One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
None. They only *talk* about change.
A reptile dysfunction.
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
Why must it be a group activity?
*Ben is in a hurry.*
*Ben is in a coma.*
Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon
The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
All of them. Never split the party.
Turns out, all it does is just change the color of the baby.
One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
One. We are efficient and dont have humour.
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!
For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma."
"Let's eat punctuation"
There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"
when do I get my adult supervision?
who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"
Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a sex change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a sex change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it.
" - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?"
" - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze."
" - And what color are you going to wear tonight?"
" - Gold, obviously!"
" - Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."
No one knows. They never get to keep the house.
Example:
I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas.
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
Or was Snoop Lyin'?
You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.
Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to blog about how empowering it was.
But they only gave me 3 quarters.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."
Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."
Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.
The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"
A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"
Better buy a flashlight
Example:
I like to eat candy
I like to eat capitals
A reptile dysfunction
The lightbulb just burned out; this is not the time to discuss it.
A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks
'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'
'yup'
'It looks brand new!'
'It is.'
'What's wrong with it?'
'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'
'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'
'yup'
'Wow, can't turn that down.'
...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .
She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.
I'd have to change my name
We wouldn't know, the women always get to keep the house.
She's transparent.
None. You don't need a lightbulb when you have a glass ceiling.
Transparent
But they said it wasn't stroganoff
She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
...but got an error message saying please re-enter as this contains too many useless characters :(
Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark
I've definitely seen some change in him.
we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have sex with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.
Sorry, did that not make any sense?
How about -
>"A dozen, a gross, and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."
My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"
Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.
For example:
I love to eat candy.
I love to eat capitalization.
Me: Don't you mean history?
Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!
It had a reptile dysfunction
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, Baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!"
Yes and no.
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
"No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."
We have collected gags and puns about Change to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Change? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Change pick up lines to share with friends.