I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
A key!
This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
...and as you can see, they were Wright
"This is the 21st Century". She said
"We don't waste money on newspapers, here use this iPad."
All I can tell you is this.
That fly never knew what hit him.
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."
I can tell you, that friggin' fly never knew what hit it ...
... and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.
Did you know the condom was invented in a small village in wales in the 12th century. They thought it would be a good idea to use the lower intestine of a sheep to stop their wives becoming pregnant.
Of course, in the 1350's, the English improved on the idea. They took the lower intestine out of the sheep before they used it.
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
A key
Every president does this before they leave office, and records their times in a special book dating back to the early 19th century. Obama recently completed it, knowing he had to get it done before January. He did 9:25 and was quite pleased with it. He wondered if he had set the record, but then he found out that Bush did 9:11.
People stopped at nothing to avoid them
A vagabond in 18th century England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."
He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.
"Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" she shouted again.
The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"
Oops wrong sub.
In 18th century America, a schoolteacher decides that he's sick and tired of teaching spelling and grammar to children all day. So he quits his job, sells his house, and plans to become a pirate. He goes down the harbor to buy a boat and hire a crew. Once his crew is ready, they head out onto the high seas, with the captain/former teacher at the helm.
As they sail, they spy a merchant ship on the horizon and start chasing it. As they catch up, the captain tells the first mate to command the crew to start priming the cannons. The first mate sends the message down and the crew readies the cannonballs, prepares the gunpowder, and takes aim at the merchant ship. The first mate runs back up to the helm and says "captain, the cannons be ready!"
The captain turns to the first mate and says "are!"
No, seriously, I want to know.
Credit where credit's due - I got these from Sickipedia. I'm brand new here but I gather these would be appreciated...
*
I certainly enjoyed the opening ceremony which displayed the history of the early 20th century Britain.
I can't wait until the games are held in Germany.
*
So in the Olympic Opening Ceremony, British athletes can walk behind a bloke carrying the Union Jack and everyone cheers...
...But when the BNP do it it's frowned upon.
*
My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"
After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:
"Chinese," I replied.
*
I'm entering the Masturbation Tournament in the Olympics this year.
Very stiff competition though.
*
As I watched the woman's football today, my wife proudly quipped, "This just shows you how far the Olympics have come, women excelling at men's sports. What do you think this means?"
I don't think "22 blokes are forced to get a take-away tonight" was the answer she was looking for.
*
Well done Danny Boyle. Nothing says "London" better than youths setting fire to stuff.
*
7 years the London Olympics have been in the making.
Never has it taken so long for a large number of foreigners to enter the country.
It's called Islam. It can take any civilization back to the 7th century.
I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him...
Tsarbucks.
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half- century age difference.
On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12 inch erection, and he was carrying ear plugs and a pair of nose plugs.
Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, What are those for?
The old man replied, There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming… and the smell of burning rubber!
He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.
It was a Thai.
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?
Answer: A key.
I guess you could say they were baroque.
So Otto von Habsburg walks into a sports bar, sees a game on, and asks the bartender who's playing. "Austria and Hungary," he replies. Otto: "Yeah, who are they playing against?"
The twenty-second century.
I ask honey if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
She is right, I kill the son of b* in one shot.
I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
Century: 100 years
Millennium: 1000 years
Together forever: 8 months!!!!!!
Consulting a hotheaded doctor, a fellow says, "Professor, I'm unable to lie down or stand up; I can't even sit down!" The doctor responds: "I guess the only thing left is to hang yourself."
**A key**.
--
*Not OC. Rumored to be first joke recorded in 10th century A.D.*
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century! The boy sagged in relief: Oh, good that it wasn't new.
It's the average age of someone who drives one.
It was a period piece
Are you male or female?
A key.
----------
This joke was found to have been made in *tenth century England.*
Then in the next century, Europeans took the invention to the next level. They took the intestines out of the goat.
Leonardo da Pinci
If Jesus wants my attention now, he'd do better turning my liberal arts degree into something useful.
Because I like to dress up as a 12th century Viking Warrior when I work out.
Pier-to-pier
His name was No-straw-damus.
Oppressionist
Because he was Baroque.
But I just Kant.
Now we just see it as groundbreaking.
It's a bayou tapas-tree.
He asked how many children she had.
Six, she answered.
Here is a sixpence for them, he responded, handing her a coin.
No, sir, she said proudly, I will not sell my children.
It's easier to control the arsenic.
Because synthetic cotton is more popular.
A burgeoning blunderbuss broker braved and bore the brunt of a bludgeoning to the brain.
Bartender asks how are you going to pay for that?
Peter Paul Rubens says put it on my tab. I'm baroque.
to the 7th century.
It was riveting.
Get Offa me
The Carpe DM
19th century:
"She loves me, she loves me not..."
20th century:
"She'll sleep with me, she won't..."
21st century:
"I'm a man, I'm a woman..."
Baroque Obama.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Century? Well, here are the best Century puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Century pick up lines to share with friends.