ceremony Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious ceremony stories

What are the best Ceremony puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Ceremony? Well here is a complete list of Ceremony dad jokes:

For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...

Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.

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Two antennas fell in love..

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

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the knights

What is the name of the knight who moonlights as a geologist?

Sir Vey

What is the name of the agreeable knight?

Sir Tenly

What is the name of the Knight who used to be a slave?

Sir Vent

What are the names of the Knights who run the graduation ceremony?

Sir Amony and Sir Tiffy Cashien

What is the name of the Knight who is also an OB/GYN?

Sir Vix

What is the name of the Knight on LSD?

Sir Real

What is the name of the Knight who makes pottery?

Sir Amik Vaze

What is the name of the Knight who also works in the OR?

Sir Jen

What is the name of the Knight who is totally radical?

Sir Fer

What is the name of the Knight who is a great trader?

Sir Plus

What is the name of the French Knight?

Sir Render.

What is the name of the Knight who never loses?

Sir Vivyn

What is the name of the Knight who enjoys practical jokes?

Sir Prize!

What is the name of the Knight who is always in the lead?

Sir Pass

What is the name of the Firefly class Knight?

Sir Renitee

What is the name of the really sketchy Knight?

Sir Spishus

(all credit for those above goes to /u/NedryOS)

What's the name of the knight who is always sure of himself?

Sir Ten (creds to /u/loufizzle)

what is the name of the knight who loves snakes?

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Two satellite dishes met on a roof...

They hit it off and decided to get married. The ceremony was boring but the reception was great!

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Two antennas met on a roof.

They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

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Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The ceremony was alright, but the reception was fantastic!

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I can't describe how disappointed I am...

...that the Congo weren't in single file in the Olympic Opening Ceremony

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Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony?
Because he was out standing in his field.

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Two antennas got married.

The ceremony was nothing to write home about, but the reception was outstanding.

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Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The ceremony was okay, but the reception was great!

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(watching a video)

Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.

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Antenna's Wedding

Two antennas got married. The ceremony was awful but the reception was awesome.

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After performing a marriage ceremony, the Rabbi gave some advice to the newlyweds.

"The first ten years are always the hardest," said the Rabbi.

"How many years have you been married?" They asked.

"Ten years," the Rabbi replied.

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I didn't know what to wear to the graduation ceremony of my premature ejaculation course....

So I came in my boxers.

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Two antennas met on a rooftop...

...they fell in love and got married. I heard the ceremony was pretty average... but the reception was excellent!

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Three workers are eating lunch

The first worker, an Italian says, "If I get spaghetti again for lunch tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself."

The second worker, an American says, "If I get a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself."

The third worker, a Newfie says, "If I get a bologna sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself."

So the next day, the Italian gets spaghetti, the American gets a ham sandwich, and the Newfie gets a bologna sandwich and they all kill themselves.

At a ceremony for the three of them, the Italian's wife says, "If he didn't want spaghetti, I would have made him something else." The Americans wife then said, "If he didn't want a ham sandwich, I would have made him something else." Then the Newfie's wife said, "He made his own lunch!"

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i went to a wedding for two antennae

The ceremony was pretty bad, but the reception was amazing

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Wedding day

Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The ceremony wasn't that great, but let me tell ya the reception was great.

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Why did the orange fleshed melon have to have a traditional marriage ceremony?

Obviously because it Cantelope.

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A couple of TV antennas...

got married, the ceremony was a little boring, but the reception was great!

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Did you hear about the two radio antennae who fell in love and decided to get married?

The ceremony was okay, but the reception was excellent.

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Two TV antennas were just married.

The ceremony was nothing special, but the reception was great.

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Husband tries to stop a wedding

Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life.

You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!

Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What are you doing?

Husband: Watching our wedding ceremony.

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African Roulette

A man is on a trip to Africa where he stumbles into a local tribesman. The tribesman takes him to see his chief, who is a very dedicated host. After a big ceremony to welcome the visitor, the host invites the man to play a game.
"In our tribe we have a game called 'African Roulette'", he said. "It's very simple: I bring six beautiful women from our tribe and you choose one of them to give you a blowjob."
The man quickly starts to unbutton his pants when the chief interrupts:
"But there is a catch...
one of them is a cannibal!"

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The husband and wife..

Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.

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Mute goes to a wedding...

After the ceremony he won't let go of his dick and everyone's a little put off by his public display. With his free hand, he signs "Speak now or forever hold your peace".

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Did you hear about the two tv antenae that got married?

The ceremony wasn't much to talk about, but the reception was awesome!

[Get it?]

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Two antennas met on a roof . . .

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, got married, the ceremony was crap but the reception was brilliant.

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Did you hear about the midgets who got married?

It was a small ceremony.

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Graduation Trip

This past year, I graduated college, and decided to take a trip with a few buddies. We had some money left over from our college funds, and decided we would visit Europe. We had originally intended to go hiking in different European countries for a couple of weeks.

At my Graduation ceremony, my grandparents showed up, and upon learning that I was going to Europe, and going to HIKE, of all things, my grandpa had this to say:

"Thats no way to spend your time. . . why, when I was your age, I went to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, Drank all night, Fucked the dancers, Pissed on the barman, and left without paying! Now thats how you live a little, grandson."

So I talked with my friends, and we decided we would spend a week hiking, then a few days in Amsterdam, and then stop in Paris the last night to do just that.

When I arrived home, in crutches, mind you, I visited my grandparents again. My eyes were blackened, nose bloodied, and had a few teeth chipped, along with a bruised rib and sprained wrist.

My grandpa says "Sweet baby Jesus, what the hell has happened to you?!"

"I did what you said Grandpa, I went to Moulin Rouge, Drank all night, Fucked a Dancer, pissed on the Barman, and tried to leave without paying, and they beat the shit out of me."

"Oh my, who did you go with?"

"Just some friends, why, who did you go with?"

"The S.S."

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A guy decides to marry a prostitute...

A guy decides to marry a prostitute he had been seeing for a while.


At the ceremony the minister asked the man if he takes her to be his lawfully wedded wife.

The man says, I do.

The minister then asked the prostitute if she took the man to be her lawfully wedded husband.

She says, I do everybody!

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Why did the fat bride get offended when Mike Tyson was performing her wedding ceremony?

"In thickness and in health."

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Two satellites had a wedding. The ceremony wasn't great, but...

the reception was *incredible*.

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Amazingly, over half a million people showed up for Obama's inauguration ceremony,


and only 8 missed work.

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So my Friend had his Wedding in the Middle of the Winter

The ceremony was brisk, but the reception was cold.

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So I was watching the closing ceremony last night...

Following a mention of the paralympics with "Roll on Rio" sounded like a really cheap shot.

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A woman with small breasts is fed up with her bust line

So she goes to a witch doctor. He does a ceremony where he tells her "ecerytime someone says I'm sorry to you your breast will grow"

So she leaves and on her way out knocks into someone who says pardon me. She looks down and her breast double in size. So while walking down the street she turns the corner and knocks into someone else who says I'm sorry. She looks down again and the are huge. Too huge. So she starts rushing back to the witch doctor to get him to stop the spell. She bumps into an Asian man who says to her "Thousand Pardons"

The next day the headline of the news paper read "Man killed by flying torpedos"

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Olympics / opening ceremony jokes

Credit where credit's due - I got these from Sickipedia. I'm brand new here but I gather these would be appreciated...

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I certainly enjoyed the opening ceremony which displayed the history of the early 20th century Britain.

I can't wait until the games are held in Germany.

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So in the Olympic Opening Ceremony, British athletes can walk behind a bloke carrying the Union Jack and everyone cheers...

...But when the BNP do it it's frowned upon.

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My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"

After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:

"Chinese," I replied.

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I'm entering the Masturbation Tournament in the Olympics this year.

Very stiff competition though.

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As I watched the woman's football today, my wife proudly quipped, "This just shows you how far the Olympics have come, women excelling at men's sports. What do you think this means?"

I don't think "22 blokes are forced to get a take-away tonight" was the answer she was looking for.

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Well done Danny Boyle. Nothing says "London" better than youths setting fire to stuff.

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7 years the London Olympics have been in the making.

Never has it taken so long for a large number of foreigners to enter the country.

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A boy sees that his pet turtle isn't moving...

"Mommy, my turtle is dead," wailed the little boy to his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

His mom said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in a tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a lovely burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for a yummy big ice cream, and then get you a great new pet, like a puppy!" Just then, she noticed the turtle move. "Look! Your turtle isn't dead after all!"

"Oh," said the little boy, "can we kill it?"

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Marriage counseling

Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding, meet with their Mullah for counseling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

Ahmed asks, 'We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.'

'Absolutely not,' says the Mullah. 'It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately.'

'So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?'

'No,' answered the Mullah, 'It's forbidden in Islam.'

'Well, okay,' says Ahmed, 'What about sex? Can we finally have sex?'

'Of course!' replies the Mullah, 'Allahu Akbar! Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!'

'What about different positions?' asks the man.

'Allahu Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem),' says the Mullah.

'Woman on top?' Ahmed asks.

'Sure,' says the Mullah.

'Allah Akbar. Go for it!'

'Doggy style?'

'Sure! Allahu Akbar!'

'On the kitchen table?'

'Yes, yes! Allahu Akbar!'

'Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?'

'You may indeed.. Allahu Akbar!'

'Can we do it standing up?'

'No, absolutely not!' says the Mullah.

'Why not?' asks the man.

'Because that could lead to dancing!'

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A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who had just passed away...

At the end of the Service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.

A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "AND WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"

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Several hundred years ago...

Several hundred years ago, two rival villages would meet annually to compete in a religious ceremony. Both villages would send forth their strongest, fastest male to compete against the other - which involved climbing up a cliff to claim a cross-shaped stone. Legend had it that the cross, a symbol of luck and fertility, would bring good fortune on whichever village owned it.


The day came, and each village met at the cliff.


"Our representative, Tom Smith, is young and fit, and will surely bring us the symbol." claimed the first mayor.


"No, our fighter, Tom Jameson, is faster and stronger! The symbol is ours!"


The race began. Both men scrambled up the cliff side at an equal pace, eventually reaching the top at the same time. Both grabbed the cross simultaneously, each trying to wrestle it from the other.


"The symbol is ours!" cried Tom Smith.


"No! The symbol belongs to our village!" shouted Tom Jameson.


Both edged closer and closer to the cliff face, and in one violent motion, both Tom's and the symbol fell over the edge, smashing into the rocks below.


BA-BOOM-CHSSSHHH

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A dude suddenly found out that his wife was having an affair..

.. but before he could talk about it with her she suddenly died in a freak accident. As the person with whom she was having the affair was a neighbourhood guy, the husband also invited him at the funeral ceremony.

At the ceremony the husband somehow was in control of himself but the lover was inconsolable and finally broke down completely. The husband could not contain himself any further, he went to the guy, patted him on the shoulder, hugged him, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Don't worry mate, I am going to marry again soon."

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A young religious couple is about to get married

When their car crashes, killing them both. They come to the gates of heaven and are greeted by Saint Peter. He tells them that they were both faithful in life and he welcomes them into God's Kingdom.

"Wait," says the man. "We were about to be married, but we died before the ceremony. Is it possible to get a marriage in heaven?"

Saint Peter thinks about it, but he can't think of an answer. He tells them to wait and he'll see what he can do.

While he's gone, the couple starts thinking about how final a marriage in heaven is. After all, a marriage on Earth is 'til death do us part- but a marriage in heaven would be truly eternal.

Days later, Saint Peter comes back. "It was tough," he said, "but I managed to arrange a ceremony for you two."

"That's all good and fine," says the couple, "but can we a also get a prenup, just in case?"

Saint Peter throws his hands up in the air in frustration and says, "It took me this long to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

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Dancing?

A Muslim couple in Prestatyn, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah for counselling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, We realise it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women.

But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.

Absolutely not, says the Mullah. It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately.

So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?

No, answered the Mullah, It's forbidden in Islam.


Well, okay, says the man, What about sex? Can we finally have sex?2

Of course! replies the Mullah, Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!

What about different positions? asks the man.

No problem, says the Mullah.

Woman on top? the man asks.

Sure, says the Mullah. Go for it!

Doggy style?

Sure!

On the kitchen table?

Yes, yes!

Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?

You may indeed!

Can we do it standing up?

No. says the Mullah.

Why not? asks the man.

It could lead to dancing.

note :

In a lot of religions men can only dance with men, and not with women, not even their wives..... WTF!!!!

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I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.

It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.

Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.

As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.

As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"

My wife answered,

"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"

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Five cannibals get hired

Five cannibals get hired on as engineers at a large International Company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for a meal, so please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shake their heads no.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the janitor?"
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Vice Presidents, Corporate Lawyers, and Regional Managers and no one noticed anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!"

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So a rabbi is performing a wedding

And he has about an hour to go before the ceremony. He has everything in place when he realizes he forgot the chuppah, and its too late for him to go back to the synagogue and get it. So he starts running around nearby homes, trying to find someone who has a canopy, and he starts to get more and more desperate, asking for bed sheets or anything that will work, and he has no luck at all. So finally he runs into an Irish pub that's just down the road and he staggers through the door and he says "Guys! I know it's a long shot, but I really, really need a canopy!"

So the bartender poors him a Miller Lite.

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broom bride joke

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

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Lucky jew.

A really old jew won the lottery. There's a little ceremony where they hand him a large check containing many zero's. His asked to give a little speech and so he does. "First I want to thank my wife for standing by me even when times were hard. I want to thank my children who take so good care of us now we're a little older. I want to thank my cleaning lady and my gardener. I want to thank... bla bla bla. And finally I want to thank adolf hitler. Thank you good night." Everybody was in shock ranging from a little to a lot. Finally his son asks: "Daddy why would even consider thanking hitler? Let alone actually doing it." To wich the old jew replied: "for those lucky numbers on my arm!"

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best ceremony jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about ceremony. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty ceremony gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these ceremony jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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