The Best 62 Cents Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cents jokes. There are some cents pence jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cents tuppence puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cents Jokes and Puns

A sad looking man walks into a bar

And orders three shots. He knocks them back one after the other and orders another three.

The bartender says "I've never seen anyone drink like that"

The man replies "you'd drink like this if you had what I've got"

This continues twice more, shots, never seen it, you would if you had what I've got.

After the fifteenth shot the bartender asks "I've got to know, what have you got?"

The man grins wide and shouts "twenty cents!" he slaps the coins on the bar and bolts out the door.

Let's change things up a bit.

I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.

A Russian family moves to America...

...but they can't pay their rent, so the husband says to his wife, "You must go out and sell your body." The wife does and comes back two hours later. The husband asks, "How much did you make?" The wife replies, "50 dollars and 10 cents." The husband asks out of curiosity, "Who gave you the ten cents?" The wife says, "They ALL did."

Cents joke, A Russian family moves to America...

Guy walks into a bar. (yes another one)

Guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of tequila "line em up".
Guy starts slamming the shots one after the other.
Bartender says "Hey, slow down buddy!"
Guy says "No way, If you had what I had you'd be drinkin' this fast too."
Bartender says "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. What have you got?"
Guy takes another shot and says " Oh, about 75 cents."

Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.


Why would you never rip a dollar in half?

Because it doesn't make any cents.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, clothe, school, and inoculate for 75 cents a day.

Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

Cents joke, I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, clothe, school, and inoculate for 75 cents a day.

What concert can you see for 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring Nickleback.

Lemonade

A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"

"This one has the antidote."

This poor old lady slipped and fell on the ice today.....

at least I think she was poor she only had 75 cents in her purse.

A young boy wants to buy a tomato...

He approaches the farmer with his few pennies and asks how much that nice, red, juicy tomato would cost. The farmer replies, "35 cents."

Appearing dismayed, the child wanders down the rows of vines and finds a small, green, unappetizing tomato.

"How much for this little one, here?" he timidly asked.

"Hehe. 3 cents" the farmer replied with a chuckle.

"Great!" the boy exclaimed as he handed over his coins. "I'll be back next week to pick it up."

You can explore cents currency reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cents cent dad jokes. There are also cents puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Football with a blonde girlfriend

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Once I had a machine that made counterfeit pennies.

I regret it now, but it made a lot of cents at the time.

A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."

Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."

The monk then pulls out a pistol from his robe and shoots the vendor. After this, he states "I have found my inner piece."

I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy

He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male prostitute to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.

Me: How much did you make?

Him: I made $250.05.

Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?

Him: Everyone.

A man walks into a bar ...

And proceeds to order a beer. The bartender says, "Sure, that'll be 25 cents please". The man almost spits out his beer in shock.

"Wow, 25 cents! I'll get some chicken wings too!"

The bartender replies, "That'll be 30 cents!"

"Where is the owner", asks the man, "I want to shake his hand!"

"Upstairs with my sister", replies the barkeep.

"Huh, why?", asks the confused costumer.

"He's doing to her, what I'm doing to his bar."

Cents joke, A man walks into a bar ...

An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...

An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."

The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"

She replies, "They all did."

Credit goes to u/umm_umm_

I finally realized I could no longer keep my broken money making machine.

It just didn't make cents.

If I had a dollar for every time Hillary played the Woman Card

...I'd have $0.77 cents.


What concert can you go to for 45 cents?

50 Cent ft. Nickelback

If i had a pound for every 'Brexit' joke on here...

I'd still only have about 5 cents.

WALKS INTO A BAR... FRUGAL GORILLA

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.

The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.

The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either.

If i got 50 cents for every failed math exam,

I'd have $ 6.30 now

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback

Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

If I had a nickel for every time some didn't understand me

I'd make more cents.

If I had 50 cents for every time I got a math problem wrong...

Id have $1.74

The U.S mint stopped making pennies.

I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.

If I had 25 cents for every time I failed my math test

I'd have $5.13

Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.

Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.

My girlfriend was telling me all about the gender wage gap...

It was really informative. I thanked her for her 1.56 cents.

A tempting offer

I was tempted by an offer which read, Sausage Biscuits 2 for $1.00".
"How much is it for one? I asked.
"75 cents , she replied.
"Ok, I'll have the other one".

A man runs into a bar...

He runs up the bartender and says:

"Quick! Pour me 20 shots of your most expensive single malt scotch!"

The bartender hurries and pours the man the 20 shots, and the man quickly takes down each one.

The bartender says: "wow, I've never seen anybody drink that fast!"

The man says: "well you'd drink fast too if you had what I had..."

The bartender says: "oh my God, what is it? What do you have?"

The man says: "Fifty cents."

Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I've invented a machine that prints money.

I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....

It makes no cents.

If I had a penny for every time a girl asked me out..

I'd have 5 cents.

She said if I came back inside her house a sixth time she would call the cops.

What's one nickel minus one nickel?

Wait never mind that makes no cents.

A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your most expensive Scotch."

The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can.

"Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender.

"Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had," the man says.

"Oh my gosh," the bartender says, "What do you have?"

The man replies "50 cents."

If I had 50 cents for every math exam I failed in college...

I would be up to about $6.30 now.

Give me twenty shots of your best single-malt scotch quick!

A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartender "Give me twenty shots of your best single-malt scotch quick!"

The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says "Wow. I never saw anybody put away scotch that fast."

The man says "Well, you would drink as fast as I do if you had what I have."

The bartender says "Oh my god. What is it? What do you have?"

The man looks at him and says "Fifty cents."

If my wife had a dollar for every joke she made about the wage gap...

She would have 77 cents

I have a kid in Africa...

I have a kid in Africa and for only 37 cents a day he has a place to live, plenty of food, and all his shots.

The expensive part was flying him there.

Guy goes into a bar

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.


The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "Only 75 cents."

My buddy is a sex worker and today he came home overjoyed that he made $104.25 that day

I asked, "Wait, who gave you the 25 cents?"

He says, "All of them!"

If I had a nickel for every gender...

I would have 10 cents and a lot of counterfeits.

The Trophy Wife

This guy is so sick of his hot trophy wife always asking for money.



So the next time she comes and asks him for some money he says "I'm not giving you any more money until you make some money for yourself."



So the next day he comes home from work and his wife says "I did it. I made money. I made $230.50!"



He says "Wow. How did you do that?"



She says "Easy: Prostitution."



So now he looks kind of perplexed he says "Who paid 50 cents?"



She says "Everybody!"

I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency

I mean it's just common cents

If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

One quarter." answered little Johnny.

You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

What concert costs just 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

Son: Hey dad, can I borrow ten dollars in Bitcoin?

Dad: Twenty dollars and thirteen cents? Why in God's name do you need to borrow nine dollars and sixty-seven cents?

Did you hear there is a coin shortage in America?

We're running out of common cents

There is a coin shortage in America

They are officially out of Common Cents

A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH

Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?

An old millionaire is asked how he gained his wealth...

He says: "When I was a young man in the middle of the Great Depression, all I had was five cents. With that five cents, I bought an apple, shined and scrubbed it all day, and at the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents. With the ten cents, I bought two apples, scrubbed and shined them all day, and at the end of the day, I sold them for twenty cents. This went on for a week. Then my uncle died and left me twenty million dollars."

It's high time the U.S. government abandoned the penny...

It just doesn't make cents, for it's obsolescent.

The machine at the coin factory stopped working..

It doesn't make any cents!

A man, frantic rushes up to the bar

Gimme twelve shots quick!! He says. The bartender starts pouring them out as the man starts slamming them. After the last shot the bartender says "damn! You sure drank those fast!! The man says "buddy, you'd drink fast too, if you had what I got!" "Jeeze, what do you have bud?" The bartender says. The man says "about 75 cents".

I hate that ATMs don't dispense coins.

It just doesn't make cents.

I needed some change in my life

So I decided to start a coin collection. I know it seems odd but it makes cents to me.

A homeless man called me an idiot, so I told him I was suing for emotional distress.

He told me that I knew he was poor and that I wasn't making any cents.

What's the most logical building in the USA?

The US Mint.. it makes a lot of cents.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cents dollar jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cents nickle piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes