Uplifting Chairs Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
Young women marrying old rich guys is a lot like musical chairs.
The last one to sit on it wins.
A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...
The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."
Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...
One turns to the other and says, "I say old boy, have you read marx?"
The other says, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."
Who always wins at musical chairs?
Rosa Parks
From my 3yr old nephew: Why do chickens sit on their eggs?
Because they don't have chairs.
Why do chickens sit on eggs?
Because they don't have any chairs.
Source: my five-year-old.
Two nudists are sitting on the porch
Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."
Literal People Anonymous
Welcome to Literal People Anonymous, would everyone please take a seat. NO, WAIT! BRING THOSE CHAIRS BACK!
All the guys here in San Francisco are super nice.
They keep asking if they can push my stool in. Even when I'm already sitting down or there are no chairs around.
What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland?
p**... O' Furniture
Communist Nudists
These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.
The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"
To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"
You can explore chairs armchair reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chairs rocking chairs dad jokes. There are also chairs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
60 Years of Marriage
An old couple in their 80's are sitting in their rocking chairs on the front porch enjoying the day. Suddenly the wife reaches over and just slaps her husband across the face.
Flabergasted he looks at her and says "what was that for?"
She responds "that's for 60 years of bad s**..."
They continue to rocking on the porch.
A few minutes later the husband reaches over and smacks his wife hard enough that it knocks her out of her chair onto the porch.
With tears in her eyes she asks "what was that for?"
Her husband replies "that's for knowing the difference."
I'm glad the electric chair was invented
It made executions much more efficient than mechanical chairs.
What has got 8 legs and 1 eye?
2 chairs and a half of a fish.
An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.
After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."
What did the owner of the gay bar do when his joint was full and he couldn't seat all of his customers?
He flipped the chairs over.
An old man sets up three beds in his room...
and lays out three chairs. One day, a friend comes over and the old man serves three bowls of porridge.
The friend asks "Why do you have all this random stuff in your room?"
and the old man replies "Well, it worked for the 3 bears!"
I don't trust chairs.
They just don't sit right with me.
Two communists are in a nudist club, reclining in the n**... in bamboo chairs, when one turns to the other and asks "Have you read Marx?"
The reply he gets: "Yeah; wouldn't have happened if these were couches!"
nudist camp for intellectuals
2 people at a nudist camp for intellectuals, one says to the other "have you read Marx?"
The 2nd say "yes, because of these wicker chairs"
My neighbour started a business giving away chairs...
It was a Chairity
A philosopher and a political scientist are drinking lemonade on a porch in a nudist colony. The philosopher says, "I suppose you've read Marx?"
The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"
Two older men are sitting at a communist nudist colony...
Two older men are sitting at a communist nudist colony.
One asks the other, "Hey, have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yeah, I think it's from these wicker chairs."
A historian and an economist are sitting on the porch of a nudist colony...
The historian asks, "Have you read Marx?"
The economist replies, "Yes, I think it's the wicker chairs."
What do kings call musical chairs?
A game of thrones.
I was walking down the road and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs.
I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.
Two nudist socialists are sitting on a porch.
The first one asks, "Have you read Marx?"
The second one replies, "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs."
Without chairs
we'd have squat.
Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship…
The first one asks, Have you read Marx?
The other one replies, Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.
A rich, dumb Husband and wife are taking their first trip on their new Yacht.
They have sailed far from the shore, and the two are sitting in chairs, looking out towards the water.
"Gee, I just love this new Yakt!" The man says.
"Erm... Honey, the "c" is silent." His wife responds.
The man takes a sip from a tall glass, before responding "you're right, it's very tranquil."
Two lumps of concrete walk into a busy bar...
They see some chairs next to a lump of tarmac, and the one goes over to sit when the other grabs him saying:
"Dude, don't sit next to him.. he's a cycle-path"
A comedian showed up to his venue..
There was only one person, sitting in the back of the rows of chairs.
"Thanks for coming out," the comedian said.
The man responded, "hurry up so I can clean this place."
Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters?
Because everyone is left leaning.
An old married could sitting on their rocking chairs out on the porch watching the sunset...
Rocking away enjoying the sunset, when the woman takes her cane and suddenly smacks the old man on the leg.
"Hey... what was that for?" he protests
"For 60 years of bad s**...!" she says.
They go back to rocking.
A few moments later he takes his cane and smacks her on the leg.
"Hey... what was that for?" she cries.
"That's for knowing the difference!"
What kind of wood makes the best chairs?
Cherry wood.
Somebody broke into the office last night and stole all the chairs...
...We won't stand for this!
Why do people prefer sitting on chairs to stools?
Stools are c**....
I love to hunt lounge chairs...
It's not the kill that excites me, it's the thrill of the chaise.
I'm not clumsy
It's just that the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies and the wall gets in the way.
I met this girl at a bar...
...and she invited me back to her apartment for s**... until morning but there were no beds or chairs...
It was a one night stand.
Honey, I really don't think you're fat ...
pull up two chairs and let's talk about it
How many shop stewards does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change the lightbulb and four to sit on folding chairs and watch. You got a problem with that?
A kid asks his dad: "Dad, what's it like to be drunk?"
"You see those 2 chairs, son? A drunk person would see 4."
"But, dad, there's only 1 chair in there..."
The game of Musical Chairs is
just a receding chair line.
Lifetime Investment
This morning I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out onto the balcony with curiosity and saw the idiot, he was selling chairs..
Can any of you think of any jokes about ejector chairs? I am trying to think of one for a powerpoint
So far all i have come up with is. something about helicopters
What do you call an Irishman who makes outdoor tables and chairs?
Patty O'furniture.
A couple of gentlemen were sitting by the pool at a nudist colony. One of them was reading "Mein Kampf". "Have you read Marx too?", asks one.
"Yes", replies the other, "but I think it's the wicker chairs.".
My father, although a terrible person, had a great appreciation for electric chairs
He passed yesterday, but it was great to see his face light up for the last time.
Have you heard of the Irish guy who fixes garden chairs?
His name is p**... O'Furniture
If the 2nd Amendment were a religion, what kind of chairs would their churches have?
Pew pews.
A blind man walks into a bar
Three tables, two chairs and the wall
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs
If anybody is alone during the festive period please don't hesitate to let me know.
I need to borrow some chairs.
If you're alone at Christmas, just send me a message. :)
I have so many people coming over I'd like to borrow your chairs if you don't need them.
3,000 male cows are playing musical chairs. What happens when the music stops?
A whole lot of bulls sit.
I just heard an announcement on a loud speaker outside my house saying, "If you invest $100 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out and saw the idiot; he was selling chairs.
Two nudist philosophers are sitting by the pool and one says, "Have you read Marx?
The other replies, "Yes, I believe it's from the cane chairs."
Two old men sat in a library and one asked the other have you read Marx?
I think it comes from sitting on these wicker chairs for too long he replied
Teamster jokes
Why is there a horse on the Teamster logo?
It's the only animal that sleeps standing up.
What do Teamster's kide do at the playground do?
Sit on folding chairs and watch other kids play.
What do you call a Teamster in a 3 piece suit?
Defendant
Two teamsters are standing around. Suddenly on of them crushes a snail under is his boot.
The other one asks "why did you do that"?
"that son of a b**... has been following me around all day"
Why are wooden chairs good for back pain?
They have lumber support!
(I'm sorry for this my brother came up with it)
Dear receptionists.....
.. Please stop telling me to take a seat. I already have 25 chairs in my house from different offices.
The doctor said to me, we need to talk about your weight.
I said, well it was about 25minutes but the chairs are quite comfortable.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you call an Irish guy who sells lawn chairs?
Patty O'Furniture
Two communists are sitting together at a nudist colony.
One turns to the other and asks Have you read Marx? The second replies yes, it's these d**... wicker chairs!
If anyone is spending Christmas alone this year, please let me know.
I need to borrow some chairs
If anyone has no family and will be alone on thanksgiving please let me know
I really need to borrow some chairs from you.
What do you call musical chairs with toilets?
Game of Thrones
Three old men are lounging in chairs on the beach in the French Riviera.
One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. With the insurance money I was able to retire here."
Another said, "Well that's a coincidence. I had a business that had a gas leak and blew up and the insurance money allowed me to retire here."
The third guy said, "You're not gonna believe this but I had a business and it was destroyed by a flood and I was able to retire here with the insurance settlement."
After a pause, the first guy asked the third guy, "So who do you call to arrange a flood?"
Two sociologists are sitting by the pool
One turns to the other and asks; "Have you read Marx?"
To which he replies;
"Yes, it's these d**... wicker chairs."
I'm trying to get all chairs banned.
I stand up for what I believe in.
Three blind priests walks into a bar
And then the tables. And then the chairs...
Where do old chairs go?
A chairity.
Two history professors are visiting a nudist camp.
"Excuse me," says one to the other. "But have you read Marx?"
"Yes, the second replied. "I think it's these d**... wicker chairs."
What chairs do drummers use to drum in?
A rocking chair.
Did you hear about the incontinent woodworker?
He specialised in staining chairs
I have no respect for those in wheel chairs who remain silent when people make fun of their disability
Stand up for yourself!
Do you know anyone who will be alone without family or friends for Christmas?
Because I need to borrow some chairs.
