The Best 73 Cheap Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Cheap jokes. There are some cheap thrifty jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cheap cheap drunk puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Cheap Jokes and Puns
Girls pants are like a cheap hotel...
... no ballroom.
What do a man's thong and a cheap hotel have in common?
No Ballroom
What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common?
No ballroom.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
a rip off.
I have a kid in africa
which I feed, clothe and school for less than a dollar a day, which is really cheap.
Ofcourse the plane ticket to send him there was quite expensive, but now it's really working out.
(stolen from the awesome Jeselnik)
These pants fit like a cheap hotel...
No ballroom.
So I heard the royal baby was 8 pounds.
That's awfully cheap for a human baby.
I got a cheap circumcision yesterday...
It was a rip off.
A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl......
A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...
A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the most expensive restaurants in The world. After the meal their waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just gae the check to me".
Headlines in the local newspaper next day read: "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".
I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee...
...hot, black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my genitals while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia.
...free, fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian.
...in a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.
You can explore cheap bulk reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cheap cheap flights dad jokes. There are also cheap puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Beer
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"
"These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well"
"that is a cheap stereotype"
Obama frees a genie
Obama frees a genie, but this is a cheap genie and he only grants him one wish. Obama furrows his brow in thought and finally comes up with the perfect single wish and starts:
"Now, let me be clear..."
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
What are the cheapest kind of nuts?
Deer nuts, they're under a buck.
I like my health care like I like my hookers (oc)
Cheap, and accepting of all preexisting conditions...as far as I'm aware I just made this up, be gentle
I bought my Dad a cheap dictionary for Christmas.
He couldn't find the right words to thank me.
What's the difference between the Seahawks and a cheap hooker?
The hooker won't choke on six inches.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders finest scotch.
Bartender: (giving him the drink) that would be $2 Sir.
Guy: woah, this is cheap. You are good people. I want to thank your manager. Where is he?
Bartender: in the hotel room Sir, with my wife.
Guy: What's he doing with your wife?
Bartender: The same thing I'm doing with his business.
There were once some monks who decided to raise money by opening a flower shop
There was once an order of monks that needed to raise some money. They figured that the best way to do this was by opening a flower shop and selling flowers.
Now, these monks sold their flowers really cheap, and everyone liked the idea of buying flowers from men of God, so much so that all the other florists slowly lost all their business.
Realizing their predicament, the florists banded to figure out how to remove these monks. They finally settled on Big Hugh, the best kneecapper in town. Big Hugh went to the monks and made several casual comments about the flammability of their monastary. Cowed, the monks caved to his demands, thus proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
If I had a nickel for every time I had sex...
... I'd be a very cheap hooker.
My granma got my granpa a new pair of pants. When I asked him how they fit, he said, "like a cheap castle".
When I looked confused, he explained, "no ballroom"
Wife and i need a vacation.
So my wife and i needed a vacation, however didn't have the money. So my wife suggests that for one year every time we have sex we put $20 in a jar, at the end of the year we use the moeny to pay for a trip. A year goes by and we decide to count the money.. I count it and tell the wife we have $1200, but then i ask her i thought we agreed to only put $20 in the jar, why are there $50 and $100 bills? My wife replied, not everyone is as cheap as you!!!
What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
No *ball*room
Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?
Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer testicles.
They're under a Buck.
What do you call a cheap wig?
A small price toupée.
Tight pants are like a cheap hotel...
No ball room
An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon...
It was secondhand.
If I had a dollar for every time I had sex
I'd be a cheap prostitute
A man notices a TV for sale.
"Hey, how much is this TV?"
The salesman replies "1 dollar."
"Only a dollar? Why so cheap?"
The salesman tells him "the sound is stuck on the highest volume."
"So it's always on the highest volume? And it's only one dollar?"
"Yup."
"Wow, can't turn that down."
How are a pair of skinny jeans like a cheap motel?
No ballroom
I got in touch with my inner self this morning.
That's the last time I'm buying the cheap toilet paper.
Bought a cheap horse over the weekend. Problem is she sleeps all day.
What a nightmare.
What does Matt Damon call it when he shops for cheap clothes?
Goodwill Hunting
I just booked some cheap seats from United.
They were in the nosebleed section.
My dad told me never to go to a cheap, sleazy, dirty, raunchy strip club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.
So I went.
And I saw my dad.
I like my women like I like my ramen noodles
Hot, cheap, and Asian
I bought a cheap thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
A kid asked his cheap dad for $5
"$4? What do you need $3 for? I've only got $2. Here's $1"
Man finds an HD TV in a Garage Sale
"How much is this TV?" the man said.
The seller responded, "One dollar."
"Wow, only one dollar?"
"Yep, one dollar."
Why is it so cheap?" asked the man.
"Its volume is turned all the way up, and you can't adjust it, it's stuck that way." said the seller.
"So the volume is always turned up?"
"Yep."
"And it's only a dollar?"
"Yes, one dollar."
"Just cause the volume is turned all the way up?"
"Yep."
"Wow! Can't turn that down."
For sale: Dead canary
Not going cheap
My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married…
She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…
I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self.
That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
I got gas today for $1.49.
I couldn't believe it was that cheap. Then again, I don't know what else I expected going to Taco Bell.
My grandfather was cheap. He'd give me a 50 dollar bill each year for my birthday
Not currency; an actual invoice for 50 dollars
I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap.
No strings attached.
I saw a TV for sale for 1$
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...
Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!
I saved a fortune by not vaccinating my child.
Which was fortunate, because kids funerals don't come cheap.
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because this stupid parrot keeps reposting crappy jokes" said the pet store employee.
What do you call cheap apartments in the Middle East?
Low rents of Arabia.
Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...
Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!
Because it wasn't good for Adam to be all by himself, the Lord came down for a visit.
"Adam," the Lord said, "I have a plan to make you a very happy man. I'm going to give you a companion who will fulfill your every need and desire. She will be loving, and beautiful, and faithful. She will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."
Adam was stunned, "That sounds incredible!"
"I'm glad you like the idea, but it doesn't come cheap." The Lord replied. "It will cost you an arm and a leg."
"That's a pretty high price to pay," Adam said. "What can I get for a rib?"
Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised
Why is it cheap to feed a giraffe?
A little goes a long way
What's the cheapest part of a house?
The roof tiles, because they're on the house.
I was staying in a hotel last night. Before I went to bed, I phoned down to reception.
Hi, this is room 317. Can I have a wake-up call, please?
The receptionist replied, Yes. You're fat, in your 40′s and given you're staying in such a cheap hotel probably haven't achieved much in your life.
My grandpa's so cheap...
When he dies, he'll probably walk towards the light - and turn it off.
I hired a guy to represent me in court today.
He was very cheap and brought me the best cup of coffee. Unfortunately we lost the case.
He told me next time hire a barrister and not a barista.
When I was small my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager
It wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered
What do you call a cheap prostitute who does her job well?
A good bang for your buck
Cheaper Pub in the World
Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;
‟That will be $0.05 please sir .
‟Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too
‟Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir .
‟Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps .
‟0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together .
‟This is astonishing, can I speak to the owner of this place, I would like to thank him .
‟Oh, not just now, he is busy, he is upstairs with my wife .
‟...What is he doing upstairs with your wife?
‟Same thing I'm doing down here with his business .
Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama?
Family discount.
A man goes into a pet store and demands an amazing pet for a very cheap price
The shop keeper says "I have a talking fox for only £20" the man exclaims " foxes can't talk!" While he's rambling on the fox puts his paw up on the desk and says "actually I can talk... I've written 3 books and I climbed up mount Everest for the 2nd time yesterday!" The man says "wow he's amazing, why are you selling him so cheap??" To which the shopkeeper replies "I just can't take the lies anymore..."
What do skinny jeans and a cheap hotel have in common?
There's no ballroom.
Friend told me this a couple years ago. I was reminded today, by wearing skinny jeans and tugging at my crotch the entire time.
When I was a baby.
My parents used to bath me cheap Australian beer.
It wasn't till I was 18 that I realized I'd been Fostered.
Mercedes for Sale @ $1
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1.
She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said "I would die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where all money receievd from sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary".
Costco is like my ex
Cheap and giving free samples to everyone
The stereotype of Persians used to be that they're very cheap.
A Persian man's wife died. After the burial he called the newspaper to write the obituary.
Put 'Sarah died' he said
*Sir, you're not paying us by word, it's a flat rate... you can write a whole sentence if you like.*
Put 'Sarah died yesterday'
*Sir, you can add six more words and I'll charge you for a sentence*
Put '86 Mazda for sale, low mileage''
Looking for a married woman, recently cheated on, mad and scorned
who is willing to sell her husbands tools for cheap.
I saw a used Bose stereo system on sale for for 15$
I asked the guy why it was so cheap and he told me it was a great deal, but the volume is stuck on max.
I thought "well, I can't turn that down".
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cheap expensive jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working cheap real cheap piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.