The Best 58 Century Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Century jokes. There are some century millenia jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these century millennia puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Century Jokes and Puns
As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"
I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
The plastic straw bans now happening in many cities were predicted by a 16th Century prophet.
His name was No-straw-damus.
I learned that 17th century French royalty depleted their treasury...
I guess you could say they were baroque.
In the 18th century, a hopeful Asian laborer landed in America and went straight to the employment office.
He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.
It was a Thai.
Why does the Buick Century have that name?
It's the average age of someone who drives one.
The Hot-Headed Doctor (a 4th century joke taken from the oldest recorded joke book, The Philogelos).
Consulting a hotheaded doctor, a fellow says, "Professor, I'm unable to lie down or stand up; I can't even sit down!" The doctor responds: "I guess the only thing left is to hang yourself."
21st Century
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."
I can tell you, that friggin' fly never knew what hit it ...
19th century monarchy humor, anyone?
So Otto von Habsburg walks into a sports bar, sees a game on, and asks the bartender who's playing. "Austria and Hungary," he replies. Otto: "Yeah, who are they playing against?"
What hangs at a man's thigh and is meant to be stuck into a hole all the time?
A key.
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This joke was found to have been made in *tenth century England.*
Condom origins
Did you know the condom was invented in a small village in wales in the 12th century. They thought it would be a good idea to use the lower intestine of a sheep to stop their wives becoming pregnant.
Of course, in the 1350's, the English improved on the idea. They took the lower intestine out of the sheep before they used it.
Oldest known British Joke from 10th century AD.
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
A key
You can explore century fifties reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean century renaissance dad jokes. There are also century puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Where does a 19th century Russian imperialist get his coffee?
Tsarbucks.
There's a special running course around the White House.
Every president does this before they leave office, and records their times in a special book dating back to the early 19th century. Obama recently completed it, knowing he had to get it done before January. He did 9:25 and was quite pleased with it. He wondered if he had set the record, but then he found out that Bush did 9:11.
What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?
No, seriously, I want to know.
The Arabs invented a time machine.
It's called Islam. It can take any civilization back to the 7th century.
My girlfriend made me watch a movie with her about how women struggled during their menstrual cycles in the 18th century.
It was a period piece
In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers
People stopped at nothing to avoid them
In the 15th century the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
On Sunday November 6th, USA will move an hour back ...
... and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.
I was visiting my daughter last night and asked if I could borrow the newspaper...
"This is the 21st Century". She said
"We don't waste money on newspapers, here use this iPad."
All I can tell you is this.
That fly never knew what hit him.
People call me the most disoriented U-boat captain of the 20th century...
Oops wrong sub.
Which is the shortest century?
The twenty-second century.
Turning water into wine is so first century.
If Jesus wants my attention now, he'd do better turning my liberal arts degree into something useful.
Sunny day with my gf.
I ask honey if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
She is right, I kill the son of b* in one shot.
I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly...
...and as you can see, they were Wright
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole it has often poked before?
**A key**.
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*Not OC. Rumored to be first joke recorded in 10th century A.D.*
The most difficult, complex, confusing, controversial, enraging, emotional, and thought provoking question of the 21st century....
Are you male or female?
I asked my dad to borrow a newspaper. "We don't waste paper in the 21st century, here use my iPad" he said
I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him...
What do you call a 15th century Renaissance painter who is also a crab?
Leonardo da Pinci
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
Answer: A key.
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house.
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century! The boy sagged in relief: Oh, good that it wasn't new.
Decade: 10 years
Century: 100 years
Millennium: 1000 years
Together forever: 8 months!!!!!!
In honor of Father's day, a dad joke
There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.
He'll be Bach
I asked my son if I could have the phone book. He laughed, shook his head: "You're so last century!", and handed me his mobile.
Long story short: the spider is now dead, son's phone is smashed and son is distraught.
I used to think that Boris Johnson getting corona must be the irony of the century.
However, it just got trumped.
What did the 18th century European say when he checked his bank account?
"Oh no! I'm baroque!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he was going to attend the 18th century composer costume party.
He said, Yes, I'll be Bach .
A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink.
A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink. "Having a bad day?", the barkeep asks. "I guess you could say so. I just accidently time travelled back into the 20th century." "Really? What did you change?" "Oh heavens, nothing! I just went straight back to the present. Do you know how dangerous time travel is? Who knows what I might have changed if I hadn't been so careful. I might have caused a second world war."
Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st century.
They're millennial falcons.
Did you know that the very first condoms were invented by the Welsh, using sheep intestines?
But it wasn't until the 19th century that the English perfected it by removing it from the sheep first
World's oldest joke found in a 10th century book of anglo-saxon poetry :
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that's it's often poked before?
A key....
What do you call a constipated British detective from the 19th century?
No shit Sherlock
An old man and his grand daughter were sitting together in a room
The grandfather says to his grand daughter;
' Susie, get me a newspaper, will ya'
The grand daughter says;
' Oh grandpa you are such a boring boomer, it's the 21st century we normal human beings use phones now'. 'Here take my phone', she hands over her phone to the old man.
The grandfather then takes her phone and throws it at the spider sitting on the wall
A man walks into a bar and asks for a job.
The owner asks him What makes you think you're qualified for a job here?
The man replies: Sir, when my father was young he killed a man named Bartholomew. His father, in his youth, also killed a man named Bartholomew. His father did the same, and his father, and his father, all the way to the 18th century.
The owner is shocked and confused: Dear God, but what does that have to do with the job?
The man replied: I'm trying to say I come from a long line of Bart enders.
What's the difference between a 19th Century shipwright and a 21st Century fan fic writer?
One tries to fit as many cannons as they can onto a ship. The other tries to fit as many ships as they can into canon.
How do you make Turkish coffee?
You grind up 1.5 million Armenian coffee beans and lie about it for a century.
Most falcons live to be 12 - 15 years old. That means falcons born in the 21st century are…
Millennial falcons.
Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…
Millennium Falcons
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced today that he'll be starring in a new movie about a 18th century composer
When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"
What's the most remarkable invention of the last century?
The whiteboard.
Keeping up with the times
I went round to my sons' house and whilst we were sitting having a cup of tea, I said: "Son, can I borrow your newspaper?"
"Dad, this is the 21st Century", he replied, "We save money by not buying newspapers. But if you like you can have my iPad."
I'll tell you, that spider got squished real good...
What do Peter the Great and Vladimir Putin have in common?
They both lead Russia to the 18th century.
I hate this new king, my landlord is ripping me to starvation and i might freeze this winter.
Gildford from 13 th century
What do you call 12th century guitar music transcribed into a computer format?
Midieval.
Van Gogh masterpiece defaced by Just Stop Oil activists in London.
A spokesman for the group said, 'We will not rest until all 19th century painters switch to acrylics or watercolours.'
Charles Schulz died as one of the richest Americans of the 20th century
despite the fact he got his start making Peanuts.
AN old man asks to borrow his son's newspaper
The son points out that this is the 21st century, and nobody wastes money on newspapers anymore. He lends his dad his iPad instead.
That spider never knew what hit him.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the century era puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working century occident piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
