chair Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious chair puns

How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

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A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.

The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.

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Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair......

....what happens next will shock you."

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"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?"

"Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"

"Not this time. Our dog died."

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The Barbershop

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says:
"You're gonna get hair on your muffin!"
"I know", she says... "I'm gonna get tits too, you dirty old bastard."

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A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The man replied "Yack Yackson".

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A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?"

I Happily I replied," Yes...."

She took away the extra chair in front of me.

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A dad asks his son, "What has four legs but isn't alive?"

The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"

"Not this time son, our dog is dead"

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Why is it wrong to bully people in wheel chair?

Because they can't stand up for themselves.

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A man says to his son: "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe"?"

"You're not fooling me dad, a chair!!"

"Not this time, your dog died."

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My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to use the chair lift to go upstairs.

It is driving him up the wall.

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The court has decided you guilty of clickbait and has sentenced you to death by the electric chair...

... What happens next will shock you

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That's a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.

Then he composes himself and says:

Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

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Dad: What has 4 legs and isn't alive?

Me: You can't fool me dad! Its a chair!

Dad: Not this time son. Get a shovel, the dog's dead

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When I was first married we were very poor, but my wife stood by me

She had to - we only had one chair

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A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.

After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar

They are about to sit down when the bartender says: It costs $60 to sit on the chair. The priest and the rabbi say That's absurd! What's the reason for this charge? The bartender says Well the goal is to provide patrons with a sense of pride and accompliβ€”

The priest and the rabbi throw themselves at the bartender and beat him to death, because enough of the damn EA jokes already.

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God is talking with the presidents.

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."


Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."

"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."


Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"


Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

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An old man in a wheel chair stole my camouflage jacket.

Bastard can hide but he can't run.

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Helen Keller walks into a bar

Then into a chair

Then into a table

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My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheel chair

I know she'll come crawling back

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Hey son, what has four legs and doesn't breathe?

Son: Haha you can't fool me this time dad! A chair.


Dad: No son, our dog died.

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My son came home from school and I immediately asked him:

"Hey son, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?"

"Dad, you told me that one yesterday" he said, looking annoyed. "It's a chair."

"Not this time son...the mailman ran over your dog today."

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A priest asks the murderer at the electric chair....

-"Do you have any last requests? Β 

-"Yes,can you please hold my hand?"

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How many morons does it take to change a lightbulb?

14,000.

1 to hold the lightbulb, 4 to hold the chair, and 13,995 to spin the house.

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A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. Yes, replied the murderer. Will you hold my hand?

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My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"

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I went to the dentist.

I sat down in the chair and he said, "Open up for me..."

"OK," I said, "my parents don't love me very much."

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I bought my mother in law a chair for her birthday...

But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.

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A blind man walks into a bar...

and a table... and a chair.

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A woman goes to the dentist....

and the dentist says "Looks like you need to have a tooth pulled." The woman says "I'd rather have a baby."
The dentist looks at her and says "Make up your mind, I'll have to adjust the chair."

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Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine...

"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."

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A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...

"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

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Secret to Long Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.

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[NSFW] A nun was alone in the church rectory

After a long day she was feeling a little horny, so with no one around she stripped naked, sat in the diocese chair and started masturbating furiously.

As she was about to climax there was a knock at the door

Hello it's the blind man

She thinks it may be fun him not being able to see and so calls him in without getting dressed

The man walks in and says
WOW NICE TITS! Where do you want the blinds

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What are the most funny Chair jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Chair? Well, here are the best Chair dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Chair pick up lines to share with friends.

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