Chap Jokes
51 chap jokes and hilarious chap puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chap that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Chap Short Jokes
Short chap jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chap humour may include short cape jokes also.
- My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
- A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps. The next day he pooped his pants.
- Did you hear about the poor chap who got smashed in the head by a grammar textbook? He remains in a comma.
- That is astounding Holmes! How did you deduce it was lithium poisoning that ended that poor chap's life? Element three, my dear Watson.
- I asked a young chap what his life goal was. He said, 'To curse at people from the top of a mountain.'
'Erm,' I frowned, 'really?'
He said, 'Swear down.' - I saw a chap dashing though town with what looked like a dolphin tucked under his arm. I thought to myself, "now there's a guy with a porpoise".
- I went to a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest, the guy who won was some German chap,
the judges gave him perfect neins - A good will gesture . . . A friendly chap from a local charity asked for a donation towards restoring the community swimming pool today. . . I gave him a bottle of water.
- When I think about it, Gaston really was a peaceable chap... It's a shame. He was a shoe in for the No-Belle prize.
- Did you hear about the British chap who was just as adept with social niceties as with troubleshooting network systems and software? He was an 'igh tea specialist.
Share These Chap Jokes With Friends
Chap One Liners
Which chap one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chap? I can suggest the ones about chimp and chin.
- Why don't women wear skirts in the winter? chapped lips
- Q: Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? A: They could get chapped lips!
- What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped? Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!
- You know what really chaps my hide? Sunshine
- You know what really chaps my hide? Psoriasis.
- Did you hear about what happened to the deaf chap in london? Neither did he
- What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Massless chaps.
Cr - Where do male army priests live? On Chap Lane.
- Your lips are so chapped, I can hear you smile.
- Saw somebody rubbing some Chapstick on their lips today. Lucky chap.
- What is a physicist's favorite type of pants? Massless chaps
- What do they call Bro Chads in the U.K.? ......Bloke chaps.
Play me off Johnny! - Why do girls never wear skirts when it's cold? Because their lips get chapped.
- What do you call a chinese chap with one leg? Limping
Thank you, goodnight. - What do you call a group of men with flat butts? Assless Chaps
Chap Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about chap you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pong jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chap pranks.
Vow of Silence
Chap decides to to join a monastery. As a novice he is only allowed to speak two words to the prior, once every 7 years.
The first seven years go by and he whispers, "Cold floors..."
The next seven years go by and he whispers, "Bad food..."
Seven more years go by and he croaks, "I quit!"
The prior raises his eyebrows and replies, "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you joined."
Lourdes
A wheel-chair bound chap decided to visit the healing waters of Lourdes. It was very crowded but he spotted a gap and went for it at such a pace that he ended up in the pool, wheel-chair and all. When they fished him out he was quite disappointed to find that he was still unable to walk, but found consolation in the fact that his wheel chair had a brand new set of tires.
Falklands veteran
A British officer spotted a busker in the London Underground with a sign that read: "VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR." The officer thought, "Poor chap, I was there and it was awful!" Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, he took £20 out of his wallet and gave it to the busker. The officer was then greeted with a hearty: "Gracias, Señor!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... goes to the pub...
He's drunk 16 pints of beer, and decides to walk home along the canal.
As he's walking along the canal he see's a chap who's just thrown himself in the canal, p**... reacts bravely and rescues him.
The next day the police knock on p**...'s door, they ask him did he save a bloke who jumped in the canal, p**... explains he did and that he doesn't want any special treatment or medals.
The police explain that he shouldn't of bothered, because he hung himself.
p**... replies, "No he didn't, I put him up there to dry!"
Courtesy of Dennis Taylor (UK Snooker Player)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Chapelle used chapstick, he'd just be Elle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is that ChapStick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
How did "El Chapo" escape prison?
Joaquin.
Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?
Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D
I came up with this myself. I'm so proud.
Why is Chapstick so popular?
Cause it's the balm baby!
El Chapo is a very special guy…
He's juan of a kind
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had a lovely t**... with my girl friend and her twin
He is a lovely chap
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A professor walks in to a class….
He has a hypothesis. He claims the people who have s**... most often are the happiest. To prove, he divides the class in to three groups. People having s**... once a month are put to one corner. They are the least happy. People having s**... once a week are put to another corner. They are slightly happier. And finally people having s**... more than once a week are put to yet another corner. They are even happier.
But o**... is still sitting in the class. To see he's the happiest of them all! The professor is shaken. This chap is going to prove him wrong! Professor walks to him and ask;
Prof.: How often do you have s**... son?
Guy: Once a year.
Prof.: Then how come you are so happy?!
Guy: IT'S TODAY! IT'S TODAY! IT'S TODAY!
Cr
How did El Chapo explain his income to the IRS?
"Soy cheapo."
Where did Chappelle store all his Rick James outfits?
Unit E
El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.
I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
This chapstick...
Is the balm.
Someone replaced the police issued chap sticks with glue sticks.
Police remain tight lipped about the incident.
Why can't you get Chapstick through overnight delivery?
You can't put any balm on a plane.
Chaplain asked us if we know how to save our souls
"Walk on your heels"
Walked into a dry cleaners the other day and I was amazed.
The chap behind the counter had fluorescent blue gel like hands. To my further amazement, he was using them as detergent on the clothes.
I said, excuse me sir, may I ask you to hold my bag whilst I take a photo of your appendages?! I feel like the internet would be amazed at this
He said I can't sorry, my hands are tide
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Limmerick from The Crown on Netflix
There once was a girl named Sally
Who enjoyed the occasional dally
She sat on the lap
Of a well-endowed chap
And cried "Sir! You're right up my alley."
I had a job interview yesterday...
The chap conducting the interview had a copy of my CV in front of him. He said to me
"It says here you're a man of mystery"
"That's correct" I replied
"Would you care to elaborate?"
"No"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a young lady named sally
Who enjoyed the occasional dally.
She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap
and said, "Sir, you're right up my alley!"
I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.
Two workers - one big and strong, the other small and weak - are on a building site.
The small chap says "I bet you $20 that I can push something to the end of the yard in my wheelbarrow and you won't be able to push the same thing back."
"You're on," says the big guy.
"Righto," says the small fellow, "Jump in."
