Ceo Jokes
120 ceo jokes and hilarious ceo puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ceo that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of jokes that will make you laugh out loud. If you're looking for a good laugh, then this is the article for you.
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Funniest Ceo Short Jokes
Short ceo jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ceo humour may include short company president jokes also.
- What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant? an imPASTA!
- Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
- The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning. They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.
*I have to be factually correct. - I asked 7 CEOs what's the secret to your success? , and they all said the same thing: How did you get in my house?
- I saw on the news that the CEOs of T-mobile and Sprint got married last weekend. Great wedding, terrible reception.
- My dad works for a company that focuses on the health of the lower 3/4 of the body, and yesterday he just became the CEO. Now he's the Head of Shoulders, Knees, and Toes!
- CEO Brian Krzanich sold his stock, and it might be considered insider trading... You could say he had certain Intel about the situation.
This could turn into a total Meltdown. - CEO asks the VP: Hey, have you been boning my new secretary? VP says: No! .
CEO: Good, then YOU fire her. - An unhinged neurosurgeon, a tech CEO, and a Southern baptist preacher walk into a bar... they all ask for your vote
- McDonald's fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm He's their CIEIO
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Ceo One Liners
Which ceo one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ceo? I can suggest the ones about business owner and exec.
- CEO of IKEA is now the Prime Minister of Sweden He is currently assembling his cabinet.
- What is Samsung CEO's favorite movie Total recall
- Jeff Bezos stepped down as CEO of Amazon. Quit when he was in his Prime.
- The CEO of AT&T just got married... The service was okay, but the reception was terrible.
- What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS? They both hate the French press
- Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year? He's leaving of his own accord.
- What's the title of audi CEO? Lord of the Rings.
- What kind of piano songs does the Nike CEO play? Just duets
- The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies They are always so twisted.
- The CEO of Comcast dies and goes to heaven...
- Why was the vampire removed as CEO? He couldn't appeal to the stakeholders.
- If the Amazon CEO had a pill addiction, what should his nickname be? Jeff Benzos
- I quit my job as CEO at the pc fan factory They needed a cooler master
- Mr. CEO, how many people work at your company?? Mehhh...on a good day? About half.
- What is Apple's CEO's favourite TV show? Lost
Ceo Meaning Jokes
Here is a list of funny ceo meaning jokes and even better ceo meaning puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Can somebody explain to me the uproar over the CEO editing posts? I mean... what part of Chief Editing Officer don't these people understand?
- Last week, the CEO of Planters Peanuts rented an entire Greyhound bus to ship 1 prototype peanut across the country. What does that mean he did? He bussed a nut
Howlingly Hilarious Ceo Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about ceo you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chairman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ceo pranks.
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four guys are playing golf together and talking about how successful their sons are.
The first says, "My son is so successful, he's VP of his company and just gave his best friend a car. "
The second says, " That's nothing, my son is CEO of his company and just gave his best friend a house."
The third says, "Well, my son owns 3 highly profitable companies and just gave his best friend a jet."
They look expectantly at the last guy who says, "My son is a gay e**... who gets showered with love and admiration. He just got a car, a house, and a jet from three of his clients."
Then Ok!
Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No."
Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*
\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*
Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates: "No."
Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Then ok!"
\*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. \*\*
Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank."
President: "No!"
Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates."
President: "Then OK."
So the CEO of EA walks into a bar..
"I'll have a beer" he says, exasperated from the recent PR firestorm.
"That'll be $1" answers the barman.
"Woah" replies the CEO, "That's great value!"
"Sure is." the barman replies. "Would you like a glass with that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Metamucil changes its name to Facebookmucil
CEO admits the move was difficult, since both firms deliver c**....
A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
CEO comes up and asks his salary.
The man replies - $1000
The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !
The man leaves.
The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?
They reply - a pizza delivery man.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men get paid more than women because they choose high paying careers like doctor, engineer, and CEO
Women pick low paying careers like woman doctor, woman engineer, or woman CEO
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear that the Apple CEO announced he was gay?
The next day the Samsung CEO also announced he was gay and waterproof.
How Politics Really Works
I told my son, "You will marry the girl I choose."
He said, "No."
I told him, "She is Bill Gates daughter."
He said, "Yes."
I called Bill Gates and said, "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates said, "No."
I told Bill Gates, "My son is the C.E.O. of World Bank."
Bill Gates said, "Okay."
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the C.E.O.
He said, "No."
I told him, "My son is Bill Gates son-in-law."
He said, "Okay.
This is exactly how politics works.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A janitor, a security guard, and a CEO are sitting at table with a dozen Twinkies.
The CEO grabs 11 Twinkies for himself, turns to the security guard and says: "Watch out for the janitor, he wants part of your t**...."
The CEO of Ryanair, walks into a pub...
Michael O'Leary, the CEO of Ryanair, walks into a pub.
The he says to the bartender "Can I have a pint of beer?"
The bartender says "Certainly, that'll be €0.50"
He responds with "50 cents? That's wonderfully cheap!"
But then the bartender tells him "And it'll be €1 for the glass, €3 if you want to sit down, €7 if you stand up, €15 to use the loo... "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the pirate CEO say to his crew?
Argh you have to work harder! Our **sail** are down!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After record breaking single day sales at Chic-Fil-a amid the same s**... controversy
today CEO of Jack in the Box Ted Fuller said he "hates Jews and Mexicans."
An Engineer, Vice-President, and CEO are on the Golf Course...
The engineer hits the ball into the woods and says "No problem, I'll go get it."
The Vice-President then hits the ball into the woods and says "No problem, I'll have the engineer go get it."
The CEO then hits the ball into the woods and says "Have the engineer go get it, and then fire him. He should have warned us that might happen."
A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies...
A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies.
The CEO takes 19 cookies, then whispers to the American employee, "Watch out, I think that Mexican is going to try and take your cookie!"
The CEO of Coca-Cola calls Vladimir Putin.
Mr Putin! I noticed you've changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the colors of your flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you'd put a Coca-Cola logo in the corner, we'd solve all your financial troubles for the next five years.
Putin puts the CEO on hold while he discusses with his generals. Psst, when does our contract with Aquafresh end?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
A teacher is asking her students, what they want to be when they grow up.
Teacher: "How about you, Johnny... what do you want to be when you grow up"?
Johnny: "I wanna be the CEO of a multi-billion tech company... just like my father".
Teacher: "Woww.. that's wonderful. I didn't know your father was the CEO of a tech company".
Johnny: "He's not. But he also wants to be one".
Ooops
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
I didn't see the end of that one coming....Bwaahaa!
Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar...
They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.
A CEO, a union worker and a tea party member sit down at a table ...
The union worker sets out a dozen cookies he baked.
The CEO grabs them all and tells the tea partier that the union member stole his cookie.
I just read a Facebook ad that said "Come in a designer, leave a CEO."
Not sure why they're offering dating advice, but okay.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apple CEO announces he is gay
Samsung CEO announces he is way more gay AND water resistant
Electronic Arts CEO Andrew Wilson has a one night stand.
The woman he was with contacts him soon after to let him know she was pregnant, and wants him to own up to his mistake.
Andrew then replies, "It's not a mistake, it's surprise mechanics."
If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO
A teacher asked her students to write an essay about " what would I do if I were CEO of a company"
She notices one of the kids is just looking out the window. So she askes him "Why are you not writing your essay?"
He answers :"I'm waiting for my secretary to come and type it for me"
The CEO of a dwindling hotel chain shows up in court to save his company from bankruptcy
It was his last resort.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is having an interview at one company
The interview is going quite well, the man is answering the company's CEO questions without any bigger effort. Suddenly, the CEO asks:
- 'what do you think is your biggest weakness?'
- 'Honesty' said the man
- 'Oh! I don't think honesty is a weakness at all' replied the CEO
- 'Listen, I simply don't give a f**k about what you think'
Why was the Chinese CEO unable to leave Canada?
Because somewhere along the road she lost Huawei.
The CEO of a large cooperation was giving advice to a junior executive.
"I was young, married and out of work," he lectured. "I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them and sold them for ten cents each."
"I see," said the junior executive. "You kept reinvesting your money and grew a big business."
"No," said the CEO. "Then my wife's father died and left me a fortune."
The computer was claimed to answer anything correctly.
But the CEO didn't believe it, so he asked "Where's my father right now?". The computer beeped and whirred for a few seconds, and spat out "Your father is fishing in Canada". The CEO joyfully chortled "See, your computer isn't always right, my father died when I was 10 years old!" The computer spat out "Your mothers husband died 25 years ago. Your father just landed an 8 pound trout."
Line in heaven
A woman dies and finds herself in a line to get into heaven. As she nears St Peter she hears him asking people
"Please tell me how much money you made and what you did on earth"
Two people ahead if her she heard "I made 2 million a year and I was a CEO"
The person in front of her said "I made 180 thousand a year and I was an electrician"
When she got there she said "I made 12 thousand a year.. "
St Peter asked "and what instrument did you play?"
The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.
Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......
0% interest
The CEO proudly said that he did "it" 7 times with his wife on his wedding night many years back.
The General Manager next to him said he did it 6 times before going to sleep on 1st night.
All turned towards a fresher Clerk & asked how many times did he do it on his wedding night.
The Clerk replied: Only once Sir!
The CEO laughed n asked WHY?
The Clerk replied: My wife wasn't used to it Sir!
Today the clerk received all dues after termination.
Why was the CEO of Subway distraught when his teenage daughter walked around with a brand new pearl necklace?
She went to Jared's
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Now that he's divorced, what does Amazon's CEO do when he's feeling lonely?
Jeff pays h**....
Applied pressure
Doctor: You're going to feel a bit of pressure, OK?
Patient: Ok
Doctor: Your younger sister is the founder of CEO of a multi-million dollar company and owns a house while you work as a cashier at McDonalds and live with your parents
McCormick spices are at a huge risk
The company has a lot of intellectual property with its CEO, if he were to say fall down the stairs and die,
It would be a season-ending injury
Team lunch at the steakhouse
To celebrate the close of a good fiscal year, the company's CEO takes his team of accountants out for a fancy lunch.
The waiter comes by and asks, "Are you ready to order?"
"Yes. I'll have the steak," says the CEO.
"Very good, sir," says the waiter, "and for your vegetables?"
"Oh, they'll have steak too," replies the CEO.
What do you say when an oil company CEO wakes up to a tweet saying that he's fired?
Crude Awakening!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a female United CEO?
A drag queen
Ed Christie, CEO of Spirit Airlines, walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender Can I have a draft beer?"
The bartender says "Sure thing. That'll be .50¢"
He replies "50 cents? That's really cheap!"
The bartender looks up and finishes with ."....and it'll be $3 for the glass, $4 if you just stand, $8 if you want to sit down, and $3 each time to use the restroom"
A man ask his wife to tell him how many time she cheated on him when he dies.
The wife accepts.
3 weeks later, the man fakes his death to see his wife reaction.
Wife: Babe, like I promised I'm going to tell you the truth. I only cheated on you twice. Once to get you that job at the bank and the second time to get you that promotion to director.
The man stands up immediately after hearing this.
Man: Honey, can you make me CEO?
The United CEO, the Pepsi head of marketing, and Sean Spicer walk into a bar.
The bar bursts into flames.
Soda joke
Why was the CEO of Pepsi fired?
They caught him with an ounce of coke in his system.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm happy the CEO of Toys-R-Us died
After all, he who dies with the most toys wins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The CEO of a big company got abducted...
The abductors released a message through the PA system:
"Prepare ten million by noon or we burn him alive!"
The employees frantically decided to gather, and one proposed to pitch in together in order to help out.
Some pitched in five litres, some pitched in ten.
The E.E.P.A levies charges against Franck Riboud, CEO of Evian, for tapping into protected aquifers in the Swiss Alps.
I guess he's in haute water now!
The chairman of Perdue Chicken goes to the Vatican to meet the pope.
Jim Perdue, CEO of Perdue Chicken, goes to the Vatican to meet the pope. He says "Pope Francis, it is an honor to meet you. As you know, I am a devoted Catholic, and I'm bringing a generous donation today - 2 million dollars - and in return I simply ask you hear a proposal."
Pope Francis says, "yes, of course."
Jim Perdue says "I propose you change all references of bread to chicken. For example, 'Give us this day out daily chicken.' And instead of bread-based Eucharist, you could give chicken nuggets."
Pope Francis says, "sir, that is really not a feasible proposal."
Perdue says, "tell you what, I'll donate the $2 million no strings attached, but if you implement my proposal, I'll donate another $20 million."
The Pope merely thanks him and leaves the room.
The next day, at a meeting with his cardinals, the pope says, "Exalted cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church... we need to discuss the Wonderbread account."
Tim Cook was just named as the new CEO of Ford, and I for one am really excited!
Now everyone will have the chance to buy a Ford-Apple car
Uber
Now that Uber doesn't have a CEO, COO, CFO or CTO, they may finally qualify as a self-driving car company.
A guy is at Chick-Fil-A
When all of a sudden Tinker Bell shows up. He goes to a worker and says, "Wow, you guys have fairies in here?"
The worker then says, "No, our CEO doesn't like it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn has gotten off pretty lucky...
The last German who tried to gas that many people had to commit s**...!
What does Chick-fil-A and their CEO have in common?
Both hate when people stick beef between two buns.
Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies?
I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest.
The CEO of Google was late to a press conference scheduled for 4:00...
4:04 Page not found.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when You cross the ceo of Facebook and a d**... believed to have s**... with sleeping men?
Mark zuccubus
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a girl's favourite position?
CEO.
Dress for the job you want, not the one you have, they said.
I'd like to be a CEO, but I'm afraid to wear a dark suit like my uncle did, in his coffin.
The company next door had to close after losing all customers and their new CEO was fired
Apparently Open House is not the thing to do for someone specialized in security services
The Ikea corporation was found not guilty yesterday for assassinating a rival companies CEO.
While there were several damning pieces of evidence, the detectives couldn't seem to put the case together.
