change Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious change puns

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?


One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

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They're going to have to change the name of the U.S Virgin Islands

They're about to get fucked

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How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They only *talk* about change.

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What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

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How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(

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How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

Why must it be a group activity?

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How many "friend-zones" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw.

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A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example:

*Ben is in a hurry.*

*Ben is in a coma.*

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How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

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The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon

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An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?"

The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

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If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria...

I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.

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I thought a vasectomy wouldn't get my wife pregnant..

Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.

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How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb?

One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.

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How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

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How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. We are efficient and dont have humour.

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How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

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What do a cell phone and anal bleach have in common?

They both change your ring tone

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Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence...

For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma."

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Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

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So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.

The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

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I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me.

I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it.

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So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...

when do I get my adult supervision?

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I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

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How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

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Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

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Olympic Condoms. (NSFW)

A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it.



" - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?"



" - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze."



" - And what color are you going to wear tonight?"



" - Gold, obviously!"



" - Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."

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How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?

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How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

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Commas can change the meaning of a sentence.

Example:

I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas.

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Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.

I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:

Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing

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Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name?

Or was Snoop Lyin'?

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How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

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Commas can change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Ben is in a hurry.

Ben is in a coma.

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How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

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What are the most funny Change jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Change? Well, here are the best Change dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Change pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes