Chalk Jokes
50 chalk jokes and hilarious chalk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about chalk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the remarkable art of sidewalk chalk, Crossfit chalk, and charcoal marker jokes. A great way to make your mark on the world or your sidewalk, these creative and entertaining jokes are sure to bring a smile to anyone's face.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Chalk Short Jokes
Short chalk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The chalk humour may include short coal jokes also.
- Did you hear about the fractal that was murdered in the street? It took police forever to draw the chalk outline.
- A child was recently forced to write on the chalk board until he died He was sentenced to death
- My favorite drawings at the Muhammad cartoon festival in Texas were the two chalk outlines out front. Credit Evan Sayet.
- I don't think I'm good in bed; my husband never said anything, ... but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
- My Son asked me to explain how Government work So I told him. They measure with a micrometer, mark with chalk and cut with Axe.
- My trigonometry teacher was just removed from class... He was caught writing really graphic things on the chalk board.
- I feel sorry for kids who used to eat chalks and crayons when they were little. They must have dyed inside a little.
- I like to draw shapes in the sidewalk with chalk... But the street is where I draw the line
- Archaeologists have uncovered the remains of an ancient civilisation of chalk people. They are now determining when they were wiped out.
- I write out all my jokes in chalk because it helps me refine them... But this one is going nowhere so it's back to the drawing board.
Share These Chalk Jokes With Friends
Chalk One Liners
Which chalk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with chalk? I can suggest the ones about chap and chin.
- What do you call a chicken's sidewalk drawing? A chalk-a-doodle-do!
(Cr - They laughed at my crayon drawings... I laughed at their chalk outlines.
- How do two black boards settle their dispute? They chalk it out
- How to blackboards communicate? They chalk to each other
- What is a chalkboards favorite treat? Chalk-o-late
- What did one piece of limestone say to the other? "I think we need to chalk..."
- What's a sidewalk's favorite ice-cream flavor? Chalk-late
- Why did the piece of chalk cross the road? There was treasure buried underneath.
- Mom, mom, at school they are saying that I'm crazy! Who says that?
The chalks - Life is like a chalk of boxlets... Ya never know what yer gonna ship.
- Which art piece won the Texas Muhammad cartoon contest? Two chalk outlines.
- What is green and afraid of the washing machine? The Incredible Chalk
- What did the cliff say to the landslide? Chalk to you later.
Heartwarming Chalk Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about chalk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scratch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make chalk pranks.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon...
Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!" The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..." Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide, but Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square on the ground. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not, here I come!" Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!" Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"
A drunk man driving a Lamborghini is pulled over...
A drunk man driving a Lamborghini is pulled over by a police officer.
As the officer approaches the car, the drunk man jumps out of the door and tries to make a run for it. The cop, furious, catches up to the drunk man and brings him back to his car.
The officer proceeds to reach into his pocket and pull out a piece of chalk, which he uses to draw a circle on the ground around the vehicle and its intoxicated owner.
After the cop obtains the drunk man's license and registration, he informs the man that he will be arrested if he takes a single step out of the chalk circle.
The cop returns to his car, when he hears the drunk man giggling in the background. He returns and tells the drunk, "If you continue laughing, I'll break your car. Shut up and keep quiet."
Not ten seconds later he hears the drunk man snickering once again. The cop takes out his club and shatters the windshield of the Lamborghini. The drunk man's laughter grew even louder.
The cop yells, "stop laughing!" as he takes out his rage on the Lamborghini even further, breaking all of its windows and batting away at the car's exterior.
The drunk's laughter increases into an uncontrollable fit, as he is practically rolling on the ground beside his mutilated Lamborghini.
At last, the cop furiously asks, "Why do you keep laughing!!?"
The drunk man stands up and says, "While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times."
Einstein, Heisenberg, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek...
...Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Heisenberg and Pascal run off and hide, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly 1 meter, then sits down inside the square.
When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, Newton!".
Newton however replies, "No you haven't! You've found Pascal!
(ɹǝʇǝɯ ǝɹɐnbs ɹǝd uoʇʍǝu 1 = lɐɔsɐd 1)
The man and his new car.
A man is driving his new car home. He is spotted by a police officer who thought that the car was stolen. He pulls the man over. He draws a circle in the ground with a piece of chalk and tells the man to stand in that circle until he was told to come out. The cop smashes the windscreen and turns around to see that the man is laughing. He smashes the headlights and turns around again and the man is laughing. So he completely destroys the car, turns around and the man is still laughing. The cop asks him "Is this your car?" The man says "Yes." The cop then asks "Aren't you sad I destroyed your car?" The man nods. Then finally the cop asks "Then why are you laughing?" The man replies "Because every time you weren't looking I was jumping in and out the circle."
"What Did?" by Shel Silverstein
What did the carrot say to the wheat?
'Lettuce' rest, I'm feeling 'beet.'
What did the paper say to the pen?
I feel quite all 'write,' my friend.
What did the teapot say to the chalk?
Nothing, you silly . . . teapots can't talk!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teacher and her 3 boy students:
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 1: I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher: You are punished to stay out of school for one week.
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 2: I saw your bra straps.
Teacher: You are punished to stay out of school for one month.
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: Why are you leaving?
Boy 3: I think my school days are over.
Statistician joke
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician all die and go to heaven.
When they arrive at the pearly gate St. Peter stops them and says before you pass through I have a simple question for each of you.
He turns to the engineer and asks, "What's 2 + 2"?
The engineer pulls out his slide ruler, fumbles it around and says, "3.9999".
St. Peter is fine with this answer and says, "Come on in".
He then turns to the physicist and asks the same question, "What's 2 + 2?"
The physicist turns to a chalk board that appears out of no where and writes out this elaborate proof, 2 + 2 = 4
St. Peter is very pleased and says, "Come on in".
He then turns to the Statistican and asks again, "What's 2 + 2"?
The Statistician pauses for a bit, scratches his head and then says, "What do you want it to be?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teacher: why did you laugh?
Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw one strap of your bra.
Teacher: get out of the class for 1 week.
Two boys laughed, Teacher: why did you laugh:
boys: I saw both straps. Teacher: get out for 1 month. She bent down to take chalk, jony started walking out.
Teacher: jony, why you are going out?
Jony: what I just saw I think my school days are over.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I may have witnessed the exact moment my high school became racist.
It's when they changed all the blackboards into whiteboards. There's no way they could just chalk it up.
Mrs. Johnson wrote on the chalk board, I ain't had no fun all summer.
So, George, she said. What should I do to correct this?
Get a boyfriend, George answered.
Did you hear about the schoolteacher who dated that milkmaid?
They were like chalk and cheese!
Help With The Dishes
After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table… … I'll try, but I'll need some chalk for my cue.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
A psychiatrist in a mental asylum wanted to test the sanity of the patients
He gathered the patients in a room, then drew a door on a wall with a chalk. He pointed at the "door" and told the patient, open this door and you are free to leave through it. The patients then beging to fruitlessly trying to open the fake door, exept for one patient who just sit in place watching the other patients with an amused grin on his face. The psychiatrist approached the lone patient thinking she might be cured and asked her why she didn't try to open the fake door like other patients.
The patient opened her hand to show scribble of a key on her palm and said, "I dont want anyone to come with me„
You're It!
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek. It's Einstein's turn to be it, so he closes his eyes and starts counting, Eins, zwei, drei… Pascal runs off and hides under a big bush. Newton runs over to a nearby driveway, takes out some chalk, and draws a box around him that is one meter long on all four sides. As soon as Einstein opens his eyes, he sees Newton and says, What are you doing? I found you immediately, Newton!
Newton says, Nah-ah! I am one Newton per square meter, so I'm actually Pascal!
Imagine living in a giant bouncy castle.
I'm sure the rent would be insanely expensive but I would chalk that up to inflation.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!
A man walks into a bar, pulls out a piece of chalk, and draws a line on the floor.
He then stood on the far side of the line and faced the door. People came in, took a look at him, and then walked around the line to go order their drinks. Eventually, a man walked in, approached the man, and stepped across the line.
Immediately, the first man took a swing and laid the second man out flat.
"Why'd you do that?" The second man asked, holding his bleeding nose.
The first man shrugged. "Because this is a punchline."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New inmates are lined up to go into prison
Guard in front yells "Everyone have your personal effects out for inspection! You ate allowed ONLY ONE item!"
Towards the back of the line a new inmate asks the guy in front of him, "Hey buddy....what you bringing in?"
The reply was "pastels and chalk. Gonna teach myself how to draw. You?"
Inmate 1 says "a harmonica. May as well learn to play it while I got the time".
The man behind them says "Man y'all are dumb. Look what *I* got. He shows them his new unopened box of tampons.
They ask "Why the actual h**... are you bringing tampons into prison?"
He says "Look right here! The box says with these I can go horseback riding, go swimming, play tennis..."
John's engine kept rattling and making loud noises whenever he drove.
He sent it to the mechanic. The mechanic took a quick look at the engine and marked an "X" on the chassis with a chalk. He then gave it a swift kick and the noise stopped immediately. He then handed John a bill for 200 dollars.
John felt the bill was too hefty for such a quick job like that so he demanded an itemized account of his charges. The mechanic went back into his office and came out with the bill.
*One chalk mark: 1 dollar*
*Knowing where to mark the "X": 199 dollars*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny learns fast…
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 1: I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher: Please stay out of school for one week.
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy 2: I saw both your bra straps.
Teacher: Suspended from school for one month.
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Little Johnny started walking out of the class…
Teacher: Why are you leaving?
Little Johnny: I think my school days are over.
