Following is our collection of funny Chat jokes. There are some chat msn jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chat chat room puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Were sitting in the waiting room at the OB-GYN. Each of them were pregnant and having a chat.
"I'm going to have a boy cause I was on top" the brunette said. "Ah well then I'm going to have a girl cause I was on bottom" the redhead replied. The blonde thought for a moment, then started to cry. The other two looked at her concerned and the brunette asked "What's wrong honey?" Then the blonde replied through her sobs "I'm going to have puppies!"
You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
Apologies to my friends on my chat list...
He asked me "ASL?".
She is funny, flirty, sexy and intelligent and now she's telling me she's an undercover cop, how cool is that at her age!
She said, "So what do you work as?"
"It's a very important job," I said. "I have to finalise deals in the transfer window."
"Wow, a football agent?" she asked.
"No," I replied. "I work in the drive thru at McDonald's."
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, Here, try these on.''
She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.
'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
So....On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine !
Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'
Karen said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'
And I said "You know, I really love this place. I come here all the time."
Two german friends chat and soon they come to the topic of the Holocaust. One of them then looks very sad and asks his friend: "Could we change the topic, please? I've never told you, but my grandpa died in Ausschwitz."
The other responds: "Sure, man, no problem. But may I ask you, how did your grandfather die?"
"Well, one day he got really drunk, fell from a watchtower and broke his neck..."
A woman has had a huge argument with her husband and is on the phone having a long chat with her friend when she sees her husband returning home with a huge bouquet of flowers.
"Oh no," says the woman. "My husband's home and he's brought a huge bunch of flowers for me."
Her friend is a little surprised. "But that's so sweet of him!"
"Ugh," says the woman. "It means I have to spend all night on my back with my legs in the air."
The friend pauses for a moment. "Don't you have a vase?"
"What do you do for a living?"' I asked her.
"Real estate, you know, selling houses, apartments etc, What do you have?" she replied.
"At the moment', I replied, "I just happen to have a semi".
You can explore chat meet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chat chatter dad jokes. There are also chat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
They chat for a while about work, when one of them ssays. "I can fit a glass up in my (you know)" the other one replies. "thats nothing, i can fit a bottle up in my (you know)" thats when the third starts to giggle. "whats so funny?" the other two ask. "ohh nothing" she says as she slowly glide down on the barstool.
I was getting nowhere chatting up this very attractive woman the other night, so I asked her,
Do you always give blokes such a hard time? I mean, have you ever slept with anyone before?
That's my business! she snapped back at me.
Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realise, I responded. How much?
... and sees his friend Bjorn sitting alone at a table. He orders a vodka, and sits down opposite him. Bjorn looks up and nods. Sven nods back.
They sit like this, not speaking, for hours, waving to the barman when more vodka is required.
Eventually Sven says, "Snow again."
Bjorn replies, "Look, if you're going to chat all night, then I'm going to have to find another bar."
A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"
"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."
"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"
"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."
"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"
"No, you must get a new one."
"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."
"Sorry, you must get a new one."
"OK, roses."
"Sorry you must use more letters."
"OK, pretty roses"
"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."
"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
"OK, 1prettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use additional characters."
"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."
"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"
The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.
A New Yorker is passing by and stops to chat. He asks the old timer, "Have you lived here all your life."
"Not yet."
...were having a chat over the back fence.
"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."
"Why's that, Clem?"
"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love to your wife."
"Pfft! That shows how bad your eyesight is. I wasn't even home last night!"
A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.
The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop masturbating."
"What? Why?" asks the guy.
"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."
It's Commander Lamb.
(From a friend of mine... Told it to me while we were in a party chat)
Kappatalism!
Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How freakin' cool is that for someone her age.
He (or she) would always reply with "K".
It's just not their Kappa tea
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.
I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party.
She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!
I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999.
I said, "You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."
"Aww," she smiled, "Can you?"
I said, "Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."
"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that!" she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.
A few drinks later, we kissed and cuddled and headed back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out!"
Nothing, he isn't even in voice chat
Or as he called it, "having a chat".
She is uninterested and in an attempt to get rid of him she says,
"I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on Earth!"
The man replies,
"If that were the case, who would be there to stop me?"
Me: Yes, of course!
Anddd she left the chat.
Two old ladies were sitting on a bench having a quiet chat, when a flasher approached from across the park. He stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat, exposing himself.
One of the ladies immediately had a stroke.
The other lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
Q: What did the left leg say to the right leg?
A: "That one in the middle thinks he's hard."
At a local cafe, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night! An old granny overheard and spoke up, Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!
.. a man goes over to chat with her. After talking to her for a while he makes his move.
"Stop!" says the woman as the man tries to kiss her. "I'm sorry but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I truly love."
"Wow", says the man, "that must be difficult."
"It's not too bad", replied the woman. "My husband's quite upset though."
My mum was confused as to why I was talking to the microwave.
Irish chat up line:
Have ya got any Irish in ya?
I don't.
Well would ya like some?
So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"
He said, "Com..." I asked, "What did you say?" It turns out his internet went out while he was answering my question.
Is this your land? He asks the farmer. Yep, from that post down to the river. Responds the farmer. The prince smiles and says, on my land i can get in my car and drive the whole day and not see the other side! And the farmer says:
Yeah i had a car like that once.
He asked how many children she had.
Six, she answered.
Here is a sixpence for them, he responded, handing her a coin.
No, sir, she said proudly, I will not sell my children.
He kept saying stuff like, "Who are you and why are you in my car?" and "Please get out or I'll call the cops."
5 stars.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
I ended up looking at a tall sheep like animal, turns out I called Dial-a-Llama
It pulled a mussel.
This doesn't work in American English.
In British slang, if you chat someone up and they like you, you have *pulled*.
Sorry I failed!
They chat and learn they have a common bond. The first one says "My restaurant was wiped out by a fire, everything inside was wrecked."
The second one says "Mine was taken out by a flood, total loss too."
The first one thinks a bit then asks "How do you start a flood?"
He seemed like a decent feller
A man walks up to a woman and asks: "Would you like to dance?"
Woman: "Yes, i would like that very much."
Man: "Ok, go dancing then. Meanwhile i will chat with your friend."
- So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
- Yes.
- Me too?
- Of course.
- And how much do you think I would cost?
- 500 francs.
- What?! Only 500 francs?!
- Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.
He passes the night trying to chat up every girl he sees, but sadly to no avail, since everyone is wierded out by his newt.
Finally, he sees a beautiful girl and strikes up a conversation with her. After a few moments of talking, she questions him about the newt.
"What's his name?" The girl ask him.
"Tiny" the man responds.
"Oh whys he named that?" The girl questions.
"Because he's my newt"
Before I could, he told me of his own accord.
and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies
"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."
Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some tips for being more sociable.
He wanted to have a manta-man talk
(I'm so sorry)
It helps to pasta time.
But some days I can't help but be Susan.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Two peasants are having a chat and one says "Why did the king go to the dentist's?"
The other peasant, confused, says "no I don't, please tell me"
The first peasant then hits him with "to get his teeth crowned!"
Now that's service.
Clitter
I tried to be nice so I said, "Perhaps just as a broad broad abroad."
A mooing van
Nothing because they don't let us talk.
"Thanks, I'll be here all week!"
A bandmate put an F in the chat.
They meet with all the world leaders. Eventually it's the Pope's turn to chat to them. He asks the one alien, Greetings alien, what do you think of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
The alien exclaims, Ah, JC! He's my boy! We have a massive party when he visits us once a year!
He visits you once a year? The Pope asks in astonishment. He hasn't been to earth in more than two millennia! How did you manage that?!
Well, when he first came to our planet we gave him a box of our finest chocolates. What did you guys do?
I'm asking for a friend.
The indefinite integral takes a seat next to the definite integral, and as they chat, they find they have a lot in common!
As the night goes on the indefinite integral offers to buy the two another round, but the definite integral politely declines:
.
No thank you, I know my limits!
2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just about to get me … the lion just slipped and fell on the ground so I escaped." the second hunter then ask him in awe "and how the hell you didn't shit yourself mate? so he replies "what you think the lion slipped on ?"
Me: So what have you got your kids for Christmas?
Him: I got the youngest a trampoline and the
other 2 a bike each I found on the internet.
Me: What website were they on?
Him: Google Earth Street View.
"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"
The first one asks: "Did you get the Covid-19 vaccine?"
The second replies: "Hey, I am not crazy they didn't yet finish the tests on humans!"
Vote me down to oblivion but still the answer is 42!
They said he was catching bees and throwing them at other kids. So I sat him down and had a chat. I said, "Son, you can't be doing that, obviously it's not ok to throw bees at people, they could get stung and what happens if someone has an allergic reaction? How would you feel if that happened?" And he replied, " Well I know it doesn't sound safe, but my principal said I could do it and the teachers said I could do it. Infact both of you even said I could do it! You all said I can bee who I want to bee!
Or something shorter, like "co-vid".
'Fuck off loser' is never going to get me in to bed.
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is
going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you
try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Mama, guess which one am I going to marry?"
Mama says immediately, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Mama. You're right. How did you know?"
Mama replies: "I don't like her."
Just because the stall door is open doesn't mean I'm here to chat. Jeez, have some boundaries dude.
Her husband, who's having a chat with one of his mates over a coffee, takes his shirt and vest off, gives the woman a box with some colouring stuff in, and she calms down and begins to draw Noddy in wax on her husband's right scapula.
The husband's mate looks bemused and asks the guy what she's up to.
"Don't worry, " he replies. "She just needed a shoulder to crayon."
A: "Hey, you know what I did the other day? I found the courage to finally walk into the bosses office and assertively ask for a raise."
B:"Wow, really? How did it go?"
A:"We've reached a compromise. My pay doesn't change and in return I can keep my job."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chat converse jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working chat chat up lines piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.