Following is our collection of tekashi humor and hassel one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Changed puns for adults, dirty how things change jokes or clean transform gags for kids.
There is an abundance of alter jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 81 funniest jokes on changed. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any vary witze you can hear about changed.
Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
It's like I've never seen herbivore.
It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
then I changed her mind
You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.
Today i asked a pretty young homeless women if i could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when i walked off with her cardboard box.
like my name, phone number, address, etc.
It's like I've never known herbivore
Things like, my job, my phone number and my address
Then I realized my whole life was a joke.
But then I changed my mind.
but then I changed my mind
My name, my address and my phone number
Thankfully, it all changed when I was born.
It's like I've never seen herbivore.
Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You're Not Guilty?
Me: Thanks, I'm outta here
When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.
"No, I have not. I will deport 11 million undocumented immigrants and two dogs."
"Why the two dogs?"
"See? Nobody cares about the immigrants!"
There would be a mass confusion
Her opinion changed when I opened the freezer
One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.
I asked if I could call him Back.
But he changed my mind.
My name, address and telephone number.
None.
Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark.
Moses: "The Law is everything"
Jesus: "Love is everything"
Marx: "Money is everything"
Freud: "Sex is everything"
Einstein: "Everything is relative"
If Facebook buys Gmail then the 'mark as seen' option would be changed to 'Mark has seen'.
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted"
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing sex that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
For example my name, address and even phone number
But then i changed my mind
It seems like I'm transparent
"So I go to the pharmacy and ask the guy if they have any Viagara. The guy there says yes, so I ask if they work and he replies 'you bet'. So next I ask "can I get it over the counter" to which he replies 'if you take two' "
But she changed my password.
She single handedly changed my life
I just couldn't see him anymore.
Since both my parents changed sex, I can't see them any more. They became transparents.
She said, "Yes!" With a big smile... But that quickly changed when I walked away with the cardboard box that she lived in.
Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.
He kept saying "It should have been me... it should have been me" over and over, with tears flowing out of his eyes.
The nurse tried to console him, telling him "Don't be too harsh on yourself. For all you know you couldn't have changed it, even had you been there"
To which he replied : "I guess you're right. After all, I don't even know how to drive a bus"
Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.
I tried to hide what I was doing and quickly changed the TV channel but it switched to a programme about disfigured babies. She saw what I was doing and saw what was on TV, so now she thinks I get turned on by disfigured babies. I mean, how unlucky is that? The same programme being on at the same time on two different channels!
But he changed my mind.
But she has already changed her mind.
It was at that moment I realised my life was a joke.
"Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."
So when I forget it my computer will tell me "your password is incorrect"
A man sees a woman in a bar and asks, "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
The woman is startled at first, but replies, "My goodness! Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course..."
The man turns away from her and says, "I've changed my mind. Would you sleep with me for five dollars?"
The woman then says, "Of course not! What kind of woman do you think I am?"
The man says, "Madam, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating.
It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.
A massive meteor has hit Russia injuring hundreds, Rihanna insist that the meteor has changed and deserves a second chance.
A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?"
The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.
"You haven't changed at all," said my girlfriend.
"Alright mum," I said, "that's enough of the naked ones."
My name, my phone number, my address.....
On his first birthday, I changed his name to Freddy. Nowadays, people ask him, "Are you ready, Freddy?" And he replies, "I was born Ready."
Mr. and Mrs. Thyme are two people living in a dystopian future where babies are assigned a random combination of letters and numbers for a name, such as DL-6 or UR-1. However, due to a large amount of protesters, the law has been changed so that parents can choose their own name if they run to the city hall to change the name in 30 minutes after the baby is born.
Mrs. Thyme was pregnant, and her water had broken that morning. However Mr. Thyme had to work for the day, and he had an important meeting that he couldn't miss. He arrived at the hospital 15 minutes after the birth, and Mrs. Thyme said "Hello, dear! Isn't our baby precious?" Mr. Thyme nodded in approval. He suddenly remembered the law, and exclaimed "I have to go to the city hall!" and ran off.
20 minutes later, Mr. Thyme came back. "Did you name our son?" Mrs. Thyme asked. "Yes," Mr. Thyme responded, "Justin Thyme."
My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.
I told him about the carnage and the aftermath, and how the state of America was changed forever, but he was confused.
So, I told him about the backstory, and how Bin Laden began to plan this in the 90s, but he was still confused.
Then, I told him about the numerous connections and the conspirators who trained to fly the planes.
I saw the look on his face.
"What's the confusion?"
Hitler: "But why no eleven?"
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
...oral sex. She wanted to get in on the act so we started to 69.
...changed my hole perspective.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly... A man, their father, bursts through the door and embraces Ving and tells them, "Don't stop, be Lee, Ving", "Hold on to that fee, ling."
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home.
She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
One of the perks of being self-employed.
Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.
There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this probability is low,
it is still too high for my comfort. " Two weeks later, the friend
met the statistician on a plane. "How come you changed your
theory?" he asked. "Oh, I didn't change my theory; it's just
that I subsequently computed the probability that there would
simultaneously be two bombs on a plane. This probability is
low enough for my comfort. So now I simply carry my own
bomb. "
It was like I didn't know herbivore.
...it's like I've never seen herbivore.
...so I went up to her I asked what her name was and she said "Carmen Gold."
I said, "What a beautiful name! What nationality is the last name 'Gold?'"
"Oh no, I changed my name to reflect what I really love. I love cars, men, and gold jewelry. So what's your name again?"
"My name's BJ TitsnBeer."
...but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
His friend asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?"
"Irrational?" the statistician replies, "Not at all. I've merely calculated the odds of a bomb being placed on a plane and it's much too high for my comfort."
A few days later, the friend boarded a flight only to find the statistician sitting in the seat next to you. "What happened? Have the odds changed?" the man asked.
"No, the odds of a bomb being on a plane haven't changed. But I calculated the odd of two bombs being on a plane, and I found those odds much more acceptable. So now I just bring my own."
it told me i didn't have enough people in the car
... he got out of bed quietly so that he didn't wake his wife, put on his fishing clothes, grabbed his gear, hopped into his truck, and headed out towards the lake.
About halfway to the lake, the weather completely changed. It started to rain very hard, and there was even some thunder and lightning. The man said,
"Gee, this is awful weather to go fishing in. I might as well just go back home."
So the man drove back to house, put away his fishing gear, took off his clothes and crawled back into bed with his wife.
As soon as he entered the bed, his wife said to him, "Can you believe my husband is out fishing in this weather?"
The box said he would grow an afro, but nothing changed.
Amanda Bynes changed her name to Da Bynes because she's an independent woman who don't need Aman
A guy walks into a bar and immediately notices a beautiful young lady sitting at the bar by herself. After a couple of drinks, he decides to go over and make small talk.
"Hi, what's your name?" he asks.
"Carmen," she replies.
"That's a nice name," he says. "Did your mother or father name you that?"
"Neither," she says. "I changed my name when I was 18 from Sharon to Carmen."
"Why did you do that?" he asks.
"Well," she explains, "I like men and I like cars, so I picked the name Carmen. What's your name?"
"Beertits."
I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to "Justin Bieber - Baby". Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it.
The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.