The Best 68 Charity Jokes

If I won 298 million, I'd give a quarter of it to charity.

...I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.

Was solicited by a charity to donate my used clothing to starving people around the world. I said No Way!!

Anyone that could fit into my clothing, is NOT starving!!

Did you hear about the guy who's been pickpocketing midget charity workers?

How could someone stoop so low?

Bill Gates has now donated enough money to charity that he lost his billionaire status.

He now goes by Mill Gates.

A football team should setup a charity that gives presents to children with Down Syndrome

...and call it Touch Downs.

I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.

That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

Buying Muhammed dolls for charity, all prophets go to kids in need.

I asked a road-kill removal specialist if he would donate to my charity.

He said he might be able to scrape together a few bucks.

I'm going to start a charity for the clinically insane.

Gonna call it "Fundamental"

Why didn't Jesus start a charity?

Cuz they're not for prophets.

I said "My, what big eyes you have!"

Followed by "My, what big hands you have!"

And then "My what big teeth you have!"

My charity gig for children with disabilities did not start out well.

I just won $1,000,000, and I've decided to give a quarter to charity.

Now I have $999,999.75.

How to make a charity

1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit

I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa. Well, I think it is a scam.

Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving.

What do you call an islamophobic charity organization?

A non-prophet.

I am hosting a charity event for people who fail to reach climax during sex

If you can't come, let me know

Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon.

They'll take the money and run.

What do you call it when a group of atheists come together to help people?

A Non-prophet Charity

What do you call an atheist charity?

A non-prophet organisation.

What do you call a charity that gives bread to the poor?

A naan-profit!

My wife has been in a coma for two weeks now, and the doctor told me to expect the worst.

So I had to go to all the charity shops and get her clothes back.

In an attempt to help the less fortunate, I want to start a charity where people can donate their lightly used weaponry, whether they be guns, knives, tanks, etc so that the poor and disabled can have a sense of security while living on the streets at an affordable price

It could be called the Goodkill

I wanted to see if I could become invisible to others

So I stood in the doorway of a supermarket holding a charity tin.

Why don't oysters donate to charity?

Because they're shellfish!

Why don't clams donate to charity?

They're shellfish.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $2,999,999.75.

I donated $100 to a charity for blind children

Not like the kids will ever see any of it.

My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.

I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.

The wife has been missing for a week. Police said I should now prepare for the worst....

So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back....

I found out my friend was running a charity for atheism.

He said it was a non-prophet organization.

Husband doing crossword with wife..

Husband : emphatic no, five letters
 

Wife : never

H : pistol, three letters
 

W : gun

H : disgust, three letters
 

W : ugh

H : charity, four letters
 

W : give

H : female sheep, three letters
 

W : ewe

H : Pixar movie, two letters
 

W : Up

I am starting a charity to teach short people maths.

It's called making the little things count.

I just won 10 million dollars from a lottery ticket. I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Those were the proudest 25 cents I ever donated.

If I had $20 million, I would donate a quarter of it to charity....

I'm not sure what I would do with the remaining 19,999,999.75

Everytime I go out to dinner, I pay for someone else's meal too. Some call it charity...

But that's not my wife's name.

If I win the lottery, I'm going to give all the money to charity.

After all, she's my favourite dancer down at the Jiggly Hut.

I got booed off stage for saying I still live with my mum...

Never doing a charity gig for an orphanage again...

I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

A rabbi and a priest are asking for charity outside of a church...

They are standing one next to the other as the congregation is exiting mass. They look at the Rabbi with disdain and give more money to the priest.

Until one guy sees the rabbi hasn't collected any money and decides to help him out Rabbi, why don't you try asking for charity outside of a synagogue?

The rabbi turns to the priest Moshe, this guy wants to teach us marketing

A husband is doing crosswords with his wife.

**Husband:** Emphatic no; five letters.

**Wife:** Never.

**H:** Pistol; three letters.

**W:** Gun.

**H:** Disgust; three letters.

**W:** Ugh.

**H:** Charity; four letters.

**W:** Give.

**H:** Female sheep; three letters.

**W:** Ewe.

**H:** Pixar movie; two letters.

**W:** Up.

My mate asked me to do a charity 5 mile run... I said no.

He then told me it was for blind and disabled people.

I then thought.. I could actually win this.

If I won a million dollars, I'd give a quarter of it to charity.

Not sure what I'd do with the other $999,999.75

I won $3 million in the lottery last night, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity....

Now I have $2,999,999.75.

A week after my wife went missing, the police told me that I should expect the worst case scenario.

So I went back to the charity shop and retrieved all her old clothes.

I won $3 Million and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $2,999,999.75

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I was interested in taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought "damn, I might actually win this".

Pavlov's dogs have started a charity for the holidays...

It's called "The Salivation Army"

The wife has been missing a week now.

Police said to prepare for the worst. So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

If I won the Mega Millions valued at 750 million today, I would donate a quarter to charity.

Not sure what I would do with the other 749,999,999.75 dollars though.

I just won $1,000,000 from the lottery and I'm donating a quarter to charity!

Not sure what I'm going to do with the left over $999,999.75 though.

Do you guys wanna donate to my charity?

It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"

It's four good caws

If I ever win the lottery I'll give some of the money to charity.

.....And if she isn't dancing that night I'll give some Destiny

I donated $100 to a blind children's charity...

Too bad they won't ever see a penny of it.

A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.

After all, it was only *miner* injuries.

I just won a million dollars and I donated a quarter to charity!

I now have $999999.75 left.

I recently flew to Africa to do some charity work.

It was an eye-opening, shocking experience.
The poverty, the starvation, the fighting.... the *smell*, the noise....

I am never flying economy again.

So I was doing crossword with my girlfriend,

Me: Emphatic no, five letters.

She: **Never**

Me: Pistol, 3 letters.

She: **Gun**

Me: Disgust, 3 letters.

She: **Ugh**

Me: Charity, 4 letters.

She: **Give**

Me: Female sheep, 3 letters

She: **Ewe**

Me: Pixar movie, 2 letters

She: **Up**

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I won 1 Million in a lottery and decided to donate a quater to charity

Now I have $999,999.75

A man stopped me in my path and waved his charity bucket at me.

"You!" he said. "Do you wish to change the lives of those that are starving?"

I stopped and said, "Do you?"

"Do I?" he hesitated. "Of course I do!"

I said, "Please move, then. I want to buy my lunch."

My Wife.

My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.

I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.

People act like PETA is the only charity that has an 85% death rate.

But what about Make-A-Wish?

Why could the cardiac surgeon not stop giving to charity?

He had a good heart

I met an atheist who worked for a charity

It was a non-prophet organization

What do people say after they've finished donating wigs for charity?

I'm out of hair

I won $10,000,000 in the lottery and donated a quarter to charity

Now I have $9,999,999.75!

A Crow wanted me to donate to his charity.

When I asked him what it was called he screams: "CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW!"

Not knowing what he meant I stared him down until he explains that it's "four good caws".