Cheap Jokes
115 cheap jokes and hilarious cheap puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cheap that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of cheap jokes! From knock-knock jokes to puns, we've got all the funny you need!
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Funniest Cheap Short Jokes
Short cheap jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cheap humour may include short cheep jokes also.
- If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative... Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!
- I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
- My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married… She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…
- I bought my Dad a cheap dictionary for Christmas. He couldn't find the right words to thank me.
- My granma got my granpa a new pair of pants. When I asked him how they fit, he said, "like a cheap castle". When I looked confused, he explained, "no ballroom"
- When I was small my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager It wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered
- A cheap man dropped a penny from the fifth floor When he came down to pick it up he couldn't find it and was about to go crazy.
5 seconds later the penny reached the ground. - Where do music loving cats go to for vacation Sing-a-purr
(I know it's cheap, I'll see myself out) - Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama? Family discount.
- What do you call a cheap wig? A small price toupée.
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Cheap One Liners
Which cheap one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cheap? I can suggest the ones about discount and affordable.
- I bought a cheap thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
- Why is gravity so cheap? Why Because it's mass-produced.
- What do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off.
- What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common? No *ball*room
- I just booked some cheap seats from United. They were in the nosebleed section.
- Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings. Corona did what Trump promised
- My wife claims that I'm cheap But I'm not buying it
- Girls pants are like a cheap hotel... ... no ballroom.
- How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- My jokes are military grade Cheap and overused
- For sale: Dead canary Not going cheap
- What's expensive and dirt cheap at the same time? Fresh grad
- An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon... It was secondhand.
- What do you call cheap apartments in the Middle East? Low rents of Arabia.
- I got a cheap circumcision yesterday... It was a rip off.
Cheap Cars Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheap cars jokes and even better cheap cars puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Buy a cheap phone, but don't buy a cheap car Buy No*kia*
- Why is Trump's car insurance so cheap? NO COLLISION.
- If driving your car is too expensive, we in germany got some good connections for cheap gas.
- I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
- How to get a cheap car in Finland? Buy it from Germany and register it to Estonia
- Why was the car engine so loud, but the rest of the car terrible? Because torque is cheap
- What car is so cheap that anyone could purchase it? A Ford.
Cheap People Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheap people jokes and even better cheap people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't understand why people buy cheap boomerangs They only throw them away.
- I bought a pair of roller blades at a garage sale... Some people might call me a cheap skate.
Cheap Drunk Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheap drunk jokes and even better cheap drunk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got drunk and hired a cheap lawyer last night. Think I might have contracted something...
Cheap Skate Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheap skate jokes and even better cheap skate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My rich neighbour just had a private ice rink built! I said to him "Can I have a go?" and he said "Yeah, but it'll cost you a dollar"
I thought: what a cheap skate.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Cheap Jokes
What funny jokes about cheap you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean easy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cheap pranks.
Returning on Investment
After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
I have a kid in africa
which I feed, clothe and school for less than a dollar a day, which is really cheap.
Ofcourse the plane ticket to send him there was quite expensive, but now it's really working out.
(stolen from the awesome Jeselnik)
So I heard the royal baby was 8 pounds.
That's awfully cheap for a human baby.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl......
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his p**..., and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The r**... girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many i**... aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...
A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the most expensive restaurants in The world. After the meal their waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just g**... the check to me".
Headlines in the local newspaper next day read: "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee...
...hot, black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my g**... while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia.
...free, fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian.
...in a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Beer
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"
"These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well"
"that is a cheap stereotype"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obama frees a genie
Obama frees a genie, but this is a cheap genie and he only grants him one wish. Obama furrows his brow in thought and finally comes up with the perfect single wish and starts:
"Now, let me be clear..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a street full of cheap h**... and a McDonald's?
Quarter p**....
What are the cheapest kind of nuts?
Deer nuts, they're under a buck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my health care like I like my h**...
Cheap, and accepting of all preexisting conditions...as far as I'm aware I just made this up, be gentle
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between the Seahawks and a cheap h**...?
The h**... won't choke on six inches.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a cheap robot and a high class p**... have in common
They both stop working for you after you pee on them.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders finest scotch.
Bartender: (giving him the drink) that would be $2 Sir.
Guy: woah, this is cheap. You are good people. I want to thank your manager. Where is he?
Bartender: in the hotel room Sir, with my wife.
Guy: What's he doing with your wife?
Bartender: The same thing I'm doing with his business.
There were once some monks who decided to raise money by opening a flower shop
There was once an order of monks that needed to raise some money. They figured that the best way to do this was by opening a flower shop and selling flowers.
Now, these monks sold their flowers really cheap, and everyone liked the idea of buying flowers from men of God, so much so that all the other florists slowly lost all their business.
Realizing their predicament, the florists banded to figure out how to remove these monks. They finally settled on Big Hugh, the best kneecapper in town. Big Hugh went to the monks and made several casual comments about the flammability of their monastary. Cowed, the monks caved to his demands, thus proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
My boss asked me to pick him something cheap up to eat for lunch
he wasn't too happy when I came back with his daughter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called?
Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap b**...' hands anyway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife and i need a vacation.
So my wife and i needed a vacation, however didn't have the money. So my wife suggests that for one year every time we have s**... we put $20 in a jar, at the end of the year we use the moeny to pay for a trip. A year goes by and we decide to count the money.. I count it and tell the wife we have $1200, but then i ask her i thought we agreed to only put $20 in the jar, why are there $50 and $100 bills? My wife replied, not everyone is as cheap as you!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Gandalf never dress as a p**... for halloween?
Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I had a dollar for every time I had s**...
I'd be a cheap p**...
PSA: Don't get a cheap circumcision.
Usually, it's a rip-off.
Bought a cheap horse over the weekend. Problem is she sleeps all day.
What a nightmare.
The CEO of Ryanair, walks into a pub...
Michael O'Leary, the CEO of Ryanair, walks into a pub.
The he says to the bartender "Can I have a pint of beer?"
The bartender says "Certainly, that'll be €0.50"
He responds with "50 cents? That's wonderfully cheap!"
But then the bartender tells him "And it'll be €1 for the glass, €3 if you want to sit down, €7 if you stand up, €15 to use the loo... "
What does Matt Damon call it when he shops for cheap clothes?
Goodwill Hunting
Where do shrimp go to buy cheap things ?
A prawn shop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cheap British h**... are the best
...pound for pound
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad told me never to go to a cheap, s**..., dirty, raunchy s**... club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.
So I went.
And I saw my dad.
A kid asked his cheap dad for $5
"$4? What do you need $3 for? I've only got $2. Here's $1"
So I hear
Tickets to Guam are cheap this time of year....
My grandfather was cheap. He'd give me a 50 dollar bill each year for my birthday
Not currency; an actual invoice for 50 dollars
I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap.
No strings attached.
I saw a TV for sale for 1$
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
Bought my wife a cheap waxing.
She said it was a rip-off.
I got a cheap circumcision when I was young.
It was a rip off.
I saved a fortune by not vaccinating my child.
Which was fortunate, because kids funerals don't come cheap.
I was trying to expose the cement company for using cheap materials
But I couldn't find any concrete evidence
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because this s**... parrot keeps reposting c**... jokes" said the pet store employee.
Pet shop
Have you got any kittens going cheap? Asked a customer in a pet shop.
No, sir, replied the owner. All our kittens go Meow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman goes to a doctor with a t**... lodged inside her...
Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!
Because it wasn't good for Adam to be all by himself, the Lord came down for a visit.
"Adam," the Lord said, "I have a plan to make you a very happy man. I'm going to give you a companion who will fulfill your every need and desire. She will be loving, and beautiful, and faithful. She will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."
Adam was stunned, "That sounds incredible!"
"I'm glad you like the idea, but it doesn't come cheap." The Lord replied. "It will cost you an arm and a leg."
"That's a pretty high price to pay," Adam said. "What can I get for a rib?"
Why is it cheap to feed a giraffe?
A little goes a long way
What's the cheapest part of a house?
The roof tiles, because they're on the house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An e-girl hit my dms and asked if I wanted to buy n**....
I said nah I'm broke I don't have any money. She said cmon they're really cheap. And I said no Im still broke and she said pleeeeeeeaaaase it's only 3.50 and then I realized that this e-girl was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. I said d**... Loch Ness monster I ain't giving you no tree fiddy.
I hired a guy to represent me in court today.
He was very cheap and brought me the best cup of coffee. Unfortunately we lost the case.
He told me next time hire a barrister and not a barista.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought a used Lamborghini cheap with hopes of making a quick buck. My friend offered to flip it for me.
He was as good as his word. The f**... is Thursday.
Cheaper Pub in the World
Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;
‟That will be $0.05 please sir .
‟Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too
‟Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir .
‟Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps .
‟0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together .
‟This is astonishing, can I speak to the owner of this place, I would like to thank him .
‟Oh, not just now, he is busy, he is upstairs with my wife .
‟...What is he doing upstairs with your wife?
‟Same thing I'm doing down here with his business .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a cheap vasectomy?
A b**... ripoff
Mercedes for Sale @ $1
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1.
She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said "I would die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where all money receievd from sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary".
I saw a used Bose stereo system on sale for for 15$
I asked the guy why it was so cheap and he told me it was a great deal, but the volume is stuck on max.
I thought "well, I can't turn that down".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't Gandalf bring h**... to Bilbo's birthday party?
Because he is not a conjurer of cheap tricks.
Mercedes for Sale @ $100
Mercedes for Sale @ $100
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it could be true so no one responded, but an old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 Kms, for $100.
She handed him the papers and the car keys.
Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said, "I shall die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied, "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where it's written that the money received from the sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary ..."
Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?
Because the ghosts will bring the boos
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remember when McDonalds used to serve cheap, c**... food? I went in for the first time in years and I was surprised how much it had changed.
It's actually quite expensive now.
I'm looking for a woman, recently married, recently cheated on , mad or scorned...
Who is willing to sell her man's tools for cheap.
Once you start buying cheap brakes.....
You won't be able to stop
I just got in touch with my inner self
Man, how I hate this cheap toilet paper at work
Is he cheap?
He'd marry a thin girl because she could wear a smaller sized engagement ring.
Source: 1913 newspaper
