Central Jokes
84 central jokes and hilarious central puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about central that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out what makes Central jokes so funny from cities in Central America, Europe, and Venezuela to Central Michigan University, Central Banker, and Central Vacuole. Learn all about the latest trends in Central Heating to really heat up your jokes.
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Funniest Central Short Jokes
Short central jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The central humour may include short centre jokes also.
- I like my women like I like my coffee. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America.
- I have a friend who really hates living in Central USA. She says she's in a constant state of Missouri.
- A man walks into a bar and orders a Manhattan. The drink comes and he sees a piece of parsley floating in the glass.
"What in the world is this?"
The bartender says, "Central Park." - Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
- What happened when the Borg's central computer was destroyed? They lost their collective minds
- I just aced my philosophy test The question was, "What is the central question of epistemology?" I answered, "How should I know?"
- What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida? Tamper Bay
- TIL Ethiopian warriors conquered part of Central Europe in the 1300s That's why they call it Hungary.
- I Just watched San Andreas yesterday. Completely unbelivable. I mean. The Central Valley was green.
- Sir, I don't think we need the Panama Canal anymore.... Why's that?
Show's all of Central America underwater, including Mexico
See? I told you we need that wall!
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Central One Liners
Which central one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with central? I can suggest the ones about south and continental.
- I played chess with my friend from Central Europe. Czech mate.
- Why do chess players search for love in Central Europe? They prefer Czech mates
- Heard about the peanut that walked through Central Park It was a salted.
- Yesterday a man dropped dead at Grand Central Station. It was a terminal illness.
- Why was the peanut afraid to go to central park? It was a salted
- Guy playing chess with his Central European lover "Czech and mate"
- I saw Comedy Central launch a funny non-political TV show... Then I woke up
- What do you call an orphaned 9 year old boy in Central Africa? Colonel Sir!
- What is it called when weather in Central America breaks the news? A topical climate.
- Did you hear about the peanut in Central Park? It was a-salted.
- Comedy Central Comedian coming to Taft Ca's Oasis Bar November 14th
- How do you test if two Central Europeans can hear you? Czech 1, Chez 2
- Grand Central Terminal
- A duck boat just sank in Central Park. Witnesses say water rushed in through a quack.
- How do they call water in Central America? Nicaragua
Central America Jokes
Here is a list of funny central america jokes and even better central america puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was speaking to a group of the migrants from Central America. I asked them how they felt about a wall between Mexico and the United States. They told me they would get over it.
- Tour guides in Central America are in great shortage It's not as bad as some will lead you to Belize.
- TIL: There is a high stakes gambling ring in central america dedicated to racing inchworms. The winner is called the inche-a-lotta
Comedy Central Jokes
Here is a list of funny comedy central jokes and even better comedy central puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's a new The President show on Comedy Central starting the 27th about Donald Trump We can just watch Fox News until then.
- Did you hear about the new Comedy Central show? a polar bear offers his commentary about current events. Its called the Cold Bear Report!
- You know what channel The Republican debate is on? I don't know man, maybe check Comedy Central?
- Comedy central will be airing a new COMEDY series Fox News
Great Central Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about central you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean north jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make central pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
An elderly gay gentleman has one too many at a bar on the night before Easter
And throwing trepidation to the winds, he stumbles towards home through Central Park. He gets terribly lost on 110th St. and ends up careering into St. John the Divine just as they're beginning midnight mass. The priest is walking up the aisle and swinging the censor when the man runs up to him and hisses, "sweetie, I love the dress, but your *handbag is on fire.*"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man has to pee...
But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.
To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.
She shrieks and says, "g**...!"
"Danke schoen," he replies.
Probably already been said, but it made me chuckle when I thought of it.
A man has been found dead in central London this evening, reports confirm the man died due to being stabbed with a triangular knife.
Police are calling it an isoscelated incident.
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The policeman and the newspapers
A policeman is assigned to a new central station. His chief command him to buy a newspaper every morning, for a week. The news-stand is a few miles away and he is forbidden to take a car, because he's a rookie. He thinks: "Screw that! Today I'll walk to the news-stand and I'll buy 7 copies of the newspaper. Then I'll handle them to the chief, one every day!" And so he did. On the 7th day the chief called him. He started sweating, he thought: "I'm done, he busted me!" Instead of firing him, the chief offered him a seat, smiled, and threw a newspaper on the desk pointing an article... "And they says policemen are s**...... look at this guy! He crashed 7 cars for 7 days straight on the same pole!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a gorilla and your mother ?
A gorilla is ground-dwelling, predominantly herbivorous ape that inhabits the forests of central Africa, & your mother is a nice lady.
... Also I did not have s**... with a gorilla.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a nun were visiting from Ireland to New York City one day...
And heard that in the US they eat dogs. The two decided that "when in Rome", so they took it upon themselves to find this cousine to sample. They were strolling through central park and heard someone yelling " dogs here, get yer dogs!" And found a hot dog cart vendor. They both ordered one each and sat down at a park bench to eat them. The nun unwrapped her dog first and took a look, then turned to the priest and asked, "which part of the dog did you get?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police in Paris have revealed that 51Kg of c**... has gone missing from their central headquarters.
The police chief said at a press conference, "We'll do whatever it takes to catch the culprits, even if we have to stay up all night. And all tomorrow night. And then maybe hit a club or something."
OK I made a new one!
How do Mexicans warm their houses in the winter months?
Central Fajiting.
Artists will understand this central question:
2B or not 2B?
Tragedy in Eastern Canada
Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dog attacks a little girl
A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read in the newspapers: Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says: \- "But I am not a New Yorker!"
\- "Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: Brave American saves life of little girl."
\- "But I am not an American!" says the man.
\- "Oh, where are you from then?"
\- "I am from Iraq".
So the next day newspapers reads "Dangerous Islamic t**... kills innocent American dog in front of a little girl".
Islamic joke I saw somewhere
A man walking in New York's Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.
A passing Fox News reporter says: You're a hero. Tonight's TV news bulletin will say: 'Brave New Yorker Saves Child.
The man replies: I'm a tourist from Saudi Arabia.
That night the news on Fox TV says: Islamic extremist kills New York dog.
A gender studies major gets mugged
A gender studies major is walking through Central Park on her way back to campus, when a mugger jumps her. He takes her wallet and purse, but lets her keep her cellphone.
She immediately calls the police. "Was it a man or a woman?" the cop asks once he got there.
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't get to ask."
What do you call Central Florida?
The DMZ.
Disney Militarized Zone.
Guess who's the central character in the next Aliens movie ...
Ripley, believe it or not!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A sitcom about a 9/11 h**... was in the works for Comedy Central
But it never made it past the pilot episode
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do central European s**... traffickers tell their clients?
The Czech's in the mail.
A Globe was walking down the street.....
It saw Central America crying on the curb.
The Globe asked, "Why are you crying?"
Central America sobbed, "Because....I will never get any snow!"
The Globe retorted, "Well, NOT with THAT latitude!"
I unexpectedly won a free trip to the most scenic part of the California central coast.
It was a Big Sur prize.
Little Johnny was in Spanish Class one day...
The teacher said, "Okay, class, tell me a sentence that has to do with Nicaragua."
The teacher calls on Mary Lou. "The flag of Nicaragua has white and blue stripes, with a coat of arms in the middle."
The teacher calls on Jason next. "Nicaragua is located in Central America, with 6 other countries."
Lastly, the teacher calls on Little Johnny. "When I saw a Black Mexican on the street yesterday dying of thirst, his brother was constantly pleading people to get that Nicaragua."
Why don't we see Neanderthals outside of Central to Western Eurasia?
Because they're all dead.
A British ship was sinking.
It was the first day of an employee of the German boat central. After a while he received a emergency call from a British ship.
"We are sinking, i repeat, we are sinking!"
The German replied:
"What are you thinking about?"
TIL
There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.
But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''
It shouldn't be called the Central Intelligence Agency, it's headquarters is in Virginia. That's nowhere near the centre of the USA
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear the Russians have began funding and creating technology to compromise and undermine the USA's recent Central American initiatives?
They have created the ladder
The Stasi tells Honecker there's a West German spy in his Central Committee.
So Honecker takes his favourite Stasi man along to the next meeting. The concierge (an old red) sees Honecker and the Stasi agent go in and, just one minute later, the Stasi man exiting , with a Central Committee member hand-cuffed to him.
"Comrade, I'm so impressed with your speed and efficiency. How did you discover this enemy agent so quickly?" asked the concierge
"It's simple , Comrade. Our dear Comrade Honecker began his speech and I remembered our Lenin's dictum: 'The Class Enemy never sleeps!' "
Switch Operator
This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A great tragedy befalls the USSR
At a Central Committee meeting dozens of high ranking officials were accidentally killed, poisoned with toxic mushrooms in their soup.
The investigation team arrives at the scene. It was horrific, some had scratched their throats deeply, other lay with foam at they mouth or bloodshot eyes.
But the investigation teams discovers something interesting, three of the dead had gun shot wound to their heads.
"What happened here, we thought this was a poisoning?"
"It was, but these three refused to eat their soup."
In tonight's news...
Seattle police were astonished to find that all the toilets in the central precinct had been stolen overnight.
When asked about suspects, the Chief stated that they have nothing to go on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The elder statesman was giving his farewell speech.
"And when I die, bury my head in Central Pennsylvania, for that was where I had my brightest ideas. Bury my hands in Washington, D.C., for that was where I accomplished the most work. Bury my feet on the West Coast, for that was where I ran the hardest."
Just then, a journalist interrupted, "Sir, where should we bury your a**...? Because you've made the whole country a s**...!".
