Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.
The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.
....what happens next will shock you."
"Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died."
A little girl goes to the barbershop with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut.
The barber smiles at her and says:
"You're gonna get hair on your muffin!"
"I know", she says... "I'm gonna get tits too, you dirty old bastard."
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me.
The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"
"Not this time son, our dog is dead"
Because they can't stand up for themselves.
"You're not fooling me dad, a chair!!"
"Not this time, your dog died."
It is driving him up the wall.
... What happens next will shock you
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
Me: You can't fool me dad! Its a chair!
Dad: Not this time son. Get a shovel, the dog's dead
She had to - we only had one chair
After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""
They are about to sit down when the bartender says: It costs $60 to sit on the chair. The priest and the rabbi say That's absurd! What's the reason for this charge? The bartender says Well the goal is to provide patrons with a sense of pride and accompli—
The priest and the rabbi throw themselves at the bartender and beat him to death, because enough of the damn EA jokes already.
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
Bastard can hide but he can't run.
Then into a chair
Then into a table
I know she'll come crawling back
Son: Haha you can't fool me this time dad! A chair.
Dad: No son, our dog died.
"Hey son, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?"
"Dad, you told me that one yesterday" he said, looking annoyed. "It's a chair."
"Not this time son...the mailman ran over your dog today."
-"Do you have any last requests?
-"Yes,can you please hold my hand?"
14,000.
1 to hold the lightbulb, 4 to hold the chair, and 13,995 to spin the house.
Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. Yes, replied the murderer. Will you hold my hand?
Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.
Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"
I sat down in the chair and he said, "Open up for me..."
"OK," I said, "my parents don't love me very much."
But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.
and a table... and a chair.
and the dentist says "Looks like you need to have a tooth pulled." The woman says "I'd rather have a baby."
The dentist looks at her and says "Make up your mind, I'll have to adjust the chair."
"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."
"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
After a long day she was feeling a little horny, so with no one around she stripped naked, sat in the diocese chair and started masturbating furiously.
As she was about to climax there was a knock at the door
Hello it's the blind man
She thinks it may be fun him not being able to see and so calls him in without getting dressed
The man walks in and says
WOW NICE TITS! Where do you want the blinds
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Chair? Well, here are the best Chair dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Chair pick up lines to share with friends.