change Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious change puns

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?


One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

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They're going to have to change the name of the U.S Virgin Islands

They're about to get fucked

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How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb?

Tell him Obama put it in

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How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They only *talk* about change.

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A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer

"That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.

The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.

On the fourth day, he asks for a beer, and hands the bartender a 10$ bill. The bartender takes advantage of his chance for revenge, throws 20 quarters onto the floor and yells "here's your change asshole!"

The guy looks down at the coins and says: "I'll have another beer, please."

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How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

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What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

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How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Why does it have to be a group activity?

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How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(

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After 3 years, the wife starts to think...

...that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.

Husband: Well don't you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet diaper and you said, Honey, go change the baby, I'll wait for you here.

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How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

Why must it be a group activity?

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How many "friend-zones" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw.

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A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example:

*Ben is in a hurry.*

*Ben is in a coma.*

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How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

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After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange.

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What's up?"

Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this is not our kid."

Husband: "Well you don't remember, do you?? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

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The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon

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An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?"

The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

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A beautiful women is standing on a bridge!!

A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.

A homeless man walks up to her.

She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"

He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it."

"Absolutely not! You're disgusting!", she replies.

The man turns and starts walking away.

"Is that all you're going to say? You're not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?"

"I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm!", he says.

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If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria...

I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.

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I thought a vasectomy wouldn't get my wife pregnant..

Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.

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Two guys are walking in the woods when

Two guys are walking in the woods when a wolf attacks them. They suffer a few bites, but they get patched up and go about their lives. The next month, on the next full moon, they suddenly change into wolves and run in the woods and kill a deer and do other wolf stuff.

In the morning they wake back up as humans. The first guy starts losing it. Oh my god! He shouts. We are wolves!

The second guys goes to calm him down. No, now, we are humans. We werewolves.

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How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb?

One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.

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How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

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Dadding is not easy

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.

Husband: Well you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had wet its diapers and you said,

"Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

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How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. We are efficient and dont have humour.

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How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

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What do a cell phone and anal bleach have in common?

They both change your ring tone

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Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence...

For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma."

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Why do women have cleaner minds than men?

Because they change theirs more often

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Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

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So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.

The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

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I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me.

I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it.

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How many "friend-zones" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw.

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So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...

when do I get my adult supervision?

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I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

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How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

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Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

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Olympic Condoms. (NSFW)

A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it.



" - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?"



" - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze."



" - And what color are you going to wear tonight?"



" - Gold, obviously!"



" - Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."

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How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?

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The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had to completely rebuild an engine, which he did in record time. When the grades were posted, he was surprised to see that he had achieved a score of 125%. Curious, he spoke to his teacher.

"I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything but how can I have gotten a score above 100%?" he asked.

"Well" said the instructor, 'You took the engine apart perfectly, that accounts for 50% of the grade, you put it back together flawlessly, that accounts for 50% or the grade. The extra 25% is because never in my career have I seen that all done through a four inch exaust pipe!"

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How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

*

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How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

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Commas can change the meaning of a sentence.

Example:

I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas.

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Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.

I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:

Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing

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Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name?

Or was Snoop Lyin'?

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How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

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How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb?

When this gets 500 upvotes, I'll tell you the answer.

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Commas can change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Ben is in a hurry.

Ben is in a coma.

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A Private is standing outside smoking

A Private is standing outside in the smoking area, joking around with one of his buddies.

A young Lieutenant walks up to them, and asks "Private, have you got change for a dollar?"

The private looks over at him, and replies " Yea sure buddy, no problem".

The Lieutenant stares at him, mouth agape, then begins tearing into him. "What directly in the fuck did you call me Private? I am not your buddy, I am an Officer, and you will afford me all the respect deserving of my rank! Put your heels together and stand at attention when you address me!"

The Lieutenant takes a deep breath, and looks the Private who is now standing ramrod straight, over.

"Let me ask you again, Private, and chose your words carefully this time. Do you have change for a dollar?"

"I do not, sir!".

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How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

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Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence..

For example
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma."

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How many germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One, they're efficient and not very funny.

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How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?

The answer may shock you.

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How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

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How many guys in the friendzone does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just stand around and compliment it, and then get pissed when it won't screw

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How many Broncos does it take to change a tire?

One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.

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How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll just shoot the room for being black

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.

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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to blog about how empowering it was.

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A coma in a sentence can change everything

For example:
Ben is in a hurry.
Ben is in a coma.

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I went to the Atlanta Falcons locker room to get some change for a dollar...

But they only gave me 3 quarters.

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Trump's Presidency is like climate change

Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

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2 twins changing their name.

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee. Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly... A man, their father, bursts through the door and embraces Ving and tells them, "Don't stop, be Lee, Ving", "Hold on to that fee, ling."

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Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?

Because change comes from within.

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride our bikes.

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My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer.

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."


Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."

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How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.

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How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.

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Hunger Games : Mockingjay

For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.

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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, men can be feminists too

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how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.

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How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.

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How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One, because they are efficient and have no sense of humor.

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Two black guys are walking down the street and see a sign that says turn white for $75

Black guy one: "Do you think it will work?

Black guy two: "Only one way to find out."

BG1: "I only have $50"

BG2: "Well, I have $100, I'll go do it then give you my change

BG1: "Let's do it then"

BG2 goes in and fifteen minutes later comes out white as a ghost, wearing a brand new suit and carrying briefcase.

BG1: "Holy shit it actually worked! Let me get that $25"

BG2: "Fuck you, nigger. Get a job."

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A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean history?"

The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"

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How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. We are efficient and not funny.

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How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

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How many 'Nam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?

YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!

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Olympic Condoms

A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.

"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.

She simply responds,

"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"

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How many Congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Better buy a flashlight

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The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence

Example:

I like to eat candy

I like to eat capitals

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A lot of things are going to change since I got my girlfriend pregnant.

Including my name, address and phone number.

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Today i was in the bank

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

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The best engine in the world

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks it does it's own oil change.

It's just a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental.

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How many Alzheimer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously not 8, my basement is still dark.

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What is a chameleon that cannot change color?

A reptile dysfunction

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How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb just burned out; this is not the time to discuss it.

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FLUCTUATIONS

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious that she was a little irritated...

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today, I only get hunat eighty. Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations..."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

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How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll sit in the dark and blame the Jews

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How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who wants to know?

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Climate change is such a joke...

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

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Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password must contain capital letters.

50FUCKINGboiledpotatoes

Sorry, capital letters must not be consecutive.

IwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAss,IfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

Sorry, password must not contain punctuation.

NowIamSeriouslyGettingPissedOffIwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAssIfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

Sorry, you can't change your password to a password that has already been used with this account. Choose a new password :

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In getting tired of the jehovah witnesses.

They keep knocking on the door, trying to make me change my mind

"Please let us out!", "We won't bother you again!", "Have mercy!"

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A man was selling his TV

A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks

'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'

'yup'

'It looks brand new!'

'It is.'

'What's wrong with it?'

'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'

'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'

'yup'

'Wow, can't turn that down.'

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SEX TIP!!!!

If you want to meet new women, stand outside a sex change clinic!

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I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby...

...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.

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My mailman got a sex change.

I guess you'd call him a post man now.

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How many ADHD children does it take to change a lightbulb?

Lets go ride our bikes

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How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They can't change anything.

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A man finds himself as the cook on a ship...

A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like penises. "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.

"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like penises. I don't like it," he says.

The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."

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How many Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They prefer to be left in the dark.

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"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.

She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

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How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

Who cares? They never get the house anyway.

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How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.

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I was at my bank today...

... there was a short queue. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

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I consider myself somewhat of a pussy magnet...

...I just need to learn how to change the polarity.

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Choose a new password:

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password must contain capital letters.

50FUCKINGboiledpotatoes

Sorry, capital letters must not be consecutive.

IwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAss,IfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

Sorry, password must not contain punctuation.

NowIamSeriouslyGettingPissedOffIwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAssIfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

Sorry, you can't change your password to a password that has already been used with this account. Choose a new password :

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How many dads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Into what?

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To be Frank...

I'd have to change my name

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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. You don't need a lightbulb when you have a glass ceiling.

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What do you call an invisible mom that got a sex change?

Transparent

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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, feminists can't change anything

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I tried to change my password to Beefstew1

But they said it wasn't stroganoff

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How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware issue.

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After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange

She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What's up?"

Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."

Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

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Tried to change my password to Twilight...

...but got an error message saying please re-enter as this contains too many useless characters :(

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My son swallowed several coins the other day.

I've definitely seen some change in him.

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How many dead hookers do you need to change a light bulb?

Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark

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How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it doesn't screw.

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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who needs a lightbulb when you've got a glass ceiling?

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Since is translate your national jokes day here it goes: a romanian one.

Bula is at school, the teacher enters the class and starts calling pupils to see who is missing:

"Andrei?"

"Here."

"Anda?"

"Here."

"Bula?"

"Here."

Behind the class George starts laughing.

"What's so funny George?"

"Miss! If you change the first letter from Bula's name you get Pula (Penis). Hahaha"

Bula frowns.

The next day the same; George laughs.

The third day, after George laughs again at Bula's name:

"Gina?"

"Here."

"George?"

"Here."

Bula starts laughing uncontrollably.

The teacher, startled, asks:

"What's the matter Bula?"

"Miss, if you change a few letters from George's name you get *Fuck You George And Your Inbred Family*. Haha!"

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How many american rugby fans does it take to change a lightbulb

Both of them

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How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they'll just compliment it and then get pissed when it doesn't screw.

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A young soldier is having a cigarette...

A young Corporal is sitting in the smoking area having a cigarette, when a brand new Lieutenant walks up him. The Lieutenant asks "Corporal, do you have change for a $20 bill?" The Corporal replies "Yea, sure buddy, one second." Hearing this, the Officer grows cross. "Corporal, I am a Commissioned Officer and you will address me appropriately. Stand up straight, get that smoke out of your mouth, and try again. Now, do you have change for a $20 bill?" The Corporal stands straight up, looks directly to his front and yells "SIR, I DO NOT, SIR!"

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When my wife and I got married,

we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have sex with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.

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For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?

How about -

>"A dozen, a gross, and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."

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I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

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How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.

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Capitalization can really change a sentence.

For example:
I love to eat candy.
I love to eat capitalization.

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How many 99%ers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None! Ha! We can't change anything.

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Bruce Jenner should legally change his name to Trans

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Statistician and bomb.

Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.


There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this probability is low,
it is still too high for my comfort. " Two weeks later, the friend
met the statistician on a plane. "How come you changed your
theory?" he asked. "Oh, I didn't change my theory; it's just
that I subsequently computed the probability that there would
simultaneously be two bombs on a plane. This probability is
low enough for my comfort. So now I simply carry my own
bomb. "

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Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science!

Me: Don't you mean history?

Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!

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Hey did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color?

It had a reptile dysfunction

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My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday ..

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, Baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!"

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Are quantum computers going to change our world?

Yes and no.

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A snail walks into a car dealership...

And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:

"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"

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How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

YOU DON'T KNOW!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!

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How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. But the light bulb has to want to change.

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How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb?

"No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."

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My girlfriend left me because I kept pretending to be a transformer

I said "No, wait! I can change!"

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Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic?

He needed to change attire.

(I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Feminists don't change anything.

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How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They shoot the room for being black and beat up the bulb for being broke.

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I love the way Pitbull says "Mr.World Wide" at the start of a song.

Because it gives me time to change the station.

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Why did the Buddhist pull coins from his butthole?

Because change comes from within.

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not 6. My basement is still dark.

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Using the word definitely in a sentence

Someone told me this one today. Hopefully, it's not a repost.

A kindergarten teacher asks her class, "who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

A little girl raises her hand and says, "the sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "sorry Susie, but the sky can also be red at sunset and black at night."

A little boy says, "trees are definitely green."

The teacher says, "sorry, but trees change colors in the fall."

Johnny stands up suddenly and blurts out, "does a fart have lumps?"

Horrified, the teacher exclaims, "Johnny, of course not!"

Johnny sits back down and says, "ok, then I've definitely shit my pants."

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How many Brits does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None. They just move out of the house.

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What are the best Change puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Change? Well, here are the best jokes about Change to have fun with.

Joko Jokes