Chasing Jokes

Following is our collection of outrun humor and hunt one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Chasing puns for adults, dirty pursuit jokes or clean chase gags for kids.

There is an abundance of catch jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes on chasing. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any pullover witze you can hear about chasing.

The Best jokes about Chasing

The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers?

I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.

I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.

I got pulled over by the police ...

He came to the window and said papers ...

I said - scissors, I win - and drove off

He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.

Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.

Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"

The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I'm a cashew

So a cop knocked on my door this morning.

He asked, 'sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.'

I replied, 'sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn't own a bike.'

A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"

I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.

The Police called to my door last night and said "Your dog was chasing a man on a bike"...

...I said "Bullshit, my dog doesn't have a bike".

Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one?

Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.

My grandpa's favorite joke

This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.

At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "

His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."

You're riding a horse, a giraffe is running next to you and a lion is chasing you. What do you do?

Get your drunk as off the carousel.

Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Newton, and Wayne Brady are all chasing after you. Which one is going to catch you first?

I don't know, but they are gonna get ya, one Wayne or another.

A cop pulled me over and said, Papers?

I said, scissors, I win, and drove off.

He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes.

Cops come to house to report my dogs.

The cops came to my house and said "We received a couple of calls saying that your dogs are chasing people on bikes."

I replied "Well that's a lie, my dogs don't have bikes."

What did the nut say while chasing the other nut?

Ima cashew

"Thank you Lord"

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.

They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.

The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.

The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.

The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"

The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.

A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"

"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.

The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"

The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.

"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.

"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?

The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."

The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"

"Alright. easy enough."

The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"

The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"

A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..

When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.

Little Jimmy parents want to have some sexy times...

But their house are just a one room apartment, so they tell Jimmy to go out to the balcony, look at the street and tell them what he sees.

I see people are in a hurry, it must because a rain is coming up - says Jimmy.

Uh, yeah, what else do you see ? - asks the father

Well, I see the polices are chasing a thieft, he runs into the far alley and gets caught there. - Jimmy continues his observation.

Ahhh, yessss, Excellent Jimmy, do you see anything else ?

Well, Jane parents are having sex

What, how do you know ? - the father asks.

I see Jane is standing at the balcony and watch the street too.

My friends still haunt me with this one my dad told us back in the day.

A coffin is chasing a man down the street. The man runs into his house, closes his door and locks it, but the coffin breaks through, he hides in the kitchen, but the coffin finds him and keeps chasing after. The man runs upstairs into his room, locks the door and barricades it, it isn't safe there either, the coffin busts through. He runs into his bathroom, cornered, frantically searching for a weapon, but all he can find is a bottle of Robitussin in his medicine cabinet, he splashes it on the coffin and the coffin stops.

Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar.

One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle.....

The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don't you take the bicycle from it?.... (c:

A cop is patrolling make out point late one night.....

He is used to chasing teenagers out of there who are having sex so when he spotted a car there late he wasn't surprised.

He turns on the lights and walks up to the car only to find a young man sitting in the front seat and a young woman in the back seat reading a magazine.

Shocked at the "lack of action" he starts questioning the young man and asks for his ID. The ID says he is 22 so the officer asks how old the girl is in the back...

The young man looks at his watch and says "in about 20 minutes she will be 18"...

A police officer is chasing a hacker

He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:

-Where is he,where is the hacker!?

-I don't know,he ransomware.

So a woman is chasing down an ice cream truck...

... And the ice cream man stops and says, "What can I get for you, Ma'am?"

She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."

A bear and a rabbit

So a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods one day. Just as the bear was about to get the rabbit, they stumble over a lamp, and a genie pops out.

They genie tells them that since they both found him, they both get three wishes. He asks the bear for his first wish.

"I want to be the most handsome bear in the world." The genie nods his head, and the wish was granted. He turns to the rabbit.

"I would like a helmet." The genie nods, and a small rabbit-sized helmet appears on his head.

"I wish that only the most beautiful women bears lived in these woods.", said the bear, and with a nod of the genie's head, it was granted.

"I would like a motorcycle." says the rabbit, and a rabbit-sized motor cycle appears next to him.

"For my final wish, I wish that there were no other male bears for hundred of miles of here." said the bear, smiling with the genius of his plan. The genie nods, the wish is granted, and he looks at the rabbit one last time.

The rabbit hopped on his motorcycle, revved the engine, and said, "I wish the bear was gay." and drove off.

Christian & The Bear

A Christian was hiking in the wilderness, he stumbles upon a bear. The bear starts chasing him! The Christian is now cornered, he gets on one knee and says "Lord, turn this bear into a Christian" the bear creeps up closer and closer, and then gets on one knee and says "Lord, thank you so much for this meal I'm about to receive"

My Dog is always chasing people in cars

I'm not gonna stop him, but I'm just confused about how he learned to drive

My dog has been chasing people on bikes lately

so I had to take away his bike

As a white person... We need more white people jokes. I've got a few here.

What do you call a bunch of White people sitting around watching black people do all the work?


What do you call a bunch of White people chasing a black guy through a field?


What do you call a White Girl with a yeast infection?

Crackers with Cheese.

What do you call it when a white guy tries to shoot a 3 pointer?


A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer follows them into the barn but can't find them. He sees the three barrels and bangs on the first. The killer hears the "cheep cheep" of baby chicks. He bangs on the second and hears the meows of kittens. Finally he bangs on the final barrel and hears "potato potato potato".

dog keeps chasing people...

I've really had it with my dog, says a guy to his neighbour. He'll chase anyone on a bicycle.

Hmmm, that is a problem, says the neighbour. What are you going to do about it?

Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!

Losing weight is so easy now. I'm just chasing the kids around all day

- Jared Fogle

Cast the first stone...

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad...," Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

100 years ago, 19 white men chasing down a black man was called the Klu Klux Klan

Now it's called Formula 1
*Ku Kluk Klan

My dog has been chasing people on a bike a lot.

It's gotten so bad, I've had to take his bike away!

I got a call from the pound

They wanted to tell me that they had picked up my dog because it was chasing a kid on a bike.

I said " That kid is a liar because not only does my dog not own a bike; he doesn't even know how to ride one yet!

I got complaints about my dog chasing people on bikes

I didnt know my dog could ride a bike

Chasing your dreams is a terrible idea...

At least that's what my restraining order says.

Some numbers are having a party

There's 3, 4, and 5 playing pin the tail on the donkey. 8, 9, and 0 are chasing a ball around. Everyone is laughing and having a great time.
Except for little 2. Alone he sits in the corner quietly watching everyone play. After some time he says, too quietly for anybody to hear, "would anyone like to play?". But no one hears him. All the numbers keep carrying on and having a great time. Quietly he says again, "would anyone like to play?". But again, no one hears him.
Later on he says to his mum, "mum why can't I play with the other numbers?". And his mother just looks at him and shakes her head. "Because, son, you're not a loud two."

My friend told he was always chasing girls in the 90's...

Nowadays he dates women that are closer to his own age.

Smart old rooster.

A chicken farmer brings home a new rooster for his hen house. The old rooster ask him for a favor. He says look im old and wore out but if you don't mind could you chase me around the coupe so it looks like I at least put up a fight for the chicken's. The young rooster agrees to do so and commits to chase the old rooster around the coupe. The farmer is sitting on his porch with a friend when he sees the new rooster chasing the old one around. So he grabs his gun and shoots the new rooster dead. The farmers friend asked why he shoot his new bird. The farmer replied thats the third gay rooster I bought this year.

The police came to my house after getting complaints about my dogs chasing people on bikes.

I told them that's ridiculous. My dogs can't ride bikes.

So the Lone Ranger and Tonto are being chased by the bad guys...

To see if they're being closed in on Tonto puts his ear to the ground to listen for the sound of horse hooves.

"Kimosabe, no soldiers chasing us, buffalo come."

"How do you know that?"

"Ear sticky."

Two Alabama State Troopers

Two Alabama state troopers were chasing a Mustang on I-20 East towards Georgia. When the suspect crossed the state line, the first trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie trooper parked behind him and asked, "Hey, Sarge, why'd you stop?"

The sergeant replied, "Ah, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we ain't ever gonna catch him."

A Bear's Tale

One day, a bear was chasing a rabbit in a forest. As they were running, they found a magical turtle. The turtle said that if they stopped fighting, he would give them 3 wishes each. They both agreed, and the bear said his first wish. "I would like every bear in this forest, except for me, to be a female," stated the bear, as he was forever alone. The rabbit asked for a motorcycle. The bear was confused, and wondered why the rabbit hadn't just asked for unlimited money, so he could buy a motorcycle, but none the less gave the turtle his second wish. "I would like every bear in this country, except for me, to be female," excitedly exclaimed the bear. The rabbit asked for a biking helmet. Once again, the bear was stunned by the rabbit's stupidity, and made his final wish. The bear enthusiactically said,"I would like every bear in the world, excluding me, of course, to be a female." Then came the rabbit's turn for his final wish. The rabbit looked right into the bear's eyes, revved up the engine of his motorcycle he was sitting on, and said, "I wish that all the male bears in the world were gay."

A man was speeding down the motorway...

When a policeman saw him and began chasing him in hot pursuit.
When the man saw the blue lights in his mirror he began to speed up, getting further and further away and faster he went.
The policeman finally caught up when they hit traffic and pulled the man from his car.

Officer: Why did you speed up when you saw me behind you?

Man: You see, I was married for a long time before my wife ran off with a policeman just like you!

Officer: Sorry to hear that but just because one of us is bad, doesn't mean we all are. Speeding is still an offence!

Man: Oh, it's nothing personal, I just thought you were trying to give her back!

My dog kept chasing people on a bike..

It got so bad, finally I had to take it away from him..

A cop came to my house and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes

that's ridiculous I said, my dogs don't ride bikes.

Why did Prince Eric leave Ariel when she became a human?

He was just chasing tail.

I wrote a terrible race joke today. My friends told me never to tell it. Here it is: Why was the white man chasing the black man?

Because he was in first place.

The neighbors called the cops because our dogs were chasing kids on bikes.

Joke's on them, our dogs don't even own bikes.

The police knocked on my door the other night...

...and informed me that they were there to take my dog away. Apparently there had been complaints that he was chasing down and barking at my neighbors' son on his bike.

I happen to know, however, that my dog doesn't ride a bike.

A man wants to get it on with his wife in the morning but his 6 year old son is home.

He tells his son to go watch out of the window and start yelling out whatever he sees to get him distracted.
The son goes to the window and starts shouting loudly all the activities he is seeing.
"The milkman is delivering milk" he says.
"Two birds are chasing each other" he continues.
"Louder" the dad says. (Maybe to the son maybe to the wife)
The dad stops and turns in surprise.
"How do you know" the dad asks.
"Because Johnny is at the window yelling out whatever he sees on the street"

Why did the penguin cross the road?

Batman was chasing him.

Cheesy pun

I once had a dream about cheese. It was all gouda until a muenster appeared and started chasing me

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes