Chain Jokes

What are some Chain jokes?

Stop calling it the Zelda Franchise - It's called the Zelda Chain.

Because there's so many Links

Your mom so fat..

Her favorite jewellery is the food chain

My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom

This morning we synthesised a new protein chain

I just received a chain letter and if I don't re-send it a dead woman will appear in my closet....

Guess who's getting laid tonight.

A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"

A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."

He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, chugs it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.

Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"

Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."

A man is walking down the street

He notices another gentleman walking down the sidewalk towards him dragging a long chain behind him.

He says to the man, "Excuse me sir, but why on earth are your dragging that long chain down the road?"

The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a chain down the road?"

At some point I really want to manage a Wal-mart in Texas.

I want to be a Texas Chain Store Manager.

A hippy with a bicycle that has a broken chain walks on the side of a road.

A man in a Porsche pulls up next to him and offers him a ride. They try to fit the hippy's bike into the trunk of the man's Porche, but as it is a typical sports car, the trunk is too small for the bike. Then the man has an idea. He says to the hippy, "I have some rope in my trunk, you can tie it to your bike and I'll drive you along. If I'm going to fast, just honk the horn on your bike." The hippy agrees to go along with it and they ride a few miles down the rode. The man in the Porsche pulls up to a stop light next a man in a Lamborghini. They start revving their engine and a race is about to ensue. The light turns green and the man in the Porsche completely forgets about the hippy tied to his car and starts racing the Lamborghini. They're racing and start reaching 80, 90, 100 m.p.h. They pass a cop and when the cop calls the race in he says, "Dispatch you'll never believe what I just saw. I saw a Porsche and a Lamborghini racing down the road at 100 miles per hour, and a hippy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass them."

A guy is walking down the street and passes a hardware store...

...advertising a sale on a chain saw that is capable of cutting seven hundred trees is seven hours. The guy thinks this is a great deal and decides to buy one.

The next day, he comes back with the saw and complains to the salesman that the thing didn't even come close to cutting down the seven hundred trees the ad said it would.

"Well," said the salesman, "let's test it out back."

Finding a log, the salesman pulls the starter cord and the saw makes a great roaring sound.

"What's that noise?" asks the guy.

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

Freedom Tower

Apparently they're having such a hard time filling office space in the new Freedom Tower, they've opened it up to big chain department stores...

Just what America needs — another Target.

This kid is dragging a chain down the road

and it's bangin' and clanging and making so much noise. An old man pops out of a house and shouts "Son, why you gotta drag that chain?" and the kid replies "Sir, have you ever tried to *push* a chain?"

A man stands, chain smoking at a bus stop...

A man stands, chain smoking at a bus stop.

The woman standing next to him says "Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"

"That's OK..." says the guy, puffing casually, "I'm a programmer"

"So? What's that got to do with anything?"

"Errors are serious, warnings are nothing...".

a man was late for a business meeting

so he was already in a rush when he had a flat tire. he pulled over and began changing to his spare. Just as he as about to mount the spare, he accidentally knocked all his lugnuts into a storm drain. so he begins cursing his luck.

It just so happens he pulled over next to an insane asylum where there were patients out on the grounds behind a chain link fence. one of the patients saw the commotion and came to the fence and asked him what was wrong. He explained that he had lost his lugnuts and couldn't mount the spare.

"just take one lugnut off of each of the other three tires. that will at least get you where you need to go, then you can get replacement nuts later." the patient suggested.

"that's actually really brilliant. thank you" the man said.

"yeah, well I'm in here because I'm crazy, not stupid"

Three men die and go to heaven.

They meet a saint watching the gate, who tells them, "You are all welcome in Heaven. Just do not step on any ducks."

And so they walk in, and the moment they get in, the first man steps on a duck. Then, suddenly, there is a chain on his arm, and on the other end is an incredibly grotesque woman, smelling to the point of being comparable to a harpy. The saint says, "This is your wife, now and for all of eternity.

A few years pass, and the other two are doing just fine. Then, the second man, waking up, rolls over and stands up - "QUACK!" Straight onto a duck. Another woman, even more horrible and smelly than the last is chained to him. "This is your wife, now and for all eternity."

More years pass, and eventually, the saint appears, along with a chain on his arm. On the other end is a woman more beautiful than any he had ever seen. He asks the saint, "Why? I never stepped on a duck."

The woman pipes up, "I did."

The CEO of a dwindling hotel chain shows up in court to save his company from bankruptcy

It was his last resort.

The best part about owning a cat...

One of the best things about having a cat is that when you hear noises at night you can just think, "Oh, must be the cat," and go back to sleep. Why, just last night my cat dragged what must have been a large chain around the house moaning, "All who have desecrated this land must die." ...so cute.

In the political correctness of 2017, is it still ok to call my wife the "ol ball and chain"?

Or is that rude to the ball and chain?

I saw a Dwarf who had escaped from prison climbing over a chain link fence. As he was climbing down the other side he scowled and stuck his tongue out at me and ran away...

I said to myself "That was a little condescending"

Non-chain restaurants are usually better than chain restaurants

because they're... off the chain.

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis Presley steak houses.

It will be for people who love meat tender.

I chained up my trophy wife in the basement...

She's atrophy wife now.

Today marks 10 years...

...since I didn't forward that mail chain that got me bad luck. It's on now

WalMart's own brand of wine

WalMart announced that sometime in 2013 it will begin offering customers a new discount item: WalMart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the wines at affordable prices in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the WalMart brand into their shopping carts but, 'There is a market for inexpensive wine,' said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. 'However, branding will be very important.'

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the WalMart wine brands and varieties.

The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:


10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante


The beauty of Walmart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).


P.S. Don't bother writing back to tell me that this is a hoax. I know possum is not white meat.

Your mom isn't at the top of the food chain...

I eat her every night.

Chain jokes?

I just wanted to know some chain jokes, doesn't matter any kind. I have 1 but that's really all I know:

Q: Why did little Suzy get run over by a car?
A: She had no arms or legs!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Not little Suzy

I'm gonna turn nfsw on just in case :/

TIL you can get fired from a large American sandwich chain for messing up a single customer's order

Whoops, wrong sub

What do you do when you'r wife is screaming at you in the living room

Shorten the chain from the kitchen

What mistake have you made when your wife comes in from the kitchen to yell at you?

Made her chain too long.

What do you call a chain of singing islands?

An acapellago.

Why did the supply chain manager wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat?

He was having a logistical nightmare.

Did you hear about the waiter who became a manager?

He worked his way up the food chain.

What pizza chain do people with epilepsy like the least?

Little seizures

A major American chain of stores may be on the receiving end of some recent controversy.

Although sources will not outright name the chain for legal purposes, they did say the stores have painted a giant target upon themselves.

What is the similarity between a black man and a bike?

They both only work with a chain on.

Did you hear about the chain of German restaurants opening up this year?

They're going to be serving Sausages, Brats, Anne Franks.

5 WoW related jokes

Yo mama so fat chain lightning hit her twice.
Yo mama so fat, when she logged in for first time she got the World Explorer achievement.
Yo mama so fat, she caused the Cataclysm by running to a buffet sale.
Yo mama so fat, she's immune to Death Knight's Death Grip.
Yo mama's so fat, it takes a 10 man raid of warlocks to summon her.

I stole a pen from the bank

It was off the chain.

My ex-wife got a job in Huston giving back-rubs in Walmart

She's the Texas Chain Store Massager

Dont call it the Zelda franchise

Call it the Zelda chain because it has so many Links

Even if Hitler had only run a fast food chain, it would have turned out terribly...

I mean, who wants to order the "Arbeit Macht Fries"?

What's black and blue and usually disliked in the hip-hop community?

A white dude wearing a gold chain

Russian Nursery Rhyme

The incy wincy conrade
Was tugging at his chain
About rights of workers
He complain

The secret police
Am get order to restrain
And the incy wincy comrade was never seen again

What is the similarity between a bicycle and a dark person?

Without chain they won't work

I was pretty good at nuclear physics...

Everytime I yawned in class, I'd set off a chain reaction.

I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet

because Pizza Hut will accept all competitors' coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place: Mitch's Pizzeria -- this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza.'

What do you call group sex in Duckburg?

A Daisy chain.

What do you call it when sodium and potassium surges the electron transport chain?

A deep nap

Our Sins

So what if the whole Hilary/Trump presidential race is a result of of that last guy who didn't forward that chain mail causing the end of the world...

A man dies on his trip to an island chain in Equador

and becomes a Galapaghost.

What do bicycles and black people have in common?

Neither work when the chain comes off.

How many midgets does it take to lift something with a crane?

As many you can use to make a long chain.

What's Mr. Ts chain made out of?

Fools gold

I once chained my bike to a large Pole...

... he was very upset!

What famous hotel chain do muslims prefer when travelling on religious holidays?

Ramadamadan.

Why would OP make a terrible pizza chain?

Because they don't deliver.

What's similar between a black man and a bicycle?

They both stop working when the chain comes off.

All my chainsaws broke last night...

I guess you can call it a chainsaw massacre.

I'll walk my self out now...

Life is hard for kinky black people. Whites used to chain them up and whip them...

For free. Now it costs $200 an hour.

A knights wife recieves a package from the blacksmith

The knight asks her: "Is this my new chest plate?"

She replies: "Sorry my dear, it's just a chain mail."

Slaves and snow tires

What's the difference between a slaves and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put a chain around them.

Why did peasants hate knights' outfits?

Because everyone hates chain mail.

What's the difference between a black man and a bike?

The bike doesn't start singing when you put a chain on it.

What did you do wrong if your wife comes out of the kitchen and yells at you?

You made her chain to long.

What was missing in the Million Man March?

A chain and an auctioneer.

What's the longest carbon side chain known to man?

A Pteradactyl

There are two ways to trigger a nuclear chain reaction: ...

The first involves hitting uranium with accelerated protons. The second is mentioning Hillary and Feminism in one sentence.

U.K. pub chain, J. D. Wetherspoons is now backing Britain's exit from the E.U.

But the agoraphobic society want to stay in.

In which world are cows at the top of the food chain?

Well not in this one but maybe in the udder one

What do frogs order at a fast food chain?

French flies
Mcribbit
Chicken leg

I saw my postman dressed as a knight on Halloween but his armour was made of envelopes.

I don't think he really understands how to make chain mail

My friends and I are opening a pasta delivery chain

We're calling it Send Noodz.

Worst name for a discount fast food chain?

Taco Liquidators.

New Year and my hard of hearing aunt hired a new chef for her new chain of baker's.

But Louis CK is not the master baker she thinks he is.

My wife is going into labor.

They plan for the chain to be 6 ft long.

My PC must be a former chain smoker

So many patches!

What do you call a stoner engineer?

Mary chain

Chain Potok meets Billy Graham

"Hi, I'm Billy"

"Chaim Potok"

"Nice to meet you Potok"

"Nice to meet you Chaim"

Martin Levine has passed away at the age of seventy-five. Mr. Levine had owned a theater chain here in New York. The funeral will be held on Thursday

at 2:15, 4:30, 6:30, 8:40, and 10:50.

David Letterman

Which hotel chain was Nikita Khrushchev's favourite?

Premier Inn.

The poor sentence got hurt while riding his bike...

He got his dangling modifier stuck in the chain.

In Lebanon, a christian man falls in love with a muslim woman...

Her parents won't allow him to marry her unless he converts to islam. The man goes to see the sheikh and is told that he has to circumcise. He reluctantly agrees and gets married.

A month later, the man is walking down Hamra street, with a gold chain around his neck attached to a crucifix on his chest. The sheikh sees him and the crucifix and stops him to say: "My son what are you doing? you are a muslim now. why are you wearing that cross on your chest?".

The man looks at him and says: "Well you know sheikh, I thought that with the country being unstable, if I were to get killed and I go up to heaven and find that Jesus is there, I would unbutton my shirt and show him the crucifix. He might be merciful and allow me in".

The sheikh is quiet for a while, then he asks: "But my son, what would happen if you find that Muhammad is up there?".

The man says: "I will unbutton my trousers and show him my..."

How to make Chain jokes?

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