Chanting Jokes

What are some Chanting jokes?

I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!"

They must be scared of the dark or something.

If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting...

...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.

A group of deaf people get together to protest

The group begins chanting

What do we want?

Hearing aids!

When do we want them?

Hearing aids!

Was walking by a mental hospital when...

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.

A man is walking past the mental hospital

through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.

A group of blondes walk into a bar

A group of blondes walk into a bar celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"

Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a bartender goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"

All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"

A guy walks past a mental hospital

A guy is walking past a mental hospital with a high privacy fence, and can hear some kind of chant going on. As he gets closer, he hears them chanting, "sixteen! Sixteen! Sixteen!"Curious as to what is going on, he notices a small hole in the fence. He walks over and presses his face to it to try and see in, only to get poked in the eyes. The chant continues, "Seventeen! Seventeen! Seventeen!"

Faith is everything

A man is about to jump from a plane. Right before he jumps, he looks down and freezes in place.

"Don't worry," says the pilot, "If something goes wrong - start chanting 'Oh great Buddha, please save me'".

Skeptical but with renewed confidence, the man jumps. At the right height, he tries to open his parachute. Nothing happens.

He tries to open the spare parachute. Nothing happens.

Terrified, the man shouts: "OH GREAT BUDDHA, PLEASE SAVE ME!!"

Suddenly, the man stops falling. He looks down and finds a huge hand, safely carrying him to the ground. As soon as the hand reaches the ground, he jumps down.

"Phew, thank God!"


Inmates Running the Asylum

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

5 blonds walk into a bar...

The group is cheering, smiling, and chanting "3 to 5 years! 3 to 5 years!" After the blondes settle down and order their drinks, the bartender finally asked "What are you all celebrating? What does 3 to 5 years mean?" One blonde got an excited look in their eyes and proudly exclaimed "Well, we bought a puzzle, and on the side it said 3 to 5 years, but it only took us 2 months!"

Was walking by a mental hospital when.....

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.

Guy walks into a bar.

Guy walks into a bar.
The bar is empty except for a group of blonde women in the far corner chanting. "23 weeks, 23 weeks, 23 weeks"

The guy asks the barman for a beer and also asks what's all that about in the corner.

Barman says "I have no idea. They've been meeting here every afternoon for the past 23 weeks. They sit silently leaning over the table and never say a word until today."

Intrigued, the man wanders over to the group of woman. They are now hugging each other and shaking each others hands and patting each other on the back. Still chanting "23 weeks, 23 weeks, 23 weeks."

The asks them "what's all the celebrating about?"
One of the woman looks at him and says very proudly "everyone is always saying how blondes are so dumb. Well today we have just proven how intelligent we are."

The man says "well tell me, what have you done to prove blondes are intelligent?"

The woman says "well on the box of this jigsaw puzzle it says 3 years or up, and we just finished the whole puzzle in 23 weeks"


a man walks by a mental hospital and over the wall he can hear the patients saying,"Fourteen" over and over again. The wall is too high to see over and as he walks along it he sees a small hole. Bending down to look through and see why they are chanting "Fourteen", he can see some movement.

All of a sudden a stick pushes through into his eye!

Then he hears...Fifteen!...Fifteen!...Fifteen!!!

A man is walking by a mental hospital and hears chanting.

A man is walking by a mental hospital and hears chanting from over the fence. He stops to listen and hears that they are saying "Five! Five! Five! Five!"

His curiosity peaked, he walks until he sees a hole in the fence. He puts his eye up to the hole to try to see what's going on, when he's poked in the eye by a broom handle! Angry and in pain, he starts to walk away and hears that the chanting is now, "Six! Six! Six! Six!"

A man was passing by a small courtyard when he starting hearing...

...voices and murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said, "NIL."

White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity and The Blessed Emptiness.

The man turned to a white-robed observer beside him and asked, "Is Nothing Sacred?"

Read this one a couple years ago, a little dirty but pretty funny.

In a local park trees are being removed to clear space for a playground. As the men are working, a group of world conservationalists climb the trees and protest to the removal. As one woman was chanting she slipped and fell out of the tree falling on a few branches on the way down. With her genitals full of splinters and bark she was rushed to the emergency room. She was looked at by the doctor and he told her to wait. After a few hours in excruciating pain he came back and she yelled at him for taking so long. He told her "Sorry, I had to get the right permits to remove lumber from a recreational area."

A man goes for a walk...

and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and peers through the wall silence falls over the yard and a long stick gets shoved through the hole and pokes him in the eye

"4! 4! 4! 4! 4!"

A man is walking on a sidewalk past...

An insane asylum. He hears voices on the inside chanting "thirteen,thirteen, thirteen".
He is curious why they are chanting that. He looks around and finds a hole that allows himself to look inside the fence. As he puts his eye on the hole a stick jabs him in the eye. And the chant changes to "fourteen, fourteen, fourteen".

My dad tells this joke all the time.


I walk past a mental Asylum every day and yesterday as I neared I could hear them chanting "Seven..Seven..Seven." This continued as I walked along the wooden fence and I found myself looking for a gap to see what was going on. About 100m down the fence i spotted a hole where the knot had fallen out and hurried towards it. I jammed my eye up to the hole, rather excited to see the ruckus and a finger sprung out and jabbed me in th eye. "Eight..eight..eight."

one day at the mental hospital ...

A guy is walking past a mental hospital when he hears some of the residents, on the grounds, chanting "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
There's a fence blocking his view so he has no idea why they are chanting "Thirteen!" and curiosity gets the better of him. He searches the fence and eventually finds a small hole at about head height.
As he puts his eye up to the hole, a stick jabs through it, poking him in the eye and leaving him staggering around in agony.
Through his pain he's dimly aware that the chanting has changed to "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

Three men from the same country enter a competition to see who has the most children.

As they enter the stadium, the enormous crowd starts cheering in excitement. The first man comes up, and his family of 20 accompanies him on stage. The second man comes up, revealing his enormous family of 60 members. The third man comes up on the stage, but nobody comes up with him. The crowd then starts chanting:


A man is walking down the street, when he starts to hear a chanting sound coming from behind a fence... 13..13..13..13..13..

As he gets closer he see's a small hole in the fence, the chanting's getting louder and faster... **13..13..13..** As he gets closer the chanting comes to a fearsome cresecendo, as he looks directly into the hole...

And a finger jabs him DIRECTLY in the eye, as the chanting resumes louder than ever... **14..14..14..14..**

Australian homophobes were up in arms after the country legalized gay marriage recently

They held a rally to protest with their spouses, walking down the roads chanting " Thats not a woife...this is a woife."

There is a group of protestors chanting about fat acceptance.

There is a group of protestors chanting about fat acceptance. A married couple watched from a bench.

The husband told his wife, "it looks like there's fifty protestors over there!"

"I only counted ten." responded his wife.

The husband turned back to her, "I said it *looks* like fifty."

"Seven!" "Seven!" "Seven!"

A man was walking along, when he came upon a a property with a plank fence surrounding it. He hears people inside chanting the number seven over and over again. He doesn't know much about this property, except that a cult meets there, he can't see through the fence, and he's always been curious about it. When he hears "Seven!" "Seven!" "Seven!" he can't help himself, he peeks through a hole in one of the planks. Someone promptly pokes him in the eye with a stick. They begin chanting "Eight!" "Eight!" "Eight!"

A man was walking down the street...

A man was walking down the street when he saw the sanatorium dead ahead.

The sanatorium had a large field with high walls so no one could climb them, inside there were lot's of people chanting with loud voices.

''51! 51! 51! 51! 51!"

The man was very curious as to why they were chanting 51, but upon reaching the wall he had already resigned on ever finding out.

But then he saw a little hole in the wall! He was overjoyed that he could satisfy his curiosity.

Upon reaching the whole he immediately started peering through it. There was a loud cheer and a finger poked his eye.

Cursing under his breath he heard the people chant loudly.

"52! 52! 52! 52! 52!"


A guy is walking past the grounds of the state mental hospital. The hospital is surrounded by a tall wooden fence, more for privacy than for security. As he walks past he hears a chorus of excited inmates chanting: "THIRTEEN! THIRTEEN! THIRTEEN!".

Curious about what is going on inside, the man finds a knothole in the fence and starts to peek inside. As soon as he puts his eye up to the fence someone jabs him in the eye with a stick and the chorus changes to: "FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN!".

If you play a Coldplay song backwards, you'll hear a lot of creepy, Satanic chanting in Latin

But if you play a Coldplay song the normal way, you'll hear something much worse. A Coldplay song.

A guy walking down the street

A guy walking down the street begins to hear a bunch of people chanting twelve! twelve! twelve!. He finds a hole in the fence next to him to try and see what is going on. When he looks through the hole , he gets poked in the eye. Then he hears thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

As the group of people finished their demonic chanting...

they stabbed an object, lying on the table, feeding it to someone.

β™« Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you β™«

A man is walking down the street...

When from behind a fence he hears voices chanting "Twelve, twelve twelve...twelve, twelve, twelve..." He's curious about what's going on, so he looks along the fence until he sees a little hole in it. He leans over and looks through the hole and BINK! Someone pokes him in the eye with their finger. "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen..."

A blonde is walking along the side of a highway...

When she sees a brunette jumping in the middle between the opposing lanes of traffic chanting "twenty, twenty, twenty..."

Curious the blonde asks what she's doing.

"I'm jumping up and down saying twenty, do it with me, " replies the brunette.

So they both start to jump when a truck suddenly runs over the blonde, killing her.

The brunette calmly walks over to the body, and drags her to the side of the road. She then returns to the middle of the highway, starts jumping up and down, and chants "twenty one, twenty one, twenty one..."

Insane Asylum

A man was walking down the street next to the Insane Aslyum.

As he was walking he heard voices over the wall chanting 21. Curiosity took over and he found a hole in the wall and looked through it.

When he looked all the sudden a stick poked him in the eye and the people behind the wall started chanting 22.

A man is strolling past an insane asylum when..

When he hears a loud chanting.

Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen! goes the noise form within the mental hospital's wards.

The man's curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It's not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in.

Instantly, something jabs him in the eye.

As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues: Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

There once was a woman named Ricity Thompson.

She was a successful politician, eventually becoming a popular presidential candidate. People were enthusiastic about her campaign, many chanting for her to be elected. Her opponent, Geoffrey McDonald, was also popular, and it was tough to say who would become the POTUS. Until that fateful November afternoon: the votes were tallying up, more than had ever been seen. The voting machine couldn't process all the information. Overloaded, it began to malfunction, releasing an electric bolt that hit McDonald square in the chest. Indeed, in the end, his downfall was elect Ricity.

A group of linguists at the key note of a conference

They started chanting "Speech! Speech! Speech! ..."

A group of blondes are chanting "31 days" in a bar...

so after awhile the bartender gets curious and asks one of the blondes "why are you ladies chanting 31 days?". The group parts and the blonde responds "you see this puzzle here?? we finished it in 31 days! and the box says 2-4 years"

To whom was Shia LaBeouf chanting "*He will not divide us*" after he got arrested yesterday?

His buttcheeks.

Judge, angrily: Excuse me father, did you just say that it was all those kids' fault and not yours?

Father: Yes, everytime they saw me they would just start chanting frantically 'jizz us'.

I was working hard in the operating room during a heart transplant when the nurse asks me "What are you doing?"

I just keep chanting "Kali Ma! Kali Ma!"

Late last night I was trying to summon a demon.

After many hours in my basement drawing pentagrams, chanting voodoo and performing spiritual dance I had failed to conjure any demons from the dark depths of Hades.

Defeat was in my mind and I had no choice but to admit the ways of old no longer held any sway with the dark lord. I reluctantly slid the Iphone from my bathrobe's inner pocket and activated the voice command:

"Siri, would you please summon me the darkest, most malevolent demon that Satan himself would be pleased with."

Siri:"Ok, Contacting Comcast Customer Support"

How to make Chanting jokes?

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