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Chap Jokes

51 chap jokes and hilarious chap puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chap that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Chap Short Jokes

Short chap jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chap humour may include short char jokes also.

  1. My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
  2. Why do British prostitutes always carry Vaseline? Because their lips have so many chaps on them!
  3. A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps. The next day he pooped his pants.
  4. There was a young lady named sally Who enjoyed the occasional dally.
    She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap
    and said, "Sir, you're right up my alley!"
  5. Did you hear about the poor chap who got smashed in the head by a grammar textbook? He remains in a comma.
  6. Vladimir Putin has declared there is a cure for homosexuality Lipstick. Apparently it keeps the chaps away.
  7. That is astounding Holmes! How did you deduce it was lithium poisoning that ended that poor chap's life? Element three, my dear Watson.
  8. Did you hear about the two British guys who had their butts removed? They were a pair of assless chaps.
  9. I asked a young chap what his life goal was. He said, 'To curse at people from the top of a mountain.'

    'Erm,' I frowned, 'really?'

    He said, 'Swear down.'
  10. A duck walks into a drug store and asks for some chap stick.
    The pharmacist asks if it will be cash or charge
    The duck replies...
    Just put it on my bill.

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Chap One Liners

Which chap one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chap? I can suggest the ones about chip and scar.

  1. Why don't women wear skirts in the winter? chapped lips
  2. Why do girls never wear skirts when it's cold? Because their lips get chapped.
  3. Q: Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? A: They could get chapped lips!
  4. What do you call British men without butts? Assless chaps.
  5. What do you call a chinese chap with one leg? Limping
    Thank you, goodnight.
  6. What do you call a group of men with flat butts? Assless Chaps
  7. You know why ladies don't wear mini skirts in the winter? Cause they'll get chapped lips
  8. Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter time? Cuz they'll get chapped lips. Brr.
  9. What do you call men who don't own donkeys? Assless chaps
  10. What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped? Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!
  11. You know what really chaps my hide? Sunshine
  12. A duck goes into a drug store He says gimee some chap stick put it on my bill
  13. Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
    A: Because their lips will get chapped!
  14. You know what really chaps my hide? Psoriasis.
  15. Did you hear about what happened to the deaf chap in london? Neither did he

Chap joke, Did you hear about what happened to the deaf chap in london?

Chap Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about chap you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cape jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chap pranks.

Vow of Silence

Chap decides to to join a monastery. As a novice he is only allowed to speak two words to the prior, once every 7 years.
The first seven years go by and he whispers, "Cold floors..."
The next seven years go by and he whispers, "Bad food..."
Seven more years go by and he croaks, "I quit!"
The prior raises his eyebrows and replies, "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you joined."

Lourdes

A wheel-chair bound chap decided to visit the healing waters of Lourdes. It was very crowded but he spotted a gap and went for it at such a pace that he ended up in the pool, wheel-chair and all. When they fished him out he was quite disappointed to find that he was still unable to walk, but found consolation in the fact that his wheel chair had a brand new set of tires.

Falklands veteran

A British officer spotted a busker in the London Underground with a sign that read: "VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR." The officer thought, "Poor chap, I was there and it was awful!" Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, he took £20 out of his wallet and gave it to the busker. The officer was then greeted with a hearty: "Gracias, Señor!"

A chap walked into a bar with a newt

On his shoulder and asks the barman for a pint of beer and saucer of milk for Tiny the barman fetches the drinks and puts them on the bar the man starts to drink the beer and the newt starts to lap the milk ,on seeing this the barman asks the man why do you call him Tiny.... the man replies Cosz he's my newt

This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his Money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of Money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"

The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."

How did "El Chapo" escape prison?

Joaquin.

Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?

Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D
I came up with this myself. I'm so proud.

Why is Chapstick so popular?

Cause it's the balm baby!

El Chapo is a very special guy…

He's juan of a kind

When I think about it, Gaston really was a peaceable chap...

It's a shame. He was a shoe in for the No-Belle prize.

A duck walks into a drug store.

He says "Give me some chap stick."
The cashier asks "Will that be cash or credit?"
The duck says "Just put it on my bill."

A good will gesture . . .

A friendly chap from a local charity asked for a donation towards restoring the community swimming pool today. . . I gave him a bottle of water.

Duck walks into a drugstore, asks for some Chap Stick.

Guy behind the counter says "That'll be fifty-nine cents"
Duck says "Put it on my bill.'
Next day, duck walks into a drugstore again. Asks for a package of condoms.
Guy behind the counter says "That's three bucks; you want I should put them on your bill?"
Duck says "Sorry, I'm not that kind of duck"

El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.

I see that El Chapo has been extradited to the U.S.

So we may not get a Mexican wall but I bet we get a tunnel!

I went to a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest,

the guy who won was some German chap,
the judges gave him perfect neins

This chapstick...

Is the balm.

I saw a chap dashing though town with what looked like a dolphin tucked under his arm.

I thought to myself, "now there's a guy with a porpoise".

Chaplain asked us if we know how to save our souls

"Walk on your heels"

An Englishman is stranded in his broken down boat,..

...but luckily another boat comes up to help. The rescue boat has a man and two women in it. "I say old chap, could I borrow one of your oars?"...."These are not me oars, these are me sisters!"

Walked into a dry cleaners the other day and I was amazed.

The chap behind the counter had fluorescent blue gel like hands. To my further amazement, he was using them as detergent on the clothes.
I said, excuse me sir, may I ask you to hold my bag whilst I take a photo of your appendages?! I feel like the internet would be amazed at this
He said I can't sorry, my hands are tide

Duck walks into a drug store...

Duck asks, "please, can I have some chap stick?" Clerk asks, "will this be cash or charge?'.
Duck replies, "just put it on my bill".

Did you hear about the British chap who was just as adept with social niceties as with troubleshooting network systems and software?

He was an 'igh tea specialist.

Limmerick from The Crown on Netflix

There once was a girl named Sally
Who enjoyed the occasional dally
She sat on the lap
Of a well-endowed chap
And cried "Sir! You're right up my alley."

I had a job interview yesterday...

The chap conducting the interview had a copy of my CV in front of him. He said to me
"It says here you're a man of mystery"
"That's correct" I replied
"Would you care to elaborate?"
"No"

A Scottish bloke goes on a skiing trip to Canada.

After a hard day on the s**..., he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall... He asks the bartender, "What the fock is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fock me! How big are the cats here?"

I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.

Two workers - one big and strong, the other small and weak - are on a building site.
The small chap says "I bet you $20 that I can push something to the end of the yard in my wheelbarrow and you won't be able to push the same thing back."
"You're on," says the big guy.
"Righto," says the small fellow, "Jump in."

Chap joke, I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.

jokes about chap