Charge Jokes
132 charge jokes and hilarious charge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about charge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with this collection of hilarious jokes about charge nurses, electric charge, battery charge, protons, neutrons, and buccaneers. Learn why charge nurses, electric charge, and battery charge are so funny. Tune up your sense of humour with some of these amazing jokes!
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Funniest Charge Short Jokes
Short charge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The charge humour may include short debit jokes also.
- My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
- A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.
- I think my wife has weekly sessions with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him for it though.
- I got arrested for killing a black man. They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
- My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?
Yes, she said, but I wasn't willing to pay. - So the iPhone 7 gets arrested... He puts on his earpods and smugly declares "sorry, you can't charge me while I'm using my headphones".
- "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!" - I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons. I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.
- Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped... I hope he isnt beating himself up over this
- I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women. Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?
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Charge One Liners
Which charge one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with charge? I can suggest the ones about battery and credit.
- How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.
- Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8 In charge of planning Yoda was
- I gave away all my dead batteries today.. free of charge.
- I was arrested for drinking battery acid. But I wasn't charged.
- How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.
- My wife attacked me with a baguette She's been charged for assault with a breadly weapon
- I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crimes
- Who did King Arthur leave in charge of security? Sir Veillance
- I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery She was in charge of the hops
- I poisoned my wifes pita dip The police charged me with hummus-cide
- Would you like a dead battery? They're free of charge!
- A man balks in a war He's charged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking.
- iPhone Found Dead Later charged with battery
- How much does a dead battery cost? It's free of charge
- Someone stole my coffee. He was charged with mugging.
Battery Charge Jokes
Here is a list of funny battery charge jokes and even better battery charge puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla Model S? The tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year
- In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car. He will be charged with battery.
- Totally sick of idiots letting firework off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!! Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
- Why was the Energizer bunny thrown in jail? Because he was charged with battery.
- Just recently sold all my dead batteries free of charge
- A robot went on a crime spree in our neighbourhood right before it ran out of battery. The cops are refusing to charge the perpetrator.
- What happenes when you beat up an electrician? You get charged with battery
- i heard they were giving away batteries down the local discount store turns out they were free of charge.
- My remote control batteries died out today. So I gave them away, free of charge.
- You know those boxes full of dead batteries you see in supermarkets? The ones due for recycling. Did you know you can just take them? They're free of charge.
Electric Charge Jokes
Here is a list of funny electric charge jokes and even better electric charge puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Honda is coming out with the 1st electric vehicle with wireless charging It's called the Honda Accordless
- An alligator asked an electric eel, hey, can I touch you? Electric eel: Yes, but I'd have to charge you.
- Why are electric cars so expensive? Because they charge a lot.
- A guy shocked himself trying to steal an electric car. He was charged with battery.
- I headbutted my neighbour's electric panel. I now face charges.
- Confucius say: Man who hurts another gets charged with battery. Man who kills another gets charged with electricity.
- Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?" Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"
- Which country holds the most electric charge? Coulombia.
- One liner If you hit a person with an electric car will you be charged for battery?
- Can I use cash to pay for a new electric car? No, you have to charge it.
Charge Nurse Jokes
Here is a list of funny charge nurse jokes and even better charge nurse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In the hospital, I asked the charge nurse for a phone charger - she was very offended. Don't even get me started on the reaction from the head nurse.
- I just put a girl in the hospital. I'm in charge of hiring new nurses.
Howlingly Hilarious Charge Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about charge you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cost jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make charge pranks.
Half full, Half empty.
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.
Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long
A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Battery
An old woman mistook me for an employee at the supermarket.
She asked, "how much does just one AA battery cost?"
I had one in my pocket, but it was dead. I handed it over and said, "Here, no charge."
My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
It's a good thing that the Ghostbusters don't charge a lot of money
because if you couldn't pay, they'd have to come back and re-possess your house.
A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...
The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"
The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."
"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"
"Yep. What's your third question?"
Unnecessary Arrests
The other day, a police officer was walking through the park. He saw two kids. One of the kids was eating fireworks. The other was drinking battery acid. The officer immediately arrested both kids and brought them to the station. When they got there, the officer's superior told him to let one of the kids off and charge the other one.
A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...
...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.
the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.
the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait...for you, no charge..."
thank you, I'm here all week...
A blonde woman waves a cab
She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"
The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"
The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"
Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"
The woman smiles, leaves her luggage in the cab and then says
"see you at the airport then, ill take the bus"
Good Sound
An mp3 file was relaxing on his couch at home, when his wife comes up to him.
Wife: "Honey, could you explain this charge for $600?"
Mp3: "Oh, thats for a new set of headphones."
Wife: "For $600??? How could you spend that much?"
Mp3: "But the sound quality is really good!"
Wife: "SO YOU SPENT $600 FOR GOOD SOUND??"
Mp3 shrugs his shoulders. "What can I say? I'm an audiophile"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An identity thief and a r**... get convicted in a poor town...
The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the r**... in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you were arrested for m**... on a plane...
....they would have to charge you with hi-jacking
Another blonde joke.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money...
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.
Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who died and left America in charge?
h**....
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
Valve should be in charge of the UN...
It's the only sure-fire way to prevent World War 3.
It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.
The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"
A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport
He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport
"Good morning, First time in Germany?"
"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"
"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"
"T-34, I was the gunner"
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning....
The wife claims, "You should do it, because you get up first and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband says, "You are in charge of cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee."
The husband replied, "I can't believe that; show me!"
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a w**......
A guy walks into a w**... with $2 in his pocket. The man in charge says well for two dollars there's a dead h**... upstairs, you can have your way with her for ten minutes.
Ten minutes later, the patron comes back downstairs and the man in charge asks him how it was.
"It was okay, but the only thing is her nose kept running."
"Ahhh," said the man in charge, "she must be full."
All these women marching in protest is so well organized
I'd love to talk to the man in charge.
When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second.
The refill contained the antidote.
What did the Neutron say to the Proton in the nucleus?
"Thanks for letting me live here free of charge!"
Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?
So the wedding would be free of charge
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You have been charged guilty for clickbait, and will now have to use the electric chair
What happens next will shock you
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the bartender only charge his customer for the v**... in his screwdriver?
Because as of yesterday, OJ is free.
The store tried to charge me $500 for a Samsung Galaxy knockoff.
I said "This is Huawei robbery!"
A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.
A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.
Which knight did King Arthur leave in charge of constructing the round table?
Sir Cumference
A Second Opinion
Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed.
A man is arrested for killing a condor
A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."
The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one question. What did it taste like?"
The man says, Somewhere between a bald eagle and a baby seal."
At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.
The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and
the charge."
The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician,
charged with
battery."
The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put
this man in a dry
cell!"
I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:
Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.
I shoplifted 23 cans of Pepsi from the store and got arrested, but the judge dropped the charge
He knew i stole 23 cans of Pepsi, but he said that doesn't make a case.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.
The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.
Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.
The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .
A man lines up for food in Soviet Russia...
After two hours of waiting he gets his turn and offers his bowl.
Out of soup. says the officer in charge and waves him aside.
The man refuses to leave. He tosses the bowl on the table and curses the regime for failing his starving family.
The officer motions to the guards and they wrestle the ranting man away. As they shove him outside, one says to the man:
Back then we could've shot you in the snow, comrade.
The man goes back home to his wife. She sees him looking glum as he walks in and asks:
Ran out of soup again?
Even worse, he replied. They ran out of bullets.
What did the protons yell as they rushed into battle?
*CHARGE!*
My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
My girlfriend is mad because I keep getting free drinks around town by saying I'm engaged
She said "Why is it that every time you say your engaged people congratulate you and buy you a drink, but when I say it they charge me double?"
I told her that when she says it they expect to see a ring but when I say it they expect to see an empty wallet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young man on his first date.
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have s**... when the girl stopped. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**.... The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? asked the girl. Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…
The Tea Party
Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).
He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him more. After several cups of 'tea,' and much praise, Mom came home.
"Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.
"Isn't she just the cutest?"
Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"
Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups...
And ask to speak to the man in charge.
Say what you will about Trump
But it was pretty nice of him to air such a long ad for Biden free of charge
When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge...
the look on my face was priceless.
Only a bank ATM will charge you $3 to get your money back
Then tell you to cover your pin so you don't get robbed.
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a drink...
The barkeeper doesn't know what to do, so he goes to his boss. The boss never had a gorilla in his bar and he doesn't want his bar to becoma a favorite place for gorillas but on the other hand, he doesn't want to make the gorilla angry. So he says to the barkeeper: Serve him but charge him $30. Maybe he leaves then . The barkeeper does this and charges the gorilla $30. Then the barkeeper says: We rarely have a gorilla in our bar . And the gorilla says: No wonder with the prices here .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been charged with murdering a man with sandpaper.
But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.
Why can you charge your phone with a bee from America?
Because it's a USB
Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones?
Yellow?
worst part of childhood is monsters in the closet/under the bed
worst part of adulthood is realizing they were living there rent-free and you missed your chance to charge them
A man's printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.
A friendly young man informed him, Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?
Actually, it was my boss's idea, said the young employee. He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in rural Arkansas is brought before a judge for his prelimnary hearing.
"What is the charge, counsel?" The judge asks.
"Bigotry, your honor," the prosecutor replies. "This man has three wives."
"You idiot," the judge says. "That ain't bigotry, it's trigonometry."
My wife went to the cinema with her friends
My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his little yellow duck?" she asked.
I said, "I don't know, I can't see him from the pub."
A bear walks into a 7/11 He gets a 12 pack and walks up to the clerk and says "I'll take these."
The clerk is stunned, so he heads to the back to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a bear asking for a beer." The owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then sell it to him, but charge him double. Bears don't know the price of beer." So the clerk heads back out front and sells the bear the beer. "You know," says the clerk, "we don't get many bears around here." To which the bear replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for the price of a drink
The bartender responds: "For you, no charge"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**...." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
The hotel I stayed in recently tried to charge me $10 for using the A/C.
That wasn't cool.
My son asked why sStar Wars movies came out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3…
I answered in my best yoda impersonation: 'in charge of scheduling, I was'
My son loved it, I heard a sigh from my SO, and when I looked at her, she just shook her head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been charged with killing a man with sandpaper
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.
It's because they charge a lot.
I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who answered said they weren't there, so I asked, Okay, who are you? She responded...
I'm his spokes person."
