The Best 59 Chatting Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Chatting jokes. There are some chatting chat up lines jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chatting meet puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Chatting Jokes and Puns

Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.

While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.

After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.

Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.

God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.

They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".

I was chatting with a deaf person on omegle.

He asked me "ASL?".

So I'm chatting to this 14 year old on the Internet..

She is funny, flirty, sexy and intelligent and now she's telling me she's an undercover cop, how cool is that at her age!

Chatting joke, So I'm chatting to this 14 year old on the Internet..

So I meet this girl ...

and I'm chatting her up. Telling her that she's really hot and that I want to take her out and have some fun with her. Out of nowhere she says really loud "You're a pedophile." I told her, "Whoa, that's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."

The Horse and the Chicken

One day the horse and the chicken were walking along the road near the farm, merrily chatting away. Suddenly, the horse fell into a muddy hole and couldn't get out.

"Help help Chicken! I've fallen and I can't get out of this hole!", the Horse yelled. "Don't worry," said the chicken. "I'll just get the farmer's BMW and pull you out!"

The chicken did this, and all was well. The following day, without thinking the chicken fell into the same hole.

"Help help Horse! I've fallen into this hole and I can't get out!"

The horse smiled and said, "Don't worry Chicken. Just grab a hold of my weiner!"

"What?!?"

"Well, when you're hung like a horse, you don't need BMWs to pick up chicks."


Two old guys were chatting in the park.

"You know, my wife and I were happy for 40 years," said one guy.
"What happened?" asked the other guy.
"We met," sighed the first.

So I was chatting it up with the receptionist at the sperm bank

And I said "You know, I really love this place. I come here all the time."

Chatting joke, So I was chatting it up with the receptionist at the sperm bank

at least he tried.

I was getting nowhere chatting up this very attractive woman the other night, so I asked her,

Do you always give blokes such a hard time? I mean, have you ever slept with anyone before?

That's my business! she snapped back at me.

Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realise, I responded. How much?

Three old women were sitting on a bench in the park...

chatting when a man wearing a trench coat approached and flashed them. The first woman instantly had a stroke, as did the second. The third one couldn't quite reach.

That pig is a hero.

One day two farmers are chatting and farmer 1 notices that farmer 2 has an odd pig.
Farmer 1: "hey why does that pig over there only got three legs?"
Farmer 2: "oh that pig, he's a hero. bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping."
Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?"
Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

At a small London pub,

3 girls are chatting. An Englishman hears them and notices their distinctive accent that he so easily recognizes. He approaches then smoothly and asks: "are you girls from Scotland?"

In a condescending tone, one of them turns around and says: "It's Wales, idiot!"

"Oh I'm sorry, are you whales from Scotland?"

You can explore chatting carmen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chatting gab dad jokes. There are also chatting puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two friends are chatting in a bar...

A: I will never understand the way women think.

B: Why do you say that?

A: My wife came home the other day with some revealing lingerie and told me "I bought these for you."

B: So?

A: She started yelling at me when I put them on.

4 men in a pub

4 men are chatting in a pub,

The first man says:"I sleep with my wife once a month",

The second man says :"i sleep twice a month",

The third says:"I sleep once a week",

The fourth man says:"I sleep twice a week",

Then the first man says: "What are you talking about? you aren't even married",

The fourth man replies: "Oh I thought everyone was talking about your wife".

The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...

Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."

Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."

John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"

Two mathematicians were chatting online...

1st mathematician: Gimme 5!
2nd mathematician: 120

Two guys are chatting

When the topic of jobs comes up.

Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"

Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."

Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"

Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"

Man 2: "No..."

Man 1: "You're welcome."

Chatting joke, Two guys are chatting

An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.

An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.

After both ordering their drinks, the Australian asks the American "So what is it that you do for a living?"

"Oh" the American responds. "I help my clients by representing them in court, and also advise them in other legal matters."

In a thick Australian accent, the other man replies "You're a lawyer."

And the American says "No really, it's the truth."

I took a girl home last night after telling her I was good with my mouth...

We stayed up all night chatting, she eventually stormed off and I'm not sure why, maybe she doesn't think I'm the cunning linguist I claimed after all?

Been chatting and flirting with this 14 year old chick

Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How freakin' cool is that for someone her age.


Pavlov was drinking in a bar

and chatting with some fellow scientists. The time flew by, and before he knew it the barman loudly rang the bell signalling last orders.

Pavlov clapped a hand to his forehead, 'Oh crap!' he cried. 'I forgot to feed the dog!'

Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.

Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.

I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online

She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!

A Koala walks into a bar...

So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs

So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of prostitute in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does sexual acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."

I was chatting up this woman.

I said, "You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."

"Aww," she smiled, "Can you?"

I said, "Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."

I got chatting with a girl in a bar....

"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.

"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."

"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that!" she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.

A few drinks later, we kissed and cuddled and headed back to her place and made passionate love.

While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"

I said, "My wife found out!"

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are each pregnant and at the doctor's office...

While sitting in the waiting area, they begin chatting.

The brunette says "I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!"
The redhead says "I was on top so I'm having a boy!"
The blonde starts crying hysterically.
The brunette and redhead ask her what's wrong.
The blonde says "I'm going to have a puppy!"

Guy goes to a ballgame...

...finds his seat and sees an elderly fellow in the next row with an empty seat beside him. They get to chatting and he asks if the seat is taken:

"Not anymore. My wife and I used to go to all the games together, but she died. This is the first game I've been to since!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Couldn't you give the ticket to a friend, or a family member?"

"Nah. They're all at the funeral."

Life's been a bit weird lately.

A while back I showed up late to a dinner at my hot lesbian neighbours. They forgave me, and eventually we got chatting about my birthday. They asked me what I wanted for it. Answer was pretty obvious, I told them I wanted a watch. They giggled a bit, and eventually agreed.

I think they were just teasing me though, its been a week since my birthday and I still can't tell the time.

Seen two girls have sex though.

Two men are chatting over a pint

Bob turns to John and says, "You're looking down in the dumps, what's wrong?"
"It's the wife. Since she's started this high-powered job, she's cut our sex down to 3 times a week!"
"You're lucky" remarked Bob. "She's cut me out completely!"

Slow typing...

After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.

Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..

Three Old Ladies Sitting on a park bench.

Three old ladies are sitting in the park. Just chatting it up on a park bench like old ladies will do.

Suddenly, a man in a trench coat walks up to them and opens his coat and flashes them with all that god had given him to offer.

Well, the first old lady immediately has a stroke.

The second old lady has a stroke soon after.

The third old lady, being more old and feeble, couldn't reach that far.

A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant

Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:

"Table for 8, please"

"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"

"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"

He turns around, and begins doing a head count:

"0, 1, 2, 3..."

I got chatting to this lumberjack the other day

He seemed like a decent feller

I know the feeling...

An auto mechanic in the hospital was chatting nervously with his surgeon while being prepped for an operation. "Sometimes I wish I'd gone into your line of work," he told the doctor. "Everything you doctors do is so cut and dried and tidy. With me, I spend half a day taking an engine apart and putting it back together, and it seems like I always have a couple of parts left over."

"Yes," said the surgeon. "I know the feeling."

Two sailors were chatting

One says "We'll soon arrive at Port. I can't wait to make love to my lady, it's been so long."

The other one asks "Yeah, me too. Say, have you ever made love to your love in the other hole?"

"No, are you crazy? I don't wanna make her pregnant"

Two guys were chatting in the bar

"So how's it go with that chick last night? She was an English teacher , right?"

"Yeah, she got dressed and left a few minutes after we got in bed"

"Shame. Why'd she do so?"

"I guess she didn't like my improper use of the colon."

A Spaniard & a Russian were chatting up a woman at a bar

The Spaniard made many passes but it was the Russian who scored.

A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.

"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."

The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.

Two prostitutes were chatting on the corner. One says to the other, "You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

She says, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits a couple times."

Two freinds are sitting on a bench, a deaf elderly woman and a elderly man.

While they are chatting, the woman speaking and the man signing, the man would stop and laugh, making a visible laughing motion that the woman sees.

The woman eventually asks what is so funny and the man signs backing, "Oh it's nothing."

They move on and the woman eventually says that her butt has fell asleep.

The man signs that "I know, I could hear it snoring. Why do you think I was laughing?"

Muslim, Jewish and Christian man

A Christian, a Muslim and a jew are sitting in an apartment chatting. They then decide they want to make tea. The Christian and The Muslim are arguing over who should make it. After a while of going back and forth they look over to the Jew and say:

'Hey, why doesn't he brew'

Two guys are chatting at the gym, and the first guy says to the second "what's that bulge in your pants?"

The second guy replies: "Tennis ball."

The first guy thinks about it for a second and says, "ouch. I had tennis elbow once."

Three elderly ladies are sitting at a park bench chatting.

A man walks up to them and flashes them, two of the ladies have a stroke but the third couldn't reach that far

Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.

Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.

His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…

Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?

The other man says, You mean the rose?

His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!

He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?

Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.



Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.



His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…



Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?



The other man says, You mean the rose?



His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!



He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."

"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."

"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.

The others stare, shocked and bewildered.

"How can you tell?" they ask.

"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."

Duckiiiiiies

Two philosophers sat chatting in a bar, when one posed a question to the other. Imagine to yourself there were two ducks; one that could not stop moving in a certain directions, and could not be stopped, and another which could not by any means move or be moved. Say they were on a collision course, what would occur?
The other philosopher sat and sipped at his drink before replying, I truly don't know... What a pair o' ducks!

Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party

Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

'BJ Titsngolf'

Hitler is sitting in hell with Stalin and Satan chatting...

Satan asks them if either of them have any regrets.

Hitler: You know, I do.

Stalin + Satan: Really?!?!

Hitler: Yea, you know if I could do it all over again, I'd kill 6 million jews and a dog.

Satan: What?

Stalin: Why a dog?

Hitler: See! I told you no one gives a shit about the jews!

"So I matched with this cute guy on Tinder last night, and we started chatting and sending each other memes and little animations. But then he mentioned that he was an exchange student from Athens, so I ghosted him." "Why?"

"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"

A guy has been chatting to a pretty Chinese girl in a bar and offers to take her home.

At her place things are starting to get hot and heavy, especially when she says "So, anything you really really like?". He decides to go for it and says "I'd love a 69."

She turns bright red, slaps his face and says "You bloody men all the same...

"I'm not cooking beef and broccoli at this time of night!"

Two guys at a yard sale are chatting, one says whatcha got there, pal?

Fella over there sold me a bunch of dominoes, a paint can, a ball, and a mousetrap

What in the hell would you need all that junk for?

He said I can use it to crack an egg

You're such a rube, Goldberg

Blood donor

I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. When I drew his blood, there was a little squirt of blood and it surprised him. I looked him deeply in the eyes and told him, you're bleeding because you don't floss

I was chatting to my mate from Liverpool.

Me: So what have you got your kids for Christmas?

Him: I got the youngest a trampoline and the

other 2 a bike each I found on the internet.

Me: What website were they on?

Him: Google Earth Street View.

A man was chatting with his friend.

\-"Guess what happened! I found this woman tied to the railroad tracks. I untied her, and then we made love all night!"

\-"That's amazing dude! What did she look like?"

\-"I don't know, I never found her head."

A wake for my mother-in-law

Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"

"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"

"Oh, No!" says the first man. "So were the people there to pay their final respects?"

"No," says the second man. "Once news started to spread about the incident, men from all over the county started coming over asking if they could borrow my mule."

Two guys chatting at the bar....

One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular breasts and I accidentally asked for two plane-titties" His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my wife to pass the corn-flakes and accidentally said, "You fat cow, you've totally ruined my life"'

2 guys in a bar chatting. The first says have you ever said something wrong by mistake , Guy 2 says like what?

Guy 1 says well, this one time I was at the airline desk and the woman behind the counter had HUGE breasts. I was supposed to ask for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh but I asked for 2 tickets to Titsburgh

Guy 2 says Oh yeah, I see what you mean. The other day I was having breakfast with my wife. I was supposed to ask her to pass the salt, but I said you've ruined my life bitch

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chatting lounge jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chatting convo piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes