Central Jokes

94 central jokes and hilarious central puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about central that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find out what makes Central jokes so funny from cities in Central America, Europe, and Venezuela to Central Michigan University, Central Banker, and Central Vacuole. Learn all about the latest trends in Central Heating to really heat up your jokes.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Central Short Jokes

Short central jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The central humour may include short centre jokes also.

  1. I like my women like I like my coffee. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America.
  2. I have a friend who really hates living in Central USA. She says she's in a constant state of Missouri.
  3. I have a friend who absolutely hates living in Central USA She lives in a constant state of Missouri.
  4. A man walks into a bar and orders a Manhattan. The drink comes and he sees a piece of parsley floating in the glass.
    "What in the world is this?"
    The bartender says, "Central Park."
  5. I recently became friends with someone from Central Europe We met at a Chess tournament and I've never once beaten him in a game.
    He's my Czech mate
  6. Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
  7. What happened when the Borg's central computer was destroyed? They lost their collective minds
  8. Why do Central Americans hop the U.S. Border in groups of 4 or more? Because the sign says no tres-passing.
  9. I don't understand why the Catholic Church is so against gay pride After all, their central figure was nailed by four Roman guys.
  10. I just aced my philosophy test The question was, "What is the central question of epistemology?" I answered, "How should I know?"

Share These Central Jokes With Friends

Central One Liners

Which central one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with central? I can suggest the ones about south and continental.

  1. I played chess with my friend from Central Europe. Czech mate.
  2. Why do chess players search for love in Central Europe? They prefer Czech mates
  3. Two peanuts were walking through Central Park. One was a salted.
  4. Heard about the peanut that walked through Central Park It was a salted.
  5. Yesterday a man dropped dead at Grand Central Station. It was a terminal illness.
  6. Why was the peanut afraid to go to central park? It was a salted
  7. Guy playing chess with his Central European lover "Czech and mate"
  8. Two peanuts were walking through Central Park late at night. One was a salted.
  9. I saw Comedy Central launch a funny non-political TV show... Then I woke up
  10. What do you call an orphaned 9 year old boy in Central Africa? Colonel Sir!
  11. What is it called when weather in Central America breaks the news? A topical climate.
  12. Did you hear about the peanut in Central Park? It was a-salted.
  13. Comedy Central Comedian coming to Taft Ca's Oasis Bar November 14th
  14. How do you test if two Central Europeans can hear you? Czech 1, Chez 2
  15. Grand Central Terminal

Central Park Jokes

Here is a list of funny central park jokes and even better central park puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • 3 old man overheard at central park. Old man 1: its windy isn't it?
    Old man 2: No! Its Thursday !
    Old man 3: yeah me too im thirsty! lets go get some drink!
  • A duck boat just sank in Central Park. Witnesses say water rushed in through a quack.
  • In the news, two nuts walked through Central Park today... One was a salted.
  • A Peanut went for a walk in Central Park It got a-salt-ed. Ba doom, tiss!

Central America Jokes

Here is a list of funny central america jokes and even better central america puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Sir, I don't think we need the Panama Canal anymore.... Why's that?
    Show's all of Central America underwater, including Mexico
    See? I told you we need that wall!
  • I was speaking to a group of the migrants from Central America. I asked them how they felt about a wall between Mexico and the United States. They told me they would get over it.
  • Tour guides in Central America are in great shortage It's not as bad as some will lead you to Belize.
  • TIL: There is a high stakes gambling ring in central america dedicated to racing inchworms. The winner is called the inche-a-lotta
  • How do they call water in Central America? Nicaragua
  • Why don't white supremacist drink the water in Central America? Because it's Nicaragua
Central joke, Why don't white supremacist drink the water in Central America?

Comedy Central Jokes

Here is a list of funny comedy central jokes and even better comedy central puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There's a new The President show on Comedy Central starting the 27th about Donald Trump We can just watch Fox News until then.
  • Did you hear about the new Comedy Central show? a polar bear offers his commentary about current events. Its called the Cold Bear Report!
  • You know what channel The Republican debate is on? I don't know man, maybe check Comedy Central?
  • Comedy central will be airing a new COMEDY series Fox News
  • A sitcom about a 9/11 h**... was in the works for Comedy Central But it never made it past the pilot episode

Central Heating Jokes

Here is a list of funny central heating jokes and even better central heating puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • LPT: If you feel too cold, and can't afford central heating ...Just stand in a corner of your house. They are usually ~ 90°
  • You're so poor that when you light up a l**..., the cockroaches celebrate that they finally have central heating.
Central joke

Great Central Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about central you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean north jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make central pranks.

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

An elderly gay gentleman has one too many at a bar on the night before Easter

And throwing trepidation to the winds, he stumbles towards home through Central Park. He gets terribly lost on 110th St. and ends up careering into St. John the Divine just as they're beginning midnight mass. The priest is walking up the aisle and swinging the censor when the man runs up to him and hisses, "sweetie, I love the dress, but your *handbag is on fire.*"

A man has to pee...

But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.
To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.
She shrieks and says, "g**...!"
"Danke schoen," he replies.

Probably already been said, but it made me chuckle when I thought of it.

A man has been found dead in central London this evening, reports confirm the man died due to being stabbed with a triangular knife.
Police are calling it an isoscelated incident.

A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...

Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."

What's the difference between a gorilla and your mother ?

A gorilla is ground-dwelling, predominantly herbivorous ape that inhabits the forests of central Africa, & your mother is a nice lady.
... Also I did not have s**... with a gorilla.

Police in Paris have revealed that 51Kg of c**... has gone missing from their central headquarters.

The police chief said at a press conference, "We'll do whatever it takes to catch the culprits, even if we have to stay up all night. And all tomorrow night. And then maybe hit a club or something."

Tragedy in Eastern Canada

Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.

I Just watched San Andreas yesterday. Completely unbelivable.

I mean. The Central Valley was green.

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York's Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.
A passing Fox News reporter says: You're a hero. Tonight's TV news bulletin will say: 'Brave New Yorker Saves Child.
The man replies: I'm a tourist from Saudi Arabia.
That night the news on Fox TV says: Islamic extremist kills New York dog.

A gender studies major gets mugged

A gender studies major is walking through Central Park on her way back to campus, when a mugger jumps her. He takes her wallet and purse, but lets her keep her cellphone.
She immediately calls the police. "Was it a man or a woman?" the cop asks once he got there.
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't get to ask."

TIL Ethiopian warriors conquered part of Central Europe in the 1300s

That's why they call it Hungary.

Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''

A panda walks into a bar.

He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.

What do you call a good Central European friend?

Czech mate

What do central European s**... traffickers tell their clients?

The Czech's in the mail.

A Globe was walking down the street.....

It saw Central America crying on the curb.
The Globe asked, "Why are you crying?"
Central America sobbed, "Because....I will never get any snow!"
The Globe retorted, "Well, NOT with THAT latitude!"

I unexpectedly won a free trip to the most scenic part of the California central coast.

It was a Big Sur prize.

An English couple is driving through central Canada and realize that they're lost, so they pull over and ask a local which city they're in,

The local kindly replies "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."
The couple says thank you, and leave. "Did you understand that?" The woman asks the man.
"No, he didn't even speak English!"

Why don't we see Neanderthals outside of Central to Western Eurasia?

Because they're all dead.

A British ship was sinking.

It was the first day of an employee of the German boat central. After a while he received a emergency call from a British ship.
"We are sinking, i repeat, we are sinking!"
The German replied:
"What are you thinking about?"

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay


There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..

Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...

Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...

''Where the Fakawi?''

It shouldn't be called the Central Intelligence Agency, it's headquarters is in Virginia. That's nowhere near the centre of the USA

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.

Surprised, the first lady had a s**.... The second lady also had a s**.... The third lady, though, declined to touch it.

Canada's worst air disaster occurred earlier this morning when a Cessna 152 (a small two-seater plane) crashed into a cemetery in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 825 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Two cops are called to a building.

-Central, we have a h**... here, a man was killed by his wife after he walked on the recently mopped floor
-Have you made an arrest?
-No! the floor's still wet!

Switch Operator

This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."

A great tragedy befalls the USSR

At a Central Committee meeting dozens of high ranking officials were accidentally killed, poisoned with toxic mushrooms in their soup.
The investigation team arrives at the scene. It was horrific, some had scratched their throats deeply, other lay with foam at they mouth or bloodshot eyes.
But the investigation teams discovers something interesting, three of the dead had gun shot wound to their heads.
"What happened here, we thought this was a poisoning?"
"It was, but these three refused to eat their soup."

In tonight's news...

Seattle police were astonished to find that all the toilets in the central precinct had been stolen overnight.
When asked about suspects, the Chief stated that they have nothing to go on.

The elder statesman was giving his farewell speech.

"And when I die, bury my head in Central Pennsylvania, for that was where I had my brightest ideas. Bury my hands in Washington, D.C., for that was where I accomplished the most work. Bury my feet on the West Coast, for that was where I ran the hardest."
Just then, a journalist interrupted, "Sir, where should we bury your a**...? Because you've made the whole country a s**...!".

Central joke, I have a friend who absolutely hates living in Central USA

jokes about central