The Best 48 Chart Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Chart jokes. There are some chart cataract jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chart pie chart puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Chart Jokes and Puns

A man is at the doctor's office...

...and the doctor, looking at his chart, says "You're going to have to stop masturbating."

"Why?" the man asks.

The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to give you an examination!"

So according to this BMI chart...

I am too short.

So I'm sitting in the exam room at my doctor's office...

I'm waiting and waiting. For nearly 20 minutes I wait before he comes in. When he comes in he starts going through my chart. He is flipping through each page, stopping to look at me after each page. He turns to me and says "Dave, you're going to have to stop masturbating." I ask him "why is that, Doc?"

He says "Because I'm trying to give you an exam."

Chart joke, So I'm sitting in the exam room at my doctor's office...

At The Eye Doctor's

A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn't see anything. He increased the size to 6β€³ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.

So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of frustration he pulled out his manhood, and asked if she could see it. She said Oh yes Dr i can see it quite clearly.

He said, Just as I thought, you're cockeyed.

A man is sitting in the doctor's office...

A man is anxiously waiting in the doctor's office.

When the doctor arrives, he looks at the patient's chart and says " Sir, you need to stop masturbating".

Confused the man asks "why?"

The doctor replies..."I need to examine you".

I was sitting in a doctor's office getting an examination

The doctor was reading through my chart and said, "You should stop masturbating."


"Because I'm trying to give you an examination."

A man goes in for his annual physical...

...and gets called into the examination room. The doctor looks at his chart and tells him, "Okay, I'm going to need a urine, stool and sperm sample."

The man looks at his watch and says, "Geez doc, I'm in kind of a hurry. Can I just leave you my underwear?"

Chart joke, A man goes in for his annual physical...

A nutritionist delivers a talk at a weight loss convention.

"Now, I did have a big red pie chart behind me, but apparently, you all like Strawberry."
Please don't kill me.

Apparently the Japanese made a pie chart showing how afraid they are of Godzilla...

then one of them made it their national flag.

This BMI chart is telling me I'm too short.

What should I do? Should I eat more?

Here's a pie chart on procrastination.

You can explore chart checkup reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chart disrobe dad jokes. There are also chart puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor

The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. "Read it?" he says, "I *know* the guy!"

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:


The Optometrist asks β€žCan you read this?

β€žRead it? , the Pole replies, β€žI know the guy!

A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*

The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart..

..about how many of them are scared of Godzilla.

A Polish person went to have their eyes tested.

The eye test chart read: N Y X C S F R U Z. The optom asked, 'can you read any of those letters?' 'read it?' the polish person answered, 'i know him!'

Chart joke, A Polish person went to have their eyes tested.

A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:


Doctor: Can you read the letters?

Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!

My favorite elements in the periodical chart are oxygen and potassium.

But most other people just find them O K.

MAN: Give it to me straight, I dying?

DOC: *looking at medical chart* "Everyone's dying."

MAN: "Well yes, but what about me specifically?"

DOC: *Looks up* "You're, like, the Usain Bolt of dying."

A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination

The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.

The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name

At 14.6%, Nevada occupies the No.1 spot on the American Divorce Chart.

It's a bad state of affairs.

For Valentine's Day I made a chart of past relationships....

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.

What color do you use when you're recycling a chart?


So, I had a doctors appointment yesterday.

I was sitting in the exam room in the paper gown when in walks the most gorgeous doctor I've ever seen. She picked up my chart and looked over it for a few minutes. Finally, she looked up and said, "Mr. Cow, you're going to have to stop masturbating." I said, "Why?!" She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!!"

Today at work I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart.

I've been charged with a graph-aided assault.

A polish man goes to the optician...

Optician: "could you tell me what it says on this chart?"

Polish man: "tell you!? I went to school with him!"

A Welsh man goes for an eye test.

Doctor: Can you read this chart from top to bottom please.

Welshman: Read it!? I know the guy!

Yo mama so fat...

When she saw a pie chart in math class, she probably ate it.

A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup

When the doctor walks in he looks at the man's chart and says although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
Now just to let you know this may cause an erection, warns the doctor.
I think I'll be fine, the man replied
I wasn't talking about you.

I made a chart of my past relationships

It had an ex axis and a why axis

How do you keep track of the multiple religions fluctuating their need for more and more of your time?

With a Varying Degrees of Differen-Culty Chart.

I went to the doctor the other day.

He came in looking at my chart, and said, "You going to have to stop masturbating."
I asked him why, and he said, "Because I need to do your examination."

I checked my BMI chart the other day.

It would appear that I'm too short.

How can you chart all the lies your parrot tells?

A poly graph.

I went to the doctor today for a checkup and he showed me on a chart that I'm 20 pounds overweight.

But, I pointed out that using his very same data, *I'm not overweight.* I just need to be 3 inches taller.

The Japanese flag is a pie chart...

...showing how many of them are afraid of Godzilla.

Doctor Joke

Doctor: What brings you here?

Patient: My car hahaha

Doctor: \*writing in chart\* not sexually active

Started comparing overweight people using a graph

Created a Guntt Chart

My doctor was having trouble writing notes in my chart.

He kept scribbling, frowning, shaking the pen.

I said "Hey, doc! That's not a pen, it's a thermometer!"

He shouted "My God! Do you know what this means?"

"Dear God, what?"

"Some asshole's got my fountain pen!"

A Trip To The Doctor

A man is sitting in an examination room when his Doctor walks in reading his chart.

"Sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." Says the Doctor.

"WHAT!?! WHY!?!" Exclaims the man.

The Doctor looks up and says "Because I'm trying to read this chart and you're distracting me."

A recent Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

He first had to take an eye exam. The optician led him to an eye chart and pointed to a row with the letters-

'C Z W I M T O S T A C Z'

Can you read this? The optician asked.

Read it?! The Polish man replied. I even know the guy!


To resolve conflicts between management and staff, I brought both sides together and asked employees to jot down key words on a flip chart. One participant complained about management's tendency to interfere and wrote the word nitpicking. A manager leaped to his feet to ask, Shouldn't there be a hyphen between nit and picking?

Why was the spreadsheet afraid of its chart?

Because it has multiple axes.

I've decided to stop going to my doctor now I've found out he's into astrology

I went to get the results of a scan and all he had to say was "I've consulted your chart and I can see Cancer is rising in Uranus".

A nurse goes to make a note on a chart, but when she reaches into her pocket, she pulls out a rectal thermometer.

Annoyed, she mutters to herself, "dammit, some asshole has got my pen."

Not fat, just short.

According to the BMI chart, at the doctors office, I don't need to lose 25 pounds! I do need to grow about six inches but hey, it beats dieting!

Doctor's news

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

Patient: I'll take the bad news first.

Doctor: I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but there was an error in your chart and I'm afraid we cut off the wrong leg.

Patient: WHAT THE HECK?!? That's not bad news. That's TERRIBLE news. What incompetent fools! You've ruined my life!!!

Doctor: Now hold on. You haven't heard the good news. I'm pleased to tell you that upon further study it turns out your other leg's going to be okay!

I noticed the ship's navigator was scribbling on the table and not the map which made think....

...this guy is off the chart!!!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chart map jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working chart optometrist piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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