Changing Mind Jokes

If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends – they might not give you a chance to change your mind…

A mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.

Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.

I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...

It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.

How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...

I changed my mind

Wife: I changed my mind...
Husband: Does the new one work?

One.

How many mind readers does it take to change a...wait a second!

John regrets getting a brain transplant.

I guess he changed his mind.

"I've changed my mind."

"Thank God! Does it work better now?"

Scientists have discovered what a woman wants.

But she changed her mind the next second.

I asked a German the other day if he wanted to hear a joke...

I had the classic "How many ____ does it take to change a lightbulb" joke in mind.... But before I got to tell it,
He responded, "Nine"... How did he know?!?!

The local f**... in my area was going to retire this week

but he's changed his mind and is going to stick it out till Christmas.

You know, Nikola Tesla was famous for changing his mind.

In fact, when his colleagues would ask his opinion on a subject he would often just reply, "Oh, I don't know. My thoughts on the matter are alternating currently."

I thought about going to a psychic, but then I started having doubts and changed my mind

At that moment I received a text message that said "Well, that's too bad"

God's race

One day a black kid and a white kid were debating whether god was black or white. Their debate was turning heated when suddenly the heavens opened and a booming voice and God said "I am what I am!"
Upon hearing this, the black kid gave up his argument and agreed that God is white. The white kid was puzzled and asked the black kid why he changed his mind. The black kid said, "God just said 'I am what I am' if he was black he would've said 'I is what I is'"

A drunk staggered up to the h**...

A drunk staggered up to the hotel reception desk and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."

After some thinking i decided not to go through with the brain transplant

But then, i changed my mind

Was gonna get a brain transplant

I changed my mind

I was bored with my life, and wanted to change something.

I changed my mind.

You know what, those protests changed my mind

I thought only some of them didn't have jobs but now I think all of the protestors don't have jobs.

At first people think i should be grateful when I say my wife made me a millionaire

They change their minds when i tell them I was a billionaire before i got married.

A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pains. After a series of tests, the doctor walks back in and says to the lady, "Well, hope you don't mind changing diapers!"
Stunned, she replies, "Oh my God I'm pregnant? I can't be pregnant!"
The doctor looks at her and says, "No, you have bowel cancer"

Little Mary is at her first wedding.

When it's over, she asks her mother, 'Why did the lady change her mind?'
'What do you mean?' asks mother.
'Well,' replies Mary.
'She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.

Two Puns

Man, I was going to eat a clock, but then I thought, that's to time consuming.
Man, I was ganna get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.
You guys might aswell call me re"pun"sul. I'm way to punny.
(Sorry if I make you cringe)

My last hookup was like Amazon Prime.

I was drunk, they were an impulse, and they came before I could change my mind.

My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.

Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.

I used to be close-minded to other beliefs until I learned about reincarnation.

It changed my life.

I was thinking of getting a brain transplant

I changed my mind

I think I can read minds

because I always know a BMW is changing lanes before they use their blinker

Why can Polish composers never make up their mind?

They just keep Chopin and changing

A man sees a woman in a bar...

A man sees a woman in a bar and asks, "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
The woman is startled at first, but replies, "My goodness! Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course..."
The man turns away from her and says, "I've changed my mind. Would you sleep with me for five dollars?"
The woman then says, "Of course not! What kind of woman do you think I am?"
The man says, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating.

How long does it take a stubborn man to replace a broken lightbulb?

Once he's made up his mind, he ain't changing it.

Tommy Wiseau was considering casting Dumbo as a lead actor

He changed his mind because nobody would talk about the elephant in the room.

If I had a dollar for every time a women said I wasn't attractive enough...

I could probably change their minds.

I was in the bar last night and ordered a glass of water.

Barman: still water?
Me: of course! I haven't changed my mind

Why do conservative politicians have dirty minds?

They hardly ever change their mind.

My friends always told me I was average

I bet they'll change their minds when I tell them I got an 100 on my IQ test

Did you hear about the f**... who was thinking of cleaning up his act?

He changed his mind and decided to stick it out another year.

Two guys go into a diner...

The waitress comes up and says, "What'll ya have."
The first man says, I'll have a hamburger.
The waitress lifts one arm, pulls a patty out of her armpit, lifts the arm and pulls a bun out of the other armpit.
She turns to the second guy, "What'll you have?"
The second guy says, "I was thinking of having a hot dog but I've changed my mind."

People don't find me very good-looking until I tell them I used to be 200 pounds heavier.

It's not true, but it sure changes their minds.

Music is very powerful,

like that Kars 4 Kids commercial. Before I saw that commercial I wanted to donate a car to kids, but that song changed my mind.

An economist goes up to a girl he fancies at a bar.

He asks her, "I'll give you a million dollars if you will have s**... at me."
The woman, taken back by the offer, sizes up the economist and agrees.
Now the economist adds, "Actually, I changed my mind. I'd rather do it with you in turn for a hundred dollars."
The woman being insulted, retorted, "What am I, some p**...?"
"Oh, we already established that. Now we're just negotiating price. "

I used to put coins on my patients' heads, but my boss thought it was unethical.

When he gave me his two cents on the subject, I changed my mind.

After you were born

Your parents changed they're minds.
They're pro-choice now.

I need a brain transplant

Change my mind.

Someone once told me it's okay to change your mind in light of new facts.

I told him I used to think that.

No one could ever change Shakespeare's mind but one lady. What would you call that?

Ann hath-a-way

i went to a r**... barbers to day,

sat down in the chair then quickly changed my mind got up and walked away.
Think i may have dodged the mullet on this one.

Bill: "Did you hear about Zack having a brain transplant?"

John: "Yes, but didn't he change his mind in the end?"

Did you hear about the guy who was scheduled to get a brain transplant?

He changed his mind.

I'm getting a brain transplant.

Me to my surgeon: change my mind

I was going to do a brain transfer

But then I changed my mind

a miracle

A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to undo his previous prayer.
And lo, there was a miracle: nothing happened to the fat man.

At our world famous clinic, many worried, afflicted and mentally unstable people come for assistance. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we start by suggesting they try one of our brain transplant procedures.

They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.

I went in to get a brain transplant..

..thankfully the surgeon managed to change my mind.

How many Nigerians does it take to change a light bulb?

Never mind, I forgot there was no electricity in Nigeria.

James Dean had a tiring day at work

James Dean had a long and tiring day at work, so he decided to stop at a pub on the way home. He ordered a pint of Coors Light and some whiskey. Before the drinks were poured he changed his mind - instead of the pint he asked for a can of Red Bull. He was getting a Red Bull without a Coors!

Only s**... people never change their minds

That's what I've always said.

All women have fresher mind than man..

...Because they change it too often.

Testing an Idea

Two men are working together on a late night shift. It's just the two of them.
One of them moans, 'Ugh, kill me now.'
His coworker pulls out a gun, points it at him and says, 'Are you sure?'
Stunned, the man replies, 'You know what, I want to keep living for the time being.'
The coworker asks, 'What made you change your mind?'
The man replies, 'I can always do the other one later.'
Does this work?

A particularly open-minded flat-earther started out on a journey, and decided he wouldn't stop traveling until he found evidence to convince him to change his worldview.

And eventually he came around.

I told my doctor I didn't want a brain surgery...

But he changed my mind anyway.

Old soviet man is lying on his deathbed...

...as his end is nearing, he surprises everyone by inviting communist party secretary instead of priest, saying he wants to join the communist party before he dies.
"Why did you invite me here? Your whole life you didn't want to join, what changed your mind now?" wonders the communist official.
Old man replies: "If someone has to die, it must be a communist!"