Chart Jokes
52 chart jokes and hilarious chart puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chart that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is about chart jokes – funny one-liners about different kinds of charts like pie chart, flow chart, eye chart, periodic chart, Gantt chart and bar chart! Read about funny exam jokes, BMI and checkup jokes for a good chuckle.
Funniest Chart Short Jokes
Short chart jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chart humour may include short graph jokes also.
- The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart.. ..about how many of them are scared of Godzilla.
- A Welsh man goes for an eye test. Doctor: Can you read this chart from top to bottom please.
Welshman: Read it!? I know the guy! - I noticed the ship's navigator was scribbling on the table and not the map which made think.... ...this guy is off the chart!!!
- Not fat, just short. According to the BMI chart, at the doctors office, I don't need to lose 25 pounds! I do need to grow about six inches but hey, it beats dieting!
- At 14.6%, Nevada occupies the No.1 spot on the American Divorce Chart. It's a bad state of affairs.
- I can't believe how many of Nickelback songs have never become famous It's completely off the charts.
- George Michael was once a little-known musician, but once he finally hit the charts... Wham! He was a superstar.
- My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium. But most other people just find them O K.
- How do you keep track of the multiple religions fluctuating their need for more and more of your time? With a Varying Degrees of Differen-Culty Chart.
- You guys hear of the Chernobyl X-Games? The RAD levels were off the charts! Everyone was totally sick!
Share These Chart Jokes With Friends
Chart One Liners
Which chart one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chart? I can suggest the ones about plot and draw.
- So according to this BMI chart... I am too short.
- Here's a pie chart on procrastination.
- Why was the spreadsheet afraid of its chart? Because it has multiple axes.
- My girlfriend is like infinity. Off the charts, but only a concept.
- How do woman keep track of their mentraul cycles? Flow charts.
- I wrote a song about drawing maps, but it never made the charts.
- The Japanese flag is a pie chart... ...showing how many of them are afraid of Godzilla.
- What do you call a teacher who doesn't allow the use of tally charts? Taliban.
- How can you chart all the lies your parrot tells? A poly graph.
- What color do you use when you're recycling a chart? Chartreuse
- This BMI chart is telling me I'm too short. What should I do? Should I eat more?
- Started comparing overweight people using a graph Created a Guntt Chart
- Did you hear about DJ Excel? Everyone says he's off the charts!
- I checked my BMI chart the other day. It would appear that I'm too short.
- Pie Charte are useless except for one thing They're great at visualising round numbers
Eye Chart Jokes
Here is a list of funny eye chart jokes and even better eye chart puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris can read an eye chart with his eyes closed.
Pie Chart Jokes
Here is a list of funny pie chart jokes and even better pie chart puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A nutritionist delivers a talk at a weight loss convention. "Now, I did have a big red pie chart behind me, but apparently, you all like Strawberry."
Please don't kill me.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Chart Jokes
What funny jokes about chart you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean legend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chart pranks.
A cabbie and a priest die at the same time
... and arrive at the gates of heaven. St. peter looks at the cabbie's records and exclaims, "welcome to heaven good sir!" before giving him a golden silk robe and keys to a villa.
Looking at the spectacle in front of him, the priest thinks he's set. When he arrives, St. Peter looks at his chart and says, "you'll do" before giving him a somewhat old robe and keys to what looked like an apartment.
The priest looks astonished and asks the angel why he, a priest, is getting this second hand treatment while a cabbie gets the best of the best. St. Peter looks at him and says, "When you preached, people slept; when he drove, people prayed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Harry goes to the doctor
Harry, an 84 year old g**... is in for a checkup at the doctors office, he's sitting on the exam table, n**... under a gown. The doctor asks while reading his chart, "Well Harry, how are you feeling, any new developments for you?" Harry responds with childlike glee, "I feel great. There is a new woman in my life, she's fantastic" "Oh ya? Where did you two meet?" The doctor inquires. "Oh, well, ya know... She's a dancer." "Like a stripper, Harry? How old is she?" The doctor asks seriously. "19 years young... in fact, we are due to get married next week!" The doctor ponders thoughtfully and says to him, "I think you ought to reconsider. You know, prolonged s**... with a girl that young could be fatal." Harry shrugs and says, "Hey, if she dies, she dies."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young teenaged girl has her first trip to the gynecologist...
She gets taken to the examination room and the nurse tells her to s**... down, put the gown on, sit in the chair and put her legs in the stirrups. The girl is a bit overwhelmed, but she complies.
A few minutes later, the doctor comes in, takes a quick glance at the girl's chart and then sits down on his stool, rolls up between the girl's legs, sticks his head under her gown and starts poking around. At this point he realizes the girl's legs are shaking tremendously, so he peeks out from under the gown to see the girl's face turning eight shades of red and covered in sweat.
He quickly grabs her chart again to read it completely, then says, "Oh goodness! Is this your first time at a gynecologist's?"
She nods and quietly replies, "Yes."
The doctor then says, "Well, if you think it'll make you feel better, I'd be happy to numb you first."
The girl shrugs her shoulders and says, "Okay."
So the doctor puts his head back down deep between her legs, shakes his head and goes:
"NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At The Eye Doctor's
A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn't see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.
So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of frustration he pulled out his manhood, and asked if she could see it. She said Oh yes Dr i can see it quite clearly.
He said, Just as I thought, you're cockeyed.
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⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently the Japanese made a pie chart showing how afraid they are of Godzilla...
then one of them made it their national flag.
Drake started from the bottom.
Of Darwin's evolution chart.
MAN: Give it to me straight, Doc...am I dying?
DOC: *looking at medical chart* "Everyone's dying."
MAN: "Well yes, but what about me specifically?"
DOC: *Looks up* "You're, like, the Usain Bolt of dying."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, I had a doctors appointment yesterday.
I was sitting in the exam room in the paper gown when in walks the most gorgeous doctor I've ever seen. She picked up my chart and looked over it for a few minutes. Finally, she looked up and said, "Mr. Cow, you're going to have to stop m**...." I said, "Why?!" She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today at work I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart.
I've been charged with a graph-aided assault.
I went to the doctor today for a checkup and he showed me on a chart that I'm 20 pounds overweight.
But, I pointed out that using his very same data, *I'm not overweight.* I just need to be 3 inches taller.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor Joke
Doctor: What brings you here?
Patient: My car hahaha
Doctor: \*writing in chart\* not s**... active
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My doctor was having trouble writing notes in my chart.
He kept scribbling, frowning, shaking the pen.
I said "Hey, doc! That's not a pen, it's a thermometer!"
He shouted "My God! Do you know what this means?"
"Dear God, what?"
"Some a**...'s got my fountain pen!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... humor...
A visitor came to our boat and gestured to the handful of crew members holding tools and engaged in discussion.
"Oh yes," I replied, "it's a 'solution' of engineers."
The visitor then gestured to the crew on the bridge who were standing around the chart table engaged in a discussion.
"That? Well that's a 'clusterfuck' of captains."
As we were speaking the engineers walked onto the bridge and began chatting with the captains.
"Ok," the visitor replied, "so what is it when the engineers get mixed up with the captains?"
"Oh," I said, shaking my head. "That's almost always a 'fucked up solution'."
Nitpicking
To resolve conflicts between management and staff, I brought both sides together and asked employees to jot down key words on a flip chart. One participant complained about management's tendency to interfere and wrote the word nitpicking. A manager leaped to his feet to ask, Shouldn't there be a hyphen between nit and picking?
The german submarine in the Atlantic brings in a new communications guy.
It's his first day on the job and he's given instructions on which istrument does what and chart for morse code. Very excited about the job, he tunes in and is left to his own by his CO after a bit.
In a few hours, he receives his first message. "This is the Royal navy. Mayday Mayday, we are sinking. I repeat, we are sinking!".
The german communications operator remains super composed. He slides the mic a little closer to him and presses the button to speak. He very calmly orates, " Zis.. is.. ze German command. What.. are you... zinking about?".
I've decided to stop going to my doctor now I've found out he's into astrology
I went to get the results of a scan and all he had to say was "I've consulted your chart and I can see Cancer is rising in Uranus".
Doctor's news
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: I'll take the bad news first.
Doctor: I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but there was an error in your chart and I'm afraid we cut off the wrong leg.
Patient: WHAT THE HECK?!? That's not bad news. That's TERRIBLE news. What incompetent fools! You've ruined my life!!!
Doctor: Now hold on. You haven't heard the good news. I'm pleased to tell you that upon further study it turns out your other leg's going to be okay!
