husband.

Two women are talking in Heaven

One woman asked the other, "how did you die?" The woman replied, "I froze to death." She asked the same question to the other woman, she replied, "I suspected that my husband was cheating on me and looked everywhere in my house for evidence. I couldn't find anything and I dropped dead from exhaustion." The other woman replied "maybe if you had checked the freezer we would both be alive."

Cheating Partner

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.

After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."


Wife comes home and finds her husband sipping coffee with another woman

She starts swearing at her husband immediatelly.

He stops her: 'Don't shout at me, this woman has come to see you.'

'Me? You cheating liar, I don't know her at all!'

'OK, let me introduce you then. This is Carol, wife of your lover…'

Sexy Math Time

So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year.
The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own.
When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says:
I know that you've been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.

A husband calls a men's help line.

Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."

Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."

Host: "I see... so what's your question?"

Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"

A wife has a crappy day and decides to come home early from work

When she arrives home, she heads upstairs and finds 2 pairs of legs in her bed under the covers. Already in a bad mood, she grabs a baseball bat and has a few swings at her cheating husband and his mistress. Once she's done, she walks to her balcony and finds her husband. He lovingly greets her with "Hi honey, your parents dropped in for a visit, they were feeling a little tired so I let them sleep in our bed".

A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm

The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."

The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."

To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."

Wishes

A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.

"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."

"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."

The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *Poof!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"

"Yep," the genie said.

"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *Poof!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"

"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"

She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"

You can explore cheating husband unfaithful reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cheating husband boyfriend dad jokes. There are also cheating husband puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two women died and were waiting at the gates of heaven. They talked to each other.

How did you die?

I froze to death. It was painful and took a long time. And you? How did you die?

A heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me and I came home suddenly. He was alone in our bedroom. But I felt his girlfriend was somewhere! So I spend a long time looking for her from the basement to the attic. I got exhausted and had a heart attack.

It's ironic.

What is?

If you had checked the freezer first, we would both still be alive!

Marylou

One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" cried the husband.

"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"

"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.

Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.

"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.

"Your horse called."

A blonde walks in on her husband cheating on her

Sobbing uncontrollably, she pulls out the gun from the drawer and puts the barrel under her chin.

"No, honey! Don't! I'm sorry; don't leave me alone with the kids!"

Glaring through her tears, the blonde yells:

"Oh, don't worry. You're going to be next."

The Trap

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.

One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.

When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.

"Absolutely not!", said her son.

Two women meet in heaven...

There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

Two Women Talking in Heaven

1 Woman: Hi, Wandal

2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?

1 Woman: I froze to death.

2 Woman: How horrible!

1 Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2 Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1 Woman: So what happened?

2 Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive.

My husband cheated

I caught my husband cheating. I'm not going to lie, I didn't handle it in the most mature way possible. I threw an iron at him and took quite a bit of money from him.

Then later we had a heart to heart and decided never to play Monopoly again. Lesson learned.

A husband was on his deathbed with his wife by his side.

"Honey, I have something to confess to you.", he says.

"No dear, save your energy."

"I must tell you so I may pass on to heaven." He says. "I cheated on you."

"I know." She said. "I poisoned you."


A Wife spends the night at a "friend's" house

The next morning, her husband wants to be sure she isn't cheating, so he calls 10 of her friends to ask if she slept there, none of them confirm. A week later, the husband spends the night at a "friend's" house, his wife calls 10 of his friends, 7 of them confirm he slept there and 3 say he's still there sleeping.

A blonde woman calls a divorce lawyer.

Lawyer: Why do you want a divorce?

Blonde: My husband's been cheating on me.

Lawyer: He's been cheating on you? What makes you say that?

Blonde: He isn't the father of my son.

In search of: Married woman, recently cheated on, mad, scorned -

Willing to sell her husband's fishing gear

Not This Time

A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront her. "We have 4 beautiful daughters and now look at our son. He is as ugly as can be. I want you to tell me the truth, did you cheat on me." His wife looks at him and says, "No my dear, not this time!"

Looking for a married woman, recently cheated on, mad and scorned

who is willing to sell her husbands tools for cheap.

Two men are hunting together in a tree stand.

One leans over to his friend and says
"Hey I can see your house from up here! I can see through the window, it looks like your wife is cheating on you with some guy."
The husband in disbelief says to the other,
"Well if you can, shoot her in the head and him in the nuts. That'll teach them a lesson."
His buddy giggles as he raises his gun and says, "I can get that in one shot!"

a pregnant woman and a blonde woman...

are talking, and the pregnant woman says that she is pregnant with twins. So the blonde woman asks, "Oh my gosh! You cheated on your husband?? Who's the second father?"

Husband: Do you love me?

Wife: Of course i love you, light of my life.

Husband: Would you love me even if i wronged you?

Wife: I will always love you, my darling.

Husband: But would you love me if i gambled away all our savings?

Wife: i would still love you, my precious husband.

Husband: what if i cheated on you, would you still love me?

Wife: of course. I will always love you, apple of my eye.

Husband: Ok. I forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night.

Wife: I HATE YOU, YOU LAZY, SELFISH IRRESPONSIBLE MORON!!

What did the husband say after getting caught cheating with a mimic.

"Its not what it looks like!"

When in doubt ...

Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman we both know.... What to do?

Shrink: Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically.

The woman comes to the priest for confession

- Father, I have sinned. I cheated on my husband.


- I understand. For penance, go around the church as many times as you cheated on him.


- On foot?

2nd amendment

A young blonde discovers her boyfriend is cheating...

She buys a handgun.

The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."

A man is married to his wife Lorraine

But he is secretly having an affair with his neighbor Claire Lee.
One day Lorraine discovers her husband has been cheating on her and swiftly packs her bags and leaves the next morning.
The man doesn't mind, and on his way to see Claire Lee the next morning he can't stop singing that one song
"I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone"

A joke from an old timer at a dive bar

How did the female deer get back at her cheating husband?

She went downtown and blew a few bucks.

*I used to work next to a dive bar and would pop in there for a beer after my shift. One of the old timers was a guy named Doc and he told me this joke almost every day. He passed away a few years ago, but I thought y'all might appreciate it. RIP, Doc β™₯️

I can't believe that my cheating girlfriend kicked me out of the house.

All because her husband came back from the army.

How does a female deer get revenge on her cheating husband?

She goes into town and blows a few bucks!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cheating husband fiance jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cheating husband woman piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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