Ceremonial Jokes
101 ceremonial jokes and hilarious ceremonial puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ceremonial that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ceremonial Short Jokes
Short ceremonial jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ceremonial humour may include short jokes also.
- Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies? Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.
- Two slices of bread got married. The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.
- My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
- Two antennae get married on a roof The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was *amazing*!
- Right now, my wife has a smoking hot bod... The ash scattering ceremony starts at 2:00 PM.
- I made my wife's dreams come true and we were married in a castle. But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around during the ceremony.
- Did you guys hear about the two cellphone towers that got married? It was a nice ceremony, but the reception was *amazing.*
- 2 antennas met on a roof. They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible!
- Millions of people tuned in attentively to the world's best music last night. And everyone at the Grammy's were able to too after the ceremony was over.
- Two satellite dishes met on a roof... They hit it off and decided to get married. The ceremony was boring but the reception was great!
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Ceremonial One Liners
Which ceremonial one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ceremonial? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Two antennas got married. Wedding ceremony was a disaster. But reception was really good.
- I once went to a Japanese Tea ceremony... It was steeped in tradition.
- If grandmas had an award ceremony, what would it be called? The Grammy's
- Why did not Kane assisted to the world cup final ceremony? He is coming home
- Which animal only feasts during Islamic ceremonies? A Mosqueato.
- I don't like graduation ceremonies. Too much circumstantial pomp.
- Ceremonial magic isn't about making magic. It's about making magic take all day.
- What do you call a ceremony for calling forth the spirit of a singer? A Seyonce.
- Did you hear about the midgets who got married? It was a small ceremony.
- I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- My cat had a beautiful ceremony. RIP in box.
- A wedding A wedding is a ceremony where a man loses control of himself.
- What is said at the conclusion of a lesbian marriage ceremony? You may fist the bride
- Did you hear about the swear word ranking ceremony? s**... went down
- I'm not in favor of s**... before marriage disrupts the ceremony
Ceremonial Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ceremonial you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ceremonial pranks.
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've 3 aunts and 4 uncles in any ceremony of wedding they mention me : "oh , Bill you are enough grown up , the next time will be your turn."
I also in payoff on f**... days tell them: "Woo you are enough old I hope next time would be your turn!"
Johny is the first day in jail in the cell with one mighty and a crazy prisoner and this crazy prisoner tells Johny: "You probably do not know that on the first day must every new prisoner must pass over the so-called welcome´s ceremonial. Ok, so I ask you directly. Do you want it with cream or without the cream?"
Johny says: "I want it with creme, of course."
The crazy prisoner yells and says: "Cremo, come here, please."
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Why did the orange fleshed melon have to have a traditional marriage ceremony?
Obviously because it Cantelope.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For anyone attending Stan Lee's f**......
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.
I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
I can't describe how disappointed I am...
...that the Congo weren't in single file in the Olympic Opening Ceremony
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy sees that his pet turtle isn't moving...
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," wailed the little boy to his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
His mom said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in a tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a lovely burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for a yummy big ice cream, and then get you a great new pet, like a puppy!" Just then, she noticed the turtle move. "Look! Your turtle isn't dead after all!"
"Oh," said the little boy, "can we kill it?"
After performing a marriage ceremony, the Rabbi gave some advice to the newlyweds.
"The first ten years are always the hardest," said the Rabbi.
"How many years have you been married?" They asked.
"Ten years," the Rabbi replied.
A couple of TV antennas...
got married, the ceremony was a little boring, but the reception was great!
Two antennas met on a rooftop...
...they fell in love and got married. I heard the ceremony was pretty average... but the reception was excellent!
Two TV antennas were just married.
The ceremony was nothing special, but the reception was great.
Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony?
Because he was out standing in his field.
What is the worst joke you have ever Heard?
I'll start it off: Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A bit different, this isn't a joke, but I have an idea for a joke
Basically, in the joke, there's a bride and a groom, and they are planning their wedding. The bride leaves the groom at the altar, and the ceremony goes off *without a hitch*
How can I word this joke to make it the most effective?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During the Oscar Ceremony
While awarding the Oscar the anchorman suddenly f**... and Orlando Bloom had thought that his name was announced as the winner
There once was a pastor who was in support of gay rights, but refused to preform gay marriage ceremonies.
People kept asking him, "If you like gay people so much, why don't you marry them?"
How do people finish graduating from a Journalist school? They have to answer one last question. That question is "how do you do an excellent article?"
And the graduate answers "well, I think you press ctrl-c."
"Yes, go on," says the teacher.
"Then you press ctrl-v," says the graduate.
Five minutes later it's the graduation ceremony.
Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy?
They wanted to give credit where credit was due.
What do you call an award ceremony for the latest and greatest software developments?
The Programmys
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is it wrong
Is it wrong to have s**... before you're married?
Only if it make you late to the ceremony.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man passes away...
A man passes away and his f**... is set to be held in his hometown where one of his sons lives. The other, a wealthy businessman, unfortunately can't make it to the ceremony so instead he offers to pay for the entire thing. A few months later, the businessman is looking over his finances and notices a recurring bill of $120 a month. Confused, he called up his brother and asks him if he knows anything about it.
"Oh yeah" the brother replies. "Dad always wanted to go out in style so we rented him a tuxedo"
My son said he was touched by the priest at todays religious service
I was there too, it was a beautiful ceremony
You know The Bachelorette producers have run out of ideas when they say
Phuket for the final rose ceremony.
Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem
One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'
Four nuns about to take their vows..
Four novice nuns were about to take their vows.
Dressed in their white gowns, they entered the chapel for their symbolic marriage to Jesus, making them "Brides of Christ."
Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews came in and sat in the front row.
The Mother Superior said, "I am so honored you want to share this experience with us. May I ask why you came?"
"We're from the groom's family."
The inauguration ceremony should be like the olympics.
They can play the US national anthem, then the Russian one.
Donald Trump had a record amount of religious leaders participate in his inaugural ceremony including: a priest, a deacon, and....
one hundred million people saying "god help us"
Roger Goodell must be drunk after last night from...
all the boos from the Patriots' fans during the post game ceremonies.
Hear about the two antennae that got married?
The ceremony was awful
But the reception was out of this world.
Reception
-An antenna and a satellite dish meet on a roof. The get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
My nephew had a cellphone wedding...
The ceremony was great but the reception was terrible.
Ba dum tss
Ceremony presenter: "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...."
The audience, in unison: "DID YOU JUST ASSUME OUR GENDERS?!"
Why is the bride on the left in a wedding ceremony?
Because after the marriage she is always right.
Marriage ceremonies are a lot shorter in Texas
Because the wife doesn't have to change her surname.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I do." "I know."
The priest cleared his t**... disapprovingly:
"Mister Solo, you need to say the words so we can end the ceremony."
I was at a scholarship ceremony, and after listening to awards given for diversity, I left the room, crying. When someone asked me if I was okay, I responded....
"I'm all-white."
The Academy Awards have introduced a new category for the upcoming Oscars ceremony.
"Best Acting for shocked response to Weinstein revelations" is full of very competitive entries .
What did renowned Little Shop of Horrors fan, Queen Elizabeth, say to Patrick Stewart at his knighting ceremony?
Kneel, Patrick Stewart.
Why is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in New York City, when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is located in Cleveland?
Because the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is located in Cleveland
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... couple are getting married
Shortly after the ceremony, the priest announces 'those who wish to shoot their guns in celebration, please do so now or forever hold your piece".
What did the South Korean flag holder say to the North Korean holder after the ceremony?
Hey, let's grab some lunch! I bet you're starving!
TIL There's a huge, televised award ceremony for coke dealers held every year...
They call it the grammies
A cyber security conference hired Céline Dion to perform at their opening ceremony.
She sang her new song... "Can beauty come out of hashes"
Hopefully I will win the Biggest Improvement award at the anger management ceremony.
The competition is fierce.
On the day I got married, at the ceremony, I stood up and tapped my glass for everyone to be silent.
I held up a fruit and said nothing, scanning the crowd for any sign of pleasure.
All I got was a series of blank expressions, and I could feel my animosity growing as I searched each person, then the next.
"What's wrong with you all?" I finally shouted. "I thought you guys would love my wedding's peach!"
What's the name of the ceremony where really prideful Hebrews get circumcised?
The Hu-Bris
Army vs. Navy
An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.
Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.
Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'
The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'
Why didn't the flat-earther accept his award at the ceremony?
He didn't believe in golden globes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen leave a f**...
One says to the other, "It was a beautiful ceremony." "Twas", says the other. First says, "When I pass, would you pour a bottle of good Irish whiskey over my grave?" "Of course", says the second, "but would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?"
After 72 years since not completing her college course, my Grandma finally went back and earned her very first diploma...
...I asked her what will she be wearing for her graduation ceremony and she said depends.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke that only Jews will get.
A Jewish man is getting married to a nonreligious woman. His religion is important to him so she agrees to have a Jewish wedding. The ceremony goes well, and all that's left is for the groom to break the glass. He steps on the glass, and it breaks in such a way that it slices his foot right through the shoe. He's bleeding badly.
The bride screams "Oh no he's hurt! Is anyone here a doctor?"
The Queen of England had a gift for a man who would soon be knighted. She insisted that he be given the gift at the ceremony but told her staff to keep it a secret.
She wanted it to be a Sir Prize.
My ex wife is getting remarried and they invited me to be in the wedding ceremony...
They want me to be the worst man.
So two melons went to their local church and tried to get married.
...however, the preacher would not perform the ceremony. Then they ran away together and contacted a Justice of the Peace, but he wouldn't marry them either. When they asked why, he simply exclaimed, "cantalope".
True Rosh Hashanah story
This is an actual conversation between my non-Jewish friend and his Jewish wife many years ago, before his first time going to High Holiday services:
Husband: So, can you tell me what to expect at Rosh Hashanah services?
Wife: It's a great ceremony. The best part is when they blow the shofar!
H: I'll drive.
Probably 30 years later and it still makes me laugh. And they're still together.
Don't let this election distract you...
From the fact that Slytherin blew a 472 to 312 point lead to Gryffindor for the House Cup during the trophy presentation ceremony at Hogwarts back in 1992.
Chester was really happy, he was about to meet the Queen.
He had been a physics prodigy hailing from a small town in England, and had just been selected to be Knighted by the Queen of England.
After the ceremony, his best friend remarked to him:
"Man, Chester, you Knighted!"
The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh
The recent death of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of the time that Prince Charles went to open a school in Brixton in London. The Prince's speech went well, but people were distracted by his headwear, which was a Davey Crockett-type hat made from fox fur, with the fox's tail hanging down at the back. After the ceremony the headmaster thanked Charles and said, "I couldn't help noticing what you were wearing on your head ...?"
"Ah yes", said Charles, "That was Daddy's idea. He asked where I was going today, then he said 'Brixton? Wear the fox hat'".
Two professors were at an award ceremony.
An interviewer approached them.
"Sorry to ask but everyone has been wondering, which one of you is cleverer?"
The first professor smiled modestly.
"I don't want to boast. But i also don't want to be dishonest...."
The second professor interrupted
"And yet you've managed to do both!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why cant you trust Italians at an award ceremony?
They've been known to rig a Tony
A big bar chain opened a bar on Mount Everest.
Naturally a lot of people were really excited to be able to have a few drinks in the highest place in the world.
There was a lot of buzz and excitement about this new bar but when it came to opening day. The opening ceremony was poor, the drinks tasted bad and the service was terrible.
Everyone was bitterly disappointed that the bar did meet their expectations.
A lesson was learnt that day by the owners of the Everest Bar.
Don't set the bar so high.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A f**... service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"