Following is our collection of funny Chap jokes. There are some chap blimey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chap scottish puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Chap decides to to join a monastery. As a novice he is only allowed to speak two words to the prior, once every 7 years.
The first seven years go by and he whispers, "Cold floors..."
The next seven years go by and he whispers, "Bad food..."
Seven more years go by and he croaks, "I quit!"
The prior raises his eyebrows and replies, "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you joined."
A wheel-chair bound chap decided to visit the healing waters of Lourdes. It was very crowded but he spotted a gap and went for it at such a pace that he ended up in the pool, wheel-chair and all. When they fished him out he was quite disappointed to find that he was still unable to walk, but found consolation in the fact that his wheel chair had a brand new set of tires.
He remains in a comma.
A British officer spotted a busker in the London Underground with a sign that read: "VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR." The officer thought, "Poor chap, I was there and it was awful!" Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, he took Β£20 out of his wallet and gave it to the busker. The officer was then greeted with a hearty: "Gracias, SeΓ±or!"
On his shoulder and asks the barman for a pint of beer and saucer of milk for Tiny the barman fetches the drinks and puts them on the bar the man starts to drink the beer and the newt starts to lap the milk ,on seeing this the barman asks the man why do you call him Tiny.... the man replies Cosz he's my newt
He says gimee some chap stick put it on my bill
The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."
Joaquin.
On Chap Lane.
Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D
I came up with this myself. I'm so proud.
You can explore chap fook reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chap kiddo dad jokes. There are also chap puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Cause it's the balm baby!
He's juan of a kind
It's a shame. He was a shoe in for the No-Belle prize.
He says "Give me some chap stick."
The cashier asks "Will that be cash or credit?"
The duck says "Just put it on my bill."
A friendly chap from a local charity asked for a donation towards restoring the community swimming pool today. . . I gave him a bottle of water.
Neither did he
Guy behind the counter says "That'll be fifty-nine cents"
Duck says "Put it on my bill.'
Next day, duck walks into a drugstore again. Asks for a package of condoms.
Guy behind the counter says "That's three bucks; you want I should put them on your bill?"
Duck says "Sorry, I'm not that kind of duck"
Unit E
I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
So we may not get a Mexican wall but I bet we get a tunnel!
the guy who won was some German chap,
the judges gave him perfect neins
Is the balm.
Police remain tight lipped about the incident.
Police remain tight lipped on the incident.
An assless chap.
I thought to myself, "now there's a guy with a porpoise".
and asks for some chap stick.
The pharmacist asks if it will be cash or charge
The duck replies...
Just put it on my bill.
You can't put any balm on a plane.
Psoriasis.
Sunshine
"Walk on your heels"
...but luckily another boat comes up to help. The rescue boat has a man and two women in it. "I say old chap, could I borrow one of your oars?"...."These are not me oars, these are me sisters!"
The chap behind the counter had fluorescent blue gel like hands. To my further amazement, he was using them as detergent on the clothes.
I said, excuse me sir, may I ask you to hold my bag whilst I take a photo of your appendages?! I feel like the internet would be amazed at this
He said I can't sorry, my hands are tide
He said, 'To curse at people from the top of a mountain.'
'Erm,' I frowned, 'really?'
He said, 'Swear down.'
Duck asks, "please, can I have some chap stick?" Clerk asks, "will this be cash or charge?'.
Duck replies, "just put it on my bill".
He was an 'igh tea specialist.
There once was a girl named Sally
Who enjoyed the occasional dally
She sat on the lap
Of a well-endowed chap
And cried "Sir! You're right up my alley."
The chap conducting the interview had a copy of my CV in front of him. He said to me
"It says here you're a man of mystery"
"That's correct" I replied
"Would you care to elaborate?"
"No"
Who enjoyed the occasional dally.
She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap
and said, "Sir, you're right up my alley!"
Limping
Thank you, goodnight.
After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall... He asks the bartender, "What the fock is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fock me! How big are the cats here?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chap angus jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working chap laddie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.