Following is our collection of funny Chair jokes. There are some chair armchair jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these chair rocking chairs puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.
Ol' Merl & Ethel were sitting on the porch, enjoying the summer breeze. Suddenly, Ethel reaches over and smacks poor ol' Merl right out of his chair. "What was that for?" he exclaims. "That's for being such a lousy lover all these years." Well, Merl gets back in his chair, sits quietly for a while, then reaches over and smacks Ethel right back. "And what was that for?" Ol' Merl drawls, "That's for knowing the difference."
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
and a table... and a chair.
After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants sex, do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "
It was a pad bun.
...then a table, then a chair, then another chair...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"
You can explore chair mountaineer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean chair couch dad jokes. There are also chair puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
...After the third beer he decides to go home. He tries to walk out, but as soon as he is off his chair he falls on the ground. He figures he's probably not drunk enough. He orders another one, tries to go, but again falls on the ground. After two more beers and tries he decides just to crawl home.
The next morning his wife says to him in the bed.
"You were in the bar last night."
"How did you know?"
"The bartender called. You forgot your wheelchair."
And sits on in a chair. The teacher man looks up and offers the pupil a cup of coffee.
"Sure, I'll take a mug of joe," says the student.
The teacher pours a cup, and gives it to the kid. The student takes a sip, and nearly gags.
"The is terrible! Seriously! What is this, mud??"
"Well," the professor replies, "it was ground just this morning."
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
A priest and a politician arrived at Heaven's gate one day together. And St. Peter, after doing all the necessary formalities, took them to show them where their quarters would be.
First, he took them to a small, single room with a bed, a chair, and a table and said this was for the priest. And the politician was a little worried about what might be in store for him. And he couldn't believe it then when St. Peter stopped in front of a beautiful mansion with lovely grounds, many servants, and told him that these would be his quarters.
And he couldn't help but ask, he said, "But wait, howβthere's something wrongβhow do I get this mansion while that good and holy man only gets a single room?" And St. Peter said, "You have to understand how things are up here. We've got thousands upon thousands of priests. You're the first politician who ever made it.
Theirs only 1 taco left, so wheel chair.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
then a table.....then a chair.
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
The criminal: Please hold my hand...
and the dentist says "Looks like you need to have a tooth pulled." The woman says "I'd rather have a baby."
The dentist looks at her and says "Make up your mind, I'll have to adjust the chair."
"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."
The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"
"Not this time son, our dog is dead"
And snuck inside a house nearby.
The prisoner found a young couple in bed and held them hostage, the woman was tied in a chair and the man was tied on the bed post.
The prisoner walked up to the woman and kissed her in the neck afterwards he went to the bathroom.
The man said to the woman "that guy is an escapee from the prison nearby, he's been in prison for such a long time that he's so thirsty for sex. I can tell it from the way he kissed your neck. No matter what happens let him do whatever he wants or else he will kill us! Be strong honey, i love you!"
Then the woman replied..
"He didn't kiss me honey, he whispered to me that he thinks you're cute and asked me if we have some lubricant. I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong honey, i love you!"
....what happens next will shock you."
...but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
A Instagram user walks into a #bar #pub #brewery #happyhour #bigplace #beer #night #party #fun #photography #conceptual #art #drink #peperoni #olives #lights #table #chair #followme
I usually end up stabbing the chair.
I sat down in the chair and he said, "Open up for me..."
"OK," I said, "my parents don't love me very much."
-"Do you have any last requests? Β
-"Yes,can you please hold my hand?"
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests? Β
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. Yes, replied the murderer. Will you hold my hand?
"Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died."
So I pulled up a chair, leaned in and said "You can shut up or go outside, I've got an exam tomorrow".
The two of them sit next to each other.
When the next stop comes, the midget falls off of the chair, so the man picks him back up.
Another stop comes, and the midget falls again, and again the man picks him up.
On the third stop he of course falls again and this time, the man says:
"Hold on when we get to a stop, you freaking midget!"
The midget replies:
"Can I please leave the bus? I was supposed to get off two stops ago."
"Hey son, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?"
"Dad, you told me that one yesterday" he said, looking annoyed. "It's a chair."
"Not this time son...the mailman ran over your dog today."
14,000.
1 to hold the lightbulb, 4 to hold the chair, and 13,995 to spin the house.
My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, Straighten her up.
I looked at my daughter and said, What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up.
My wife hasn't asked me to do anything since.
What happens next will shock you
Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful. I will prefer to get Pregnant than getting my cavity filled"
.
.
.
.
Dentist: " Make a Decision, I will adjust the chair accordingly."
I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me.
What happens next will shock you.
She had to - we only had one chair
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
A gentleman pulls his date's chair out for her. A gay gentleman pushes his date's stool in.
But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.
And a table, and a chair.
His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter crash.
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?
Because they can't stand up for themselves.
Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.
Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"
"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
It is driving him up the wall.
Me: You can't fool me dad! Its a chair!
Dad: Not this time son. Get a shovel, the dog's dead
Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....
He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...
He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...
So I took the laptop and left...
Left... ?? Then what ??
Nothing...
30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....
So I asked him:
Will you buy it ??
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.
I happily replied,
"Yess..."
She took away the extra chair in front of me.
As soon as he sees his wife, the husband speak into the phone, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue running this office with only one chair."
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a bitch was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
And a wall, a chair and 3 people
Little Timmy: haha it's a chair nice try gra-
Grandpa:it's your dog Timmy he's dead
He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.
Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,
"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need to know if there is some medical problem."
Doctor sat back on his chair crossed his hands and sighed,
"You boys are nuts."
Paul smiles and says, "Congratulations. I will still love you nonetheless."
Suddenly his younger daughter says ," Dad, I'm a lesbian too."
Paul begrudgingly exclaims , " Does nobody in this family likes dicks?"
His son says,"I do."
Ten. But number four will shock you.
A blind man walks into a bar,
And then a table,
And then a chair.
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
10, but 4 will shock you.
The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."
The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"
"Start? Today's the last day."
We walked through the door and I handed him our card:
"Barney. Talking dog."
The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Alright, show me what you got."
"Hey Barn, how was work this week?"
"Rough."
"What goes on top of a house?"
"Roof."
"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth."
Just then the agent grabbed us both and tossed us out into the street.
Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head.
"Knew I should have said Hank Aaron."
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you". "That wasn't my daddy" said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
I went to visit him for the first time. As we're discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.
As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.
As she walked away, I asked:
Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?
A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.
Grandpa: it's not too bad. I just wish they would let me fart.
The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six."
... he looks in her mouth and says "that tooth needs to come out".
She says "oh no I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth pulled!!"
He says "ok but make up your mind I need to adjust the chair"
And pulls out a small piano, a small chair, and a small man. Theman walks over to the piano and starts playing it.
Everyone in the bar is amazed. They ask the man how he did it.
There's a genie outside granting wishes, says the man.
Upon hearing this, one of the bar patrons runs out of the bar and asks the genie, Are you granting wishes?
The genie says yes, so the man asks, give me a million bucks! And bam! A million ducks appear.
The guy goes back into the bar and says, hey! That genie is deaf!
The other guys replies, yeah, I know. Do you think i'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
He decides to go see a doctor but was a little embarrassed to address his problem so he says...
"Hey Doc, between you and me we have 5 balls".
The doctor, extremely baffled by this jumps off his chair and says...
"WHATTTT ?!!?!! You have no balls"?
A high chair!
I am a 28 year old male, and for as long as I can remember every time me and my dad move something, such as a chair, or a couch, or a coffee table, he said "alright I'll get the heavy end" and idk why I always just assumed he was being nice and getting the heavier side.
And it literally just occurred to me within the last few weeks when we picked something up, there's no heavy end. They're both the same weight πππ
A married couple, Harry, and Esther are out shopping one morning when Esther says, **Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her?**
She said she would like something electric.
Harry replies, How about a chair?
I stand up for what I believe in.
Because Mao was more of a chair man.
He was found guilty of crimes against a manatee.
A man is sat in the electric chair, and the executioner asks for any last words.
The man sitting in the chair responds: "I won't be shocked if this dosen't work"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the chair sit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working chair cushion piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.