Changing Mind Jokes
116 changing mind jokes and hilarious changing mind puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about changing mind that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Changing Mind Short Jokes
Short changing mind jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The changing mind humour may include short change my mind jokes also.
- My Girlfriend broke up with me because I don't last long in bed... I told her if she ever changes her mind, all she has to do is phone and I'll come straight away.
- My girlfriend broke up with me because I don't last long in bed. I told her, If you change your mind, call me. I'll come right away.
- .. my sister told me onions are the only vegetable that make you cry ...so I threw a pumpkin at her head. She soon changed her mind
- watching the US government deal with the Coronavirus is like watching the Ministry of Magic deal with Voldemort's return. change my mind.
- I heard they can do brain transplants now! I was all set to do it.... ...but my local doctor changed my mind.
- The scientists have finally found out what a woman wants. But she has already changed her mind.
- People these days recoil at the idea of brain transplants becoming possible in the near future. Just wait until we develop the technology. They'll change their minds.
- Did you hear about the brain surgeon who was thinking of performing a brain transplant on himself? He ended up having a change of mind.
- I think I can read minds because I always know a BMW is changing lanes before they use their blinker
- Someone once told me it's okay to change your mind in light of new facts. I told him I used to think that.
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Changing Mind One Liners
Which changing mind one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with changing mind? I can suggest the ones about change your mind and changing name.
- At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant then I changed her mind
- I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind.
- I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
- Brain transplants will never be possible. Change my mind.
- I was going to sue my neurosurgeon. But he changed my mind.
- I just read a great joke about how women always change their mind nvm it's not that good.
- I always thought a brain transplant was far too risky. Then I changed my mind...
- I changed my mind Wife: I changed my mind...
Husband: Does the new one work? - I went in to get a brain transplant.. ..thankfully the surgeon managed to change my mind.
- I told my doctor I didn't want a brain surgery... But he changed my mind anyway.
- "I've changed my mind." "Thank God! Does it work better now?"
- John regrets getting a brain transplant. I guess he changed his mind.
- I need a brain transplant Change my mind.
- I was bored with my life, and wanted to change something. I changed my mind.
- I'm getting a brain transplant. Me to my surgeon: change my mind
Changing Mind Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about changing mind you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean change management jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make changing mind pranks.
A man is angry because he has it in his head that someone stole his wallet.
He walks into a church to steal someone else's wallet, but he has a change of heart during the service. He confesses to the priest afterwards about what his intentions had initially been. The priest asks, "What made you change your mind?" The man says, "In your sermon on the Ten Commandments when you got to 'Thou shall not commit adultery,' I remembered where I left my wallet!"
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please."
The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off.
A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby.
The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me."
"Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have s**...? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man.
"No way, you're disgusting, go away."
The homeless man turns and starts walking away.
The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?"
The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Yo Momma's house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind.
Let's hope your new one works better than the one you had before.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made.
Samantha explains it to her.
"I still don't get it? Can you show me."
Suzy says.
"OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I screw."
That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand.
The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have s**... with her.
"OK but I don't want Samantha to watch"
So Samantha went outside.
They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy.
"That was fun but I still don't get it."
Says Suzy
The next day the same thing happened.
And the next day.
Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying.
"Whats wrong," Suzy says.
"Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better."
Said Samantha.
"Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy.
When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it.
Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately.
He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to screw her.
"OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed."
"Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."
If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends – they might not give you a chance to change your mind…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
A Guy/Gal walks into a bar with an Ostrich/Race-horse
A good-looking young man (or woman) and an ostrich (or racehorse) walk into a bar. The two sit down, order some nachos and wind up drinking a few beers by the end of the night. When it comes time to pay the tab, the (wo)man reaches into his/her pocket and dumps a slightly-crumpled mess of bills and change onto the bar.
"That should cover it." (s)he says. As the (wo)man walks away, the bartender counts it out and to her surprise, it's the exact total of the bill. Looking back up, she sees that the (wo)man has returned. (S)He once again reaches into his/her pocket and pulls out exactly 20% of the bill before tax.
"There ya go, sorry about that." (s)he says.
The bartender asks, "Mind if I ask you about the exact change and the ostrich(horse)?
"You see," (s)he says, "A long time ago, I was an archaeologist. While in arabia, I discovered a magical lamp with a genie inside who granted me 3 wishes. The first, obviously, was for eternal youth and fitness. Second, unlimited wealth- any time I buy something, I just reach into my pocket and pull out the exact amount of money. The third, well, the third wish was for a tall, youthful, long-legged(well-endowed) chick(stud) who would always stick by my side and share my interests."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Santa's Jokes
Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can h**...-h**...-h**....
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants
Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady received 3 wishes...
An old lady sat on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appeared and informed her that she would be granted three wishes.
Well, now, said the old lady, I guess I would like to be really rich.
*p**...* Her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.
*p**...* She turned into a beautiful young woman.
Your third wish? asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wandered across the porch in front of them. Ooh – can you change him into a handsome prince? she asked.
*p**...*
And there before her stood a young man more handsome than anyone could have possibly imagined. She stared at him, smitten. With a smile that made her knees weak, he sauntered across the porch and whispered in her ear,
Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.
Man....that could have been me!
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green. Suddenly, a carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, pulled up next to me.
They had a wild-eyed look as they yelled "Allah HuAkbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" & waved their fists at me. Then they took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran right over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
One.
How many mind readers does it take to change a...wait a second!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Jews does it take to change h**...'s mind?
None, there has to be no Jews.
I asked a German the other day if he wanted to hear a joke...
I had the classic "How many ____ does it take to change a lightbulb" joke in mind.... But before I got to tell it,
He responded, "Nine"... How did he know?!?!
After a rough night, I woke up one morning and thought I should join Alcoholics Anonymous...
I changed my mind though, because I am NOT a quitter.
You know, Nikola Tesla was famous for changing his mind.
In fact, when his colleagues would ask his opinion on a subject he would often just reply, "Oh, I don't know. My thoughts on the matter are alternating currently."
I thought about going to a psychic, but then I started having doubts and changed my mind
At that moment I received a text message that said "Well, that's too bad"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God's race
One day a black kid and a white kid were debating whether god was black or white. Their debate was turning heated when suddenly the heavens opened and a booming voice and God said "I am what I am!"
Upon hearing this, the black kid gave up his argument and agreed that God is white. The white kid was puzzled and asked the black kid why he changed his mind. The black kid said, "God just said 'I am what I am' if he was black he would've said 'I is what I is'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk staggered up to the h**...
A drunk staggered up to the hotel reception desk and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
You know what, those protests changed my mind
I thought only some of them didn't have jobs but now I think all of the protestors don't have jobs.
A Blonde Checks Her Mail
A man was outside mowing his lawn, when the blonde next door came out and looked in her mailbox. She frowned and went back in.
After a few minutes the blonde came back out and looked in her mailbox again. She had the same reaction and then went in once more. The man was a little confused but he minded his own business.
A few minutes later the blonde returned once more, and now the man was curious. 'What are you doing?' he asked her, 'You've checked your mailbox three times now. Nothings going to change in a few minutes.'
The blonde replies, 'Yes, but my computer keeps saying "You've got mail !" '
I read this on a joke site a couple years ago. Thought it belonged here.
My doctor told me to get a brain transplant
But then I changed my mind
At first people think i should be grateful when I say my wife made me a millionaire
They change their minds when i tell them I was a billionaire before i got married.
Why are women so clear-headed?
Because they change their minds all the time.
Little Mary is at her first wedding.
When it's over, she asks her mother, 'Why did the lady change her mind?'
'What do you mean?' asks mother.
'Well,' replies Mary.
'She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.
After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel.
He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
Two Puns
Man, I was going to eat a clock, but then I thought, that's to time consuming.
Man, I was ganna get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.
You guys might aswell call me re"pun"sul. I'm way to punny.
(Sorry if I make you cringe)
My last hookup was like Amazon Prime.
I was drunk, they were an impulse, and they came before I could change my mind.
A guy and his blonde girlfriend talking..
Guy: ok, I've changed my mind..
Girl: oh! is the new one working properly?
My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.
Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.
I used to be close-minded to other beliefs until I learned about reincarnation.
It changed my life.
Why can Polish composers never make up their mind?
They just keep Chopin and changing
A man sees a woman in a bar...
A man sees a woman in a bar and asks, "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
The woman is startled at first, but replies, "My goodness! Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course..."
The man turns away from her and says, "I've changed my mind. Would you sleep with me for five dollars?"
The woman then says, "Of course not! What kind of woman do you think I am?"
The man says, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating.
How long does it take a stubborn man to replace a broken lightbulb?
Once he's made up his mind, he ain't changing it.
Tommy Wiseau was considering casting Dumbo as a lead actor
He changed his mind because nobody would talk about the elephant in the room.
If I had a dollar for every time a women said I wasn't attractive enough...
I could probably change their minds.
I was going to have a head transplant yesterday then i changed my mind,
Or was it my body I changed?
I'm so confused.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do conservative politicians have dirty minds?
They hardly ever change their mind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I prevented a r**... yesterday!
Only because I changed my mind...
My friends always told me I was average
I bet they'll change their minds when I tell them I got an 100 on my IQ test
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the f**... who was thinking of cleaning up his act?
He changed his mind and decided to stick it out another year.
Two guys go into a diner...
The waitress comes up and says, "What'll ya have."
The first man says, I'll have a hamburger.
The waitress lifts one arm, pulls a patty out of her armpit, lifts the arm and pulls a bun out of the other armpit.
She turns to the second guy, "What'll you have?"
The second guy says, "I was thinking of having a hot dog but I've changed my mind."
People don't find me very good-looking until I tell them I used to be 200 pounds heavier.
It's not true, but it sure changes their minds.
Music is very powerful,
like that Kars 4 Kids commercial. Before I saw that commercial I wanted to donate a car to kids, but that song changed my mind.
I used to put coins on my patients' heads, but my boss thought it was unethical.
When he gave me his two cents on the subject, I changed my mind.
After you were born
Your parents changed they're minds.
They're pro-choice now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a trip to my favorite store today, I stopped a r**....
Because I changed my mind.
The other day, my son was kicked out of the zoo,
The security staff found him throwing chocolates and flowers into one of the enclosures. He said he had found 'the love of his life' and just wanted to give her some tokens of his love. Naturally, I was very concerned about this sort of behavior and didn't want to encourage any relationship of this sort. So today, I went down to the zoo to discuss the matter and it completely changed my mind. I fully endorse my son to continue his wooing. I think this girl may be a keeper.
No one could ever change Shakespeare's mind but one lady. What would you call that?
Ann hath-a-way
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i went to a r**... barbers to day,
sat down in the chair then quickly changed my mind got up and walked away.
Think i may have dodged the mullet on this one.
Bill: "Did you hear about Zack having a brain transplant?"
John: "Yes, but didn't he change his mind in the end?"
You aren't a brain surgeon
And you CAN'T change my mind
I say we should get Steven Crowder a brain transplant.
Finally, something that will change his mind.
Hulu has better animes than Netflix
Change my mind
A man is on trial for robbery...
A man is on trial for robbery, and it's a clear cut case.
The prosecution is sure that they've got this one in the bag.
The judge begins to read the final decision, saying, "Alright, I'm going to sentence you right here and now unless there's anything you can say to change my mind"
The man stands up and shouts "Your honor, wait! I had just cause!"
The prosecution looks nervous. There's a murmur in the courtroom.
The judge looks surprised, and says, "Really? What was your just cause?"
The man shrugs and says "...Just 'cause!"
a miracle
A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to undo his previous prayer.
And lo, there was a miracle: nothing happened to the fat man.
At our world famous clinic, many worried, afflicted and mentally unstable people come for assistance. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we start by suggesting they try one of our brain transplant procedures.
They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.
James Dean had a tiring day at work
James Dean had a long and tiring day at work, so he decided to stop at a pub on the way home. He ordered a pint of Coors Light and some whiskey. Before the drinks were poured he changed his mind - instead of the pint he asked for a can of Red Bull. He was getting a Red Bull without a Coors!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Only s**... people never change their minds
That's what I've always said.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Testing an Idea
Two men are working together on a late night shift. It's just the two of them.
One of them moans, 'Ugh, kill me now.'
His coworker pulls out a gun, points it at him and says, 'Are you sure?'
Stunned, the man replies, 'You know what, I want to keep living for the time being.'
The coworker asks, 'What made you change your mind?'
The man replies, 'I can always do the other one later.'
Does this work?