Cheaper Than Jokes
98 cheaper than jokes and hilarious cheaper than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cheaper than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cheaper Than Short Jokes
Short cheaper than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cheaper than humour may include short easier than jokes also.
- My daughter wants a pet spider for her birthday I went to the pet store, and the owner said "that'll be $200 please", I said "$200?, it'll be cheaper getting one off the web".
- After calling 5 different home security companies... ....I've decided it's cheaper to get robbed.
- I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
- Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house? Because the ghosts will bring the boos
- Dark I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery. - After seeing the price of insurance these days I've decided it's cheaper to just get robbed
- I took my grandma to a new spa.. I took my grandmother to a new spa where they have little fish eat away at your dead skin for only $40.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery. - Why is the right twix bar always more expensive ? That's cause the left uses government funding to make food cheaper for everyone.
- Chemistry Hotel So I was driving down the road, getting pretty tired on my way home and saw a sign that said "Chemistry Hotel"
the sign said:
*"Cheap Day Rates, and Even Cheaper NO3-'s"* - Can't afford condoms? Use latex gloves instead. They're cheaper, and you can use them five times.
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Cheaper Than One Liners
Which cheaper than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cheaper than? I can suggest the ones about thinner than and shorter than.
- Mom, why am I getting christmas gifts in July? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
- Why are old balloons cheaper than new balloons? Because of inflation
- I tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling cause it's cheaper than a smoke alarm.
- Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates.
- Drink dont drive Liquor is cheaper than gas
- Women are like fine wines You can get them cheaper if you go abroad
- I always tip pregnant waitresses more. It's cheaper than child support.
- What's cheaper than a wall? Landmines.
- Why is Chris Christie so sad? Drugs are becoming cheaper than candy bars.
- Who sell the products cheaper – a manufacturer or a distributor? The store guard.
- With oil prices falling... Burning the midnight oil just got cheaper.
- How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant. - In a hundred years, the dollar store will become cheaper It'll be a Cent Tree
- I'm on a self-improvement course. It's £2 cheaper than the last one I went on.
- What do we want? More frugality.
When do we want it?
When it's cheaper.
Cheaper Than Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cheaper than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean faster than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cheaper than pranks.
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Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M.
It was his Ku Klux k**... buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery.
"What's the matter?" asked Moody.
"Are you in trouble?"
"No!" said Crumm.
"What do you want, then?"
"Nothing!"
"Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody.
"Cause!" said the other r**..., "the rates are cheaper!"
The french invented a new bulletproof vest
That is just as efficient as a regular one but much cheaper: it only covers the soldiers' backs
Telegram
A dog walked into a telegraph office and said, Woof, woof… woof, woof, woof … woof, woof, woof, woof!
The telegraph operator looked at the dog. Do you know , said he, If you add another 'woof' then the cost of the telegram will be cheaper?"
The dog looked at the telegraph operator and answered, But that wouldn't make sense now, would it?
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America
How to rescue the economy:
Dear President Obama,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;
pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.
All this and it's still cheaper than the "bailout".
Why you should live in the South
In the North they sue, in the South they shoot and removing a bullet is cheaper than a lawyer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
Have you guys heard the secret about butter?
I don't want to tell you because you might spread it around...
BONUS:
What concert is cheaper than 50 cents to attend?
50 Cent feat. Nickelback
*BUHDUMCHHH*
Why is a university Philosophy Department always cheaper to fund than the Math Department?
The math department needs paper, pencils, and a wastebasket.
The philosophy department only needs paper and pencils.
Motel Deal
My wife and I were travelling cross country when we stopped in a tiny town for the night. There was only one motel.
I walked into the office and asked the clerk, "How much for one night?"
He answered, "Sixty dollars."
"Sixty dollars?" I shouted. "Don't you have anything cheaper?"
"Sure," he said. "You can get a room for half price if you don't mind making your own bed."
I agreed that this was fine.
So they put us in a room with a pile of lumber and a hammer and some nails...
A woman gave birth in a Barnes & Noble.
Out of habit, the parents looked over the newborn baby, then went home and bought a cheaper baby on Amazon
Manufacturing Landmines
I started manufacturing Landmines in my basement thinking that it'd be cheaper than buying them, but it still cost me an arm and a leg
In poland stainless steel is a lot cheaper...
However it only applies to the version made in their own country, Stainless Steel Polish....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do you call a dead baby on the side of the road?
Cheaper than a p**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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People who live in Flint should drink gasoline.
It's cheaper than the water and guaranteed unleaded
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Why are commercial flights always cheaper for vultures?
All their luggage is carrion.
Why are radios cheaper in Scotland?
Because the boxes are battered and and the speakers are fried.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I finally found out why guys get married
because wives are cheaper than spending all you're money on w**....
So, the God decides he needs a vacation...
He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 years ago, mate, made one chick pregnant.
They still keep talking about this...
The Nintendo DS' cheaper version was the DS Lite. A cheaper Nintendo Switch would be
The Nintendo Lite-Switch
Cashews are expensive, almonds are expensive. Peanuts are cheaper. How about deer nuts?
You find them under a buck.
Why is going to a football game cheaper than going to a concert?
With the concert, you get to see Nickelback but with the football game, you get to see your quarterback.
Trump shut down an Obamacare provision which gave people better and cheaper access to contraceptives.
While becoming the best case as to why contraceptives are extremely necessary in the first place.
My girlfriend asked if she could get plastic surgery on her face.
I told her "Honey, why would you ever feel the need to get plastic surgery?
Paper bags are much cheaper."
An Irishman and Donald Trump are reading an article about brain transplants
It says you can get you can a brain transplant from a Irish man for €5000 cheaper than an american.
Trump says "This proves that America is the greatest country ever and Americans are the smartest people ever"
"No it doesnt" says the Irishman "It just means an Americans Brain hasnt been used as much"
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Last year I gave over $15,000 to Charity.
I have to find a cheaper h**......
What's the difference between the Justice League reshoots and unlocking all the heroes in Battlefront 2?
One was only slightly cheaper than the other.
I fancy having a bit of Rabbit for my dinner tonight.
Could anyone tell me if it's cheaper from a Butchers or a pet shop.?
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My girlfriend said she found some new condoms she wanted to try using...
but I still think it'll be cheaper to keep having s**... with the used ones
Lost my job at the pet store on the very first day
A lady came in to buy a spider, I told her she could get one cheaper off the web
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I took my dad to one of them spas where the fish eat your dead skin.
It was £30 but cheaper than a f**...
My son kept begging me to take him to an aquarium...
So I brought him to a McDonald's. There's tons of big whales and it's much cheaper!
Bananas are like foreign-country workers.
They're best yellow, but a lot cheaper if you buy the black.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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With petrol prices now at £1.30 a litre
...it's actually cheaper to buy c**... and run everywhere instead
Someone tried to steal my silk sheets and replace them with a cheaper fabric.
Not today, satin.
Not today.
If you ever want to host a great but inexpensive party, have it in some catacombs.
I hear it's cheaper for Wights.
I think it's inappropriate for men to make fun of the gender wage gap; to ignore and minimize it, or to make cheap jokes about it.
Also, you could easily find some women to make those same jokes way cheaper.
I used to call my ex Gillette, because she was the best a man can get...
Until I realized I can get better for cheaper.
Beer cheaper than water in Oakland.
Unfortunately there's a catch, you have to go to a Raiders game.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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They said a h**... would be cheaper than a girlfriend in the long run.
But it still cost me my marriage.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-b**... and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
There is one advantage to being an anti-vaxxer.
Child cemetery plots are way cheaper than adult ones.
Crude Oil massage
Barber : shoul I massage ur head ?
Me : ok, which oil will u use ?
Barber : Almond Oil is for 250₹
Me : herbal oil ?
Barber: 150₹
Me: Coconut Oil
Barber : 100₹
Me : anything cheaper than this ?
Barber *to his helper* : chhotu, get that barrel of crude oil
Audi's are more expensive than they have to be.
The German luxury car maker could sell much cheaper cars if they stopped shipping them with all those extra accessories that the owners never use anyways, like rear view mirrors, turn signals, side-view mirrors...
What type of parachute did the depressed person bought?
The cheaper one, because the cheaper it is, the more likely it is to last a lifetime.
I bought a coin press from the UK
It was cheaper to ship from UK to EU than to buy locally.
But now that I'm looking at the manual, it doesn't make cents.
A guy tried lifting 40 pound dumbbells
"This is too much." He decided.
He spent his money on cheaper dumbbells
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I've been smoking w**... for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.
I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more w**....
Cheaper Pub in the World
Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;
‟That will be $0.05 please sir .
‟Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too
‟Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir .
‟Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps .
‟0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together .
‟This is astonishing, can I speak to the owner of this place, I would like to thank him .
‟Oh, not just now, he is busy, he is upstairs with my wife .
‟...What is he doing upstairs with your wife?
‟Same thing I'm doing down here with his business .
So I did some research...
and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...
Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.
I was on a trip to Dubai, and in my stay, I met a rich man
Over time, we actually became friends, and he told me about this shoes company he owns.
He said:
Each pair of shoes we manufacture costs us about 2$, and we manage to sell them for 250$
What?! this is insane, why is it so expensive, ? I asked
Well I actually tried to make them cheaper for 25$ each
Then what happend?
People stopped buying them
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My brother, my sister, and myself pooled our money together
We treated our dad with this fish therapy where little fish nibble on the dead skin until it is gone.
It was money well spent, because it was much cheaper than a regular f**....
A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive
"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!"
"Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist.
"Because," said Tim Cook, "an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone."
A health insurance company is offering a cheaper deal to anyone who ticks a box that says they promise not to eat shellfish.
They call it their No Clams Bonus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My wife asked me why Russia has paid family leave while the US does not...
I explained that in Russia life is hard and adults need to be incentivized to produce more kids.
But in America, if we want more kids, we just have to let some immigrants out of their cages. Much cheaper.
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d**...
A guy was planning his holiday with his travel agent...
Last year you suggested The Maldives and when I returned my wife was pregnant. The year before that you suggested a safari in Africa and when I returned my wife was pregnant. And before that you suggested Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant. Can you suggest somewhere cheaper this year so that I can take her with me!
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Tampons
A man walks into a supermarket, asks the clerk where the Tampons are.
She told him Aisle 14.
He comes back a few minutes later with a big bag of large cotton b**......and some kite string.
Puzzled, the girl asks him if he wasn't the one asking for Tampons?
" it's a long story," he explains, "last night, the wife went to convenience store, and I asked her to get me a pak of cigarettes."
He continues, "she came back with a can of Prince Albert and some rolling papers, saying it was cheaper to roll my own....
Cause of death: COVID
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A man walked into a Walgreens and asked where the tampons were.
Cashier: "Aisle 5."
Minutes later the man returned with a bag of cotton b**... and some string.
Cashier: "I thought you were buying tampons."
Man: "I was, and then I got to thinking about something. The other day I asked my wife to pick me up some cigarettes while she was out, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. Her reasoning was that it was just SOOO MUCH CHEAPER. So the way I figure it, if I have to roll my own, then so does she."
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
I went to a Soviet drycleaners but didn't have the right money
They said they'd do it cheaper but I'd have to wait a while.
I had to ask them to quit Stalin, Putin a few Roubles and get these Marx off my Lenin.
Yesterday, I chose to only use binary.
Yesterday, I decided to stick to binary only, instead of the decimal system.
I went to the grocery store and I saw: "£10." I thought, "wow, that product is 101 times cheaper today!"
Daughter…..
My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday.
I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules.
Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone. It's my way or the Huawei.