Chat Room Jokes

An old couple has friends over for dinner one evening...

After a pleasant dinner, the women stay in the dining room to chat whilst the men retire to the living room.
One of the men says to the other,
We went to this wonderful restaurant the other week, you should visit it some time! Wonderful portion sizes and prices.
The other ponders this and replies,
What's it called?
He thinks about it for a moment before replying.
What's the name of that flower - you know, that thorny one? For Valentine's Day?
A rose?
Oh! Yes!
He turns around and yells into the other room, Hey, Rose! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last week?

Four women were chatting in the locker room (n**...)

When one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male m**...: jerking off, w**..., spanking the monkey, and so on... there weren't any common terms for female m**....
"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.
"But that's just a feminization of 'jacking off,'" said the second.
"You're right," said another. "We don't seem to have any slang terms of our own for it."
The fourth woman snorted. "After fourteen years of marriage, there's only one thing I call it."
"What's that?"
"Finishing the job."

Vladimir Putin making a school visit...

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.
At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions, Little Alina puts her hand up and says "I have two questions"
"Why did the Russians take Crimea? And Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?"
Putin says "Good questions" But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go to Lunch.
When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions, another girl, Tatiana, puts her hand up and says "I have Four questions"
"My Questions are - Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine? Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? And Where is Alina?"

Daddy, How Was I Born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room onYahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googledeach other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
'You got Male!

Chat Room

8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlHBa99B7CqR65oxZ9MzWtGAyMxr7o0iE7UcPqr6UrXvGG4ebEH2Zd8WPAY8CZGlH

A blond, a brunette and a redhead, all three pregnant, are in the waiting room of their OBI-GYN . . .

and they are chatting about what motherhood is going to be like. The talk drifts to whether they think their respective babies will be boys or girls. "Well," said the redhead, "I wouldn't be surprised if I had a boy, since whenever my partner and I have s**..., he's always on top and I heard that makes for a boy." The brunette says, "If that's the case, then I must be going to have a girl, since when my partner and I have s**..., I'm always on top." The blond starts to sniffle, then bursts out crying. The other two ask her what's wrong. "Oh no!" the blond wails. "I'm going to have a puppy!"

The Pickup Artist

Ted is sitting at the bar, chatting with the bartender. It's a good night, not too crowded, but a steady stream of customers. The door opens and a homely guy walks in. He takes a seat at the other end of the bar, orders a beer, and sits there sipping it.
The bartender walks back, and Ted says, "There's a guy who's leaving alone tonight!" Even as he speaks, the hottest girl in the room walks up to the homely guy. They chat a minute, then leave arm-in-arm. "Man!", says Ted, "what luck!"
"He's a regular", says the bartender. "Every night, the same thing, he leaves with a different woman, never here for more than five minutes."
"No way," says Ted, "What's his secret?"
"Beats me. He just walks in, orders a beer, and sits there l**... his eyebrows."

"Daddy! How was I born?" Junior asks his dad,

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!

The Pope dies and arrives in Heaven

St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."
God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: "Yes Dad, what's up?"
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room Jeffery Epstien didn't kill himself laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. 
She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore.
After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home. 
When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it.
After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter.
Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. 
His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. 
"Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said.
"As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!" 
Then he hung up and walked out of the room.
In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. 
Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."