chart Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious chart puns

For Valentine's Day I made a chart of past relationships....

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.


A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:


The Optometrist asks β€žCan you read this?

β€žRead it? , the Pole replies, β€žI know the guy!


So according to this BMI chart...

I am too short.


One of my favorite Polish jokes

A Polack goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.
The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"
"Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy."


Here's a pie chart on procrastination.


A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:


Doctor: Can you read the letters?

Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!


A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor

The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I *know* the guy!"


A Polish guy goes for eye test.

Doctor points towards the last line on Eye Test Chart,


Doctor, "Can you read that?"

Polish guy, " Read that? I fucking know that guy!!!"


A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*


I was sitting in a doctor's office getting an examination

The doctor was reading through my chart and said, "You should stop masturbating."


"Because I'm trying to give you an examination."


A young teenaged girl has her first trip to the gynecologist...

She gets taken to the examination room and the nurse tells her to strip down, put the gown on, sit in the chair and put her legs in the stirrups. The girl is a bit overwhelmed, but she complies.

A few minutes later, the doctor comes in, takes a quick glance at the girl's chart and then sits down on his stool, rolls up between the girl's legs, sticks his head under her gown and starts poking around. At this point he realizes the girl's legs are shaking tremendously, so he peeks out from under the gown to see the girl's face turning eight shades of red and covered in sweat.

He quickly grabs her chart again to read it completely, then says, "Oh goodness! Is this your first time at a gynecologist's?"

She nods and quietly replies, "Yes."

The doctor then says, "Well, if you think it'll make you feel better, I'd be happy to numb you first."

The girl shrugs her shoulders and says, "Okay."

So the doctor puts his head back down deep between her legs, shakes his head and goes:



A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination

The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.

The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name


Harry goes to the doctor

Harry, an 84 year old geezer is in for a checkup at the doctors office, he's sitting on the exam table, naked under a gown. The doctor asks while reading his chart, "Well Harry, how are you feeling, any new developments for you?" Harry responds with childlike glee, "I feel great. There is a new woman in my life, she's fantastic" "Oh ya? Where did you two meet?" The doctor inquires. "Oh, well, ya know... She's a dancer." "Like a stripper, Harry? How old is she?" The doctor asks seriously. "19 years young... in fact, we are due to get married next week!" The doctor ponders thoughtfully and says to him, "I think you ought to reconsider. You know, prolonged sex with a girl that young could be fatal." Harry shrugs and says, "Hey, if she dies, she dies."


The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart..

..about how many of them are scared of Godzilla.


A cabbie and a priest die at the same time

... and arrive at the gates of heaven. St. peter looks at the cabbie's records and exclaims, "welcome to heaven good sir!" before giving him a golden silk robe and keys to a villa.

Looking at the spectacle in front of him, the priest thinks he's set. When he arrives, St. Peter looks at his chart and says, "you'll do" before giving him a somewhat old robe and keys to what looked like an apartment.

The priest looks astonished and asks the angel why he, a priest, is getting this second hand treatment while a cabbie gets the best of the best. St. Peter looks at him and says, "When you preached, people slept; when he drove, people prayed."


A man is at the doctor's office...

...and the doctor, looking at his chart, says "You're going to have to stop masturbating."

"Why?" the man asks.

The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to give you an examination!"


I went to see my Urologist... [NSFW]

Who happens to be a gorgeous blond with great tits and a winning personality.

She comes into the room looking over my chart and begins to tell me that I need to stop masturbating.

I give her a puzzled look and ask her why.

She looks at me and says, I'm trying to examine you.


A man goes to the eye doctor....

The man says I think I'm getting nearsighted. So the doc sits him down and gives the man an eye exam.
The doctor pulls up a chart of letters, asking the man to read each line util he can't make out the letters. The man gets to about the 3rd line when he starts to have problems, and he can't read the next line at all.
Next, the doctor brings up pictures of real life objects.
First picture comes up--

"That looks like a fingerprint.. And that's someone far away in the desert"..

"Male or female?"

"I can't tell"

"OK, let's move along-- what about this one?"

"Um, that one looks like a naked butt Doc."

"Male or female?"

"Definitely female"

"And this?"

"Definitely a male butt"

"Ok sir, that concludes the test."

"So what's my diagnosis doc?"

"Well you're a little nearsighted, but your hindsight is 20/20".


I made a chart of my past relationships

It had an ex axis and a why axis


A Welsh man goes for an eye test.

Doctor: Can you read this chart from top to bottom please.

Welshman: Read it!? I know the guy!


ya know why the last guy on the evolutionary chart finally stood upright?

cuz he heard the guy behind him was homo erectus.


There was a janitor at a church...

Who was cleaning up one night while the priest gave confession,

The Priest was sick and had to leave, and asked the janitor to finish up the last few confessions,

The janitor reluctantly agreed.

He just listened to confessions and followed a chart with the punishments,

One of his confessors admitted to having oral sex with her neighbor,

This wasn't on the chart, so the janitor asked an altar boy: "What does the priest give for a blowjob?"

"A snickers bar."


A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup

When the doctor walks in he looks at the man's chart and says although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
Now just to let you know this may cause an erection, warns the doctor.
I think I'll be fine, the man replied
I wasn't talking about you.


Apparently the Japanese made a pie chart showing how afraid they are of Godzilla...

then one of them made it their national flag.


At 14.6%, Nevada occupies the No.1 spot on the American Divorce Chart.

It's a bad state of affairs.


MAN: Give it to me straight, I dying?

DOC: *looking at medical chart* "Everyone's dying."

MAN: "Well yes, but what about me specifically?"

DOC: *Looks up* "You're, like, the Usain Bolt of dying."


A Polish person went to have their eyes tested.

The eye test chart read: N Y X C S F R U Z. The optom asked, 'can you read any of those letters?' 'read it?' the polish person answered, 'i know him!'


After months of deliberation a Surgeon decides to put his elderly father into an old age home.

after a week he goes for a visit. He reviews his fathers chart at the end of his bed and sees that among the medications he is taking Viagra is one. The Surgeon approaches his fathers nurse and asks if his dad has met someone.
The nurse says no, we give him Viagra so he doesn't roll out of bed.


At The Eye Doctor's

A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn't see anything. He increased the size to 6β€³ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.

So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of frustration he pulled out his manhood, and asked if she could see it. She said Oh yes Dr i can see it quite clearly.

He said, Just as I thought, you're cockeyed.


What color do you use when you're recycling a chart?



So, I had a doctors appointment yesterday.

I was sitting in the exam room in the paper gown when in walks the most gorgeous doctor I've ever seen. She picked up my chart and looked over it for a few minutes. Finally, she looked up and said, "Mr. Cow, you're going to have to stop masturbating." I said, "Why?!" She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!!"


My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium.

But most other people just find them O K.


A man is sitting in the doctor's office...

A man is anxiously waiting in the doctor's office.

When the doctor arrives, he looks at the patient's chart and says " Sir, you need to stop masturbating".

Confused the man asks "why?"

The doctor replies..."I need to examine you".


Walks into a room - A doctor walks into a patient's room

...and decides to update the chart. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a thermometer and says "Great! What asshole has my pen?"


This BMI chart is telling me I'm too short.

What should I do? Should I eat more?


What are the most funny Chart jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Chart? Well, here are the best Chart dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Chart pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes