Cheating Husband Jokes
101 cheating husband jokes and hilarious cheating husband puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cheating husband that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cheating Husband Short Jokes
Short cheating husband jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cheating husband humour may include short cheating wife jokes also.
- Husband: I have cheated once Husband: I have cheated once
Wife: me too.
husband: 1st of Apriii....
Wife: 18th of June - I told my girlfriend I think she's cheating on me. She told me I sound just like her husband.
- In search of: Married woman, recently cheated on, mad, scorned - Willing to sell her husband's fishing gear
- Looking for a married woman, recently cheated on, mad and scorned who is willing to sell her husbands tools for cheap.
- What did the husband say after getting caught cheating with a mimic. "Its not what it looks like!"
- What did the suspicious husband say after he caught his wife cheating inside an igloo? Inuit!
- The woman comes to the priest for confession - Father, I have sinned. I cheated on my husband.
- I understand. For penance, go around the church as many times as you cheated on him.
- On foot? - I can't believe that my cheating girlfriend kicked me out of the house. All because her husband came back from the army.
- How does a female deer get revenge on her cheating husband? She goes into town and blows a few bucks!
- A physicist was cheating on his wife... who catches her husband red-handed. The physicist tells his furious wife says "It isn't what you think, I never touched her!"
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Cheating Husband One Liners
Which cheating husband one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cheating husband? I can suggest the ones about cheated wife and cheating girlfriend.
- What do you call a cheating husband? A penetraitor.
- I think my husband is cheating on me... Cause our children look nothing like him.
- What do you call a scientist who regularly cheats on her husband? Atomic number 67
- I think my husband is cheating on me. I have four kids and none of them look like me.
- I found out my secretary cheats on me... with her husband
- Cheating husband! Help me get back at him
- What is a woman that stays with her husband after he cheats called? A weak woman.
- What do you call a muslim woman cheating on her husband? Haram Bae
- What is a cheating wife's worst nightmare? A husband in his hybrid
- What did Mary give her cheating husband for Christmas? A bullet.
- How did the wife apologise after she cheated on her husband? Sorry I o**...-acted.
Silly & Ridiculous Cheating Husband Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about cheating husband you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unfaithful wife jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cheating husband pranks.
A husband and wife are moving out of their house and are starting to box everything up.
The husband finds a box under the bed, pulls it out, and looks inside, where he finds two eggs and about $8,000. He approaches the wife and asks, "What are the eggs for?" She replies, "Every time I cheat on you, I put an egg in the box." He says, "That's alright, you've only cheated on me twice. What's the money for?" The wife replies, "Every time I get a dozen, I sell them!"
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating.
The American husband asked, "how did you find out?"
The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."
Conversation in Heaven.
SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from
the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,
and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack.
I suspected that my husband was cheating,
so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself
in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman
there somewhere that I started running
all over the house looking; from the attic
and all the way down into the basement,
I went through every closet and checked
under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,
and finally I became so exhausted that I just
keeled over with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer
---we'd both still be alive.
A couple gets married.
The husband puts a box under their bed and gets his wife to promise not to look in the box. After 30 years the wife finally looked, to find $1817.35 and 3 empty beer cans. That night at diner the wife tells her husband about looking in the box, and asks him why he had the 3 beer cans in there. The husband said "for very time I cheated on you, I put a can in there to remind me never to do it again." the wife very happy about however she understood that her husband was on the road a lot and the temptation was to great, and it was only 3 times so they hugged and made their peace. Later, when the couple was in bed the wife asked about the money in the box. The husband replies by saying "well very time the box filled up I got a deposit on the cans."
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
A woman meets her friend in heaven
She says Marge!! I didn't know you died! What Happened?"
"I froze to death"
"Oh my God! Was it horrible?"
"Not really I guess...I got real cold, got the shivers, then went numb. I just drifted off. But what about you? I didn't know you died"
"Yeah.crazy thing. I knew my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him. He was just sitting there watching TV...but I knew she was there. I ran through all the bedrooms, looked in the closets, under the beds, ran up to the attic...checked the basement...and I had a heart attack!!"
Marge sighs..." Too bad you didn't check the freezer first. We'd both still be alive."
Keeping promises to the grave.
Husband and wife are talking.
H: "Tell me the truth, honey: did you ever cheat me?"
W: "Oh, sweetheart, don't say such things"
H: "I mean it, Jennifer. If you would ever cheat on me, I would turn in my grave"
W: "I swear I never did and never will, my love. I would never have s**... with another man but you"
Some time later the man dies and after a month the wife dies too. She finds herself in front of the gates of heaven. Approaches to Saint Peter.
"I'm sorry your holiness, I'm looking for a man who died one month ago..."
"Kind lady, every day thousands of men arrive here. Could you be more specific?"
"His name is Jason. He... used to say he would turn in his grave if I cheated on him."
Saint Peter's eyes lights up and bursts laughing. Calls a nearby angel.
"Gabriel, go tell "The Windmill" that his wife arrived."
a pregnant woman and a blonde woman...
are talking, and the pregnant woman says that she is pregnant with twins. So the blonde woman asks, "Oh my gosh! You cheated on your husband?? Who's the second father?"
Finally his wife opened the box that were closed for 20 years , and guess what she found
a man have been married for about 20 years and he has a closed box throughout all this years , his wife were so carious about what's inside this closed box , once the man went to his work and forgot that box key, his wife has found the chance to see inside that box , when she opened it she found 3 eggs and 2000$ , after her husband came back from work she asked him about the 3 eggs , and simply answered : " each time I cheating on you i put an egg inside the box " , She said ' So you cheated on me only 3 times in the whole 20 years , That's not problem, what about the 2000$ " He replied : " Whenever i get an eggs pack sell it "
Cheating Partner
A woman was in bed having s**... with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.
After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."
Marylou
One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" cried the husband.
"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"
"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.
Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.
"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.
"Your horse called."
Two women meet in heaven...
There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
The little black box
A couple was married for 23 years and were very open and honest with each other. The only exception to this was the woman made her husband promise to never look in her little black box.
One evening he could no longer fend off his curiosity, he opened the box. To his surprise he found 1 quarter and 298 dollars.
Later that night, when his wife arrived at home, he told her, "I'm sorry honey, I couldn't resist, I looked in your little black box. But I don't understand, what is the quarter for?"
She responded hesitantly, "Well.. the quarter represents the number of times that I cheated on you."
After a sudden outburst the man finally calmed himself down, "Well I still love you and want to work this out, one time in 23 years isn't that bad. By the way, what is the $298 dollars all about?"
Casually she said, "Well I kept running out of room to put the quarters"
s**... Math Time
So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year.
The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own.
When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says:
I know that you've been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.
Another Iranian wife at the husband's deathbed
H: At this last moment, I have a question, have you ever cheated on me?
W: Only 3 times and all for your own good.
H: How so?
W: Remember in our town you wanted to join the soccer team and the coach rejected you but then later admitted you? That was in return of a favor I did.
H: Okay, I forgive that, what next?
W: Remember you played soccer and the team members did not pass you the ball, but then later they made you the captain? All the team members did that as return of my favors.
H: Hmm. And the the 3rd time?
W: Remember in Azadi stadium in Tehran, 100'000 spectators booed you, but then later everybody cheered for you? They all did that as return to my favors.
Cheating Golfers
An old married couple were golfing one day. On the first hole, the husband stopped mid-swing and broke down. "I can't take it any more, I have to tell you! 20 years ago, just before we were married, I cheated on you with your best friend Sally!" His wife said, "Oh, why even bring that up- it was so long ago. I forgive you sweetheart". The husband was relieved, and they continued the game. On the 18th hole, his wife stopped her s**... mid-swing as well, and broke down. She said, "I have something to confess as well. 25 years ago, before we were married, I had gender reassignment surgery. I was born a man." Her husband throws a tantrum, and is carrying on all over the tee box when he yells out, "This whole time, FOR ALL THESE YEARS???! You were playing from the Ladies tees?!?!"
cheater husband
Woman to the priest, ' I doubt that my husband has been cheating on me... I have doubt on one woman. what should I do?'
Priest replied, 'Take your husband to that woman's doorsteps... and check if WiFi connects automatically'
This wife is too jealous
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"
The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her...
and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn't tell the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, & went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her...
When he finished & was still panting, the wife said: You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you? And then she switched on the light...
No madam, said the gardener…
A wife gives her husband a cheating test.
A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on the kitchen counter and hid under the bed and waited for her husband to come home.
Her husband soon came home, saw the note and wrote something on it. Immediately he started dancing and singing while changing into another pair of clothes. He than proceeds to dial someone and says: Hey babe the idiot finally had enough of me, I was so s**... to marry her wish I found you first, I'll be over in 10 minutes! He than rushes out the door and drives off in his car.
The wife comes out from under the bed, tears in her eyes goes to read what her husband had wrote on the note, it said; " I can see your feet sticking out from under the bed idiot, I have gone to buy some beer."
Two men are hunting together in a tree stand.
One leans over to his friend and says
"Hey I can see your house from up here! I can see through the window, it looks like your wife is cheating on you with some guy."
The husband in disbelief says to the other,
"Well if you can, shoot her in the head and him in the nuts. That'll teach them a lesson."
His buddy giggles as he raises his gun and says, "I can get that in one shot!"
A Wife spends the night at a "friend's" house
The next morning, her husband wants to be sure she isn't cheating, so he calls 10 of her friends to ask if she slept there, none of them confirm. A week later, the husband spends the night at a "friend's" house, his wife calls 10 of his friends, 7 of them confirm he slept there and 3 say he's still there sleeping.
Two Women Talking in Heaven
1 Woman: Hi, Wandal
2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
1 Woman: I froze to death.
2 Woman: How horrible!
1 Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2 Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1 Woman: So what happened?
2 Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive.
A women is cheating on her husband we she hears him returning. "Quick hide!"
The man desperately darted around the room looking for somewhere to hide. Before he could find a good hiding space it was too late, the husband was already making his way up the staircase. Losing all hope the man hid in the bathroom. As soon as the husband arrived in the room he told his wife he going to have a shower, before she could stop him he had swung open the bathroom door, exposing the cheater. He was looking all over the room up, and down. "Who are you?!" asked the husband. "Pest Control", replied the man. "Pest control?!" "for what pests?" "Moths", replied the man. "Then why are you n**...?" The n**... man patted himself up and down, starred back and said "the b**...!"
An old man cheats on his wife
The wife asks: "Why? What does she have that I don't?"
Her Husband answers: "Parkinson's".
Wife comes home and finds her husband sipping coffee with another woman
She starts swearing at her husband immediatelly.
He stops her: 'Don't shout at me, this woman has come to see you.'
'Me? You cheating liar, I don't know her at all!'
'OK, let me introduce you then. This is Carol, wife of your lover…'
A husband was on his deathbed with his wife by his side.
"Honey, I have something to confess to you.", he says.
"No dear, save your energy."
"I must tell you so I may pass on to heaven." He says. "I cheated on you."
"I know." She said. "I poisoned you."
A man returns home from the golf course...
His wife asks him why he no longer plays with j**..., a long-time friend. He replies:"Would you enjoy playing with a swearing, rude cheat?"
His wife says "No, of course not".
Her husband answers:"Well neither does j**..."
If a straight man cheats on his wife, the other woman is called his mistress.
So if a gay man cheats on his husband, is the other man his mister?
The Trap
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.
One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.
"Absolutely not!", said her son.
A wife has a c**... day and decides to come home early from work
When she arrives home, she heads upstairs and finds 2 pairs of legs in her bed under the covers. Already in a bad mood, she grabs a baseball bat and has a few swings at her cheating husband and his mistress. Once she's done, she walks to her balcony and finds her husband. He lovingly greets her with "Hi honey, your parents dropped in for a visit, they were feeling a little tired so I let them sleep in our bed".
A blonde walks in on her husband cheating on her
Sobbing uncontrollably, she pulls out the gun from the drawer and puts the barrel under her chin.
"No, honey! Don't! I'm sorry; don't leave me alone with the kids!"
Glaring through her tears, the blonde yells:
"Oh, don't worry. You're going to be next."
A man is married to his wife Lorraine
But he is secretly having an affair with his neighbor Claire Lee.
One day Lorraine discovers her husband has been cheating on her and swiftly packs her bags and leaves the next morning.
The man doesn't mind, and on his way to see Claire Lee the next morning he can't stop singing that one song
"I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone"
When in doubt ...
Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman we both know.... What to do?
Shrink: Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically.
What did the Alabaman wife say to her husband when she found out he was cheating?
Oh, brother.
A woman finds out her husband his cheating on her
A woman finds out her husband his cheating on her, so when the man comes home, she immediately started insulting him and throwing his belongings at him, saying she doesn't want to see him anymore and shouting at him to leave. As the husband is walking out the door, she turns to him and says I hope you die slowly and painfully. The husband replies Oh so now you want me to stay!
A husband thinks his wife is cheating on him so he asks her to turn on the blender...
when he calls her on his lunch break at work.
The husband calls, asks if she's home, and if she could turn on the blender for proof.
She turns it on.
The next day, the husband calls again.
The wife turns on the blender.
The next day, husband calls, wife turns on the blender.
At the end of the week the husband comes home early from work. His wife's car isn't in the driveway.
He goes to his daughter, "Where's your mom??"
"She left a while ago. I don't know how long she's going to be. It could be a long time because she took the blender with her."
Conjoined twins go before a judge.
One twin says, "Your honor, my husband is cheating on me."
Judge asks, "With whom?"
"My other half."
An award is given to families who have 10 children. A man and his wife have 9 children, the husband tells his wife that he cheated on her and that he has another child, he'll go get him and then they can enjoy the money together.
When the man is back home with the child he sees no one in the house. He asks his wife where are the kids? She replied each father came and took his child
A wife comes home from a long day at work
She goes to her room and she sees a pair of feminine feet in the bed with a pair of manly feet.
Assuming that her husband is cheating on her, she goes into a rage and starts beating their legs.
After about 20 seconds of punching, she hears her husband call from the kitchen Honey! Just wanted to let you know your parents are here
Two women are talking in Heaven
One woman asked the other, "how did you die?" The woman replied, "I froze to death." She asked the same question to the other woman, she replied, "I suspected that my husband was cheating on me and looked everywhere in my house for evidence. I couldn't find anything and I dropped dead from exhaustion." The other woman replied "maybe if you had checked the freezer we would both be alive."
A husband hires a private detective to find out if his wife is cheating on him.
The detective reports back and says he discovered, unfortunately, that she is.
"What happened?" asks the husband
"She went to a hotel and waited in the bar area. On three different occasions men came up to her, handed her $50 and she would give them a key. 5 minutes later she would disappear upstairs somewhere and then return after a while."
"Oh my god, d... do you think... Shes a p**...? " asks the husband.
"I thought it was pretty obvious", says the detective, "but after the last fella came back down, I made sure."
"You confronted him?"
"No, I gave her $50."
The jealous husband!
After the husband heard that his wife was cheating on him, he went home furiously and saw his wife cheating with his friend. He shoots his friend right there and he dies. The wife, after saw what happened, said to her husband:
Honey, if you keep doing that, you will lose all of your friends
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator.
The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. The investigator then follows the wife around. A few days later, the husband finds a note on his car's windshield. He opens it and it reads: *"Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He s**... she. She s**... he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."*
My husband cheated
I caught my husband cheating. I'm not going to lie, I didn't handle it in the most mature way possible. I threw an iron at him and took quite a bit of money from him.
Then later we had a heart to heart and decided never to play Monopoly again. Lesson learned.
Woman 1: "I have two devastating news for you!"
Woman 2: "Please tell me both of them at once."
Woman 1: "Your husband is cheating on us!"
2nd amendment
A young blonde discovers her boyfriend is cheating...
She buys a handgun.
The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."
A man and his cheating wife
The mans wife tries to think of a funny way to tell her husband that's she's cheating on him with his best friend.
John, have you seen Toy Story?
Yeah of course, that's random, why'd you ask? he replies.
She confesses -
Because you've got a friend in me.
A blonde woman files for devorce
Against her cheating husband affiliated with the mob. She found out he was sleeping with the fishes.
Husband cheated on his 10 year wife
Husband: Sorry but i have cheated
Wife: I have as well
Husband: April the 1st lol lol lol
Wife: what's so funny? and 3rd of march
The wife of an Asian Couple gave birth to a Caucasian child, and her husband knew she had been cheating...
...Afterall, two Wongs don't make a white.
A woman walks in on her husband cheating on her with another girl.
The woman starts screaming at her husband.
The husband screams: "Stop! Don't swear in front of the child!"
How did the southern wife know that her husband was cheating on her?
Her daughter told her.
What do a construction worker and a cheating husband have in common?
They are both home wreckers
A husband cheats on his wife with another man and beggs for forgiveness
Wife: I can't believe it, how could you do this?
Husband: I know I'm sorry, I was not thinking straight!
A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm
The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."
The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."
To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."
Why is a cheating husband similar to the electron?
He can be at 2 different places at the same time
A cheating husband
A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."
Lady comes home and catches her husband in bed with a midget.
The lady cries: You said you'd stop cheating on me.
The man replies: Well dear you must admit, I am tapering off.
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
A joke from an old timer at a dive bar
How did the female deer get back at her cheating husband?
She went downtown and blew a few bucks.
*I used to work next to a dive bar and would pop in there for a beer after my shift. One of the old timers was a guy named Doc and he told me this joke almost every day. He passed away a few years ago, but I thought y'all might appreciate it. RIP, Doc ♥️
Not This Time
A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront her. "We have 4 beautiful daughters and now look at our son. He is as ugly as can be. I want you to tell me the truth, did you cheat on me." His wife looks at him and says, "No my dear, not this time!"
A blonde woman calls a divorce lawyer.
Lawyer: Why do you want a divorce?
Blonde: My husband's been cheating on me.
Lawyer: He's been cheating on you? What makes you say that?
Blonde: He isn't the father of my son.
My ex husband cheated during our wedding reception
I guess it really was a black tie affair
Husband: Do you love me?
Wife: Of course i love you, light of my life.
Husband: Would you love me even if i wronged you?
Wife: I will always love you, my darling.
Husband: But would you love me if i gambled away all our savings?
Wife: i would still love you, my precious husband.
Husband: what if i cheated on you, would you still love me?
Wife: of course. I will always love you, apple of my eye.
Husband: Ok. I forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night.
Wife: I HATE YOU, YOU LAZY, SELFISH IRRESPONSIBLE m**...!!
How to cheat on a blonde and get away with it.
A blonde woman suspects her husband is cheating on her so she buys a handgun and goes home early. Sure enough, she catches him in bed with another woman. The blonde fumbles in her purse and pulls out the gun. At first, she points the gun at her husband but out of distraught, she turns the gun on herself. The husband yells, "No honey. Don't..." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next".
