The Best 89 Charlie Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Charlie jokes. There are some charlie miner jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these charlie charlie murphy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Charlie Jokes and Puns

Charlie Brown decided to wear transparent pants one day...

...and when Lucy saw him she said "I always thought you were a blockhead, Charlie Brown, but now I can plainly see your nuts."

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.

When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.

Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

Charlie joke, Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

What do you call it when Charlie Sheen's brother has sex with him?

Emilio Incestevez

How many drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen?

Charlie Sheen's winning.

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family

So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."

Charlie joke, Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Dramatic Arts

Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin?

One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the reich.

Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975?

'Cause Charlie don't serf.

Tough choice in Florida governor's race...

Charlie Crist and Rick Scott are standing at opposite ends of a theater when both men spontaneously burst into flames and there's only one fire extinguisher in the entire building!

Where would you hide the fire extinguisher?

You can explore charlie willie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean charlie eddie dad jokes. There are also charlie puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What does Hitler say when he gets a charlie horse?

*Mein Krampf!*

Two Ninjas

What do you call two ninjas named Charlie, stranded outside on a cold night?


What did the Parisian shooters leave behind for next week's Charlie Hebdo?

An empty magazine.

Should I draw controversial drawings?

Charlie Hebdont

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen do?

enough to kill 2 1/2 men.

Charlie joke, How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen do?

Charlie SHEENY legs


Please describe your poo As a movie title e.g. Armageddon, the rock, Charlie and the chocolate factory...

What does Charlie Sheen say when he's having sex with a Vietnamese Lady?


Have you heard of Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohans new sitcom?

It's called "two and a half grams"

Too soon?

Charlie Sheen's new show: "2 and a half T-Cells"

With all the negativity in the world today... least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.

Charlie Sheen Says He Has HIV...

Finally a positive in his life.

How did Charlie Sheen contract HIV?

He blew a Piston in his car.

With all the negativity world-wide lately, it's nice to see Charlie Sheen has announced something positive

If I have HIV I hope I find out from a Doctor, like Charlie Sheen did

And not from the TV, like his ex girlfriends did.

Guys, I know Charlie Sheen isn't winning right now.

But at least he's positive.

The news about Charlie Sheen having HIV is the only positive thing I have been reading in my Facebook timeline all week.

No pun intended.

TIL that Charlie Sheen got HIV after doing Two and a Half Men.

Several years ago, Charlie Sheen said "I'm Winning"

...even now he's still remaining positive!

in these hard times, it's crucial to stay as positive as Charlie Sheen

Now I know why Charlie Sheen was always Winning...

...he was just being positive.

What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?

Bad blood.

Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being HIV positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

I dont know if anyone else remember this joke

- How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen consume?

- Enough to kill two and a half men.

Studies show that one in two and a half men are HIV Positive

You can thank Charlie Sheen for that

Why Can't Charlie Sheen Finish the Alphabet?

Because when he gets to 'P' it burns.

A man got lost on a camping trip

A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.

Charlie Smith, someone shouted, is that you?

Yes, it is, came the reply. Who are you?

We're from the Red Cross.

I gave at the office! Charlie shouted back.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my uncle Charlie

Not kicking and screaming like the passengers on his bus

New Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan TV show.

Two and a half kilos.

Did you hear about the woman who couldn't remember if she had sex with Charlie Sheen?

At first she wasn't sure, but now she's positive.

As bad as 2016 seems to be, it could be worse...

You could have got a phone call from Charlie Sheen.

Charlie Brown, now a young adult, sits with an academic advisor before enrolling in college....

He tells her he wants to be a counselor, but isn't sure what direction to go.

She looks over his scores as says, "I think you'd make a good grief counselor."

What do C programs and Charlie Sheen have in common?

They both have an std.

I went to a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest,

the guy who won was some German chap,
the judges gave him perfect neins

What do Magic Johnson, Charlie Sheen and roughly 250,000 children in Africa have in common?

A continuing chance to create a better tomorrow.

You **sick** bastards.

What did Charlie Brown say when he was in a work conflict?

Good grievance!

If I was Charlie Sheen I would call my son..


What did the five fingers say to the face?


RIP Charlie Murphy

"Hey five-penis Charlie, how do your pants fit?"

"Like a glove"

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are assigned a history project.

Each person was assigned a country to report on.

Wow! Lucy said. I got Italy!

Interesting exclaimed Linus. I got Germany.

With dismay, Charlie Brown said, I got Iraq.

Boy: Hey, you're Charlie Chaplin aren't you? Take this money to pursue your dreams.

Mr. Chaplin: Danke!

How did Charlie Brown adaptively respond to snoopy's evemtual death?

Good grief.

Charlie Sheen and Mike Tyson are in a car. Who's driving?

The cop.

Charlie couldn't believe he was being let into the chocolate factory...

His girlfriend had been dead against it for years.

John: My friend Charlie has stolen my girlfriend's number from my mobile 2 days ago.

Harry: What happened then?

John: Charlie Has been sending romantic texts to his own sister since last 2 days.

People keep asking me if I'm an alpha male or a beta male...

My name is Charlie ffs.

If the Charlie Rose scandal has taught us anything

it's that every rose really does have its thorn.

What's the term for that light shimmer that you get when you finish on someone's face?

The Charlie Sheen

Attention by Charlie Puth. A song about mario.

"Runnin round Runnin round Runnin round, throwing those turtles at my knee"

What did Charlie from Lost say to the clown from IT

It's not your boat

What do you call a funny picture of Charlie Chaplin?

A panto-meme

When I was 11 my Uncle Charlie used to rape me everyday.

He said "If you ever tell anybody, I'm going to kill your parents."

I told everybody and he never killed my parents. I thought we had a deal?

Why did Amber Heard and Charlie Sheen's secret lovechild take his father's name instead of his mother's?

Because children should be sheen and not heard.

My dad was babysitting my two children, so I called him later to ask how it was going.

Me: "What did they have for dinner?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "What about Clark?"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "Ok ... So what time did they go to bed?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "7:30"

Me: "And Clark dad?"

Dad: "Also 7:30"

Me: "If the answers are the same, why are you telling me them separately?"

Dad: "Well, I was the one looking after Charlie".

Me: "oh, who was looking after Clark then?"

Dad: "Me".

If you brag about listening to Charlie Puth,

You just want attention.

Albert Einstein and Charlie Chaplin meet...

ALBERT EINSTEIN:- What I admire most about your art, is its universality. You do not say a word, and yet ... ...Β CHARLIE CHAPLIN:- It's true, but your fame is even greater! The world admires you, when nobody understands you!

I'm trying to contact Charlie Sheen's brother...

Does anyone have his emailio addresstevez?

Charlie Sheen, Amy Winehouse, and Keith Richards walk into a bar.

The bartender, local drug dealer, and in house pimp all get measured for a new suit

What did Gene Wilder name his drug smuggling operation?

Charlie Up The Chocolate Factory

Tried to buy a Charlie Brown LP on ebay and got a Davy Jones album instead.

You know what they say.

You pay Peanuts, you get Monkees.

Charlie Kirk, Ayn Rand and Gary Johnson walk into a bar.

They all die of lead poisoning because there's no goverment to regulate how much lead the barman is allowed to put into his drinks.

Does Charlie surf?

No, Charlie don't surf.

Despite being diagnosed with HIV

Charlie Sheen is remaining positive

What does Charlie Brown on Halloween and a U.S. Marine finding out where hes getting deployed in 2004 have in common?

They can both be heard dejectedly saying "I got a rock."

Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year

Next to his HIV diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.

Where should ypu hide from someone named charles?

The water, charlie don't surf

Next Black Mirror episode will require

you to write and direct it yourself while Charlie Brooker goes on a vacation.

In the next few years we may get a sequel to "Charlie bit my finger"

"Charlie fingered my bits"

Two brothers open their gifts on Christmas Day...

Two brothers, Jack and Charlie, open their gifts on Christmas Day, only to find that Jack has been spoiled with everything he ever wanted. Seeing his brother so jealous, Jack is basking in his smugness.

_Jack:_ I got so many gifts, I don't even know where to keep them!

_Charlie:_ Was cancer on your letter to Santa?

Why do other actors hate working with Charlie Sheen?

Because he is bad with lines!

After 6 months (or so) of listening to people talk with masks on

I finally understand what Charlie Browns teacher was saying

I wish people would kick the bucket more often

Would sure make Charlie and the Chocolate Factory more interesting

Lately, whenever I read a comic strip about Charlie Brown or Snoopy I break out in hives.

I think I'm allergic to Peanuts.

So, I had a commanding officer from Australia

Of course I used this fact to make stereotypical jokes and stuff.
He seemed rather calm towards it.
But two weeks later I realised I'm only one who was transfered between different squads.
And they were:

Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.

Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.

Charlie: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.

Dear Charlie, We've been neighbors for 6 tumultuous years.

When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces.

When I was sick, you blasted Metallica.

And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed.

I could go on, but I'm not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.

Cordially, Harry

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is quite unrealistic but at least they got one thing right

The moment Charlie found that ticket all the scalpers started coming out.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the charlie bob jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working charlie lou piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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