The Best 84 Change Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Change jokes. There are some change modification jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these change shapeshift puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Change Jokes and Puns
How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They only *talk* about change.
What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?
A reptile dysfunction.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?
Why must it be a group activity?
A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example:
*Ben is in a hurry.*
*Ben is in a coma.*
How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Olympic Condoms
A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"
How many Congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Better buy a flashlight
How many Broncos does it take to change a tire?
One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
Hunger Games : Mockingjay
For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.
You can explore change transform reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean change how things change dad jokes. There are also change puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows. They never get to keep the house.
Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to blog about how empowering it was.
How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?
How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?
You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?
Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One. We are efficient and dont have humour.
Olympic Condoms. (NSFW)
A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it.
" - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?"
" - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze."
" - And what color are you going to wear tonight?"
" - Gold, obviously!"
" - Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."
How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."
Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."
I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me
who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"
Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name?
Or was Snoop Lyin'?
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"
The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"
Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence...
For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma."
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
So I was at my bank today.
There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"
How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.
how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
Commas can change the meaning of a sentence.
Example:
I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas.
So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...
when do I get my adult supervision?
Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes
"Let's eat punctuation"
A man was selling his TV
A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks
'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'
'yup'
'It looks brand new!'
'It is.'
'What's wrong with it?'
'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'
'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'
'yup'
'Wow, can't turn that down.'
Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
I went to the Atlanta Falcons locker room to get some change for a dollar...
But they only gave me 3 quarters.
To be Frank...
I'd have to change my name
I thought a vasectomy wouldn't get my wife pregnant..
Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.
An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?"
The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby...
...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb?
One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.
What is a chameleon that cannot change color?
A reptile dysfunction
If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria...
I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb just burned out; this is not the time to discuss it.
The use of capitals can really change the meaning of a sentence
Example:
I like to eat candy
I like to eat capitals
The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?
We wouldn't know, the women always get to keep the house.
How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. Never split the party.
My mom decided she would be happier as a man, so she got a sex change. We never saw her again.
She's transparent.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
Mom got a sex change operation
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a sex change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a sex change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.
I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
What do you call a flower getting a sex change?
A Transplant
I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song
giving us time to change the song.
A homeless guy asked me for money today
So I looked in my pocket for change, but all I had on me was a $20 bill. I thought to myself "Do I really want this $20 going towards drugs?...Nah" So I gave him the 20.
How many Nintendo fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Who knows? They're all too busy playing with the switch.
I got a vasectomy but my gf still got pregnant.
Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.
I changed the tags of my mother's herb jars. She hasn't notice it yet..
But the thyme is cumin
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.
Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".
Genie: Wait, what? Why?
Man: It's for a joke, trust me.
Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?
Man: Yes.
Burger King: Have it your way.
I was at my bank today...
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange money for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollars, today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
I changed my name to Trump in Among Us
No one has voted me since
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one.All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves aroudn him.
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
Why do boomers make horrible cashiers?
Because they're afraid of change.
The sweater my wife gave me for Xmas was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
Hooters is trying to stay afloat during this pandemic so they are starting door to door service thus a name change is in order.
They will now be known as Knockers
What is it called when a chameleon can no longer change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?
Because they had to go home and change first.
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
-
- - Jane ate her friend's colon.
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you.
One man cannot change the world ...
Unless obviously he eats an uncooked bat soup, then by all means!
I'll never understand people who fear change
It's like they have no cents at all
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to really want to change.
After a night out on the town, a Jewish couple is taking a cab home.
When they arrive, the cabbie says, "That'll be $46, please."
The husband gives him a $50 bill and waits.
"I'm sorry, but I don't have change to give you." says the cabbie.
The husband says, "No worries, you can take us for a spin around the block a couple of times."
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
birthday card I received from my brother...Forget about the past you can't change it, forget about the future, you can't predict it, forget about the present...
I didn't get you one.
Melinda Gates should keep her surname, marry Elon Musk then Elon must change his surname.
Then his name would be 'Elon Gates'
How many journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three:
One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the poor.
One to report it as a conspiracy to deprive the poor of darkness.
And one to win a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that the electric company hired someone to break the lightbulb in the first place.
But in the end none of them actually changed the bulb.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the change changer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working change switch piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.