JokoJokes

Chance Jokes

160 chance jokes and hilarious chance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious second chance, no chance, last chance, and fat chance jokes! Explore the likelihood of fate and see how a hug or a sacrifice can change it all.

Funniest Chance Short Jokes

Short chance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chance humour may include short opportunity jokes also.

  1. In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad I guess it will be 5050

  2. Alligators can live up to 100 years... Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
  3. LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don't date a soccer player. There's only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
  4. king Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records: The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.
  5. TIL alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there's an increased chance that... ...they *will* see you later!
  6. Picked up a hitchhiker last night He said thanks! how do you know i'm not a serial killer though?
    I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical
  7. I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper... She told me that newspaper are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.
    That fly didn't stand a chance.
  8. Saw my ex... On my way home from work last year i saw my ex being beaten up by 3 guys, i stopped the car and ran over to help...she didnt stand a chance against 4 of us.
  9. In another 3029 years, there's a chance that things will either be really good or really bad. It's 5050
  10. I saw a kid getting beaten up by 4 gang members, so I helped out. He didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us.

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Chance One Liners

Which chance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chance? I can suggest the ones about possibility and probability.

  1. Trump still has a chance at 270 All he has to do is lose 50lbs.
  2. I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ? She said - why would we choose you..
  3. I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
  4. Cremation My last chance at a smoking hot body
  5. I just found a monopoly set without instructions. What are the chances?
  6. I was given a single chance to fix an abacus I better make it count
  7. Why did Leonardo DiCaprio visit Sesame Street? It was his only chance to see an Oscar
  8. Two statisticians walk into a bar... What are the chances of that?
  9. Why did God create man first? To give him a chance to speak...
  10. Pickup line: If I flip a coin.... What are the chances of me getting head? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  11. When I die, I want to be cremated. It's my last chance to get a smokin' hot body
  12. Why was Adam created before Eve? So he had a chance to speak
  13. A base-12 number system is good in theory but it dozen stand a chance in practice.
  14. Why did the kid only water half the lawn? Because there was a 50% chance of rain
  15. My crush is like a coin Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head

No Chance Jokes

Here is a list of funny no chance jokes and even better no chance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Intelligence is the first thing I look for in woman.. Because if she doesn't have THAT, I may just have a chance.
  • Video games let you live out your wildest fantasies. For example sims gives you the chance to have a stable job and own your own home
  • There is a good chance you'll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins. Because it's hard to differentiate between them.
  • I asked my daughter to bring me my newspaper She told me that newspapers are oldschool. She said me that people nowadays use tablets and handed me her iPad
    That fly didn't stand a chance
  • Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism The unvaccinated die before they get the chance
  • What's the difference between a woman and a computer? There is a chance my computer will go down on me.
  • Just saw two elementary school kids in a fistfight... So as an adult, I had to step in.
    They didn't stand a chance.
  • Vaccinated children have a higher chance of getting autism. After all, you have to be alive to get autism.
  • I asked my Granddaughter to give me the newspaper. She said that newspapers are so out of date, and that people now use tablets, so she handed me her iPad. That Fly didn't stand a chance.
  • Saw a group of 4 guys beating up an old guy earlier and decided to step in He never stood a chance against 5 of us

Last Chance Jokes

Here is a list of funny last chance jokes and even better last chance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game" Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
  • Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He asked me "How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"
    I responded "Haha! What are the chances there'd be 2 serial killers in 1 car at the same time?"
  • Mans dying wish Did you hear about the guy whose dying wish was to have Dallas Cowboys as his pall bearers? He wanted to give them the chance to let him down one last time.
  • I saw my ex getting jumped by six guys at a party last night, so I helped out She didn't stand a chance against seven of us!
  • My new girlfriend is coming over today. I had the chance to do it with my ex one last time, but I had to let her down. Then I put her back in her box.
  • I gave my children a warning about using their whistle in the house, they had one last chance… Unfortunately… they blew it
  • So I went clubbing last night... Those seals didn't stand a chance.
  • A fool does last what a wise man does first. -unknown Looks like my chances of getting laid improve dramatically the older I get. Sweet!
  • Saw an old man getting beat up by 3 younger men last night, so I decided to jump in and help Against four of us, he didn't stand a chance
  • Trump's last two chances to save his election campaign at the second debate: 1. Be endorsed by Dave.
    2. Bring out a resurrected Harambe on stage.
Chance joke, Trump's last two chances to save his election campaign at the second debate:

Second Chance Jokes

Here is a list of funny second chance jokes and even better second chance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Rihanna's take on the meteor A massive meteor has hit Russia injuring hundreds, Rihanna insist that the meteor has changed and deserves a second chance.
  • Trump fires his chauffeur "You're fired! This is the second time this week you've almost killed me!"
    "Please, Mr. Trump, give me one more chance"
  • A man comes home to find his wife in bed with his best friend, he immediately picks up his gun and shoots the wife He gives the dog a second chance though
  • Why did the scientists clone Chance the Rapper? Because people deserve a second Chance.
  • My chances with my crush are like jesus's second coming... My mom believes in them but it ain't gonna happen.
  • Why should you never trust a homeless... why should you give them a second chance Their roofless...
    They can change
  • You never get a second chance to make a first impression... ...unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.
  • After much begging, pleading and crying she gave me a second chance. Unfortunately it said I had to make general repairs on all my property.
  • I once saw a fight where a group of 4 people were beating up an old lady. Due to my fighting experience I didn't hestitate for a second to help. She didn't stand a chance against the five of us.
  • You never get second chance to make a first impression, unless you work in an alzheimers clinic.

Chance Rain Jokes

Here is a list of funny chance rain jokes and even better chance rain puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did they name the Chinese remake of "Cloudy with a Chance of meatballs"? It's Raining Cats and Dogs
Chance joke, What did they name the Chinese remake of "Cloudy with a Chance of <a href="/meatballs-jokes.html" ti

Hilarious Fun Chance Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about chance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean luck jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chance pranks.

I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little b**... didn't stand a chance…

Help! I need a push!

A man and his wife were awoken at 3am by a pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you!" asks the husband
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Tom went to the Police Station

Tom went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You'll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.
No, no no! said Tom. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!

A monastery's bell ringer died and the monks put an ad in the paper for a new one.

The next day a man comes to the door to apply and he has no arms. The head monk says:
"Sir, how can you ring our bell if you have no arms?"
The applicant replied, "Just give me a chance, take me to the bell tower and I'll show you."
The all get to the bell tower and ask him to show them how he plans to do it. The applicant gets a running start and slams his face into the bell "RINNNNNNGGGGGGGG"
Before anyone could stop him, he backs up and runs s**... into the bell again and falls to the ground dead.
The head monk spoke up, "Did anyone catch his name?"
Another monk said, "No, but his face sure rings a bell."

God Loves Drunks Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

Plane Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...

He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."

When a statistician passes the airport security check...

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.

Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...

...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."

Chancellor Angela Merkel visits Athens.

Angela Merkel arrives at the Athens airport & stops by the immigration check.
"Nationality?" asks the Immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?" he asks.
"No, just visiting for a few days."

Itchipussy

A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:
Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.
Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.

African Roulette

Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform o**... s**... on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."


I was hungover this morning so I phoned work and said to the boss...

.. "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night."
"That was your last chance Dave," he said, "I'm taking the 'and son' off the shop sign."

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'

A scientist is trying to prove that all blonds are s**...

so he holds an all blond convention and randomly picks someone from the crowd. First he asks her what two plus two is. She answers seven, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what ten minus four is. She answers thirteen, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what is five times five is. She answers twenty-five, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!".

Still the best blonde joke to date..

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

Can't take that chance

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take
that chance."

The Super Bowl

Surprised to see an empty seat at the Super Bowl, a diehard fan remarked about it to a woman sitting nearby.
"It was my husband's," the woman explained, "but he died."
"I'm very sorry," said the man. "Yet I'm really surprised that another relative, or friend, didnt jump at the chance to take the seat reserved for him."
"Beats me," she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."

Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.

As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"

What do lawyers and s**... have in common?

Both have a 1 in 2 millon chance of being a person someday.

So the pope coes to New York...

and flags a taxi. The taxi is extremely suprised to see the pope, and quickly ushers him into his cab. After a few minutes of silence, the pope says to the taxi driver "You know, being the pope, I've always have people drive me places, and I rarely get the chance to drive myself. Would you mind if I got behind the wheel for a little while?" Not wanting to say no to the pope, the taxi driver lets him drive. They get pulled over by the police soon after, since the pope was driving way over the speed limit. The officee walks up to the cab, is about to give them ticket, until he sees the pope. Not sure of what to do in this sitution, he calls his superior. "Sir, I just pulled over this guy for speeding, and he's *really* important. What do I do?" "Well who is the guy, the mayor?" "Nah, bigger than that" " Is he a movie star?" " No, way bigger than that" "Is he the president?" "No, he's bigger than that" "Well then who is he!?" "I dunno, but he's got the pope driving for him!"

fire the chauffeur!

Wife: "I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."
Husband: "Dear, lets give him another chance."

My dog can speak English.

My dog can speak English.
When I ask him how his day was, he says "rough!"
When I ask him what sandpaper feels like he says "rough!"
When I ask him where my golf ball went he says "rough!"
And when I ask him how aggressively he likes to play he says "I prefer to minimize the chance of injury"

Today I saw two little kids fighting. As the only adult nearby, I had to step in.

Those kids didn't stand a chance.

What does a fat girl and a pallet of shingles have in common?

...they both have a 90% chance of being nailed by a Mexican.

Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points,a bonus chance and she has to wear the hat that looks like a colander til she rolls a double 6.

The priest, laywer, and engineer

By chance, a priest, a laywer, and an engineer find themselves in line to be guillotined. They demand that the priest steps up, and he reluctantly does so. They put his head in the guillotine and pull the rope, but to everyone's surprise, nothing happens. The priest declares that he was saved by divine intervention, and they let him go.
They then make the lawyer step up to the guillotine. They pull the rope and again, nothing happens. The lawyer reminds them that he cannot be executed twice for the same crime, and so they reluctantly let him go.
Then they make the engineer step up, and they put his head in the guillotine. The engineer says, "Oh wait, *here's* your problem.."

An Irish Lumberjack

A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.

The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.

Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"

Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president...

He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.

What do a s**... and a lawyer have in common?

They each have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?

Both give you a good chance of catching something

When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.

He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."

Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.

A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that r**... is looking at your cookie."

Saw my ex-gf being beaten up by 4 guys, so as a human being I had to step in and help..

She didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us

A guy says to the other...

"Marriage has taken all the joy out of s**...."
"How so?"
"You know, there is always the terrifying chance of my wife coming home."

Telling a racist joke is like getting in a car with an asian driver

If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll c**... and burn.

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist s**... bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

I was walking down the road when I saw 4 guys beating one other guy, so by natural instinct I decided to help

Haha, he couldn't stand a chance against all 5 of us.

The other day I saw 4 gang members beating up a kid.

So I decided to step in. He didn't stand a chance against 5 of us.

I saw a guy getting jumped by 4 people so I decided to step in and help...

That guy stood no chance against the 5 of us.

LPT: When calling out of work or school, don't fake congestion, etc... instead try using your best Indian accent.

There's a much higher chance they'll believe you're Sikh.

I have a 50% chance to get laid tonight.

I mean, if 1 out of 2 persons wants it, that's 50%, right?

Earlier today I saw 4 guys beating this kid up in an alleyway, so I decided to help.

He had no chance against the 5 of us.

Bullies and s**... have in common::

The One-in-a-Million chance of becoming a Human Being.

Dave took his wife Sheila and her sister Mandy away for a weekend in the caravan.

"Any chance of a b**...?" Dave whispered to his wife when they were in bed.
"For f**...'s sake, Dave!" she hissed, "Mandy's in the bed over there!"
"Good point," he said, "Mandy? Any chance of a b**...?"

What do lawyers and s**... have in common?

1 in 3,000,000 have a chance of becoming a human being.

Yesterday I saw some kid getting g**... up behind the school by 4 other kids.

As a senior, I have experienced bullying myself so I immediately jump in.
That kid got no chance against 4 of us.

Two flat earthers die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates they have the chance to ask god any questions they want and get truthful answers, so one flat earther asks god "is the earth flat?" to which god answers "No."

The flat earther looks at the other and says "this goes higher than we thought".

a Homeless guy saw a pretty woman standing on the railing of a bridge determined to kill herself...

immediately he saw his chance, he walked up to her and asked, "Lady, before you end your life, would you consider doing me a favor and have s**... with me?" Disgusted and crying the woman replied, "No, of course not you pervert!" the homeless guy said, "Fine, I'll wait at the bottom."

So, doc... I was told I only had a 1% chance to survive this surgery?

Doc: Yes, but don't worry, the other 99 patients have already died.

I read somewhere that 1 out of 3 people cheat

I did the math, and there is a 5/9 chance that either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.

One time I saw 4 kids bullying another kid so I decided to step in

He didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us

If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!

And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.

Got my wife with the greatest dadjoke yet

She was talking about something and I got the rare chance to interrupt her by saying "Hi leaving and taking the kids due to these s**... jokes, I'm dad!"

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb

So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"
The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"
One of the blondes: "7"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.
The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"
One of the blondes: "6"
After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

Locked in her basement

A woman I work with locked me in her basement for two months once and used me as her s**... s**....
One day I noticed she forgot to lock the door and I thought, "Great, this is my chance!"
So I ran up the stairs and grabbed the phone.
Half hour later the pizza arrived, and I went back down to the basement.

Once, a prince..

..decided to disguise himself and mingle with people to see their hardships by himself. There, he encountered a farmer who looked exactly like him. Curious, the prince approached the farmer and asked him "By any chance, did your mother work in the palace?"
The farmer replied, "No, but

.
.
My father used to work in the palace"
P.S.:This is an old Indian joke, I'm doing my best to translate it. Hope I can make some people smile:)

I saw a man getting mugged by 2 dudes so I stepped in to help

he didn't stand a chance against the 3 of us

A girl I'm hitting on just caught the Corona virus

I might have a chance now, as she's lost all her taste...

Tornado warning in Texas...

Everyone evacuate to the Cowboys stadium!
No chance of a touchdown there

We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

Chance joke, We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizens

jokes about chance