The Best 43 Chauffeur Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Chauffeur jokes. There are some chauffeur valet jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chauffeur cab puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Chauffeur Jokes and Puns

Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine?

He had nothing left to chauffeur it.

OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common?

They both get paid to chauffeur. (show fur)

Chauffeur joke, OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common?

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.

fire the chauffeur!

Wife: "I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."

Husband: "Dear, lets give him another chance."


What do you call a hard working man from whose chauffeur is from seoul?

Korea driven.

What do you call a chauffeur who has sex with his clients?

A screwdriver.

Chauffeur joke, What do you call a chauffeur who has sex with his clients?

Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer?

All that time, and nothing to chauffeur it...

I really want to drive private or hired cars.

But I don't have anything to chauffeur it.

Why was the cab driver contemplating his life?

Because he had nothing to chauffeur.

My friend got a nice new ride, but no one wants to drive him around in it

Now he's got all that car and nothing to chauffeur it.

You can explore chauffeur limo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chauffeur screwdriver dad jokes. There are also chauffeur puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I had to fire my driver today

So now I have all this money, and nothing to chauffeur it.

A woman holding her baby gets on the bus

The chauffeur looks at it and says:

"That has to be the most ugly baby I've ever seen!"

Furious, the woman walks to the back of the bus and says to a man next to her:

"The driver just rudely insulted me!"

The man says:

"You don't have to allow that! Go and say something to him. While you do that, I'll hold on to your monkey."

A large car with chauffeur

A boyfriend is watching TV when his girlfriend walks into the room

Gf: "I want to go to the mall to go shopping, wanna bring me?"

Boyfriend sighs

Bf: "How would you like it if you went in a large car with a chauffeur?"

Gf: "That sounds great!"

Bf: "Well, the bus leaves in 5 minutes."

My new Rolls Royce

I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.

So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.

Microsoft's designated Chauffeur was killed

in a car accident. Unfortunately he was to blame for it...
Now, the company needs a driver update.

Chauffeur joke, Microsoft's designated Chauffeur was killed

You know how they say that people can drive you crazy?

My wife is my chauffeur.

I hired a Russian chauffeur the other day...

his name was Pikup Andropov

I spent all day working on a bunch of puns about limousine drivers.

But I still have nothing to chauffeur it.


My friend has been a limo driver for 20 years and has never had a customer.

All this time and nothing to Chauffeur it.

Why did the actor that employed a dwarf to drive him around never get any role?

Because he had too little to chauffeur himself.

Why shouldn't you spend all of your money on an invisible limousine?

Because then you won't have anything to chauffeur it.

My friend was a limo driver and he couldn't find any people to pick up...

All this time and nothing to chauffeur it.

Did you hear about the limo driver who drove for 20 years but never found a client?

All that time wasted with nothing to chauffeur it.

An aristocrat Bostonian lady hired a new chauffeur. As they started out on their first drive, she inquired:

"What is your name?"
"Thomas, ma'am," he answered.
"What is your last name," she said. "I never call chauffeurs by their first names."
"Darling, ma'am," he replied.
"Drive on - Thomas," she said.
(Rapp, Albert 1951. On the Origins of Wit and Humor. New York: Dutton. Pages 49-50)

I've been a limousine driver for 25 years

All that time and I've got nothing to chauffeur it

Trump fires his chauffeur

"You're fired! This is the second time this week you've almost killed me!"

"Please, Mr. Trump, give me one more chance"

Did you hear about my Russian chauffeur?

His name is Pikop Andropov.

Prince Philip had a car accident and his Range Rover was written off.

All that money and nothing to chauffeur it

A wealthy woman comes back home to her husband...

A wealthy woman comes back home to her husband, she is panting and shaking.

_Wife:_ We have to fire the chauffeur, it's the second time he's tried to kill me!

_Husband:_ Come on, honey. You gotta give him another chance!

My friend just hired a limo for Β£1000 but it didn't come with a driver

Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it

I used to be a personal driver in France

But now I have nothing to chauffeur it...

My friend just hired a limo for a $1000 but it didn't come with a driver !

Imagine spending all that money and having nothing to chauffeur it

Sean Connery was very rude to his guests, and treated his driver terribly

I went to his house once and he didn't even offer me a seat. He just kept asking if I wanted to shit on his chauffeur

Big dreams

Some people wanna have enough money to buy a bike. Others a car. Others would like to be rich enough to hire a chauffeur. However I dream bigger than that, I wanna be able to afford an ambulance ride in the United States

car service outrage

I recently paid $300 for a limousine and I just found out the fee doesn't include a driver.

I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

The limo driver opened an animal hide gallery.

The chauffeur show furs

I bought a very expensive limousine but couldn't afford to hire a driver.

Spent all my money and had nothing to chauffeur it.

I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!

I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"
The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…
… so I'd spent Β£400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!

I once hired a limo

*I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!*

*I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"*

*The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…*

*… so I'd spent Β£400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!*

I bought an expensive limousine but had no one to drive it.

Spent all that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

I spent all my cash renting a limo and it didn't come with a driver.

Wasted all that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

A company just rented me a limo for $300, but I just found out that it doesn't come with a driver.

So I have a limo but nothing to chauffeur it.

I'll show myself out..,

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chauffeur bodyguard jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chauffeur fiat piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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